They must have thought it was terrific because they formed a line with Grace and Sandra at either side of him and everyone copied his routine. The fun over with, Jamie couldn’t stop talking. One of the girls would leave the dance floor and then change over alternately after a couple of songs. Jamie was having a ball. As the smooches started, he was sure he was dancing with Grace but when his vision focused, it was Sandra instead. He didn’t mind either way, as they were both beautiful and great fun. Party time went on into the night and the rest was a kind of blur.
The following day Jamie awoke with an almighty headache feeling dazed. Where the hell am I? He looked around at the strange surroundings. Maybe this is Bill’s house and we got drunk. Feeling a pain between his legs, he threw down the bed sheets.
“Oh my God! What’s happened here?” he shouted as he looked at his penis with a condom still in place. Slowly pulling it off, he discarded it.
As he did so, it revealed a badly swollen member, looking more like a lump of raw liver, twice its normal size.
The pain was horrendous. He jumped out of bed and into the shower, putting it on cold to relieve the pain. The shock of the cold water must have brought back his senses as he started to have flashbacks.
He remembered Grace and Sandra escorting him out of the dance area with his arms around both of them and a breast in each hand. Putting his hands to his face, he tried desperately to recall what happened after that, but he was at a loss. Gingerly pulling on his boxers and trousers, he fully dressed then peeked out of the door to see if Bill was about and the realization came to him.
“God, it’s the hotel. I’m still at the hotel!”
Making his way down to the lobby, Jamie paid the bill and the young girl pointed the way to the breakfast room. When he walked in, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Several women he had chatted with the night before averted their eyes, as they sat there enjoying breakfast with their escorts. There he was, larger than life. Bill sat with his young poet friend. She was just getting up to leave.
Jamie made his way to the table and very softly sat on a chair as Bill said his goodbyes.
“Dear me, JJ, you look like shit. I tried to warn you on the dance floor, but you just ignored me and carried on dancing.”
“What do you mean, warn me? What happened last night?”
“You mean you can’t remember leaving with the dynamic duo?”
“For God’s sake, Bill, speak English.”
“I gave you the ix-nay sign across the throat, remember? Grace and Sandra probably spiked your drink with a mickie. Whoa, you look bad. I think they overdid it.”
“You mean they drugged me?”
“Probably, but usually it only gives the men staying power.”
“You don’t mean. . ?”
“Yes I do, and to think you can’t remember. What a pity!”
“That’s it! I’m finished with this singles’ club lark. All my life I only managed to have sex with one woman, now I’ve had two in one night and can’t even remember. How do I explain I can’t walk to the kids? I should call the police, I‘ve been drugged and raped and my dick looks like hamburger.”
“For God’s sake, keep it quiet will ya? Everyone can hear. And don’t be so dramatic. Phone the kids and say you’re playing golf with me today. You can try to recover at my place, but don’t even think of calling the police.”
“Why not? You should see the damage!”
“Think it through; what do you say to them? ‘Excuse me officer, but two nubile, thirty-something hard-bodies just drugged me and had sex with me all night, against my wishes. I paid for the hotel room and my friend and the bouncer saw me walk out of the dance room willingly. Oh yes, I had a different breast in each hand, belonging incidentally, to the young women in question. It’s probably on CCTV. For Christ sakes, JJ, use your head and let it pass. They would probably think you wanted a medal. What would happen if the press got hold of the story?”
“Maybe you’re right, but I’m not leaving it at that. I’ll report them to the singles’ club. They can’t go around drugging people.”
Back at Bill’s it was obvious that the swelling wouldn’t go down in one day, and Jamie phoned his doctor and left a message to make an appointment for Monday.
“Here, Jamie, let me have a look,” Bill asked pointing at his crotch. “Maybe I can think of something.”
Reluctantly Jamie pulled open his pants and Bill winced.
“Jesus! That is bad! It’s turned purple. What the hell did you do?”
“I. . .I said I don’t remember.”
“Let’s try an ice pack.”
