by Joan Jonker
They were sitting on the bus on the way home when Molly asked, ‘Are yer goin’ to tell the kids?’
‘I don’t know.’ Ellen was staring out of the window, but she wasn’t seeing the houses or trees that flashed by – she had other things on her mind. ‘I’ve been trying to think what’s best for them. They never talk about their dad, he’s just a bad memory to them and I don’t want to rake the whole thing up again an’ upset them.’
‘Nobby won’t last long by the looks of things, an’ yer’ll have to tell them when he dies.’
‘Will I?’ Ellen seemed to have grown in confidence over the last few hours, and was more in control of herself. ‘I could leave it for a few years until they were older and more able to understand. Seeing Nobby today took away all the bad feelings I had about him. What he said, you know, about Corker an’ me, well it shows he had some good in him in the end. But that would be hard to explain to young kids who never got a kind word from him.’ She sighed a deep sigh. ‘I’m all mixed up, I don’t know what to do for the best.’
‘Sleep on it, sunshine,’ Molly advised. ‘Give it plenty of thought an’ then do what yer think is best. Or yer could leave it until Corker comes home an’ see what he thinks. He should be due in soon, shouldn’t he?’
‘Next week, I think. But tellin’ the kids is not the only thing I’ve got to worry about, Molly. What am I goin’ to do when Nobby dies? I haven’t got any insurance policies an’ I haven’t got any money to bury him.’
‘I don’t know anythin’ about things like that, Ellen, so I can’t help yer. Yer should have asked the doctor while we were there.’
‘He would have thought I was a right one to ask a question like that when me husband isn’t even dead! Anyway, I didn’t even think of it when we were in his office ’cos I wasn’t expectin’ Nobby to be as bad as he is.’
Molly patted her hand. ‘Don’t you be lyin’ awake all night worrying because it won’t get yer anywhere. There’s not a thing yer can do, so put it out of yer head until Corker comes home.’
‘Funny him sayin’ that about Corker, wasn’t it? I mean, how did he know?’
‘I can only guess that he put two an’ two together,’ Molly told her. ‘He knew yer courted the big man when yer were younger, and Corker went with yer a few times to visit him in hospital, so I suppose it wasn’t hard for him to figure out. Anyway, what he said has certainly made a difference in you, it’s stickin’ out a mile! So like yer said, he turned out good in the end. And that’s when it mattered.’
‘I won’t say anythin’ to the kids, not yet, anyway.’ Ellen had made up her mind to do what she thought was best. ‘I’ll just take things one day at a time and see how it goes.’ She covered the hands Molly had clasped on her knee. ‘You won’t say anythin’, will yer, Molly?’
‘We’ll have to tell Nellie ’cos she’s bound to ask, an’ I’ll tell Jack. But apart from them I won’t tell a soul. I’ll keep it to meself until yer tell me otherwise.’
Nellie was standing on her doorstep leaning against the jamb with her arms folded across her tummy, watching Ruthie playing skipping with Bella. ‘She’s been as good as gold, girl, no trouble at all. I gave her a cup of tea an’ a jam buttie and said she could play out till you came home.’
‘Thanks, Nellie, ye’re a pal.’
Nellie screwed up her eyes, waiting for them to tell her what the hospital had wanted Ellen for, but when nothing was forthcoming, she got impatient. ‘Well, how did yez get on?’
After a nod from Ellen, Molly quickly gave her neighbour all the news while keeping an eye on Ruthie in case she dashed across the street and heard what was being said. It was a very brief account, she didn’t repeat every word, but even the bare details were enough to have Nellie shaking her head and sending her chins wobbling all ways. ‘The poor bugger! Who’d have thought Nobby Clarke would end up like that?’
‘Ay, well, none of us know how we’re goin’ to end up, sunshine. If we did, we’d probably stick our head in the gas oven.’ Molly turned to Ellen, her head cocked and concern in her eyes. ‘Are yer feeling all right?’
‘I’m fine thanks, Molly. I was hopin’ to get back to the shop in time to give Tony a hand cleaning up, but it’s too late now, he’s probably finished.’
‘It won’t do him no harm for once, he managed on his own before he took you on.’ Molly gave Ellen a gentle push. ‘Go in an’ see to the kids’ dinner.’
