‘Seb, are you okay? What are you doing here?’ I spring up and throw my arms around him. ‘You didn’t tell me you were coming. I thought you were supposed to be resting at home?’
‘I was, and while I was resting I found all these flights going from Geneva to Inverness on the internet. So I thought I’d hop on one.’ He shrugs. ‘Compared to what I normally do I’d call this resting.’
‘Did you hire a car at the airport?’
I’m still trying to adjust to the collision between my two worlds. I can hardly believe Seb’s actually here, really here.
‘Yes, it’s outside. I thought we might have more freedom that way.’
Ben snorts and I realise how rude I’m being.
‘Seb this is Ben, the youngest of my brothers. Mum is out at the shops with my aunt at the moment so it’s relatively quiet.’
I send out a silent plea that she’ll stay away a little longer. My pulse is racing. Seb came all this way for me!
‘Ah Ben, so this is your favourite brother then, Lucy?’ Seb turns to me, his eyes twinkling, his arm resting possessively around me.
‘Yes, I’m the favourite brother.’ Ben’s eyebrows are still arched. ‘And you’re Seb. So, are you a friend from Verbier?’
Ben puts special emphasis on the word ‘friend’.
‘That’s right.’ I say, trying to will Ben to shut up, that I’ll explain more later. No chance.
‘Would that be a special friend?’ Ben persists.
‘Let’s just say I’m one of her favourite friends,’ Seb replies gravely, but his arm doesn’t drop from around me so I’ve no doubt Ben has the right idea, he’s just trying to torment me.
‘Why don’t we go for a walk, Seb?’ I interrupt. ‘I’m sure you want to stretch your legs after the journey? Also Ben’s got other things he needs to be doing, haven’t you?’
I look pointedly at Ben, who snorts.
‘Great idea,’ Seb agrees. ‘You can show me your Loch Ness.’
‘It’s not exactly mine, but yes, there’s a good view across the loch if we walk up the hill.’
‘I hope you’re fit, Seb? It’s a bit of a climb,’ Ben adds.
‘Oh don’t worry, Seb could do it in his sleep. He’s very … er … fit.’ A flush creeps up my neck and I ignore Ben’s smirk. Even post-concussion Seb could manage it in his sleep.
‘Don’t forget to look out for the haggis, they’re vicious wee buggers.’ Ben smiles slyly at Seb.
Seb frowns and turns to me, confused, his command of English momentarily failing him.
‘Don‘t worry, I‘ll explain once we‘re out.’ I glare at Ben in a ‚don‘t wind up the boyfriend‘ way. Not that I expect it to work. Seb will be subjected to all the usual teasing outsiders to the Highlands get, plus all the potential boyfriend-teasing too. Add onto that Mum‘s inevitable disapproval and it‘s going to be one fun evening. And Seb came here willingly?
Even with all the agro I can expect later I‘m still thrilled to see him and amazingly touched he came here to support me.
‘Thanks for coming.’ I link my arm through Seb‘s as we set off on the stony path up behind the croft. ‘ I‘m so glad to see you, you have no idea how much.’
‘I missed you and thought you could do with some moral support.’
‘Definitely,’ I agree and squeeze his arm. ‘I‘ve missed you too.’
‘It‘s very beautiful here, the air is fresh, like in Switzerland. You were lucky to grow up here.’
‘Um, it‘s certainly beautiful and it gave me a love of mountains. I‘ll always be grateful for that.’ I hesitate, if I‘ve learnt anything it‘s that a beautiful backdrop isn‘t enough, you need more than that in life to be happy.
‘But you‘re not happy here?’ Seb‘s dark eyes seem to penetrate my mind, diving deep into my emotions.
‘No,’ I reply shortly. ‘It‘s different here from in Switzerland, Seb, it‘s not exactly cosmopolitan. Strangers will get smiled at but it‘s easy to mistake friendliness for genuine openness. Unless you can trace your ancestors back three generations you‘ll never be truly accepted, not really.’
‘It is a little like that in the Pyrenees, in my home village.’
Seb is shortening his strides, but even so I struggle to keep up with him and talk at the same time.
