Chapter Twenty-Four
Cal eventually woke enough to stumble into bed in my spare room, so jetlagged he was barely coherent. I carried in his heavy backpack and watched, mesmerized, for a few very long seconds as he started throwing off clothes. I’d seen his nicely bronzed body on a beach in Hawaii, at a time when it wouldn’t have entered my head to fancy him. But now I stood gaping, fingers itching to stroke his back, lust burning through me, before I shut my mouth with a snap. I did not need to see more of his tanned muscles in my spare bedroom. What little I saw, before I legged it safely out of the room, was enough to remind me how much I missed sex.
Dammit. He was very fanciable.
In bed that night I could be about ninety-eight percent certain Cal slept like the dead, while I, on the other hand, did not. I tossed and turned for an hour or two after his clothes started landing on the floor. Restless in the dark, I allowed my mind to wander, briefly, around erotic thoughts of Cal. Then, knowing it was no more than sexual frustration, not poor Cal – who deserved so much more than I could give him – I came to an abrupt decision: I fully renounced all thoughts of Cal as anything more than a friend.
There, done.
I felt better about that.
But it wasn’t enough. I needed something to give my life more zing. I concluded part of my prescription for fun would be to start dating again. Casual dating, nothing more.
Were there any unattached men out there who’d like to go on casual dates? I thought about casual sex. My thoughts skittered away from that. Nah. Not something I’d ever gone in for. I needed to feel the burn of lust, accompanied by strong feelings for a man before I’d be prepared to take my knickers off. I giggled at that thought.
After the debacle with Eddie I was in no hurry to get my undies in an uproar over a man. Toe in the water, I decided, casual dates, nothing more. Fun, and more fun after a filthy year.
The following morning Cal was up bright and early, just a little weary around the eyes, but otherwise his usual chirpy self. He had a plane to catch that afternoon and I had to be at work after lunch. We had a leisurely breakfast of mushrooms on toast for me and the full English breakfast for him – bacon, eggs, mushrooms, baked beans and toast. Twice. And cereal before all that.
‘Remind me how you stay amazingly fit on this diet,’ I said dryly, sipping coffee, watching him wipe egg yolk from his plate with his last sliver of toast.
He looked up, eyes twinkling. ‘You know what I do for a living, right?’
‘Last time I looked you were driving an old school bus in back country Alaska for fifteen hours a day, Mr He-Man.’
‘True,’ he conceded, ‘but on my days off I’ve been camping, hiking and climbing glaciers with a couple of mates.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Do you ever stop moving?’
He shook his head, grinning. ‘Not until I’m too old and need one of those metal thingies that old people totter around with.’
‘A Zimmer frame, you mean.’ For the life of me I couldn’t picture Cal being anything but full of vim and vigor, even as an elderly man. ‘Not you. You’ll probably live to a hundred and die in your third attempt on Everest.’
He cracked up, hooting with laughter. ‘Nice mental picture.’ He picked up our dirty pots and started cleaning up the kitchen. I clung to my decision to drop improper thoughts about him and by the time we’d cleaned up, downed a mug of hot chocolate and he was ready to swing out the door, I was in a steadier frame of mind.
‘Don’t forget to let me know how much fun you’re having in New Zealand.’
‘I’ll send you regular texts,’ he agreed, sweeping me off my feet and into a bear hug before kissing me on both cheeks. I blushed furiously, willing him not to notice.
When I finally raised self-conscious eyes to meet his, I could see he’d noticed, smiling down at me, his expression indecipherable.
Mortified, I said the first thing that came into my head. ‘You know, the last time a man picked me up he was my husband and he told me I was too fat.’
Oh God! Why did I have to say that?
‘Hey,’ he tipped my chin up, ‘Eddie did a real serve on you. You’re not that person, you never were. Take a look in the mirror, Rose. You’re beautiful. Eddie was a fool to let you go.’
Wordless, I nodded, grateful for his compliment, sure he meant it, but nevertheless having my own secret doubts.
‘Don’t forget to message me how you’re getting on, too.’ He picked up his gigantic backpack as if it were a feather pillow.
With one last hug, tingling attraction annoyingly tip-tapping along my spine, I waved goodbye from my front doorstep. Door closed, I leaned on it, willing my brain to quash pointless emotions.
