by Zoe Chant
Quietly, Jeff ladled out two big bowls of chili and put them on plates with a biscuit each; the biscuits were fortunately still warm. He laid the table, and looked back in on Leah and the baby.
Emily was well and truly asleep now, so Jeff chanced it. “You ready for some dinner?”
Leah looked up, surprised. “I almost forgot about dinner. She’s probably going to have to come with me, though. I think she’ll wake up if I try to put her down.”
“That’s fine,” Jeff said. “Want me to bring it to you?”
But Leah shook her head. “I’ll need a table if I’m eating one-handed.” Slowly and carefully, she got up. Emily stayed asleep as she walked over to the table and sat down. “This looks amazing. It smells amazing.”
“Beef chili with cheddar biscuits,” Jeff said. “Enjoy.”
Leah tucked in with a long sigh. Looking at her, as she closed her eyes in appreciation of the spicy flavor of the chili, eating with one hand and with her sick daughter held protectively in the other, Jeff felt a surge of possessiveness.
This was his family, right here. And he wouldn’t give them up for anything.
***
Leah felt like she was living in a dream.
Jeff had washed Emily’s messy sheets. He’d gone to the store to get medicine for her. He’d cooked dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, and served it up...and it was good, mouthwateringly good. And filling. Exactly what she needed to keep her going with a sick baby to take care of.
She couldn’t help but think about how this night would’ve gone back home. She would have had medicine, she always kept some around, but inevitably there would be something she’d need to get from the store. If there was one thing she’d learned about having a baby, it was that you were always out of what you needed the most at that particular moment.
So she would’ve had to get the sheets in the wash, wrestle a screaming, miserable Emily into her car seat, drive to the store, annoy all the other customers while she grabbed what she needed as quickly as possible, drive home, finally get some medicine into Emily...and then she would’ve been stuck holding her while she fell asleep, and then she would’ve been faced with the dilemma of how to get some food for herself without waking her up again.
As though she’d heard the cue, Emily woke up and started squirming unhappily in her arms.
“Hold on just a minute, baby,” Leah told her. “I know you feel bad, but Mommy needs to finish eating real fast, and then we can walk around again, okay?”
“Let me take her for a few minutes,” Jeff said, standing up. “That way you can focus on your food.”
Leah hesitated. “She’s going to cry. She’ll probably get mad because she wants me.”
Jeff just held out his hands.
Leah handed Emily to him. She immediately started to cry, which tugged hard at Leah’s heart, but she knew that it was better for her to nourish herself so that she could better take care of her daughter. She bent her attention to her food.
And actually, after a few minutes, the crying slowed down. When Leah looked up, she saw Jeff walking with that lightly bouncing pace that Leah herself was intimately familiar with, talking quietly into Emily’s ear. Emily hadn’t quieted down completely, but she was just whining unhappily now, rather than screaming her head off.
She felt herself relax a little bit. She had time to eat. Jeff had it covered.
***
Emily wasn’t going to sleep.
Leah knew it. Even with the medicine, the baby was upset and whining, clearly uncomfortable and unhappy. Every time Leah got her to drift off, she’d sleep for a few minutes, at most half an hour, and then jerk awake again, crying.
Jeff spent a while Googling advice on what to do for sick babies, and eventually came to the conclusion that they were already doing everything they could, and taking her to the doctor for a 101-degree fever and an upset stomach was just going to get them sent back home with instructions to wait until tomorrow and see if she was any better.
“I told you,” Leah said, from the other end of the hall. She turned and paced back to where Jeff was sitting on the living room couch with his laptop.
“You told me,” Jeff agreed. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you. I just wanted to be doing something.”
“Well, here,” Leah said. “You can walk her for a while.”
Strange as it was, Jeff did actually seem to want to help with the sick, whiny, messy, loud, unhappy baby. He’d even changed a very toxic diaper earlier, without calling Leah over or anything.
But it was starting to get late. Leah pulled the latest round of laundry from the dryer and got the sheets back on the Pack-n-Play and Emily’s clothes back into the diaper bag, and then turned to Jeff. “You should get some sleep,” she said.
Jeff’s face immediately settled into the determined look that she knew well. “So should you.”
Leah shook her head. “I had a long nap this afternoon. No one’s going to be helped by both of us staying up and exhausting ourselves.” When his expression didn’t change, she said, “How about I take the first shift. When she wakes you up crying in the middle of the night, then you can take over.”
Jeff thought that over. “I guess that’s fair,” he said.
“Good,” said Leah. She held out her hands for Emily, and Jeff handed the baby over with a reluctance that surprised her. Emily wrapped her little arms around Leah and sobbed into her neck, clearly gearing up for another round of exhausted crying. Leah hugged her close and said, “Go on, get to bed.”
Jeff reached out and touched her cheek. “I’m taking that second shift,” he said. “Don’t think you’re going to trick me into sleeping all night.”
“What an awful fate,” Leah said wryly. “I’ll be sure to save you from it.”
Jeff leaned in and dropped a soft kiss on her lips, then another on the top of Emily’s head. “You better,” he murmured, and took himself off to his bedroom.
