“Typically, a ‘Good morning’ is the usual greeting, but I tend to lose you the minute food is involved, so I guess that’s the best I’m going to get.” Cole turned when her oven timer buzzed and grabbed the oven mitt from the table before removing a tray of steaming cupcakes and placing them onto the trivet on the counter. She reached for the bowl next to the one she was using before and a clean spoon from a tray before walking back over to me.
She stuck the spoon into the bowl and then brought it to my lips. “Try it.” Rolling my eyes, I opened my mouth slightly as she shoved the spoonful of frosting into my mouth. I almost died and went to heaven.
Cole pulled the spoon back, but I fought her in the process. I wanted every speck of frosting on that spoon. “I take it you like it?”
I nodded, finally releasing the spoon from my lips. “Whatever that is, I want it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
Cole giggled as she placed the bowl into the fridge next to the finishing table. “Well, they aren’t quite finished, but since I had a little bit of my coffee-flavored tequila left over, I figured I might as well try something new.” Cole quickly clapped her hands together as her smile ignited the room. “I’m just glad it tastes good. Now, I can put something new on the menu.”
“Just don’t go wasting too much of that precious tequila.” I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Why would I go and do a thing like that for?” She winked and moved to stand in front of me. “So, what brought you in here this early in the morning all sweaty and sexy?”
I gently brushed some flour dust off her cheek. Her eyes closed with the touch of my thumb against her skin as I stared at her for what seemed like forever. This was the right decision.
“I wanted you to be the first to know that I’ve decided to stay here in Wolfeboro. Permanently. The police test is only a few weeks away, and I am not going to fail. This is everything I want in my future. It just took too long for me to finally figure it out.” I cupped the side of her cheek and narrowed my eyes as her eyes glistened with moisture in the light. “I won’t give up on any dream again. You understand?” Cole nodded against my hand as her lips curled up. She sniffled lightly before I lowered my hand from her warm cheek.
This brought me to my next problem. “Cole…” I inhaled a deep breath. “I know we haven’t discussed us past this summer or even what this is between us.” I pointed my finger between us.
“It’s fine, Drew. We’re friends, right?” Cole moved back a few steps. Suddenly, she was defensive and distant. Her shoulders shrugged as she shook her head. “I never expected you to stay or for this to be any more than a summer fling.” She picked up the cupcakes one by one from the pans and placed them onto the cooling rack.
“Cole…” I interjected, but she leaned forward on the table with one hand while she raised the other for me to stop.
“I’m happy you’re staying here, Drew. Honest. But, please, don’t feel as though this thing with us is binding you to stay here.”
As I stepped forward, her body straightened and inched away. “Why are you doing this, Cole?” I asked.
“Because I don’t want to be some consolation prize to you. I don’t want you to wake up five years down the road and say, ‘Damn, this isn’t the dream I wanted in life.’ You can play this in your head all night long about the job, but I know how this ends. I know you’ll end up feeling sorry for whatever this was between us. Let’s just call it what it was and move on with our lives.”
“I don’t understand. I thought after everything that happened between us the other night, this was what you wanted.”
“What do you want, Drew? Huh? Tell me.”
“You…”
Her lips formed a thin line, and her head shook in denial. “Well, if that’s the case, then you’ll know where to find me when you finally put all the pieces of the puzzle together.”
“What puzzle? God, what is going on here? You aren’t making any sense this morning.” I ran my hands through my sweaty damp hair. With each passing second, I grew more annoyed. As I moved forward two steps, her eyes looked up from the table at me. “There is something about you that I cannot live without. You feel it, too, when we’re together. Please, don’t deny that.” I had reached the pleading stage in this discussion. It was my Hail Mary at this point.
“Do you still love her?” Cole furtively asked. I hesitated with my response. “It’s a simple yes or no answer.”
I tilted my head back, exhaling a long breath before bringing my eyes back to Cole. “A part of me will—”
“Yes or no?” she cut me off.
I nodded silently and turned my eyes to plead with her. For what reason, I didn’t know.
“Well, then I don’t know why you’re still standing in my kitchen. Go after her, if you still love her.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s too late for that.”
“It’s never too late. All you need to do is wake up.”
“I’m sorry.” As I stared at her, my fingers scratched at my temples as I thought I had misunderstood her. My head shook in confusion. “What do you mean ‘wake up’?”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here to help you. I always will. I promise.”
A distant familiar voice called out to me, and everything started to blur around me. I pressed my eyes together hard, rubbing my fingers over them to focus my vision. The voice grew louder, and as my eyes opened again, everything became a little brighter. Whiter, like the morning light.
“Cole?”
“I’ll be seeing you, Drew. Just follow the voice you hear in your dreams. She’s waiting for you. She always is.”
“Cole, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Drew…wake up, sleepy head.”
My fiancé lies next to me, asleep. He’s peaceful for the first time in ages. We’ve battled through hell and have still managed to come out with our heads above water, and I honestly have no idea how that happened. What I do know is that he’s the one I was meant to spend my life with. He’s the one that has always held my heart.
