by Zoe Chant
Leah smiled, surprised and touched. "Wow. I've never heard a man say that before."
"Really? It's something I think any man would feel, especially if he's around a woman who has a baby. I mean, we can't do anything like that."
"Huh," Leah said. "I've never thought of it quite like that. I mean, it was such a blessing to be pregnant with Emily and give birth to her. It was an absolutely magical experience. I'm so happy that I have her, and that I can feed her like this and help her grow strong. But I guess I always thought men saw us as...weaker, or something. Because you can make a baby without having to do anything hard or gross or weird. And don't have any illusions about it—pregnancy is definitely hard, gross, and weird."
Jeff laughed again, but softer. "I did know that. But that just makes you stronger. Men have no idea how much women have to endure. I can't even imagine how hard—"
"—and gross, and weird—"
"—and gross, and weird, pregnancy and childbirth is. You astonish me, Leah. You really, really do."
Leah looked down at Emily's shape under the scarf, feeling her sucking softly at her breast, seeing her little kicking feet. "She's what astonishes me," she said softly. "All of that, that brought her here. And it doesn't matter what parts were magical and a blessing, versus what parts were hard, gross, and weird. The important part is her."
Jeff reached out a finger and brushed it against one of Emily's little sleeper-clad feet. "I think you're both important," he said.
That was the moment that Emily decided she was done. Leah got herself back together without looking at Jeff; fortunately, she was a pro at doing up her bra and shirt by now. Emily was blinking sleepily at her.
"We don't have any books to read to you tonight, honey," Leah told her softly. "But I think you're so tired it's not going to matter, right?"
Emily's eyes were drifting closed.
"Right." Leah kissed her forehead, hesitated, and then turned to Jeff. "Do you want to give her a kiss goodnight?"
Jeff's face softened. "I would love to." He put a warm hand on Leah's shoulder, leaned in, and brushed a soft kiss to Emily's head. His hair tickled Leah's cheek; he smelled like snow and pine and smoke when she breathed him in.
He sat back, and Leah stood carefully up to go over to the Pack-n-Play and lay a semiconscious Emily down into it. As she watched, the baby's eyes closed and stayed closed.
Looking over at Jeff, Leah jerked her head toward the bedroom.
They tiptoed over to the room and closed the door behind them. Leah blew out a sigh of relief. "Wow," she said. "That was an all-star performance. Sometimes when she's up past her bedtime like this, it just means she's never going to sleep ever, and I'm up all night with her."
"By yourself,” Jeff said.
Leah nodded. “No one else to do it.”
“Even if you’re working the next day.”
“No one else to do it,” she repeated. “And I never quite managed to get back to work full-time. There was just no way to make the childcare work out. So it wasn’t like I’d have an eight-hour day on my feet after a night like that.”
“But any time you weren’t at work, you’d still be taking care of Emily full-time,” Jeff countered.
Leah sighed. “Yes. Yes, it was hard. Is that what you want to hear? It was hard, it was awful sometimes, I was exhausted and frustrated and sad. I cried and the only other person there was crying harder than I was, and I had to stop crying so I could go help her. That was what it was like. Okay?”
She’d started that little rant feeling angry, although she wasn’t exactly sure why. By the end of it, though, she was just tired.
“No,” Jeff said. “It’s not okay. That’s what I’m trying to say to you. It is not okay that you had to do all of that. No one should have to deal with that much all by themselves. And I’m not sure you understand that.”
Leah rubbed her eyes. “I can’t think about it like that, Jeff. I just can’t.”
“Why not?” he pressed.
“Because if I think about it like that, then it’s worse!” she flared up. “Then I’m angry and upset as well as tired and sad! I waste energy cursing out Rob and resenting how much I have to do! And that’s too close to...”
Jeff touched her cheek, and she lifted her eyes to look at him. He looked infinitely compassionate, endlessly calm. “Too close to what?”
