Steffie just stood there dumb, with three words on a paper in one hand, and the books all lined up on the shelf, just like little faces looking at him. Then he shook his head, took one deep breath, and dove in.
He thought he’d been at it all day, but the sun out in the street said it wasn’t even one hour. Not this page, not this page, not this … At last he was done with the one book, and he put it back.
Then another book. Every page.
It was hard.
But the thing to do when you have to do something hard is just dig in and do it. After a while, it being hard doesn’t matter anymore. It’s just what you’re doing, and you keep on doing it.
He dug in. Another book, every page, one by one, checking to see if any words matched the ones on the paper.
And then another book— and he did find monster, but he didn’t want to waste the steerswoman’s time, so he stopped to figure out the whole page, and it was just some steerswoman saying how rotten some local guard captain was. Then later, in another, he found quadrilateral and even symmetry, which took some figuring; but it turned out the writer was talking about a tree that some wood carvers were forcing to grow into a special shape for a special room in a special house, and that was interesting, think how long that’d take, your father would have to start the work for your son to finish …
He made himself go back to his job. Another book. And then another; but instead of going faster, he was going slower, or he seemed to be, because he wasn’t turning each page over so quickly anymore …
Rowan came and got him around noon, and he was surprised to see her; he had got to feeling like he was all alone, sitting on the dusty floor by the sunshiny windows.
They brought out cold food for lunch, and when they sat down to eat it, Steffie said, “You didn’t tell me.”
“Tell you what?” She was prying the cooked chicken apart with her hands, in a hurry to get done.
He’d brought the book with him, and he held it up. “You didn’t tell me there were stories in here.”
“I suppose there are some— ” and she licked her fingers “— but for the most part, it’s purely facts. Information.”
“No, no,” he said, “it’s full of stories. Look here.” He opened the book where his finger was holding the place. “Here, this woman Henra is walking along in this place and she’s thirsty and not finding any water for a long time. But there are all these big trees growing around, all green and leafy, so she thinks there’s water underground. She decides to find it. And then she finds a cave, and she wants to go in to see if it leads to a river under the ground,”— and think of that, a whole river running forever in the dark— “but a bear lives in the cave, and she has a terrible fight with it, and kills it …” And he looked down again at the page he had puzzled out.
Funny.
There was the description of the trees, all right, but now that he looked close again, it was all just measurements, numbers. And there … there were Henra’s guesses about the river, and where she figured it was and why— just a list of reasons. And then the cave and what it looked like, and then: “The bear attacked me, and I had to kill it.” And that was all she’d said about the bear.
It wasn’t laid out like a story people tell by a fireside, not step-by-step the way it happened. But you could put all the pieces together, and they went together easy, they all fit so smooth, and when you did that, it was just like you were right there in that steerswoman’s own head, doing what she did, seeing just as clear as she had done.
“It is a story,” he said again. A far, far part of the world, and struggles and danger, and winning out in the end— “It doesn’t say so, but it is really, when you put it together. It’s … it’s an adventure!”
She was grinning at him like he had found out a happy secret. “Are they all,” he started to ask, but then he answered himself: Yes, they were all of them, every single book, filled with adventures.
True adventures that people really lived. Think of that.
The steerswoman wiped her mouth, went to wash her hands in the kitchen basin. “Finish your food, and then let’s see if anyone’s adventure will help us with our own.”
Much later, all of a sudden, he found it; but not by the words in the books. It was a picture.
There was a leather folder, rolled and tied with ribbon, lying in a box full of blank paper. When he untied and unrolled it, loose pages popped out, jumping like little animals, rolling themselves up again, crowding around his feet on the floor. He knelt down and pushed them together, and it was the first one he picked up, the first he laid flat to see.
It wasn’t drawn by Rowan; that was the first thing that hit him. It made it seem more real, somehow, as if the monster were something he and the steerswoman had dreamed up together; but seeing it in this stranger’s hand made it all new.
The demon stood just like he’d seen the first one, arms up and ready to shoot its spray. The person who drew it was better at it than Rowan, because there was a kind of feeling to it, like something about to happen— and a kind of magic that froze that about-to-happen, so that the monster stood still for Steffie to stare and stare at. It made it look like forever, from the beginning of the world until the end, and it made him afraid.
After a while he noticed the writing. 5 feet tall, said words running along the side of the demon. Well, that was about right. Steffie had a good feel for numbers. And two feet thick, he said to himself, and he found the words that said that right away. A line like a curved arrow pointed at the demon’s top, and words beside it said, mouth on top. There was another drawing next to the first, a view from the top like a bird looking down— and there was the monster’s throat, wide open, with the grinders showing inside, and Steffie saw more words, which when he sorted them out turned out to say, grinding plates.
A demon would never let you look down its throat; this person had seen live demons and dead ones both.
Quadrilateral, was on the page, and so was symmetry. Quadrilateral had a line drawn under it and an exclamation mark after.
Bring it to the steerswoman, came into Steffie’s head, and he got up to do it; but then he knew what she would ask next, so he stopped to look at all the other papers in the folder and in another that lay beside it; and he riffled through the blank pages in the trunk. He found nothing else about demons.
