With her hand in his, Harry bowed from the waist. “Nice to meet you, Hannele. You look very much like your mami when she was your age. Long legs and dark blond curly hair. A real princess you are.”
Same Harry, he hasn’t changed. He seems ancient to me because he’s always been here, save for the war. He must be in his early fifties, like Papi. Still a young man. His back was as straight as ever, face tanned, hair as red and lush as she remembered it.
Bill handed him a shopping bag. “A few souvenirs from Switzerland. Anja still likes chocolate, I hope? Some wine and cheese.”
Harry shook Bill’s hand and squeezed Leini’s shoulder. Leaning over Yigal’s buggy, he chuckled. “Your children are lovely.”
“Thanks, Harry. We’re crazy about them.”
“Mr. Bauman told me you were coming. He was so excited, came down here a while ago, all flushed and abuzz. He kept looking at the watch all the time. Now, here’s the elevator. Welcome to Helsinki, hope you’ll have a pleasant stay.” Holding the door open, he added, “If there’s anything you need, let me know.”
Chapter 39
Helsinki, Summer 1963
In Papi’s bone-crushing hug, as she gazed into his misty eyes, Leini knew she’d made the right choice in coming. Her throat swelled from tears as she leaned her cheek against his, inhaling the familiar aroma of bay rum and his own scent. I’ve missed him so very much.
As Bill released Mira after a brief hug, Leini took a step toward her. Two years, but her looks still haven’t changed. Mira was the same petite woman, well groomed, gray hair with a bluish rinse worn in a bun at the nape of her neck. The drab clothes seemed identical in texture and color to what Leini was used to seeing her wear. Even her mouth was the same red slash in her pale face. Not knowing how to approach her, Leini held out her hand to shake. Mira glanced at her hand, slipped her own inside, pulling Leini to her, cheek pressed against Leini’s.
“Welcome back,” Mira said. She scrutinized Leini. “You look good. Not an extra pound on you, and two children one after the other. Admirable.”
Leini opened eyes wide at the reluctant approval in Mira’s voice. A faint smile tickled the corners of her lips when she remembered Mira once say, “The most beautiful expression in any language is ‘You’ve lost weight’!” Mira was still obsessed with weight control.
Mira lit a cigarette. “You shouldn’t have gone to a hotel. Your old rooms stand empty.”
Before she said anything, Leini cast about in her mind for the right response, one that wouldn’t antagonize Mira. “Thanks, but I’m sure you understand a hotel is more practical as the children are so small.” Not sure of her reasoning, she was relieved when Mira didn’t argue.
Keeping to the sidelines, determined to let the grandparents enjoy Hannele and Yigal to their hearts’ content, Leini was amazed at Mira’s effortless manner with both of them. Bill snapped a picture of Mira seated on the balcony as she spooned baby food into Yigal’s gaping mouth. While she gave him his formula, his little fist gripped her middle finger, green eyes unwavering on her face. After a light lunch, Hannele fell asleep on Mira’s bed, her head in the crook of her arm, a hand in Mira’s. Observing them from the threshold to the bedroom, for the second time this day, Leini’s throat clogged from emotions that rose from deep within her. It would have been selfish to refuse this trip. It’s good for us all.
Gratitude sent a little shiver along her spine. She was happy her children had this opportunity to get to know their only grandparents, moved by Mira’s motherliness.
Surprised Tatta hadn’t come to greet them, Leini went to look for her in the kitchen. Returning to the living room, she interrupted Papi in conversation with Bill. “Where’s Tatta? Is she on vacation?”
“Oh. I should have told you. Tatta was getting on in years. She’s retired, lives with her only sister in their family home in the north. She knows about your children, asked us to send pictures. And she said to wish you all the best.”
“If you’ll give me her address I’ll send her some photos of the house, too.”
Leini appreciated the moment of quiet while both children took their naps. Leaving Hannele to sleep on her bed, Mira bustled about, never stopping for more than minutes at a time. Together with Papi and Bill, Leini sat on the balcony, the early afternoon breeze whispering in the birches, the sun warm on her face. She watched as boats of all sizes and descriptions went by on the gold-strewn waters of the sound.