“Too close to how my mom was,” she let out on a breath. “She was in the same situation, and even when I was a little kid I could tell how much she resented it. And that meant she resented me, because I was what made it so hard.”
She swallowed, feeling a burning behind her eyes, but made herself continue. “And I will do anything rather than let Emily feel like that, do you understand? I don’t care if I have to swallow down everything Rob ever did, pretend it’s all okay and nothing is wrong, and that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Emily is not going to think that I wish she’d never been born.”
She stared at Jeff, willing him to understand.
“I don’t think you could ever make Emily feel like that, Leah,” Jeff said. “And I want you to know that if you’re with me, you can be as angry or upset as you want. I’m not a little kid and I’m not going to take it to heart.”
But you’re not going to be here much longer. Leah didn’t say it, because she didn’t want to bring the mood even further down. But she knew it, and it made her want to hold everything in even more.
Because how awful would it be if she could let it out, cry and be comforted, rage and be understood, if she could have understanding and sympathy and compassion and help, for such a small amount of time...and then have it taken away again? To have to swallow everything down all over again? To rebuild her walls, her coping mechanisms, her cheerful smiles for Emily’s sake?
She couldn’t do it. She knew she couldn’t.
But maybe she could give herself a tiny little taste. That might be enough to bolster her up, to make her smiles a little more real, if she could remember that there were good men in the world, and one of them had hugged her and kissed her hair and told her he wanted to make everything all right.
So she stepped forward into Jeff’s arms. He wrapped her up immediately, pulling her close and holding her tightly, and dropped another one of those soft, whisper-gentle kisses to the top of her head.
He kissed her temple next, still soft and light, and then her cheekbone, a little butterfly touch. She turned her face into his, and he kissed her lips for the first time.
He tasted warm, and masculine, and like the strength that she needed right now. She twined her arms around his neck and kissed him again.
Jeff tasted her, his tongue exploring her mouth, and Leah opened to him gladly. His lips dragged damply against hers as he pulled away and kissed her again, and she shivered in his arms, heat running through her body.
Suddenly, he pulled back. Leah felt colder immediately, and frowned up at him. “What is it?”
"I just want you to know," Jeff said. "I want you to understand. We can do whatever you want. If you want to do this for a while, and then separate and sleep in different rooms, that's completely fine, or if you'd rather stop right now—"
Leah put a hand on his chest, and he stopped talking. "I do not want to stop right now. I hope I wasn't doing anything that made you think I wanted to stop."
She'd thought he would laugh, but he just looked stubborn. "Of course you weren't, but I believe in being sure that everyone's on the same page before doing anything. And we can do whatever you're comfortable with. If you want to stop at any time, that's okay. And if you want to go to bed together, but just sleep, we can do that."
Leah softened. Rob had never said anything even vaguely like this to her. "I want to go to bed together," she said, slowly and deliberately, and to her delight, she could see Jeff's pupils expand until his eyes were almost black. "But I don't want to just sleep."
Before today, she wouldn't have said she was the sort of woman to jump in bed with a
man she'd just met. But Jeff was...there was something about him. She felt so much for him already. They had a connection, she knew that, and she knew he felt it too.
And he was such a good man. If she was going to get any chance at having him, even for a short time, she needed to take it and hold on to it.
She'd remember this night for a long time, she knew.
Jeff leaned in and kissed her again. This time, he wasn't slow and careful, just hot and thorough. Leah melted against him as they kissed, feeling his whole muscular body pressed against her.
His hand stroked down from her shoulder, cupping her breast for just a moment, before sliding down the curve of her waist to her hip. Leah had a moment of self-consciousness for her too-curvy body, but it disappeared in a wave of sensation as his thumb found the gap between her shirt and her jeans and started stroking over that thin, sensitive skin.
“Can I...” he murmured, his hand at the hem of her shirt.
Leah nodded breathlessly. Jeff pulled back and stripped her shirt up over her head. He tossed it aside, his eyes devouring her body. “Wow.”
Leah looked down. “Really?”