Leah let out a long breath.
She really should just let Jeff sleep. He had to get up for work tomorrow, after all.
But she’d just promised not to. And she knew he’d be upset if he didn’t get to help at all during the night.
She looked at Emily’s little body, shuddering with quiet sobs. Maybe she’d exhaust herself and end up sleeping after all, and it wouldn’t be an issue.
Leah laughed at herself. Sure.
Jeff did all of his nighttime ritual things, which Leah took a strange pleasure in watching. It was just normal stuff—brushing his teeth, changing into an old National Park Service T-shirt and sweatpants to sleep in, double-checking that all the doors were locked, doing a quick sweep of the house to put away anything that was out lying around...
Well, that last one wasn’t too normal for a man, maybe. Although really, she’d only ever lived with the one, so she truly didn’t know. Maybe most men were as tidy as Jeff was.
She didn’t think so, though.
Finally, he came up to her. “Is there anything you guys need before I turn in?”
“Can’t think of anything,” Leah said softly. Emily had sobbed herself out for the moment, and was lying with her head on Leah’s shoulder and her fingers in her mouth, quiet.
Jeff wrapped her and Emily both up in a big, warm hug. “Okay. I’m trusting you to let me take second shift.”
“If she’s still awake in the middle of the night, I will,” Leah promised.
Jeff kissed her temple, and then Emily’s. “Goodnight, honey,” he murmured. “Feel better, okay? I want to see you smile again.”
Leah felt tears pricking at her eyes. God, what an amazing man.
Jeff went off to bed with a last lingering look over his shoulder at them, and Leah let herself plop down onto the couch.
Emily immediately started a whining protest.
“Okay, okay.” Leah stood up again and started to pace.
It was going to be a long night.
But she’d had lots of long nights like this, with a si
ck or colicky or just sleepless baby, and this was the first time she’d been able to draw strength from someone else. Just knowing that Jeff was present in the other room, even if he was falling asleep...it helped. It helped a lot.
Could Leah really have this? Jeff had said forever, earlier. Could he have meant that?
Surely nobody could make a decision about forever that quickly.
Well...Leah knew that if it were up to her alone, she’d take Jeff forever in a heartbeat. The way she felt when she was with him, the way he looked at her, the heat in his body and the warmth in his heart...
She wanted this man with her forever. She knew it.
But she was still afraid that he might not mean it. Or, not quite. She knew he meant it, right now, in the moment. But would he still mean it next month? Next year? There was no way to know.
Emily started to cry again. Leah picked up her walking pace. “Okay, baby,” she said. “Mommy’s here. You’re going to feel better soon, I promise.” She held her close.
“Maybe you can help Mommy make her decision,” she murmured in Emily’s ear. “Do you think Jeff would make a good daddy for you?”
Of course, when she phrased it like that, the answer seemed like it was obvious.
“Would Mommy be good for him, though?” she whispered. That was the question.
It was a question that resounded in her head as the night wore on.
Emily was definitely not planning on sleeping, or at least not for more than fifteen minutes at a time. She was also loudly unhappy with the idea of Leah sitting down for any period of time, let alone lying down. So Leah paced the house, and thought about her future.
The thing was, Jeff really did seem to love taking care of Emily. And he’d taken care of Leah, too, rescuing her from the snow and tending to her frostbite and making sure she and Emily were warm and safe.
But that wasn’t all. If that had been all, Leah didn’t think she’d want to stay so badly. After all, she was an adult with a child of her own. She didn’t want to be taken care of like she was a kid, too.
But Jeff was happy to work with her. He passed Emily back and forth between them, depending on who needed to do what. In the cabin, they’d both done the chores that needed doing, and Jeff hadn’t been annoyed when Leah did something for them. He’d only told her not to do things when she’d needed to stay off her frostbitten feet.
In fact, Jeff never told her to do anything. He’d explained things about what they needed to do in the cabin, he’d stated what he wanted and how he felt, and he’d asked her what she thought.
From the very beginning, from the moment she’d been awake and able to make decisions, he’d acted like they were partners, working together to stay alive during the snowstorm, working together to take care of Emily.
It was so different from anything else she’d experienced. Rob hadn’t acted like they were partners. Sometimes like he was in charge (when he wanted something), sometimes like she was in charge (when he wanted her to take care of something for him), sometimes like they were adversaries (when he wanted to get his way).
They hadn’t been equals. They’d never been equals.
And her mom was wrong, Leah realized. Men weren’t ‘just like that.’ A man could want to take care of a baby, a man could want to stick around and spend time with her even when he could be doing something else.
And Jeff was that man.
***
Jeff had been sleeping lightly, hearing Emily cry every so often, sometimes cracking an eye open to check the time and see if he should get up.
But he fell hard asleep by midnight or so, and the next thing he knew, his bedroom door was opening, light from the hall falling through, and he could hear Leah’s exhausted voice.
“Jeff? Could you take a turn? I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake.”
Jeff glanced at the clock. 3:15 AM. “Sure thing,” he said.
“Maybe just for an hour,” Leah said hesitantly. “You have work tomorrow...”