He was as good as his word. He sent texts every other day, sometimes with photos of New Zealand’s sublime beauty, sometimes with his walking friends. Four men and three women. Even reading their names I couldn’t decide which woman would be his choice. Beautiful Elise, a petite brunette bombshell, or gorgeous, even tinier, Cassandra, blonde and fairy-like, or another brunette, Piper, tall and striking. Two of his male friends, Jeremy and Tim, held hands and must be a couple. The third man, Will, had his hands on the shoulders of two women. Part jealous, and part reluctant laughter, I wondered which woman might reciprocate his feelings.
As for me, knowing my emotions needed redirection, I followed through on my promise to have fun. And I did.
I threw myself into my work, especially in those first weeks as I learned about American standards of nursing, some better, some strange to me and some just plain different. The Operating Room work kept me on my toes. I found I never clock-watched, there was always something urgent, if not life-threatening, in surgery. The drama of theater has always been an adrenaline rush. I loved this work enough to hope my next placements might be also be in OR.
In my spare time I explored the city and got to know a small handful of people at work. I rode the El and saw Chicago in the cooling season as the rains and bitter cold set in.
I had my first date within a couple of weeks of my decision to have fun.
Sal and Sim, incredibly close twins, were both resident surgeons I met in the OR. Sal and I had the same serious approach to our work. She lightened up when off-duty, especially when she was with her brother. Together we had been sailing with their family on the bay. They soon saw my competence and worked me hard. Working together, maximum wind in the sails, we had the sixty-five-foot ketch flying across Lake Michigan, before the chill autumn winds chased all but the hardiest people off the water.
Sal, a breast cancer surgeon, was unshakeable in her dedication to saving lives. She revealed a wicked sense of humor on the rare occasions she was off-duty. Simon had chosen cardiovascular as his specialty. Both, tall with intense green eyes and a mop of dark curls, were intense and focused at work, and screamingly funny outside of the hospital, cracking jokes and messing around. They were both attractive and hilarious to be with. When the weather nixed sailing we unwound at cinemas, restaurants and bars.
Simon fancied me. A balm to my battered ego. He asked me out to dinner on our own with little more than a month before my placement finished. I didn’t hesitate.
‘That would be lovely, thank you.’
‘You sound so English, so proper,’ he teased me, pleased.
‘Possibly because I’m English,’ I mocked back, which set him off cracking jokes and trying his best to mimic my accent.
I winced, shaking my head. Accents weren’t his thing.
After my date I texted Cal.
‘Hi Cal. Are you sitting down? I don't want you passing out in shock. I just had a DATE! Nothing serious, of course, but I’ve put my toe in the water and it’s not icy cold. Sim’s a gentle soul and a heap of fun. He’ll be an excellent surgeon once he’s past his residency. How’s it going in Australia? I just Googled the weather in Sydney and it said you’re having 39°C. That sounds far too hot for November. Just had a mug of caramel hot chocolate after a long hot bath and
am now snuggled under a blanket contemplating the snow falling outside. Maybe I’ll choose Hawaii for my next nursing adventure. A three-month stint in warmer weather wouldn’t go astray. I can just picture you at the beach, patiently teaching newbies how to surf down-under. Stay safe from sharks. Late shift tomorrow. Love R
I pressed send, hoping he’d be pleased with my progress.
The following morning, I had a call from Leah.
‘Hi, Rose. How are you?’
‘Absolutely delighted to hear from you. How are you and how’s Sean?’
‘We’re wonderful,’ she said, her voice dreamy.
I smiled at the other end. Leah had fallen head over heels in love.
‘He’d better be.’
Breathless, she laughed. ‘I’m in love and sooo happy. He’s perfect and he loves me.’
I laughed with her. ‘I’m happy for you. Is it too soon to run him past your family?’
Her breath caught. ‘Maybe. Mum will love him, Dad not so much. He’s not religious at all.’
‘Cal gave his seal of approval, didn’t he?’
‘Ah, my protective big brother. As if I needed his approval! Yeah, he likes Sean.’
Leah enthused about Sean for a few minutes before giving her reason for calling.
