Shaking, I moved, dreamlike, into the lounge, and sat down hard on a sofa, head in hands.
Andy sat next to me, an arm around my shoulder. Brigid sat at my feet, massaging my knees.
‘Am I that ugly? Is that why my own husband despises me?’
‘Not at all,’ Andy said. He shook his head. ‘I don’t know him anymore. We’ve been friends for years. I’ve never seen this side of him. I wouldn’t trust him an inch now.’
Brigid patted my knee. ‘During your disagreeable marriage, you’ve been nothing but your faithful, generous self. A lot more loyal and patient than he deserves. He’s changed, not you. He’s the ugly one, not you.’
‘She’s right, you know. You’ve become miserable.’ Andy squeezed my shoulder. ‘I didn’t know he wasn’t home much. Seems I don’t know him at all.’
‘Not home much,’ Brigid said, her tone scathing. ‘He’s not been here at all. Since he joined the gym, Eddie’s been home at night about five times. Reluctantly. I’ve seen more of her than Eddie has, in fact,’ she said, apology in her eyes, ‘there’s been virtually no sex, either. Sorry, Rose, but Andy needs to know just how bad it is.’
‘Is that true?’
Flushing, I nodded. ‘Yep. Last time was a few weeks before Christmas, and I’m pretty sure he had his eyes closed so he couldn’t see it was me. Pretended I was someone else. Probably her.’
Brigid squeezed my hand.
Andy snorted. ‘Bastard.’
Andy never swore. Under other circumstances I would have smiled. But not now. There’s nothing funny about a marital disaster.
‘What do you think you’ll do?’ Brigid asked.
I sat back. ‘I don’t know. My head’s muddled. That thing I call my husband and I need to talk.’ I wrinkled my nose. ‘It’s not going to be good, that much is obvious. You saw the way he looked at me tonight. With contempt.’ I paused, reliving a few painful moments. ‘But I hadn’t seen the way he treated Bianca before. He’d told me he liked her, but tonight was different. They’re more than casual friends. What do you both think? You’ve seen them at the pub. Has it looked like an affair?’
They looked at each other, eyes questioning.
‘Not to me,’ Andy said.
‘Nor me,’ Brigid said. ‘You know me, I watch people a lot. It’s not relevant, but I can see Tony and Lisa’s marriage is struggling.’ Her tone cynical. ‘Yeah, and that started when she became really pally with Bianca. Tony’s been trying to pull her away. Lisa seems to be easily led. Bianca’s enjoyed leading her astray. I don’t think Tony’s really a fan, cos it’s not doing their marriage any good. Bianca is doing what she does best – the seagull treatment.’
‘Huh?’ Andy looked up, puzzled.
‘Flies in, flaps around, shits on everyone then buggers off.’
‘Exactly.’ Furious, I crossed my arms. ‘She hasn’t gotten any smarter as an adult. She divides and thinks she’s conquered, made lots of friends, but when the shit hits the fan, she’s lost it all again. She never learns from her mistakes.’
‘At present rating, she’s lost you again, but this time for good.’ Brigid leaned back, rubbing her hands ostentatiously. ‘About time, hey?’
‘But now Rose has to pick up the pieces of everything that bitch has broken. Right?’
‘And this marriage won’t mend. We’ve been heading in this direction since the day we married.’
I felt a burning need to be on my own, to think about what would be good for me, and I didn’t give a toss what happened to Eddie. Not right now, anyway. ‘Guys, I need some space, could I give you a call tomorrow night to let you know what happens?’
After hugging and words of love and support, they left me alone.
Needing to be busy, I cleaned up the mess, tossing the congealed meal in the bin. I couldn’t face a reminder in the fridge. This had been my worst birthday. My thirtieth. A new decade. Next year I’d be thirty-one. I couldn’t guess what it held, but it had to be a million times better than this.
Chapter Thirteen
Islept badly. In the spare room. Eddie didn’t return. I hadn’t expected him to.