‘You‘ll appreciate the difference, then. A lot of the older generation here don‘t travel much out of the Highlands. You‘ll find people here who‘ve never been on a plane, don‘t have a passport and that‘s fine. They‘re good people, but it makes things … narrow. If you don‘t fit in between the lines it‘s difficult. In Verbier there are people drawn from all over the world, it‘s a lot more cosmopolitan. Does that make sense?’
‘Yes. Like I said. Where I‘m from in France it‘s not that different from this.’ Seb says.
‘Where is that exactly?’
‘A small village in the Hautes Pyrenees. A friend I grew up with who is gay found it hard to find acceptance there. He moved to Paris in the end.’
‘So we’re both from similar backgrounds. Well, except there are no Winter Games medalists in our family.’ I smile. ‘How are you feeling anyway, post-avalanche?’
‘I’m okay.’ He shrugs. ‘I’m lucky to be alive. Sorry, that seems an insensitive thing to say given you just lost your dad.’
‘It’s okay. You know things weren’t always great between me and my dad but him being there still gave me stability, a kind of safety net.’ I look down at the stony ground. ‘Despite our differences I think I always knew deep down he loved me, in his own way.’
Seb puts his arms around me and holds me close. It’s a bright blustery day, puffy white clouds racing above us up towards Inverness Airport and the sea. Maybe they did bring Seb to me after all. It’s warm and cosy here in Seb’s arms. I feel as if they could protect me from anything. But what good is that if he gets taken from me on his next film jump? Or if he takes just one risk too far to retain the Xtreme title this year?
I look up at him. How honest do I dare to be? ‘What I’m trying to say is daughters need their dads. I know it’s totally your call, but what happened to you … the avalanche, it scared me stiff and I know it terrified Gabriella too.’
‘Do you think I haven’t thought about this?’ Seb asks with a frustrated grimace. His face darkens and it feels as if a cloud has obscured the sun.
Have I gone too far?
‘Yes, I’m sure you have. It’s just, with Dad going so suddenly and on the same day as I got the news about you … It was the worst twenty-four hours of my life.’ I say quietly.
Seb’s expression softens.
‘I know, I wish I’d been there for you when you got the news from home instead of being stuck in hospital for observation.’
‘I honestly don’t know what the answer is, Seb.’
We walk on, further up the path, eventually cresting the hill to the point where Loch Ness is visible.
‘I have to teach my daughter how to live a life without fears, without limits, to always push herself to be better, to be the very best she can be.’ Seb gesticulates with his hands as we walk. ‘Life is about more than being safe.’
‘I know that, I admire what you do but what you said about the pressure on you to cut corners in the Xtreme … It frightens me.’
‘It frightens me too.’
‘Really? I thought you didn’t feel fear?’
‘Of course I do. I’ve lost friends to the mountains. Every time I do a jump I have that moment before I do it when I wonder if it’ll be my last.’
Every time? What sort of man chooses to live like that? Is it bravery or a push for excellence?
‘So, why do you do it?’ I stare at the glimmer of loch. It’s blue today but can so often be dark grey and stormy.
‘Because when I push past that fear and I’m in the moment, that jump, taking a line no one else has ever taken, it’s the best feeling in the world. I want Estelle to see me push past my fears, to grow up to do the same
, to achieve excellence.’
He stares at me, eyes gleaming. ‘You get it, Lucy. I saw your face when you watched the film. And you know for me it’s about more than getting an adrenalin fix or having fun. I’m trying to show the world the beauty of the mountains. Also, by going to places like the Antarctic I would love to do more to highlight environmental issues.’
‘Can’t you do more of that side of it, then? Situations where you’re in control and not under pressure? I know accidents can happen anytime but …’ I break off and bite my lip.
I stare down at the view I’ve known all my life and think about the wider world out there I used to dream of seeing. I didn’t let anyone else stamp on my dreams. Is that what I’m trying to do to Seb? It’s out of fear, a desire to protect, not wanting to lose him. But I bet Mum would say she tried to stop me for exactly the same reasons.
I think I understand a little more about why Mum’s so angry. She’s lost control of me, lost the power to manipulate me and my being out of her sphere of influence terrifies her. I might think her fears are misplaced, but maybe Seb feels the same about mine.