‘I hear you went on a date?’
A flush prickled my skin. ‘The bongo drums from Australia told you this?’ I was both amused and a touch exasperated.
She sensed my discomfort. ‘Was that meant to be a secret?’
‘Oh, no, not really. I’m a bit surprised the news travelled so fast.’
‘It’s Cal,’ she said, as if that explained everything. ‘He’s looking out for you. And since he can’t call you with all our different schedules, he wanted me to check you were okay.’
A bubble of reluctant laughter rose up. ‘I pegged him as nosy when I met him. And you’re right, it’s nice to be looked after, even at such a distance.’
‘Well,’ she said, ‘don’t keep me in suspense. What was your date like? Did you have a good time?’
‘I did. He’s a cardio resident and a bundle of fun, cracking jokes and making me laugh. It’s been a while since I laughed that hard.’
‘Good-looking?’
I giggled. ‘You’re as bad as your brother, always asking questions. Yeah, he’s good-looking in an understated way. He’ll never hit the “Sexiest Man Alive” pages, but keeping me laughing is a good thing. Now why don’t you tell me more about Sean, since talking like this is better than texting each other?’
Asking about Sean distracted Leah. We chatted for another twenty minutes, about dreamy Sean, before saying goodbye.
After the call I shook my head. Nosy Cal. Annoyed, I did mind him checking up on me, I am an adult. And my dating really wasn’t his or Leah’s business. Just as his love life was his business, not mine.
Cal and Leah were not privy to what transpired between Simon and me. I did send a photo of Sim with his arms around me and Sal at a Christmas party. Dressed to the nines, we held wine glasses in a toast.
Sim and I spent the last three weeks of my stay together in our free moments. With no expectations beyond exceptional sex, we both enjoyed our brief encounter.
‘I’ll miss you,’ he said, on our last night. ‘We’ve had something we don’t often find in our lives – a lovely experience without complicated commitments and no broken hearts. Thank you.’ Cupping my face, he bent and kissed me.
‘It’s been perfect having no strings attached. We both want more in the future. I hope we’re both lucky enough to find what we want.’ I touched his face in farewell.
Two days later I flew back to England, in time for Christmas and a week’s holiday. Vermont would be my next placement once the New Year commenced. A surprise choice for me. No warm weather and lots of snow.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Early on Boxing Day I sat in my parents’ kitchen sipping coffee, lost in daydreams, when my phone trilled. Shona’s face stared up at me from the screen.
‘Hi, honey,’ I said breezily. ‘Recovered from our mad party two days ago? And how was Christmas for you?’ Spent with her parents, I suspected Christmas had been a series of awkward scuffles as her mother endeavored to exhibit superior social skills to Martin’s visiting family. She and Martin were returning to Australia with them in the New Year.
‘Hi, Rose.’ She didn’t sound breezy.
My antennae went on alert. ‘Something wrong?’
‘Something really weird has come up. Can you come over?’
‘Oh, bummer,’ I said. ‘I’m knackered and planning a do-nothing day with the aid of a few DVDs.’
‘Please, you really need to come over.’
My stomach fluttered. ‘Um, okay, when?’
‘How about now?’
‘What, why? It’s like nine in the morning.’ I glanced at the kitchen clock. ‘I’ve only just woken up.’
‘Sorry, Rose, but you need to come.’
‘Shit. What’s so urgent, hon? Care to share?’
She hesitated, a reluctant sigh sounding hollow down the phone.
‘Okay, okay. I’m on my way. Give me about half an hour, alright?’
I raced upstairs, hastily showered, pulled on clothes and piled my hair into an acceptable updo. Whatever Shona wanted to tell me had to be bad news. I just knew.
My mind raced through all the possibilities – she and Martin had broken up; one of her parents was ill; one of her parents had died; Martin had a terminal illness; Shona had a terminal illness – I shuddered at that one; one of her siblings was sick, really sick; someone had been in a car accident; she was moving to Australia with Martin; they’d called off the wedding; Martin had been unfaithful; Shona had been unfaithful – no, scratch that one, she just wouldn’t. The list went on, becoming more and more far-fetched as my brain groped for answers.