In the morning staying at home seemed like a terrible idea. I went to work. By Thursday afternoon my headache was so bad I was gritting my teeth just to concentrate hard enough to complete the paperwork on our latest baby delivery. As I sat in the office doggedly typing all the necessary information into the hospital database, it took a few moments to register my floor manager standing next to me with her hands on her hips.
I jumped, hand on heart. ‘Julie. You startled me.’
‘You look terrible, child. What’s up?’
‘Sorry. I’ve had the most vicious headache since I went to bed last night.’
‘Partying? Good birthday?’
I couldn't even offer a weak smile. ‘Nope. My worst birthday ever.’ Involuntary tears filled my eyes and I dashed them away, ‘Sorry.’
It was a relief to say something, even though I didn’t know her well enough to sob on her shoulder.
She dragged a chair up close.
‘Rose, I’m going to get personal here.’ She was briskly sympathetic. ‘You’ve become more and more miserable since you got married.’ She cocked an eyebrow at my shocked face. ‘Now, normally I wouldn't intrude on the staff’s private lives, but you’ve always been the chirpy one, cheering us all on, and now everyone’s commenting on your sad face. You know where that leads, don’t you?’
‘I do. Rumors start and it’s not long before everyone’s taking bets on how long before I get kicked out of here, or I get divorced, or God knows what.’
She grimaced. ‘Exactly. What’s happening that I can tell the staff and stop the rumors?’
I shrugged and shook my head. ‘My marriage is over.’ And then I started sobbing.
Wordless, she got up, closed the door and handed me a tissue box.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ She patted my shoulder. ‘But, my dear, there’s no point in you staying here any longer today.’
‘But I still have three hours on my shift.’
‘I know that, but we’ll make do. We’re not expecting a sudden influx of bubs today. So the best thing you can do is go home and sort out your personal life, because your professional life is suffering, too.’
Horrified, I raised stricken eyes to her.
‘Not suffering much,’ she hastened to add. ‘Your work is above reproach and the patients don’t know the difference between your happy self and sad self. But there’s a difference here that all the staff recognize. Go home. I’ll finish the paperwork.’ She shooed me away from the desk. ‘I’ll understand if you need to take tomorrow off, but let me know so I can cover your shift. Alright?’
‘Thanks, I will.’
My mind in a fog, I drove home, only peripherally aware of heavy rain. It was only as I pulled into the drive that I registered Eddie’s car out on the street. Was he also taking time out to think through our marriage? If so, would he want to talk to me? Only one way to find out. Soundless, I opened the door, hoping desperately to avoid another shouting match.
When I didn’t find him downstairs, I started up the stairs.
And that’s when I heard him. Or them. Clear sounds of sex, panting, moaning and grunting met me halfway up the stairs. I halted, frozen in horror.
In the bedroom, our bedroom, with the door shut.
Heart pounding in fright and anger I forced shaky legs up the remaining stairs and stood outside the door, pausing, dreading, knowing exactly what I’d find.
I pushed open the door to a scene forever printed on my retinae.
Bianca in the throes of ecstasy, her legs wrapped around Eddie as he thrust into her.
In a numbed, almost out of body reaction, blood roaring in my head, I sprinted across the room in a flash, slapping first Eddie, then Bianca, on every part of their exposed bodies.
‘Get out, you filthy slut! Get out, get out, get OUT!’ I screamed, breath harsh, arms still flying.
Eddie landed on the floor with a thud, deflating rapidly, while Bianca, eyes wide in horror, vainly tried to pull bedclothes over her skinny body. I yanked them off her.
‘Oh no you don't.’ I yelled. ‘Ashamed to be seen naked in front of me? This is what I get for allowing the biggest slapper in Cambridge into my life again.’ I scooped up her clothes, thrusting them at her. ‘Out! Drop dead if you possibly can, you disease-ridden whore.’
Sobbing, she grabbed her clothes and fled. I flung my night table glass of water at Eddie while, white as a ghost, he gaped at me. Spluttering, he shook his head, drops of water flying everywhere.
‘Fucking bastard!’ I hissed in his face. ‘Pull some clothes on and face me properly, you slimy worm.
‘Nothing like coitus interruptus to spoil your fun,’ I yelled, face savage. Arms crossed, I watched my husband, this pile of shit, scramble into clothes.