‘OK, an’ thanks, Molly, for everything.’ It was only a few yards to Ellen’s front door and she was inserting the key in the lock when she looked back. ‘Yer won’t forget what I asked yer, will yer?’
‘For cryin’ out loud, Ellen, me memory’s still in good workin’ order, even if the rest of me isn’t. Of course I won’t forget.’
Ellen gave a weak smile. ‘Ta-ra Molly, ta-ra, Nellie.’
‘Funny,’ Nellie said, leaning back against the door jamb and looking ready for a good chin-wag, ‘she doesn’t seem that upset. I would ’ave expected her to be a nervous wreck.’
‘She surprised me today, I can tell yer. She was in a terrible state at first, but once Nobby had spoken, she changed completely. I couldn’t have handled the situation as well as she did, she was a real hero.’
‘How d’yer mean, girl?’
‘I can’t tell yer now, sunshine, I’ll have to get in an’ see to the dinner. But when yer come down in the mornin’ for yer cup of tea, I’ll fill yer in on everythin’ that happened.’ Molly rubbed her hands together to get her circulation back. There was a bitterly cold wind blowing and she was chilled to the marrow. ‘In the meantime, not a word to anyone, d’yer hear? Ellen doesn’t want the children to find out, not yet, anyway.’
‘Not even my feller?’
‘Not even your feller, Nellie – promise?’
Nellie tutted. ‘My feller doesn’t even talk to me, I’ve got to prise every word out of him, so he’s not likely to repeat anything.’
‘Nellie McDonough, if yer don’t promise to keep yer trap shut I’ll never tell yer another thing in confidence.’
‘Ooh, yer don’t half drive a hard bargain, girl. Ye’re as tough as that stewing steak I got last week which I would have taken back if we hadn’t eaten it.’ When Molly didn’t smile, Nellie knew her neighbour had more weighty things on her mind. What they were she would find out tomorrow. ‘But yer are me mate, so I’ll do as yer say an’ keep me trap shut.’
‘I’d better get in and see to the fire an’ then sort out what we’re havin’ for dinner. It’ll have to be somethin’ easy because I haven’t got time to make a proper meal.’
‘They’re havin’ beans an’ chips, girl, whether they like it or not. I’ve peeled an’ chipped yer spuds, opened two tins of beans an’ got yer chip pan ready on the stove.’ Nellie bent forward to stare into Molly’s face. ‘An’ yer don’t have to worry about yer fire, I banked it up with slack when yer went out and I’ve been in twice since. It’s roaring up the chimney as we speak.’
‘Oh, you lovely, lovely, woman!’ Molly almost pulled her friend off the step when she reached up to clasp her chubby face and plant a noisy kiss on it. ‘A pal in a million you are, Nellie McDonough!’
‘I keep tellin’ yer that, but yer won’t believe me! I go through life helping other people, never thinkin’ about meself, but do I get any credit for it? Do I hell!’
‘Yer’ll get paid back when yer get to heaven, sunshine. That’s where yer’ll get yer just deserts.’ The thought of a warm fire was drawing Molly towards her own home and hearth. ‘I’ll see yer in the mornin’, sunshine.’ She reached her front door and called across to Ruthie, ‘Come in now, sweetheart, it’s too dark and cold to play out. Give Bella her rope back and say goodnight.’
‘Hey, girl!’
Molly turned to see Nellie standing on the pavement. ‘What is it now, for heaven’s sake?’
‘I’ve been thinkin’ about what yer said, girl, an’ it’s got me worried. If I get me just deserts when I die, I won
’t be goin’ up there, I’ll be goin’ down below.’
‘Listen to me, Nellie McDonough, yer won’t get away from me that easy. I have every intention of goin’ to heaven an’ I’m takin’ you with me.’
‘Oh, that’s a load off me mind, girl! I wouldn’t ’ave slept a wink tonight, thinkin’ about it.’
Molly stepped into the hall, waited for Ruthie to pass, then closed the door. She hadn’t been able to see her friend’s face because it was too dark, but in her mind she could see the plump face creased in a smile of mischief. And when she opened the living-room door and felt the warmth hit her, she mentally kissed that face again.
Molly drew the blackout curtains before putting the light on. ‘Hang yer coat up, sunshine, and put yer slippers on.’ She bent to kiss a rosy cheek. ‘Get one of yer books out and sit by the fire while I put the kettle on.’