She wasn’t used to thinking of herself as sexy anymore. When her body had started changing during pregnancy, Rob had just lost interest in her. He seemed like he’d rather go without sex than touch her when she was putting on so much weight.
Even right before he left, when her body had been returning to something like normal, he hadn’t changed. Apart from being casually and crudely interested in her larger breasts, he’d still seemed disgusted by the way she looked.
She still carried a lot of that extra weight, and her skin wasn’t as taut as it had been before. There were stretch marks. She had the body of a woman who’d given birth, and when it was just her and Emily, she was absolutely fine with that.
But now she was getting naked with a man for the first time since Rob had left, and it was different.
But Jeff just looked like he wanted to devour her with his eyes. “Are you kidding?” He reached out and caressed the curve of her breast through her bra, and then continued down her waist to cup her generous hip. “Look at you.”
“I’m all...” She didn’t know what word to use.
“Curved? Well-endowed? Hourglass figure?” Jeff grinned. “Let me tell you something: I’m not into skinny girls. I like it when the person I’m with looks like you. And you, Leah...you look like the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”
Glancing up into her eyes, he reached for the button of her jeans. When she nodded, he undid it, then dropped to his knees and kissed her just above the waistline. He unzipped the jeans and tugged them down, kissing her navel, and then trailing kisses down the curve of her stomach.
"Oh." Leah's voice came out breathy and surprised-sounding. Jeff's stubble was leaving tingly trails over her skin, and his lips on her lower stomach were making things twitch inside of her.
"Step up," Jeff said, low and hypnotic. Leah braced a hand on Jeff's shoulder and stepped out of first one leg of her jeans, then the other.
She was still barefoot from earlier, and Jeff traced a finger over her toes. "How are these feeling?" he asked.
"Fine," Leah said impatiently. She wasn't worried about her toes right now.
He smiled. "Good." Then he kissed her lower stomach again, and slipped his fingers under the leg of her panties to brush her pubic hair.
Leah gasped. The slight touch sent sensation zinging through her pussy. Jeff kissed lower, and lower, until his lips were right at the waist of her panties.
Leah swayed as her knees trembled. The wall was right behind her, and she gratefully let it hold her up while Jeff breathed out, sending a hot wash of air straight over her pussy.
"Take them off." She barely recognized her voice. She sounded low and sexy, like a woman caught up in her own pleasure.
Jeff pulled off her panties in one quick motion, letting them fall to puddle around her feet. Then he stroked a finger down from her pubic bone, down, down...until it separated her lips and stroked softly over her clit.
Leah panted in pleasure. Her legs were parting, opening herself up to Jeff.
He looked up at her, and his eyes were dark with desire, only the thinnest line of silver outlining the black. "You smell so good," he said. His voice rumbled in his chest. "Now I want to know how you taste."
Leah sighed, a long shuddering breath. "Yes. Please."
He leaned in. First his tongue followed the same path his finger had, softly stroking over the length of her clit. Then he brought his fingers up to separate her lips and sucked at her clit with his hot, soft mouth.
Leah would've screamed if she hadn't remembered the baby sleeping in the other room. The sensation was overwhelmingly intense, and her hips pushed forward of their own volition. Jeff took hold of her right hip with one hand, a strong anchoring force, and held her open with the other while he started licking her.
Before tonight, Leah hadn't thought she missed sex that much. She was so busy and tired that she felt like all the energy that had gone into having sex was channeled elsewhere. But just the touch of Jeff's fingers had awoken her body into a hunger stronger than she'd ever felt, and the feeling of his tongue on her clit was enough to making her pussy start twitching. The whole pit of her stomach was on fire with wanting. After so long a drought, Leah's body was more than ready to drink this in.
Jeff licked her with careful attention, listening to the noises she made, and following the way her hips shifted to catch the sizzles of pleasure and chase them into a boil. Her clit throbbed with pleasure.