The front door slammed as Bianca exited.
In clinical mode, my mind registered she didn’t have her shoes. Or her bag. What a shame. In February weather, too. What a crying shame.
My legs turned to jelly and I plopped down on the bed, too ferocious to cry. My life had changed in a second. Even though this had been coming forever.
Jumping off the contaminated bed, tone glacial, I said, ‘I’ll see you downstairs. I’d rather not be in this polluted room any longer. You’ll tell me everything. Or else.’
I meant it. I’d lay into him again if he didn’t. Nothing like a few hefty blows from a woman scorned to make you grasp reality.
Downstairs, I sat on the edge of the sofa, mind seething, unable to grasp a coherent thought, blindingly enraged. Now I knew for sure what my gut had been telling me for months.
My husband had betrayed me.
With her.
Eddie stalked in, trying to muster defiance. Eyes stony, my gaze slid over him, this sleazy stranger who was my husband. He perched on the sofa opposite, as far away from me as he could.
The silence lengthened. I waited.
He was the first to speak. Weak Eddie, who didn’t like confrontations, who tried to charm people instead of being honest. I’d married this man. I didn’t recognize him.
‘Why are you home early?’
My bitter laugh made him wince. ‘How long have you been fucking the local bint?’
‘Don’t you call her names, you fat bitch!’
He always tried to distract me during arguments by twisting it around to me.
‘Answer my question, you disgusting pile of dog shit.’
An ugly sneer settled on his handsome face. ‘Long enough to know she’s got more sex in her little finger than you could hope for in a lifetime.’ He folded his arms, enjoying my distress.
Breathless, I retorted, ‘I’d better get tested for STDs then, you filthy bastard. Dipping your wick in her pond means you might be infected.’ Repelled, I wriggled further away from him. ‘I just bet she hasn’t told you that, or just how many dicks have been between her ever-ready legs.’
‘Don’t be disgusting!’
‘Are you kidding? I’m disgusting? How diseased would you feel if you’d come home to find me in our bed with some sordid git? She’s bragged about prostituting herself since she was twelve.’
‘She’s not like that.’ He shook his head. Ready denial. ‘What we have isn’t like that at all.’
‘Oh, yeah? Don’t give me that crap. It was exactly like that.’
‘It really isn’t.’ His face earnest, he wanted to prove it. ‘I love her and I don’t love you.’
Condescension plastered on his smirking face, triumph gleamed in his eyes.
Silent, my brain processed his statement.
‘You’ve made that abundantly clear over the last few months.’ I said. ‘At what point did you plan leaving me for her?’
Seeing I’d calmed down, he took a deep breath and sat back a little.
‘Today.’
‘Yeah, right. What, because I caught you at it?’
He shrugged, indifferent. ‘Whatever. It’s true. We’re in love. We have been for months, we couldn’t help it.’
‘Why the hell did you marry me?’ I asked, hands flung up. ‘It’s been nothing but misery for me since we got back from our honeymoon. You never even once considered me or my feelings in all this time. Am I so unlovable?’ I wanted to take that back the instant I’d said it. Humiliating myself in front of this adulterous bastard demeaned me.
‘We made a mistake getting married. It was too soon. You rushed me.’
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. ‘No, I didn’t! I didn't even want you to move in with me until you got down on bended knee and pleaded. And I didn’t force you to propose. That came as a surprise.’ Outraged, I glared at him. ‘Don’t you dare rewrite history, Eddie Gallagher, and make me into a monster.’
‘That’s not how I remember it.’
‘Well, check with Andy. He remembers your story better than you.’ I started shouting again. ‘And Shona. And Tony. I certainly wasn’t in a rush to get married. I loved sharing my house with Brigid, so much more interesting than you. I loved my work, and you found it scary, you pathetic little man. So don’t you dare change the story to make yourself into some sort of victim.’
He glowered, refusing to acknowledge his lies.
And I knew. Knew that I’d lost, not just Eddie, but I’d lost me.
What was wrong with me? How could a supposedly decent man find a lying, thieving tramp more appealing than me? What was wrong with me?