‘What are we havin’ for tea, Mam?’ Ruthie was on her knees in front of the sideboard searching for a colouring-book. ‘I’m starvin’.’
‘Chips an’ beans,’ Molly called back. ‘Your favourite.’ She had the kettle in her hand but made no move to turn on the tap. For Ellen’s sake she’d put on an act today, forcing herself to be calm and matter-of-fact, as though she hadn’t been affected by what she’d seen. But in the quietness of her tiny kitchen she allowed her true feelings to surface. The picture in her head of Nobby Clarke as he lay in that bed would stay with her for ever. She just couldn’t block it from her mind. There was no flesh on him, he was just like a sack of bones. More like a skeleton lying in the bed than a man. If she hadn’t seen his lips move, heard with her own ears what he had said, she would have sworn he was dead. He would be better off dead, and she said a silent prayer for God to take him.
Molly put the kettle down on the draining board and turned on the tap. Bending over the sink, she put her hand under the running water and splashed it over her face. The shock of the freezing cold water had her gripping the edge of the sink and gasping for breath.
‘Mam, have yer seen me red crayon?’ Ruthie came into the kitchen with her book open at the page she was colouring. ‘I’ve looked in the drawers an’ I can’t find it.’
‘Look under the sideboard, I haven’t brushed under there today ’cos I had to go out.’
‘Where have yer been?’ Inquisitive eyes peered from beneath the thick blonde fringe. ‘I asked Auntie Nellie but she said she didn’t know where yer’d gone.’
Good for Nellie, Molly thought. ‘I had to go on a message with Mrs Clarke. It wasn’t anythin’ important and would be of no interest to a little girl like you.’
Ruthie held the book up for her mother to see. ‘Haven’t I done that good, Mam? See how I’ve painted the tree brown an’ green, and the flowers in the garden yellow? When I find me red crayon I’m goin’ to paint the cottage door red.’
‘Well if yer make a good job of it I’ll let yer paint our front door, it could do with it.’
Ruthie giggled. ‘Yer can’t paint a front door with crayon.’
‘I don’t know, yer’ve made a good job of yer bedroom walls. They’re covered in crayon marks, all colours of the rainbow.’
Ruthie decided it was time to leave. ‘I’ll go an’ look under the sideboard.’
Molly grinned as she struck a match and lit the gas under the chip pan. Crafty little article that one, knew when to make a hasty retreat. There wasn’t time for a cup of tea now, Jill would be in any minute. And when it was chip night, she cooked their dinners as they came in. Her chip pan wasn’t big enough to do sufficient for the whole family in one go. Tommy could eat a whole panful all to himself. Thank goodness potatoes weren’t on ration – they’d starve if they were.
‘Put the tablecloth on for us, sunshine.’ Molly walked into the living room to see Ruthie standing on the fender reaching up to the mantelpiece, her gymslip just inches from the flickering flames. ‘Get down off there, you little faggot! D’yer want to burn yerself to death?’ Fear of what could have happened made Molly angry. ‘Ye’re eight years of age, yer should ’ave more sense. I’ve a good mind to give yer a good hiding to teach you a lesson.’
‘What’s she done?’
Molly spun around to see Jill standing in the doorway. ‘Ooh, yer gave me such a fright, I nearly jumped out of me skin. I didn’t hear yer comin’ in, sunshine, I was too busy shouting at this stupid article. Standin’ on the fender she was, her gymslip touching the fire. She could ’ave been burned.’
‘That was a silly thing to do, wasn’t it, Ruthie? Frightening our mam like that?’ Jill slipped her coat off and pulled the scarf from around her neck. ‘Why don’t you say you’re sorry?’
‘I’m sorry, Mam.’
When two tear-filled eyes met hers, Molly’s anger evaporated. She scooped up her youngest child in her arms and held her close. ‘Yer gave me such a fright, sunshine, I had visions of yer goin’ up in flames.’ She rocked her back and forth, her hand stroking the blonde hair. ‘I’m sorry I shouted at yer, but yer’ve got to promise me yer won’t do it again. Just think what might have happened if I hadn’t come in when I did, and yer gymslip had caught fire! Doesn’t bear thinkin’ about.’
‘I won’t do it no more, Mam, I promise.’
‘OK, we’ll forget about it now.’ Molly gave her a kiss before setting her down. ‘Now be a good girl and set the table for us while I see to Jill’s dinner.’