“Neither of you has seen our little place in the country,” Papi said.
Forearms resting on knees, Bill glanced at Papi. “From the pictures you sent, it’s my idea of ‘Paradise Lost.’”
“We hope you’ll agree to spend a day or two with us there? It’s wonderfully peaceful, the lake is pleasant. It would do all of you good, and we’d love to have you.” Papi took a deep breath. “What about it?”
Leini met Bill’s stare, saw his slight nod. “I can tell from the sparkle in Bill’s eyes he’s dying to go. Let’s do it.”
“Wonderful,” Mira said from the doorway, a smoking cigarette between her fingers. “We’ll leave early tomorrow morning.”
Cheeks rosy from sleep, hair curly from perspiration, Hannele padded to the balcony on bare feet. Rubbing an eye with the knuckles of her hand, she gazed at them all. She didn’t see Leini immediately, called, “Mami!” between a sob and a hiccup.
Leini reached for her. “I’m right here, Hannele.”
Settling on Leini’s lap, arms tight around her neck, head buried under Leini’s chin, Hannele sighed, sounding like an old weary woman. Leini caressed the silken skin on her arm, love for her so fierce she held her very close.
“Hannele, my little angel,” she whispered and inhaled the sweet scent of sleep and sweat-damp hair. “Mami loves you very much.”
Hannele pressed her body closer. “I love you, Mami.”
Thank you, God, for allowing me to have this wonderful relationship to my daughter.
* * *
On an impulse Leini stripped and dove into the waters, at first contact so cold she gasped as she surfaced. Body adjusting, she swam with slow strokes, the sweet water fondling her skin like velvet. Floating on the crystalline water, she remembered one of her first dates with Bill, diving off his sailboat. I was so disturbed, so full of fears. What a long way I’ve come, thanks to Dr. Morgenthaler. But she also realized she still had a way to go before she was entirely ready to forgive Mira.
Papi and Mira’s place in the country came with ten acres of wild virgin forest. The cottage sat on top of a hillock, the grassy undergrowth rolling gently to the lake, set like a gemstone in the landscape. Leini loved the place at first sight. Leaving Bill to watch the children, she strolled along the narrow sandy path that rolled down to the lake. Seated on a rough-hewn wooden bench nailed to the little bridge, her gaze lost on the still waters of the lake and the dark forest beyond. The silence was like a wordless hymn, broken by the occasional call of the loon.
At lunch, Mira suggested they have wine. They all passed—wine in the middle of the day in this setting seemed irreverent, but Mira kept filling her own glass. While they lingered over a second cup of coffee, Papi went to heat the sauna. Hannele’s hand was lost in his fist as she ran to keep up with his long strides. She held on to the seat of his pants as he took her into the woods to cut birch branches,tying them into bunches. These they would use to beat their bodies in the sauna…a wonderful way of getting the blood to circulate.
As she prepared Yigal’s evening meal, Leini surprised Mira by the open fridge door chugalugging straight from a bottle. Replacing it, she wiped her mouth with the backside of her hand. “Nothing takes away the thirst like a drink of cold well water.”
Staring at her, Leini shook her head. “From the look of the bottle, it was white wine you drank, not water.”
“Nonsense.” Mira’s voice was strident. “Why would I drink white wine out of the bottle?”
Why indeed?
In the sauna, Mira held
Yigal on her knees, washing his body with gentle kneading motions. He burbled, kicked his legs and gave a broad toothless smile to tell them he loved the experience. With him pressed firmly against her breast, Leini dunked in the lake. At first contact with the cold water, he caught his breath. Before he could start crying, she immersed herself with him again and again, until his body relaxed in her arms and he splashed his hands against the surface of the water, mouth agape as he gurgled his pleasure.
Hannele made small chirping sounds while Mira washed her in the hot sauna. Hannele’s cheeks were like Christmas apples, hazel eyes sparkling. Leini observed Mira and granddaughter, her chest expanding from happiness at Mira’s obvious pleasure in her.
“You’re great with Hannele. She’s so happy with you.”