‘The past’s not what I’m here to talk to you about.’
‘No,’ I said dully. ‘You’re here to tell me you’re in love with someone I allowed back into my life when she needed my help.’ Bitter, I remembered her piteous state after her rape and subsequent abortion. ‘And this is how she repays me.’
He winced. ‘She said you’d take it hard and she’s sorry.’
My head shot up, eyes shooting rage.
‘I don’t want her patronizing me, you bag of shit. How dare you discuss me and my feelings? How dare she says she’s sorry? What a liar. There’s nothing sorry about having an affair with my husband. Oh my God, you complete bastard.’ Images flooded my mind, because I had no doubt Bianca had enjoyed taking someone else’s husband to bed. It just happened to be my husband.
Anguished, I gave an incoherent sob, knowing just how much she must hate me.
‘Why? What happened that you both decided to have a sordid little affair behind my back?’ I was abruptly furious again.
‘It’s not like that,’ Eddie said vehemently. ‘It’s never been sordid, we couldn’t help it.’
‘Do you know how fucking lame that sounds?’ I responded, spitting fury. ‘You couldn’t fucking help it? Give me a break.’
‘Don’t swear, Rose, it sounds silly coming from you.’
I was across the room in a flash, slapping his face hard, panting heavily. Just for good measure, while he reeled from my first attack, I slapped his other cheek twice as hard. He caught my hands before I could really lay into him.
‘Don’t you ever fucking well tell me what to do, you miserable asshole.’ Tears fell, fast and furious. Twisting free of him, I dashed them away. ‘Tell me, how did it start?’ Shaking, I sat down again on the edge of the sofa, heart thundering a million miles a minute.
His face shifty, I sensed a lie coming. ‘When you spent more time at work than with me. She was there when you never were.’
‘Liar!’ Goaded, I launched across the room again, punching him hard on the nose. He yelped, hands flying up to his face, involuntary tears erupted, mingled with blood.
‘Don’t lie you sniveling shit. Not even Bianca believes that crap!’ My eyes raked him from head to toe. ‘Every single thing you’ve ever told me has been a lie, hasn’t it? You lie as easily as you breathe. I’ve never done a nasty thing to you. Not once. See if you can tell me the truth for once. When did it start?’
He held up a bloody hand. ‘You made my nose bleed, you
bitch.’ He fumbled for a hanky, pinching the bridge of his nose.
I waited, ready to hit him again.
The bleeding stopped.
‘Here’s a truth for you.’ He smiled, a smile full of malice. ‘It started a week after I joined the gym.’
My mouth dropped open.
‘It was innocent back then. We sent each other funny text messages and Facebook photos – she sent them to both of us.’
‘Then what?’
Face sly, he shifted in his seat, preparing to lie.
‘We met up at the pub. She felt desperate after Joe dumped her. You couldn’t care less, full of your own importance.’
‘I can’t believe this. You called her a slut before we married, and you were hopping mad I agreed she could be a bridesmaid. Now you tell me she’s changed. What a joke! You both lied, you sneaky, cheating, lying bastards.’
He’d fallen for Bianca’s victim ploys.
‘It wasn’t like that. She wasn’t trying to break us up, neither was I. It just happened.’
‘Not with Bianca it doesn’t,’ I said, storming to my feet again. ‘Nothing just happens with her. She plots, plans, schemes and succeeds far too often. You’re such a fool, Eddie. Bianca’s always known how to manipulate suckers like you.’ I snorted. ‘When did it stop being “innocent”?’
Face suffused in contempt, he refused to answer, going on attack instead.
‘She told me you wouldn’t answer her calls, told her you didn’t want her coming to the pub with our friends, that your parents’ told you to look out for her at school, but you didn’t. She was so lonely after you turned Shona and Brigid away from her.’ He puffed his chest out, feeling righteous and self-important. ‘That’s when I knew she needed a decent man. I wanted her more than I could ever have wanted you.’ Scornful, he scoured me from head to toe. ‘You, the sad little loser, the fat cow who treated Bianca so badly.’
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 17
