She sat down, rubbing her face wearily. ‘How the heck did that get missed?’
I shook my head, dropping into a patient’s seat. ‘You got me, Helen. I take it this is every bit as bad as I guessed?’
She nodded grimly. ‘There’s very little anyone can do. Of course, she’ll need all sorts of tests and investigations, but really, it’s far too late. What planet is her husband living on?’ She said with asperity, before belatedly remembering I was Eddie’s ex-wife. ‘For God’s sake, Rose, how did you get involved. I thought you were living in the States.’
‘I thought so, too, I just came back for a few days over Christmas and Shona, you know Shona Ridgely?’ Helen gave a brief nod. Shona was one of her patients. ‘She called me this morning to come and see Bianca.’
Her brow furrowed. ‘Why you?’
I looked away, shoulders slumping and sighed, painfully aware that Bianca’s medical history was going to be laid bare over the next few days.
‘She turns to me when she needs help. It’s just an emotional history we have.’
‘How so?’ she said sharply.
‘Look, I know this has to come out, but it’s a bit awkward me telling you. I know, I know,’ I said, as Helen gestured impatiently. ‘She’s had two abortions and she wanted me to hold her hand at the clinic each time.’
Helen’s lips tightened. Being Catholic this wasn’t something she liked to hear.
‘There’s more,’ I added abruptly. ‘She had an STD about three or four years ago and I supported her through that, too. Look, Helen, I’m not happy about this stuff, either, but that’s who she is, was, I mean. And, yeah, she stabbed me in the back over Eddie, but once again she’s turned to me. But this time it’s deadly serious.’ Tears slid, unbidden.
Helen plonked a box of tissues in front of me.
‘How do you think Eddie’s going to help her through this? It’s crucial, child, so please try to stop blubbering.’
Her bluntness snapped me to attention.
I straightened my spine and blew my nose. ‘Sorry.’ I thought about it for a moment. ‘You’d think I’d know, wouldn’t you? After all, we were married. But I can’t honestly be sure. He looked devastated just now, and he had his arm around her. I think that’s promising. But, he’s not great when it comes to hospitals and medical stuff. He hated me talking about my work, which I understood when it came to oncology and death and dying. But he switched off with everything else, too. On balance, I think he’ll struggle, but he’ll just have to deal. This is his wife after all.’
‘Good. Good.’ I could see her brain was busy elsewhere. ‘Where’s the child?’
‘With Shona.’
‘Good. She’ll make an excellent mother one day.’
I clamped my lips together. Shona doesn’t want children, has never wanted them and has found the perfect man who, who’d discovered years ago he’s either infertile or sub fertile at best, and therefore highly unlikely to get her pregnant. Helen didn’t need to know any of this.
‘Do you plan to be further involved in this?’
I shrugged. ‘I think not. I’m due to start a new job next week in Montpelier. In Vermont,’ I elaborated, when Helen looked blank.
‘Good for you. Pity for them, though.’ She saw my grimace. ‘Your background is highly relevant to their situation, Rose. You could be immensely helpful to them.’
‘Mm.’ I agreed, non-committal. Right now, I was hanging on for my flight out of here. ‘Helen, he’s my ex-husband. We didn’t finish amicably. Somehow, I don’t think he’d want me around and I can’t see how I could help. She’ll be capable hands in hospital.’
‘I know, dear.’ She gave me a straight look. ‘But think about it. You’re the most dedicated nurse I’ve come across in many years.’
‘It’s asking too much,’ I protested. My protest sounded feeble even to me and I could see Helen knew that.
She stood up and shook my hand. ‘Whatever you decide, I wish you the best until I see you again.’
‘Thanks, Helen.’ I was at once chuffed and confused. Helen didn’t pay compliments lightly.
My phone had beeped twice with messages while I talked to Helen. I stopped to pick them up before leaving the surgery’s warmth. The first message was from Bianca begging me to come to the hospital as soon as I could. The second call came from Eddie with the same request.
Slowly, but ever so surely, I felt the net closing in on me. Helen wanted me to be involved in Bianca’s care. Evidently, so did Bianca.