Smiling gently, I watch him dream in his sleep and push a couple of his untamed locks of hair off his forehead. He stirs a little, and I cautiously adjust myself in bed, resting my head on my bare arm as I lie on my side and watch him.
I want to wake him up, but at the same time, I know better. Right now, this is progress for him. There was a time last summer that I didn’t think he’d be like this. His dreams were intense and sometimes violent. He called them ‘dreams,’ but I called them nightmares.
I never truly understood what it meant to go through a deployment. I’d seen the pictures, but for my own sanity, I had kept my distance those first seven months he was deployed. I was going through a breakup with Adam, but I always thought about Drew’s letter. He said what neither of us boneheads ever could for too long. We spent too much time worrying about everything but us—until he came home last July and we started working on our future.
He was still a mess, though, when he returned. His mind played tricks with him when he slept. In those two weeks last summer, we managed to push some of those demons away, and even though he still calls me ‘Cole’ in his sleep, I know he’s dreaming of me as he mutters my middle name.
I smile, wondering what memory is running through his head right now. From the grin on his face, it’s a good one. He whispered, “Yes, you said yes,” just a few moments ago, so I have a pretty good idea what day he’s dreaming about.
I watched as Drew nervously paced himself outside my shop. I found it rather odd that this Marine who had been through so much was nervous about stepping inside to talk to me. He had no idea how my heart swelled when he was near. But, we both had a past we needed to get through in order for this to work out.
As I mixed more batter for the muffins he loved, I knew I had chosen the right path. There was no more waiting for us. He was the one I was meant to spend my life with.
Since the moment he a
rrived here, he had uprooted my existence. I’d worked hard to create a life without the thought of getting my heart broken again.
When he walked through the door of the lake house last night, I could see it in his eyes. With a few long heavy strides across the room, he stood inches away from my body. My heart raced. It was pounding in my ears so loudly that I couldn’t hear a word he said. And before I knew it, his hands cupped my face, and his lips devoured every ounce of my worry that I’d made the wrong choice so long ago. He was worth the wait. With every speed bump and miscalculation over the years, this was finally right. We needed to be together.
Now, as I stirred the batter and watched him, I felt at ease. Drew continued to torment himself outside, and I giggled. His hands ran over the back of his neck as he paced. Every once in a while he’d quickly glance through the front window, probably thinking I was going to see him and come to his rescue.
I pressed my lips tightly together to keep from smiling as he pushed through the front door. A part of me wanted to jump into his arms and tell the world that he was mine, but I stayed calm and collected. With a couple of deep, comforting breaths, I kept my hands busy with the batter and my eyes void of showing any true emotion.
I could tell whatever Drew wanted to say was agitating him to no end. He fiddled with the green fabric band on his left wrist, twisting it over and over again. “Can we talk for a minute?” he modestly asked as he leaned over the glass case to where I was slightly hiding.
I stared up at Drew’s face, and suddenly I was worried that maybe something terrible was about to happen. He wouldn’t break my heart again. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. But, for some reason, it propelled my heart into a panic as I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.
I nervously brushed my hands on the rag next to the bags of flour and brown sugar and headed toward Drew who was now sitting at one of the sofas in the corner. Just as I came out from behind the counter, the bell over the door chimed, and Marty walked inside. I smiled politely and waved to the man who sold me his widow’s coffee shop. A man who had grown to be a second father to me here. With just my index finger, I silently gestured to tell him I’d be with him in a minute.
In a couple of heavy but quick steps, I was finally in front of Drew and then sitting on the cushion next to him. His clammy hands pulled my hands in his while my stomach almost rolled over from nerves.
“Drew, what is it? You’re making me nervous.” My voice cracked with each word that came out. I pushed down the nerves and waited for him to speak.
“There really isn’t any other way to do this, but I’ve waited long enough to finally have you to call my own.” I watched Drew slide off his cushion and lower to the floor in front of me. I shook my head, not knowing what the hell was happening.
“Drew,” I whispered, looking around quickly to make sure nobody noticed him on the floor. “What are you doing?”
“Courtney Cole Page, you have been the one thing missing from my life for far too long. I want you and only you to be by my side until the day I die. You have the power to heal all the broken inside of me and make my dreams come true.” Drew placed two kisses on each of my hands before he revealed a black leather box from his pocket and held it in front of me. The tears I’d held back for a while had now found their release and flowed down my cheeks.
“Drew…” My fingers came up to cover my lips.
“Court, I know what I’m asking you isn’t the perfect life you might have envisioned, but I swear on my life, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. I love you, Court. Be my wife?” Drew opened the box housing the sparkling diamond ring.
Tears welled in my eyes so much that he was nothing but a blurry mass. I dropped my forehead to his and shut my eyes. His hand cupped the side of my cheek before he pulled me closer. My eyes slowly opened as his warm hand left the side of my face while his thumb wiped away the tears that spilled over my cheek. My eyelashes were still dense with tears as his eyes eagerly waited for an answer. I gazed down at him kneeling on the floor, waiting for my response with the ring raised.
Drew Daley wanted to marry me. And I could not say no.