And when Jeff sucked it into his mouth again, putting that hot, strong, wet pressure all over, Leah's muscles contracted in a glorious wash of orgasm. The spasms wrenched through her, wringing her out until she couldn't remember why she'd ever felt anything but good.
Jeff pulled back, licking his lips. He looked as satisfied as she felt. "That was fantastic."
"Isn't that my line?" Leah managed. She pushed herself away from the wall, and wobbled.
"Whoa, there." Jeff was on his feet in an instant, steadying her. Then he grinned.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. Just," and Jeff lifted her straight off the ground, bridal-style, and carried her over to the bed.
Leah made a startled squeak, but didn't protest as much as she might have if her body hadn't still been shivering in the wake of the strongest orgasm she'd ever had.
Jeff deposited her gently in the very center of the bed, so she was reclining back onto the pillows.
"I've been wanting to do that ever since I saw you stand up on your hurt feet," he confessed. "But I didn't think you'd appreciate it before."
"Well, you were right," Leah said, trying to pull herself together. "But, well, that was okay."
It was more than okay. She'd felt like a blushing bride. And Jeff hadn't seemed to be bothered by how much she weighed at all—he'd just picked her up as though she was as light as a feather. A smile was spreading over her face. She felt happier than she’d been in a long, long time.
"Glad to hear it." Jeff came to join her on the bed.
Leah held up a hand, flushed with a confidence she’d never felt in bed before. "Hold up."
He raised his eyebrows. "What?"
"One of us here is significantly behind on the clothing front.” She tried to sound severe, but that same smile kept threatening to break through.
Jeff looked down at his fully-clothed body. "You're right. My most sincere apologies."
"Well, fix it right now, and I guess I won't hold it against you."
"Will you hold something against me?" he asked, his eyes glinting as he looked her body up and down.
Leah pulled a pillow over her face. "Augh."
This was fun, she realized. Who knew sex could be so fun?
"Sorry, sorry. That was too cheesy, I know. Look, I'm taking my clothes off."
Leah got the pillow away from her eyes as quickly as she could. Sure enough, Jeff was st
ripping off his shirt, revealing all of those incredible golden muscles. The way they shifted as he tugged it over his head and tossed it aside made her briefly absentminded.
Then he started on his pants.
Leah knew her mouth had dropped open, but she didn’t care. That golden skin kept its beautiful color all the way down, and his narrow hips, his muscular thighs, and of course his cock...God, he was big. And hard. From eating her out?
Rob hadn't liked going down on her, and had only done it a couple of times while they were together. He definitely hadn't gotten turned on by it. But Jeff had said That was fantastic, and now, stripping down for her, he was as hard as a rock.
Then he turned away to pick up his clothes.
"You're doing that on purpose." Leah cleared her throat—her voice was throaty and full of desire.
Jeff glanced over his shoulder, grinning. "I'm just cleaning up the floor."
"Your nice ass is just cleaning up the floor. Get over here."
Jeff turned around. “Oh, you like it?”
“You know I—come here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He came to her, grinning.
Leah laughed a little. “This is weird.”
“What’s weird?” He settled next to her, smiling.
“I guess I’m just not used to joking around during sex. Or just...laughing.” Rob had joked sometimes, but she’d never thought it was that funny.
Jeff trailed his fingers in a soft touch along her jaw. “I love that you’re laughing. Sex is fun, and it can be funny, and even when it’s as serious as it gets...laughing means you’re happy. It means you’re comfortable and having a good time. And that’s what I want most of all, so laugh all you want.” He smiled.
Leah smiled back. They weren’t being funny anymore, but warmth was suffusing her body, a glow of happiness that she couldn’t remember feeling in a long time.
“Now,” Jeff said, “I think someone else is behind on the clothing front.”
Leah was still wearing her bra. She twisted to undo it and take it off, and tossed it aside. Jeff’s eyes devoured her breasts.
“Can I touch you?” he asked. “I don’t know if you’re too sensitive from nursing—if it’ll hurt, tell me to back off right now.”