“She’s a jewel. They both are.” After a moment’s silence, Mira added, “I can imagine it wasn’t easy for you to visit after my behavior. Thank you for giving Papi and me the pleasure of spending time with you. My grandchildren are a real gift. I’m happy to have them.” Her voice broke.
Leini swallowed against the lump in her throat. Placing a hand on Mira’s naked shoulder, she tried to catch her eye in the dim steamy room. “I’m pleased we came. It’s time to leave the past to the past, don’t you think?”
“You’re right. I haven’t always been…very nice to you.”
Smiling, Leini nodded. “No, you haven’t. It’s behind us now, I hope. Let’s concentrate on the future, try to make things better between us.” She leaned to touch her lips to Mira’s sweaty cheek.
Leini wasn’t sure—the light in the sauna was muted and Mira kept her head bent over Hannele—she thought she detected telltale moisture in Mira’s eyes.
By evening, as she cleared the dinner table after the sauna, Mira was wobbly on her feet. She grew repetitive and argumentative, her voice shrill and penetrating. She slurred her words, and when she sent the wooden salad bowl crashing to the floor, Papi rose from his chair by the table.
“That’s enough, Mira.” And he took her by the arm and led her into the bedroom.
Mira has a modicum of sophistication, but once she’s had a few drinks the change in personality and behavior is startling. Until she gets help to stop drinking, she’ll not be any different.
* * *
By the second-story window, arms in the sleeves of a T-shirt, Leini gazed at the pond that sparkled like a gem in the white night.
Next to her, Bill slipped an arm around her waist and hugged her close. “This place is wonderful. Aren’t you glad we came?”
“Absolutely. I’ve almost forgotten there are places as peaceful and pristine as this.” Head to the side, she glanced at him. “Apropos of nothing, I’ve decided to stop drinking.” She tried to put on a solemn face, hand on heart. “From this moment on, I’ll not touch a drop of booze.”
He stared at her. “Huh? Are you serious?”
“Yes, darling, I really mean it.”
“Because of Mira?”
A nod. “She’s part of the reason. Mira under the influence of alcohol isn’t a pretty sight. I can see myself become like her a few years from now.” Her gaze never left his face. “I don’t drink often, but it’s obvious every time I have alcohol, I drink too much although I intend to have only one glass. I don’t need to copy Mira’s behavior. I’ve worked so hard at being me. With Dr. Morgenthaler’s help I’ve rid myself of some acquired behavior. The fact is I don’t like alcohol anyway, so it’s no hardship to give it up. And I’ll spare myself headaches the morning after.”
Bill laughed low in his throat. “As long as you don’t prevent me from enjoying my wine.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it, darling.”
The next day, Papi and Bill were on the lake fishing. Both children were down for their afternoon nap. Mira sat under a sunshade, while Leini sprawled in a lounge chair by her side. She glanced at Mira. If her still form, half-closed eyes were anything to go by, she was relaxed. This was the moment Leini hoped for. She dug in the colorful beach bag—roomy enough to fit the kids’ toys, diapers, bottles and some other uninventoried stuff—to take out a thick hardcover book without a dust jacket. Mira still seemed peaceful as Leini glanced at her out of the corner of her eye.
“I’ve read this book. I found it fascinating, intriguing and very enlightening.”
“What’s that?”
She held the book to Mira. “Here, look for yourself.”
Taking the book, Mira turned it in her hands, squinting her eyes in the bright sunshine to read the title engraved on the front, the blue text so discreet it melted into the cover, also blue. As she opened it to the title page, she bent her head over the book. “What’s Alcoholics Anonymous?’”
“It’s an association, a fellowship they call it. The sober members help those who want to stop drinking, but can’t do it on their own. They call this The Big Book because it’s so thick and bulky. I was hoping you’d read it. I think it’s well worth the effort.”
“How come you know about this? And why do you have this book?”
“I have to know of all kinds of help resources, it’s part of my job. And the book was in my office.”
Mira kept turning pages, muttering under her breath about what she was reading. “‘More About Alcoholism’…hmm, ‘How It Works’; To Wives’.” She closed the book and slipped it under her chair. “Fine, I’ll read it.”