My head nodded as I lifted my nervously shaking left hand to him. “Yes, you’re saying yes?” He anxiously placed the platinum band set with a stunning yet subtle round set of diamonds onto my finger. I smiled and nodded again, as words still escaped me. “Say it, Court. I want to hear you say it.” I stared at the ring as he pushed himself up to stand over me. I glanced up as the sun filtered over his amazing slender face.
“Yes, Drew Daley, I will marry—” The words spilled out of my mouth, and before I finished giving him my answer, he lifted me into his arms and kissed me in the middle of the café. I heard hoots and hollers along with clapping, but it was all distant background noise. At that moment, it was just he and I. Our kiss broke for a moment, and a smile I’d never seen before spread across his face. It was one of those smiles that melted your heart, and you knew the person before you had everything they could ever dream about. Drew had that look, and I was sure as he stared at me and kissed my lips that same look was mirrored at him.
“Yes. You said yes…” he tenderly whispered against my lips.
My mind races, and I can hear myself calling out her name. “Cole…Cole…” The darkness suddenly comes to light, but another voice is breaking through that darkness.
“Drew…wake up, sleepy head,” she whispers tenderly.
The scents of vanilla and pear overwhelm my senses, and suddenly hands snake around my body before warm lips place gentle kisses along my shoulder blade.
“Baby…c’mon. Wake up. It’s just another dream.”
A dream? God, not another one.
My heavy eyelids unscrew themselves and cautiously begin to open. The morning light barely breaks through the blinds. Winter’s frost is clearly helping block the light from fully entering the bedroom.
Wait. What the hell?
As my eyes scan the different room, it all begins to come to me. I settle on the stack of paperbacks on the nightstand next to the bed, and I realize I had that dream again.
“It’s about time you woke up. I hate waiting on Christmas morning. And, you know I hate when you call me by my middle name in your dreams, right?” Her soft laughter fills the cool air in the room.
The arm that was once around my waist pulls away, and I roll over to see her head lying on the pillow. A smile grows on my lips as my left hand reaches over to push the stray hairs away from her face. My wedding band shines with the morning rays of sunlight.
“Hey,” I say before placing a kiss on my new wife’s forehead. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Drew.” She snuggles closer to my body as I tuck her into my side. She shivers in my arms before I pull the gray flannel blankets over her barely-covered shoulders. “Brrrr,” she mumbles into my neck. My hand runs over her shortened brown hair. “So, do I dare ask what I was doing in your dream this time? Usually when I hear ‘Cole’ mentioned it’s never good. Reminds me of when I’d get scolded as a child by my dad and he’d yell ‘Courtney Cole.’” My deep laugh vibrates through my bare chest, making her laugh as well. “Drew…stop. It’s been a while since you’ve had that dream. What brought it on now?”
“Probably just thinking about where things with us were two years ago last night.” I sigh as I roll her onto her back. Memories flood my head as I remember how it all could have gone to shit if it wasn’t for my letter to her.
We sat in front of the fireplace enjoying a quiet Christmas Eve last night. Courtney couldn’t wait to give me her gift. That’s when I saw it on the last page. It was preserved in a scrapbook she had made of all our family events through the years.
My Dearest Courtney,
I know this isn’t the exact way I should tell you, and I know my timing sucks, but that’s how I am. I do things all wrong and never in the right order. I realize now my mistakes when it comes to you.
I never told you just ho
w much I loved you when it mattered. The day you walked into my life, you turned it upside down. You were a force I couldn’t reckon with, ever. You held all the cards for me, and never once did I play the right hand with you.
Well, I’m playing it now, and I hope to hell it pays back in spades.
Courtney Page, I love you. I’ve loved you since the day in the hallway at my sister’s house.
I’ve loved you since the day I realized I couldn’t see your face or hear your voice each day.
I’ve loved you since the day you stayed with me on the beach in California watching the sunset.
I loved you even more when I knew I had to let you go after Sam’s wedding. The night at the lake house—it was just you and I and even then the words could not formulate on my tongue.
I didn’t want to let you go. I still don’t want to let you go. Please, don’t let my past wrong decisions be what make you alter a future I can only dream of with you.
Please, don’t marry him.
I know I’m not perfect. I never will be. I do things out of impulse and never think them through. But, if it hadn’t been for one impulse, I would have never kissed the woman who stole my heart in the midst of turmoil.
You have always had the power to settle me. You make my dreams come to life, and so help me, I want to wake up one day and know that MY fucking dreams came true for once.
I can only hope you love me like I think you do, and if I’m right, you’ll be waiting for me at the lake house when I get there during my leave in seven months.
If for some reason I’m wrong, then I will let you go, if that’s what makes you happy. It won’t be easy, but at least I’ll know you made the decision knowing the truth.
I love you, Courtney Cole Page, and I’ll think of your smiling face each night before I go to sleep and hear your voice each morning as I wake.
Until I see you again.
All my love,
Drew
She was there waiting for me when I came back to her last July. We had the most incredible two weeks before I had to ship back overseas, and I still dream about them. It’s funny how the mind twists things while you sleep, but I would take the mixed-up version of that summer over the deployment flashback any day of the week.
Broken Barriers (Barriers Series Book 4) Page 22