I borrowed Mum’s car, and forty minutes after her call I pulled up outside Martin and Shona’s block of flats, by which time my heart was racing and, despite freezing weather, sweat trickled down my back.
Shona pulled me inside as soon as I’d climbed three flights of stairs and knocked.
We hugged. ‘What? What is it?’ I said.
‘I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but the only person she wanted was you.’ Shona wrung her hands, pleading forgiveness before I could begin to assess why.
‘Who?’
Shona pulled me down the hallway. Instead of dragging me into the living room, she pulled me into the bedroom.
I came to a full stop. Right there, sitting on the bed. Bianca.
Not someone I’d give up my morning to come and see.
‘What the hell?’ I burst out, swinging round, glaring at Shona. ‘What the hell is she doing here?’
Shona’s hands flew up, warding off my anger, face imploring. ‘Please, I didn’t know what else to do.’
Livid, I turned to my enemy.
Bianca sat shrinking away from me on the bed, white as a sheet, terrified.
I took a few deep breaths, willing my heart to slow down. ‘Okay, what’s going on?’ I locked eyes with Bianca. ‘Why do you want to see me? I would have thought I was the last person you would ever show your face to.’
Bianca swallowed nervously. ‘I know. I’m sorry, but you’ve always helped me in the past. If I wasn’t desperate, I’d never dream of coming near you.’
She smoothed trembling hands down her jeans. I looked closer and anger drained away, professional instincts coming to full alert. Her face was blotchy and pale and she looked very thin. Thinner than usual. With a dull thud, my heart beat unevenly. Something was wrong.
Really wrong.
‘You’re sick, aren’t you?’ My throat went dry.
She nodded. ‘I think so.’ Her voice broke and, after a second’s hesitation, I was at her side, arm around her shoulder, because, God help me, I knew without knowing how, I just knew she was not just ill, she was very ill. She buried her face in my shoulder and sobbed
, while Shona knelt in front of her, frightened eyes on me, searching for reassurance. I shook my head slightly, knowing, but not knowing.
We sat there for endless moments, my mind racing. Eventually I drew back. ‘Talk to me, Bianca, tell me what’s wrong.’ My gut knew, my brain knew, but still I wanted to deny the pall of death I saw in her body.
With a watery smile, Shona handed her a wad of tissues.
‘Will you examine me, please. I’m really sick, but I’m too scared to go see our doctor. He’s not nice to me, makes me feel like I’m wasting his time.’
Bemused, I nodded. ‘Okay.’
I didn’t really know what else to say, but an examination, however odd coming from me, would be a reasonable place to start. I shucked off my coat and handed my car keys to Shona. ‘My medical kit’s in the car.’
My medical kit doesn’t contain much, but I do have some basics.
Shona was quick. In her absence Bianca undressed down to her lingerie. Gorgeous lingerie, but it didn’t conceal a far too slender body, with a slight remainder of her pregnancy weight around her abdomen. A tiny pot belly, nothing more, but considering how thin she was, this little extra weight shouldn’t be there. My brain was busy cataloguing her skin, weight, eye color, facial pallor and breathing.
‘What symptoms have you noticed, Bianca?’
Her eyes followed me anxiously. ‘I haven’t felt well for months. At first, I thought it was just being pregnant.’ She cast her eyes down guiltily.
‘Keep going.’ I smiled. No use crying over spilt milk after all this time.
‘I thought the pregnancy was making me bloated, cos that’s what the nurses and doctors said. But after Timmy was born I didn’t pick up and my stomach wouldn’t shrink back down for ages. I didn’t want to breastfeed him, see, cos I was so tired all the time, even though the doctor said breast milk was best for Timmy, I just couldn’t.’ She looked up at me from under her hair, assessing my judgement on this. ‘I wasn’t being shallow and vain, like Eddie’s mum said. I just knew I’d be exhausted if I fed him. It’s been a huge effort just to look after him, even though he started sleeping through the night when he was only two weeks old.’ She let out a shaky sigh. ‘All the other mums I’ve got to know are tired, too, but I seem to be more tired and I feel ill, like nauseous all the time. I know there’s something wrong. I’m pretty sure it’s bad, but I’ve been too scared to find out.’ Tears trickled down her cheeks unheeded.
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 32