I can’t put limits on a man who prides himself on breaking them. He wants to live a life without limits, but is that so bad? Maybe. Commitment is limiting, and so is marriage. Do we really have a future together?
As the wind whips my hair around my face it occurs to me that the biggest limit of all is death. No one can escape that.
‘You mean I should stop competing?’ Seb’s face is unreadable for once.
‘Maybe, no, I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you, Seb, I’m sorry.’ I squeeze his arm. ‘But I don’t want to stop you doing the things that make you unique, either. I’m trying hard to be honest here.’
If I push too hard it’ll look like I’m forcing him to choose. I’m guessing that’s exactly what Gabriella did and look where that got her.
Seb strokes the side of my face.
‘I’ll think about it. Okay? There’s an awful lot to think about.’
‘Okay.’
That‘s enough for now.
We walk back down to the croft house hand in hand.
‘I take it your mother wouldn‘t approve of us having sex under her roof?’ Seb asks.
I snort with laughter. ‘No, and not anywhere else either. Sorry, it‘ll have to wait until we can be properly alone. We could take your hire car off to do some sightseeing maybe?’
‘I have checked into a hotel,’ Seb‘s eyes gleam. ‘I thought it might be a bit crowded here and from what you said I guessed your mother wouldn‘t approve of us sharing a room.’
‘I‘ve been relegated to the sofa anyway.’ I kick at a stone on the path. ‘Maybe we could fit in a quick visit to your hotel? I can‘t stay overnight, though. It wouldn‘t be worth the grief Mum will give me. Well, maybe it would, but I‘d rather avoid the extra conflict.’
‘That sounds good to me.’ Seb pulls me to him again before we reach the house and runs his hands over my back and down to my bottom, cupping and squeezing. It sends a shiver of desire down my spine.
He kisses me, hard and deep, reawakening my sensual side. If it weren‘t for fear of one of my brothers finding us I‘d pull Seb into the barn and let him have me here and now.
‘If you need a cold shower in the meantime just hang around, we get plenty of freezing rain here,’ I joke.
Reluctantly I pull back from the embrace, before my body overtakes my brain. I don‘t know why I‘m so bothered about Mum disapproving of Seb. Her opinion of me couldn‘t matter less at the moment.
I approve of Seb, very much indeed. Right now that‘s the only approval I need.
Chapter 19
SOPHIE
I’m trying to deal with the wedding situation in my customary way. i.e. ignoring anything to do with weddings and not thinking about how I’m going to send a cease-and-desist order to Mum.
My plan is being foiled by Amelia. It turns out I was underestimating her when I predicted daily emails. I’m getting at least three or four a day, on average. If I don’t reply to her she finds an excuse to drop into Bar des Amis to ask me face to face. Sometimes I get a half-smiley, half-snarky enquiry, asking if our wifi is down or I’m having email problems.
‘I didn’t realise agreeing to let her use Bar des Amis meant I agreed to be her unpaid wedding planner.’ I huff to Holly, who’s taken to bringing Maddie in each day so they get out of the apartment. ‘I tell you, if she thinks I’m staying up all night for a week tying silver ribbons or spray-painting pine cones with fake snow she’s got another think coming.’
‘Do you remember why I gave up organising ski weddings?’ Holly grins. ‘I just don’t have the patience to deal with bridezillas and I seemed to be permanently stressed out.’
‘Thanks, you’re making me feel so much better.’ I narrow my eyes. ‘Oh crap, that’s her now. She’s coming in again. Do I have time to hide?’
‘Tell you what, why don’t I offer to help? I’m bored at the moment. I love Maddie to bits but my brain is suffering atrophy. We could all do it together, it’d be more fun and I’ll take some of the heat off you.’
‘Really? Would you? You’re a total star. Thanks.’ I force a polite smile to my face. ‘Hi Amelia, it’s lovely to see you … again.’
Holly turns a laugh into a cough.
‘I’ve found some more winter wedding decorating ideas, Sophie.’ Amelia says before she’s even made contact with a chair.
I avoid Holly’s eye, knowing we’ll both get the giggles if we look at each other.
‘Uh huh? Can I get you anything, Amelia?’ I ask pointedly. If she’s going to be here every day I may as well try and turn it into business for the café.