Not meaning to, Leini had held her breath during the exchange, prepared for Mira to explode.
With a whoosh, she now let out a lungful of air, lightheaded from relief. If she identifies with the book, there’s no telling what she’ll be willing to do. Hope stirred inside—not great, just a faint flicker.
In the evening, as they prepared for bed, she told Bill about the book.
“Good for you, but don’t have too high expectations that Mira will realize she has a drinking problem. You did what you had to do. Whether Mira identifies with the book or not is not in your hands.”
Not wanting to talk about Mira or the book or alcoholism, she slipped her arms under his to feel his warm body close as she pressed her lips to his.
* * *
Gale-force winds drove cascades of rain against the window pane to obscure the street beyond. Past nine in the morning it was so dark, every light in the hotel restaurant was lit, candles flickering on each table. Clean and fed, Yigal slept content in his pram. Hannele made figurines with her cereal. Leini was on her second cup of tea, longing for a cigarette, but quelled the craving, determined to quit smoking.
Bill stirred milk into his bowl of coffee. “Do you think the rain will stop sometime soon?”
Smiling, Leini shook her head. “Your guess is as good as mine, honey. The rain might stop soon, or it might go on for days. Most unpredictable. That’s why the weather is such an interesting topic of conversation.”
“Think you could spare a cup of coffee for your wet Grandpapi?”
Swiveling on her chair, Leini faced him standing next to her, wiping rain off his face, blue raincoat dribbling water on the floor.
Bill rose. “Here, Papi. Have my chair. I’ll get another.”
Seated, a steaming cup in his hand, Papi draped an arm around Hannele, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “How’s my little girl today?” Papi’s French was halting, but adequate.
A tiny hand on each of his cheeks, her smile was like a ray of sunlight. “Hannele good.”
Turning to Leini, Papi took one of her hands in his. He glanced at Bill. “I have a proposition, Leini. Have you considered opening a private drug and counseling service? Your house is spacious enough for an office. Working at home would give you more time with the children, you wouldn’t have to commute.” He sipped his coffee. “What about it?”
Bill’s face broke into a wide smile. “Papi, it’s a great…”
Leini leaned forearms on the table, hands dangling over the edge. “Yes, I’ve thought about it. I haven’t mentioned it, because it’s not a good idea.”
&
nbsp; Papi raised eyebrows in surprise. “It isn’t, huh?”
Bill leaned closer to her. “But Leini…”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not. It would be the kind of private, non-medical counseling not covered by health insurance. To find and keep clients would be very difficult as they would have to pay for therapy themselves. Some can’t afford it, others simply won’t carry the expense. There’s a hefty mortgage on our house, so we need my salary.” Seeing that Papi was about to interrupt her, she placed a hand on his arm. “In my job, I can reach the greatest number of people who need help. That’s why I want to continue as before. This way more people benefit than if I struck out on my own.
“I love my job, but I also live with a constant conflict because I’m away from my family so much. It would be wonderful to work from home; that way I’d get to spend more time with Bill, Hannele and Yigal, but it’s simply not possible.”
Bill stared at her, a faint smile on his lips. “I knew you must have a valid reason to be so adamant about keeping your job.”
Papi squeezed her hand. “Okay, my Leini. I can’t argue with your reasoning.” Hugging Hannele to him with his other arm, he said, “If you’re through with breakfast, Mira is expecting us at home.”
A waitress approached their table. “Excuse me.” She looked straight at Leini. “Are you Mrs. Gardet?”
Leini smiled. “Yes, I am.”
“There’s a phone call for you. The person said it’s urgent. You can take it in the booth by the reception.”
Brow creased, she rose and followed the waitress into the lobby and entered the booth she pointed at. “Hello. Who is it please?”
Mira’s nicotine-husky voice came over the line. “I finished reading your book.”
“Great! I’m pleased you read it. What’s your…did you like it?” And wondered why Mira chose to call rather than talk to her about this in person. There’s no knowing where Mira’s concerned.
“So-so. I found it interesting.”
“Interesting? Nothing more? Only interesting?”
The Wooden Chair Page 30