‘What about my dinner?’ Ruthie was penitent but her rumbling tummy reminded her she was also very hungry. ‘I’m starvin’!’
‘I’ll do your chips with Jill’s, so don’t start gettin’ yer knickers in a twist.’ Molly winked at Jill as she made her way to the kitchen. ‘I won’t be long, sunshine, you get yerself a warm by the fire while ye’re waitin’.’
They were in the middle of their dinner when Doreen came in, bringing a cold draught with her. Her cheeks, whipped by the blustery wind, were a rosy red and her blue eyes were alive with excitement. ‘I met the postman this mornin’, Mam, and he had three letters for me from Phil.’
‘Oh, that’s good, sunshine!’ Molly was pleased for her daughter, who had only received a brief note from Phil before he was shipped out. Every day for the past weeks she had waited in eager anticipation, and each day she’d been disappointed. ‘Does he say where he is?’
Doreen shook her head. ‘They’re not allowed to. But he told me it would be either France, Holland or Belgium, and he’d start his letter with the first letter of the country he was in. So I know he’s in France.’
‘Go ’way! Ay, you two would make good spies, you would.’
Doreen came back from hanging her coat up looking very pleased with herself. ‘It was Phil who thought it up, not me.’
‘If ye’re not supposed to know where he is, how can yer write back to him?’
‘The address he’s put on his letters isn’t in France, it’s just BEF and some numbers. One of the girls at work says BEF stands for British Expeditionary Forces, and all the letters go to some army headquarters where they’re sorted out by the numbers and sent on.’
‘I don’t know,’ Molly sighed as she got up to go and see to Doreen’s dinner, ‘what’s the world coming to? All this because of one little jumped-up crackpot dictator who should have been drowned at birth.’
‘How is Phil?’ Jill asked.
‘He’s fine, but he’d rather be back home.’ Doreen wasn’t going to tell anyone about the words of love in the letters, that was private and not to be shared.
It was while she was having her dinner that Doreen delivered her second piece of news. ‘Mam, I’m goin’ after another job.’
Molly had been leaning on the table, her face cupped in her hands, but she straightened up at the news, a look of surprise on her face. ‘What d’yer mean, you’re goin’ after another job? I thought yer liked workin’ at Johnson’s.’
‘I do, but the money’s lousy! A couple of the girls have left and they’re on much better money where they’re workin’ now. One of them is in a
factory where they make barrage balloons and she earns over a pound a week more than she did at Johnson’s.’
‘That’s funny,’ Jill said, ‘I’ve been seriously thinking of looking for another job myself!’
Molly’s jaw dropped. This was all getting too much. ‘What’s wrong with the pair of yer? Yer might swap jobs an’ then be sorry afterwards! Better the devil yer know than the devil yer don’t.’
‘Mam, for an extra pound a week I wouldn’t care whether I liked the job or not!’ Doreen speared a chip and bit half before going on to say, ‘Me and Maureen are goin’ down to the Labour Exchange tomorrow in our dinner hour, yer have to have a card from them to go for an interview.’
‘Got it all figured out, haven’t yer?’ Molly shook her head and turned to Jill. ‘And what have you got in mind, sunshine? You’ve got a good job where yer are, and the money’s good.’
‘I know, but I’m not doing much for the war effort, am I? I thought I’d apply to the ROF in Kirkby, I’ve heard they’re taking office staff on.’
‘I dunno,’ Molly mumbled, ‘what with the BEF and now the ruddy ROF, I’m all mixed up. What’s the ROF when it’s out?’
Jill giggled. ‘It stands for Royal Ordnance Factory. It’s where they make ammunition.’
‘Oh, my God! Ye’re not goin’ to work where there’s gunpowder, are yer? Yer might get yerself blown up!’
‘Don’t be daft, Mam, it’s as safe as houses! Anyway, I’d be applying for an office job, so I wouldn’t be working with what you call “gunpowder”.’
Molly was lost for words. She couldn’t stop them doing what they wanted, they were getting too old for that. Doreen was seventeen in April and Jill eighteen in May, not kids any more.
But while Molly was lost for words, Ruthie wasn’t. She’d been listening carefully, a calculating gleam in her eye. ‘If yer get an extra pound a week, our Doreen, yer’ll be able to give me an extra penny a week pocket money! And you, our Jill!’