‘No, I‘ll just have a glass of water, thanks. I‘m detoxing for the wedding.’ She gets out several ring binders and her iPad. ‘I‘ve brought you over a spare wedding planner. I couldn‘t have managed without mine and you really do need to start planning your own wedding, Sophie. I‘d be happy to give you some tips, if you like. We could follow the same detox diet.’
‘I‘m good, thanks,’ I mutter and grind my teeth as I fetch her a glass of water.
‘I‘ve found some lovely ideas on Pinterest for decorating tables and making wedding favours.’ Amelia takes the glass from me and beams.
Has she really used the ‘w’ word in every sentence she‘s uttered since she crossed the threshold?
Give me strength.
I look politely at her iPad screen.
‘Oh, that one looks beautiful, Amelia,’ Holly says, pointing at a reception room that has tall silver trees dotted around the room, lit with tiny white lights.
I‘m taken aback by a surge of longing as I look at all the images, at the snowflake wedding-favour bags, tiny skis as name placeholders, white and silver cake pops, ice and snow sculptures and candles in glass holders dotted around in the snow.
‘Did I show you a picture of the fur stole I‘ve got to go with my dress?’ Amelia opens up a photo on her iPad that shows a white faux-fur stole draped over an elegant dress that shimmers with pearls and white beads.
A sigh escapes my chest before I can stop it. If Amelia and Holly notice I‘ve been consumed by the green-eyed wedding monster they don‘t say anything.
Before I know it I‘m drawn into the discussion, only breaking off when a customer needs serving. I always love decorating the café for Christmas and this is like that, only on a much grander scale. Feeling ashamed of my jealousy makes me agree to do far more than I should to help Amelia. I put the donated wedding planner and detox guide behind the bar instead of tossing it in the bin as I‘d planned to.
‘So, do you think Luc will do you another treasure hunt for Valentine‘s Day this year?’ Holly asks when Amelia pops to the loo. Maddie is starting to grizzle and Holly rocks the car seat gently with her foot.
‘I don‘t know, he‘s been really busy. I doubt he‘s had time.’
I know I‘ll be disappointed if Luc doesn‘t do his usual tr
easure hunt, though, which isn‘t really fair, given the pressure he‘s under.
‘Two years in a row kind of sets a precedent, I think it‘s really romantic,’ Holly says. ‘Although, given he declared himself to be your secret admirer at the end of the first one and asked you to marry him at the end of last year‘s it‘ll be hard to top what he‘s done so far.’
Maddie begins to cry, screwing up her cute little pink face and balling her tiny fists. I have to grip a dishcloth in my own hands to stop myself from picking her up to comfort her. Maddie doesn‘t want me anyway, she wants her mother. She wants milk I can‘t produce.
‘I need to get her home.’ Holly yawns and stands up, too tired to notice my reaction. ‘I think our Valentines‘ night will consist of a takeaway and us both trying to stay awake past nine p.m. Hope you enjoy whatever Luc has planned.’
On Valentine‘s Day morning I find a clue envelope on my pillow and feel a leap of pure joy. Luc bothered, despite everything. He‘s also let me sleep in. He must‘ve cancelled the alarm on my iPhone without telling me.
I open up the clue and read:
CLUE 1
Aloha Sophie, Happy Valentines Day,
Use these clues to find your way,
Feeling hungry? You know what to do,
Seek the pink insect for your first clue.
Once I’m dressed and downstairs I bump into Tash, Rebecca and Lucy.
‘Hi, Lucy, how are you? How was it back in Scotland?’ I give Lucy an extra- long hug. She looks shattered, poor thing.
‘Hmm, you know, difficult.’ Lucy sighs, her face pale. She’s also looking a little thin. I must check she’s eating properly.
‘But guess who flew into the Highlands to hold her hand?’ Tash grins.
‘Really? Seb came out to you in Scotland once he was discharged from hospital?’ I can’t help beaming. Lucy has been single for so long. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s lovely she’s finally found someone.
‘Yes.’ Lucy’s cheeks flush pink.
Luc comes up behind us and kisses me on the cheek.
Chalet Girls Page 20