Would Eddie?
I felt trapped and more than a bit panicky.
Seriously? I bowed my head, desperate to escape – I had a life of my own to lead. Why should I do anything to compromise that? I stood indecisively near the surgery exit. I had two choices. I could walk away, or I could see this through, because that’s what was being asked of me. Shit. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping for a blinding flash of insight. Nothing came. My eyes snapped open and I punched out a text.
‘I’m on my way.’
Chapter Twenty-Six
The afternoon was fraught with controlled chaos, punctuated by escalating emotional tension. Eddie had accepted my presence almost without blinking. On the one hand I was torn between being pissed off with him for taking my presence for granted and on the other hand, me being there had calmed Bianca down a lot.
She lay pale as a ghost in her stark hospital gown, dark curls limp, exhausted after prodding by a variety of doctors, sonographers and radiographers. Vials of blood had been taken for multiple tests, and, under local anesthetic, core biopsies had been taken from three different sites.
Pain relief administered, Bianca rested in a light doze. Due to dehydration and low sodium, she was hooked up to a saline drip and an intravenous antibiotic regime had been added to counter possible infection.
Her eyes opened slowly and fixed on me.
‘How’s Timmy?’
‘Shona has taken him to your home, to give him familiarity. She and Martin are with him for the rest of the day. She said he’s okay for now, but Eddie will have to go home soon to stop him fretting.’
Face listless, she nodded. Eddie had gone for coffee and late lunch. I had no appetite.
The curtain around her bed whooshed back and in walked an oncologist, new to the hospital since my oncology days. The NUM and a registrar followed. Dr Moore had a fearsome reputation in theatre, but an excellent bedside manner. I could only be grateful for that, since he was often the harbinger of bad news.
‘Where’s the husband?’ he looked at me and I shot off to find Eddie, catching him as he returned to the ward.
‘Eddie, the cancer specialist is here. He wants you pronto.’
Jumping, like a scalded cat, he handed me his coffee and a sandwich without a word and raced down the ward. I followed slowly, wondering if they wanted me there.
The NUM, Cynthia, I’d worked with for three years, stuck her head round the curtain and beckoned me in. ‘She wants you here, love.’
Heart sinking, I crept in, dumping Eddie’s lunch on the hospital tray, trying to remain inconspicuous. Eddie held out his hand. I took it and linked hands with Bianca. Her terrified eyes met mine.
Dr Moore glanced at us all without the slightest hint of surprise. My own experience had taught me that cancer patients have needs above and beyond the norm and full family gatherings are common.
He perched on the bed, taking Bianca’s free hand. ‘It’s not good news, my dear.’
Eddie choked, biting his lip hard to control himself. I squeezed both their hands. God, this was shitty.
‘The biopsy results will take up to three days to come back, but there’s no doubting the outcome. You have cancer, my dear, and it’s spread to different parts of your body. The fact that you haven’t sought medical help before today means surgery may well be too late.’
A massive understatement.
‘No!’ Eddie’s anguished wail seemed to rise up from his soul.
‘I’m so very
sorry.’ He laid a comforting hand on Eddie’s arm. ‘There are further diagnostic tests we have to do while waiting for the biopsy results. I’ve organized an MRI and CT scan for tomorrow. You’ll need a dye injected into the sites of each mass to see how far they’ve spread and then we’ll take it from there. Do you have any questions?’
To his surprise, Eddie and Bianca both looked at me.
‘I was an oncology Clinical Nurse Specialist here for three years, before your time, Doctor Moore.’ I gave him a brief background.
A hint of approval lifted his chin. ‘How are you related to Mr and Mrs Gallagher, my dear?’
I glanced at them both with a lift of eyebrows. How do you define this?
‘She’s like my sister, Doctor. The one I always wished I had. I trust her absolutely.’
‘Ditto,’ said Eddie.
Surprised, I looked down for a moment, touched. Their reliance on me was nothing short of bizarre, considering the past year.
‘Very well.’ Dr Moore fielded every question I asked, speaking in layman’s terms for Bianca and Eddie to understand. I’d be surprised if even fifteen percent of information was absorbed, but I could repeat if for them later, after the shock wore off.