“You have a long day of taking care of a sick baby tomorrow,” Jeff pointed out, throwing aside his covers and getting up. He came up to Leah and took the baby from her arms.
Emily blinked up at him. She wasn’t crying, but her breath had a raspy quality to it. “She sounds rough,” he said.
Leah nodded. “She’s been coughing. It’s a good thing you got the baby cough medicine in addition to everything else.”
Jeff grinned. “I pretty much bought the whole baby aisle. I knew it was overkill, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
“It’ll all get used, believe me.” Leah yawned. “I can go sleep in the spare room...”
“Please tell me you’re kidding. I pre-warmed the bed in here for you and everything.”
Leah giggled tiredly. “That sounds wonderful.”
“Hey,” Jeff said. He put a hand on Leah’s shoulder. “Thank you for waking me up. Thank you for letting me help.”
Leah smiled up at him. And at three in the morning, after hours of taking care of a sick baby, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“I want you to help,” she said seriously. “I want you to be here for Emily. I want you...”
“You want me to...?” Jeff held his breath.
“I want you,” she said, with finality. “I love you, Jeff.”
He pulled her into his arms. “I love you, too. I love you, and I love Emily, and I want you both here with me.”
“Even sick and awake at three in the morning?”
“Even sick and awake at three in the morning,” Jeff promised. He looked at Emily, whose whiny breaths were starting to speed up into something that sounded upset. “And I want you to start feeling better, kiddo. So how about we go walk around a little bit and maybe help you get some sleep, so that your mom can take a break, huh?”
Leah smiled again, and yawned.
“Go,” said Jeff. “Sleep. Pre-warmed bed.”
“Mmmm,” Leah said, and stumbled over to Jeff’s bed. The bed was a little self-indulgent, but shifters liked to have a bit of a nest, so he forgave himself the blankets and pillows and king-sized mattress, especially now that he was going to have someone to curl up in it with.
And maybe when Emily got older, she’d come running in and jump on them in the mornings, and cuddle up with them and nap a little bit before they started their day.
Jeff eased the bedroom door closed and started walking Emily down the hall. “Does that sound good, baby?” he said to her in a low voice. “Running in and jumping on Mommy and Daddy’s bed and waking them up early in the morning? I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid who didn’t love to do that.”
Daddy. Calling himself that gave him a thrill of hope. Leah had said she loved him. That she wanted him.
He looked down at the fussy baby in his arms. “I’m going to be your dad, kiddo,” he said. “Don’t you worry. Everything’s going to be okay.”
***
Leah drifted out of sleep as light filtered through the window of Jeff’s bedroom. She glanced at the clock. 7:30 AM.
Her eyes snapped open wide. She really had meant to just take a nap and let Jeff at least get most of a night’s sleep before going to work. But she’d slept until morning instead.
He wants to help, she reminded herself.
Still, she pushed the covers aside and got up. Jeff would probably have to head to work soon, anyway, and she wanted to be awake when he left in case Emily needed anything.
But when she opened the bedroom door, the rest of the house was strangely quiet. No sobbing baby, no whining baby, no coughing baby...
She walked cautiously out to the kitchen, where she saw Jeff making coffee. He glanced up and saw her, and beckoned her closer with exaggeratedly silent motions.
“She fell asleep!” he said quietly, when they were right next to each other. “About twenty minutes ago. It was time for the next dose of Tylenol, and when I gave it to her, she calmed down and just nodded off. It was amazing.”
W
ithout thinking, Leah held up her hand for a high-five. Jeff smacked her hand and grinned.
Partners, she thought, and said, “Parent win.”
If possible, Jeff’s smile seemed to grow even bigger. “Do you want coffee and breakfast?” he said. “I was just about to whip something up. I grabbed a shower after she went down, so it’s all yours if you want one while I’m cooking.”
Leah nodded, suddenly realizing how sticky and grimy she felt. “Thanks. Be right back.”
“I’ll have food waiting.”
She showered quickly, washing off the sticky sick-baby feeling, and felt much fresher and more awake when she got out. And then when she got back to the kitchen, Jeff handed her a mug of coffee.
“Mmm,” she said. “I’ll set the table.”
“Thanks,” Jeff said, giving her a quick coffee-flavored kiss and turning his attention back to pouring pancakes on a griddle.
Leah found plates and glasses and silverware without much trouble and laid them out on the table, thinking about how this felt. She and Jeff were getting ready together, getting breakfast on the table together, after a night of taking care of Emily together.
They were partners. And even with a sick baby, even on four hours of sleep...somehow, it was wonderful.
When the table was set, she went back into the kitchen. Jeff was bending over the pancakes, watching them carefully. Leah came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him, amazed that this was hers, now. That she could do this.
“I thought about this,” Jeff said softly.
“Hm?” Leah was distracted by the feeling of his tall, muscled body against the entire length of hers.
“Back in the cabin, when I was making us oatmeal. I wanted to come home and have this—be making you breakfast in the kitchen and have you come up behind me, just like this.” He turned his head and she stood up on her toes to kiss him.
He broke the kiss after a long moment and smiled. “Emily running around at our feet.”
“That’ll be sooner than you know,” she said.