He said nothing when he brought the drawing to Rowan, just handed it to her and waited.
She looked at it a long time. “Was there anything else?”
“Just that.” She went silent again, and as he stood looking at her looking at it, Steffie noticed that the paper was crinkled in hard ridges and splotched. Dunked in water, he thought, then remembered that the ink would go fuzzy in water, and so the drawing was made after the paper had got wet and then dried. The left edge of the paper wasn’t smooth like the others. Torn, he thought.
A steerswoman’s log, dropped in water, come apart at the seams— then the steerswoman had gathered up the insides, dried the paper, and some time after that saw the demon, and drew it.
But— “I guess it doesn’t tell you anything you don’t already know.”
Rowan said quietly, “You’re wrong.” Steffie waited. After a while, she said, “It shows me exactly how blind I have been.”
He waited some more. It took a long time.
Then: “I recognize the handwriting.”
15
Janus was not in Lasker’s sheds nor in Karin’s. He was not at the harbor, working on his boat. Nor was he at Brewer’s nor at Maysie’s house. He was not at the Mizzen, where, she had learned, he had found employment hauling trash and tending the few horses in the stables.
She went to the cooper’s and began to climb the rickety staircase that led to Janus’s room high under the eaves. But halfway up, the height afforded her a view of the yard behind the building. Janus was down by the holding well. Rowan descended and approached.
His battered gray gloves were on the stones of the well’s edge
, beside a damp, rough towel. A tangle of soiled bandages lay in a dented tin pot. Beside it, a clay jar, its lid off, held a yellowish substance smelling sweetly of herbs.
Janus was winding a fresh linen bandage onto his left hand, wrapping it down to his wrist. He stopped when he saw her, did not speak when she greeted him; then he silently returned to his work.
He fumbled tying off the bandage end one-handed, using teeth and fingers. He must have done it alone any number of times, but now he struggled, clumsy. The steerswoman watched for a time, then stepped forward and held out her own hand.
He stopped. They stood regarding each other, her face carefully neutral, his expressionless.
He held out the bandaged hand. Rowan tied it off, using an efficient slipknot that would undo with a pull on one end. When she finished, she released his hand and looked up.
He was watching her. He was thinking something— she could not tell what— but it seemed to her not to be a thought that moved. The thought stood motionless, directly behind his eyes. She could not tell what was looking at her from behind Janus’s face: Janus himself, or that thought.
They both stood so for a moment. Then Rowan picked up the second bandage and with a small lift of her chin, indicated Janus’s right hand. He looked down at it, as if it did not belong to him, then moved the fingers stiffly as if discovering that it did. Then he held it out to her.
She worked in silence, taking her cue from the bandaging on his other hand. A single strip of linen ran up the outside and down the inside of two fingers, held in place by windings. It was necessary; otherwise, raw places would adhere to each other, perhaps permanently. On the thumb and first two fingers, the nails were mere stubs that ended directly at the cuticles. The last two fingers were nearly normal.
The condition was worst on the fingertips and palm, diminishing toward the back of the hand. Healed patches of pink against the dark brown of his skin made his hands seem painted.
When she finished, he stepped back and began pulling on his gloves.
Rowan said, “That didn’t happen to me.” He stopped, looked up at her. “Nor to Steffie,” she continued. “After dissecting the demon, our hands itched the first day, peeled the second, and were healing on the third. Even people the creature wounded directly— the injuries are scarring and healing. For everyone except you.”
His head jerked back slightly, a mere tightening of muscle in his neck.
She reached into her shirt, pulled out the sketch. “Where were you when you saw this demon, Janus?”
He looked at the page, showing no recognition whatsoever.
He turned. He walked away.
Rowan stood a moment, stunned with disbelief, then hurried to catch up, stepped in front of him. “That shipwreck— where did you end up? Was it near here? Are there now demons around Alemeth, right here in the Inner Lands?” He moved to go around her; she blocked him. “The demon in Lasker’s field was not sick, was not injured, and was better fed than the others— and you killed it easily, so easily. Why didn’t it spray you or slash you? How did you know it would not?”
He began to back away; she followed him, step for step. “If you know something, Janus, you have to tell! When demons come, people die!” He stopped; she pushed the point. “Leonard.” Whom the first demon had sprayed to flesh and bones. “Bran.” Who had died from his injuries after the demon burnt away his face. “The smith and his girl. Young Dionne.” A militia member and, Rowan recalled, a fisher. “Janus, you know something, and if you won’t talk to me, talk to someone. Tell Corey or Arvin— gods below, Janus, tell Brewer if you must, but tell someone!”
But he stood before her, utterly silent, utterly still, his face utterly blank. He was not looking at her at all. His eyes were focused somewhere far, far through and past her.
Rowan stared at that empty face and wondered if he might be insane.
Then she remembered that look. She had seen it before.
Fletcher. In the Outskirts.