The next few hours went both slowly and far too quickly. Anyone who’s been a hospital inpatient will know how time drags between events, and that’s exactly what happened. During the quiet moments, while Bianca slept, Eddie sat with elbows propped on his knees, head buried in his hands. As for me, the adrenaline rush of the hectic hours had worn off, and I sat like a deflated balloon in another chair.
Neither of them had thought about yet, but when the dust settled, I knew Bianca would want to go home for her last weeks or months, to die with the dignity and privacy her own home could afford her. Helen had practically twisted my arm to give her home care.
I sat wrestling with the idea. Would it be unreasonable to ask this of me? I tried putting myself in Bianca’s position, figuring out whether I’d want someone to give up the next few weeks of their regular life to see me to the end of my life.
That didn’t help much.
Not in a month of Sundays could I imagine Bianca nursing me on my deathbed. Nor would I want her to. Would I want Eddie to do that if we were still married? The answer came to me quickly: Yes, I would want my husband there. And I thought of Cal and Lily. He’d given every little bit of himself to look after his dying wife. Could I do any less for Bianca, frenemy that she’d been half my life?
I had no clear answer, but thinking of Cal and Lily clarified some of my turmoil and I felt a weight lift off me. If I had to, then yes, I could do it.
While Bianca dozed, I pulled out my mobile and texted Cal.
‘Hi Cal. I’m fine, but I’ve had some bad news today. Will call when I get home from hospital. I have a friend who needs my help. Hugs, Rose’
I’d call him tonight. He couldn’t help me make a decision, but listening to his voice would soothe me.
✽ ✽ ✽
It was closing on nine o’clock that evening when a nurse patted me on the arm and suggested I leave for the night. Stiff from sitting for hours on end, I thanked her, mumbling something about waiting for Bianca’s husband. Stretching, I stood and turned to pick up my handbag from the bedside cupboard. It wasn’t there. Shit, where had I put it? I looked under the bed, under the seats, inside the cupboard and drawers and drew a blank.
I sat down, heart racing. Okay, I know I put it on top of the cupboard. Someone had moved it – or, oh God, stolen it, along with my car keys, my phone, my purse. Oh shit, my purse with credit cards and money. My mouth went dry.
I raced to the nurses’ station. No-one had handed in a handbag or purse, or anything at all. Eddie walked back in at that moment.
‘Eddie! You didn’t happen to see my handbag, did you?’
Startled, he shook his head.
‘I think someone’s nicked it.’
‘Christ! Are you sure?’
I nodded.
He vented his fury with the day’s events, swearing profusely. ‘Bloody hell! What else could go wrong today?’
That sobered me for a moment. There’s nothing like a life-threatening illness to put things into perspective.
‘I suppose it’s the least of our problems, it’s just that with car keys gone I can’t drive home. And without money I couldn’t pay for the car park, either. And without my phone I can’t call anyone.’ I slapped my hand on my forehead. ‘Scratch that one. The hospital’s full of phones and you have your phone, too. Shit! I need to cancel my credit cards before some thieving bastard maxes them out.’
Eddie had followed my crisis in a daze, but had enough presence of mind to hand over his phone.
‘Get it sorted. I’m going back to my wife.’
‘Thanks, Eddie. Mum and Dad will pick me up, everything else I’ll deal with now.’
Oh, just bugger everything. Tears sprang to my eyes. This had been a bastard of a day all round.
I called Shona before anyone else. Her number I knew by heart. Eddie would be home in the next hour. Relieved, she asked what was going on. I gave brief details and promised to call in the morning.
Next, I called my parents. Yes, they had a spare key for the Audi. Yes, they’d bring the key over. I asked them to ferret my credit card statements out of my luggage and read the numbers back to me.
Godammit. My driver’s license was gone, too. I’d have to sort that out tomorrow.
Oh God! My passport had been in my bag. I had a flight booked in five days’ time and no passport. This time I felt genuine panic. Bianca’s prognosis jumped to the forefront of my mind. Could fate be giving me a nudge? Still, I needed my passport. Fuck everything, I thought, frustration blanking coherent thought.
An hour of calls and mounting tension later, I found out my credit card already had three thousand pounds of purchases I hadn’t made. Proof of my hours spent at the hospital waived those debts. A new card would be in the post tomorrow.
But it was only as my father drove me back home, Mum following behind in her car, that the full import of my stolen phone hit me.
I couldn’t call Cal.
Or Leah.
Their numbers were stored on the phone and I hadn’t thought to write them down elsewhere. And even if I had, they’d have been in my diary, which was in my handbag. Oh no. I racked my brain, what the hell was Cal’s email address? Did I even have it? Yes, in my diary, but I’d never used it, we sent texts only. That was useless.
At home, Mum and Dad sat me down at the kitchen table with a hot chocolate and toast, enveloped in their calm serenity. Everything that had happened today tumbled out of me, gushing in a torrent of words. A huge weight lifted and the ache in the back of my throat eased.
‘Poor Bianca,’ Mum said, eyes sad. ‘She’s had a difficult life.’
Surprised, I glanced up.
‘Darling, we knew her better than you might think. She may have stolen Eddie from you, but you seem to have worked him out of your system, haven’t you?’
‘Yes. And it wasn’t that hard, either. It just seemed like it at the time. It’s been a shock seeing them again, especially under the circumstances. I know I dreaded bumping into them at the shops, but this?’ Helpless, I lifted my palms. ‘I could never have wished this on them.’
‘We both know that, darling girl.’ Dad put an affectionate arm round my shoulder and hugged me. ‘You wouldn’t harm a fly, but Mum’s right. Her life was never happy, and just as things seem to have worked out for her, along comes a disease that changes everything.’
My parents amazed me. I mean, how many parents would cut through the torrid emotions of the last year and feel sorry for the other woman? Well, maybe now. Not when Bianca stomped all over my life.
‘I love you both.’ I said simply. ‘You’re the best parents anyone could have.’
They looked at each other and grinned.
‘I guess we did something right,’ Mum said with a twinkle.
I grinned back. ‘By the time you had me, you mean. Dominic’s pretty good, but Louisa?’ My older sister, the conundrum.
My younger brother, Wesley, is exceptional.
‘Cheek.’ Mum pretended offence, before turning serious. ‘Now what? It’s the run up to New Year now, you mightn’t get a new passport in time for your flight to Vermont.’
‘I know.’ I fidgeted for a moment. ‘The thing is, I don’t know.’
‘Tell us what you’re thinking.’ Dad’s gaze sharpened on me.
He knew my dilemma.
‘Bianca’s been nothing but trouble for me, for as long as I’ve known her.’ The words were dredged up from years of experience. ‘But this is something else.’
‘Agreed.’ He nodded, face grim.
‘What?’ Mum eyed me.
They knew me well enough to guess my problem. And waited for me to elaborate.
‘If this is terminal, as I suspect, I believe she’ll want me to care for her to the end.’ I looked to both of them, eyes asking for understanding.
Face clouded, Mum glanced quickly at Dad.
‘That’s a hard choice,’ she murmured, shaking her head.
‘That’s something to ponder very seriously.’ Dad added, eyes searching mine, the lawyer in him seeing difficulties. ‘You’re advancing your career overseas at present. We’re behind you with that. How does putting that on hold sit with you?’
I loved my parents for this. Sit down and consider logic.
‘I don’t know. Yet.’
‘What you choose to do is up to you. You know, of course, that Mum and I will support whatever choice you make.’
Mum and Dad busied themselves making a light supper, while I sat there engrossed in examining my hands for a few minutes, thinking it through. With sudden clarity, everything fell into place and I knew what I must do.
I looked up. ‘Thanks. There really is no choice to make. I can pick up my professional career at any time, but Bianca is only going to die once and if she wants me with her, then I’ll do it.’ I drew a huge breath. ‘It’s going to take everything I’ve got to be there for both of them, because, make no mistake, Eddie will struggle with me around. This isn’t about him, though. My choice is made. I will stay.’
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 34