Fletcher, in the moments when a particular memory came to him: a memory of a sight so horrific, an event so terrible, and a guilt so great that it closed all the doors of his thought and his heart, and he could do nothing but stand motionless and merely breathe.
That look was on Janus’s face.
Rowan heard herself say quietly, “What have you done?”
He did not reply. He stepped around her. He reached the foot of the stairs, began ascending.
Rowan stood back to watch him climb. She shouted up to him, “Is it you? Did those demons come because of you?” No response. “Do you at least know why they came?” He continued up. “Will there be more?”
He stopped. She held her breath. She thought: That means Yes.
He said, “No.”
But was it answer or protest— truth or denial?
She could not tell.
Then he continued to his door, entered, and was gone.
16
Rowan said quietly, “I think that more demons will come.”
“Let ’em. We’re getting even better at killing them.” Corey’s voice was just audible. The continuous crunching of the worms as they fed sounded to Rowan like a thousand footsteps on fine gravel.
She leaned closer; loud voices were not welcome here. “And Janus knows more about them than he is telling.”
“Makes no sense, that.” He continued trickling chopped leaves from between his fingers. “If he did, he wouldn’t have gone running at that last one. Wouldn’t take him in the militia now, not if he begged. He’s risky.” He spared a glance at her. “Not like you. When the worms go up the hill, I want you and Arvin to show us how you did in that one you took alone.”
Their success had hinged on Arvin’s skill, and Rowan doubted that any other archer in town could equal it. “Yes, of course— ”
“And come to think of it, let’s get the whole militia— and maybe the townfolk, too— and you can lay out for everyone what you know about demons. Just in case.”
“Yes, of course,” she said again. “But you already know what I know about the demons themselves. And I don’t know the important things. I don’t know their habits, their preferences— ” Corey slotted the tray, pulled out the next. Rowan stooped to stay near him. “But listen,” she continued. “I think Janus does know more. I don’t believe he succeeded by luck. I think he knew that the demon wouldn’t injure him. Now, wouldn’t that be even more useful than anything I could show you?”
“How could he know a thing like that?”
“I don’t know. He won’t tell me.”
“Huh.” He blew gently across the top of the tray; dried leaves flew. “Won’t talk to you at all, that’s what I hear. And got no good to say about you, either.” Three of the worms were shriveled and brown; he flicked them out, one by one, slanted the tray to study the living worms suspiciously.
The steerswoman passed a hand through her hair, resisting an impulse to tear at it in frustration. “He hates me. I thought I knew why, but now … But, Corey, if Janus cares at all for the town, he must share what he knows. Perhaps if the questions came from the leader of the town’s defense, he’d see that. You might get through to him.”
“If he said nothing, then nothing’s what he knows.”
“He’s hiding something. I think— ” she hesitated to suggest this “— it’s just possible that something he’s doing is actually bringing the demons here.”
Corey straightened and stood regarding her; and Rowan noted that his expression was not one of surprise but of disgust. “Now, that’s not a good thing to be going around saying. Janus been here for years, now. Never had any demons come till lately. Only new thing in town is you. Might as well say that you’re the one bringing them.” He pushed the tray back with perhaps more force than was wise; the stack rocked, earning him a sharp glance from Karin, patrolling along the end of the aisles.
“Corey, where does he go when he sails away? Everyone knows he goes; has he told no one where?”
�
�He keeps mum. Lots of rumors. He doesn’t say yes or no about them.”
“What about his hands? Handling dead demons irritates the skin— ”
“That’s his and Jilly’s business. Now, look.” He turned back to her. “Whatever trouble you and Janus got between you is yours. People turning on other people for spite, that’s no good.”
She was stunned. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time sweethearts quarreling tried to stab each other in the back— ”
“He has never been my sweetheart— ”
“But when I see you pulling things out of the air— ”
“Steerswomen do not pull things out of the air!”
He glanced past her; Karin was making her way down the aisle. Corey leaned close, spoke quickly. “So I hear. Rowan, you want to fight alongside us, you’re welcome. Anything else, I’m not interested. Now, let me work. I just don’t want to hear this.”
“And why do you feel we need to hear this?”
The steerswoman took a breath. “You’re the most influential people in town. The decisions you make affect everyone. If people of your importance took interest in this, it might cause Janus to stop being so— so secretive.”
They were gathered by the fireside at the Mizzen, mugs in hand, a deferential serving woman watching sharply from across the room.
Rowan noted that the silence had continued to an uncomfortable duration. Lasker took a breath. “If what you’re saying is true— ”
She said immediately, “Of course it’s true.”
“Sounds like a lot of guesses to me.” One of the weaver brothers.
The bank proprietress lifted her free hand. “Even so, we can’t force him to answer to you. Do you expect us to have it beaten out of him?”
Rowan found that her left hand had tightened to a fist on her knee. “He’s endangering the entire town.”
“Sounds to me like he’s done just the opposite,” Lasker said. “And took a big risk to do it. Town owes him a lot— ”
Dan spoke up quickly. “No less than we owe you, Rowan.” A sideways glance betrayed that this statement was not only for her benefit.
The Lost Steersman (Steerswoman Series) Page 19