To Jamie’s relief, the ice did the trick and the swelling subsided. Bill looked around in his drawers to find some painkillers for good measure. Finally, Jamie felt more comfortable and phoned home.
“Hi, Steve, it’s dad. I won’t be back until late evening. I think I’m going to have a round of golf with Bill, so don’t wait up.”
“No problem. How did it go last night? Did you manage a dance?”
“Yeah, you can tell Ellie. I think we’ve nailed that problem.”
“Great, enjoy the golf. If I don’t see you tonight, I’ll catch up with you for breakfast.”
Jamie put the telephone down disgusted at having to lie to his own son.
“Bill, in all seriousness, I think I need to give this singles’ club thing a miss. I would much prefer to have a one on one date with someone for a meal and enjoy the company rather than just go out looking for sex. To be honest I’ve been without sex for so long, it’s not my prime motivation. There has to be an alternative?”
“There is, you can always phone the classified, ‘looking for love,’ but I’ve tried that and you don’t know what they’ll look like. JJ, I’m going to be honest with you; I’m sick of the shallowness of the singles’ club too.”
“You? I thought you weren’t looking for a relationship?”
“Oh, that’s just me putting on a brave front and besides, I didn’t know you when I said that.”
“So, are you looking to find someone?”
“The truth is, I’d give anything to get back to a normal life, with the warmth of a good woman for comfort, and I don’t just mean in the sex department.”
“Why don’t you start living a normal life then? Maybe you’re. . .how does that old song go? Looking for love in all the wrong places?”
“It’s not that simple, JJ. You have your family still at home? My daughter is always shacked up at her boyfriend’s and the loneliness kills me. So who cares if I go out to find solace in the bosom of a strange woman for the night? It’s not that the women are any different. I expect the emptiness is just as intense for them. Most of them are scared like me, scared of getting dumped. The last thing they want is a string of uncles for their kids. A night of escape once in a while keeps us sane.”
“I don’t know, Bill. It just seems to me that the singles’ clubs are for people who are still grieving, or just sex-mad. There has to be something else where both sexes are at a different stage, ready to start again?”
“More power to ya, bud. If you can find another way, let me know.”
“Well, why don’t we just go out and forget the pressure of looking for a woman, then maybe one will pop up? Let‘s start by giving the next singles’ night a miss, and go bowling instead. I’ll ask the kids along?”
“I don’t know, JJ, maybe I’ll get withdrawal symptoms,” said Bill, laughing.
“It was just an idea.”
“Okay, I’ll go bowling, if you'll come to next week’s Hawaiian night. How’s that for a compromise?”
“Fair enough.”
“Do you play chess, JJ?”
“Can’t say I’ve ever tried it. Do you?”
“Only on the computer. Come on I’ll show you how. Maybe it’ll take your mind off your buddy down there,” said Bill. Taking out a chess set and board from his cabinet, he set it up on the coffee table.
Jamie was thankful for the dist
raction. Despite losing all but the last game, which ended in stalemate, the time soon slipped away.
“Time I was going, Bill.”
“No problem, how do you feel?”
“Not so good, better when I’m tucked up in bed, I hope. Do you have another pain killer?”
“Yeah, but only take the one tablet. I don’t want you dying on me.”
Jamie took a last pain pill, said goodbye to Bill and made his way home with some difficulty. Driving slowly past his house, making sure the lights were out, he noticed a car he didn’t recognize. It was parked blocking his driveway. Turning around at the end of the street, he pulled slowly toward his house. He was relieved when the car drove off quickly and he pulled in for the night.
Contents
The reluctant patient
Jamie turned the key in his front door and he took a deep breath as the pain in his crotch became intense. He walked through the door and the lights came on as Steve came into the room from upstairs.
“What are you doing up?” asked Jamie.
“I thought I heard a noise, but it must have been you. Wow dad, what the hell’s happened to you?”
Jamie looked down; the ice pack had left a wet stain, which was embarrassingly visible.
“Never mind that, keep it quiet we don’t want to wake Ellie. Steve, you’re going to have to help me up to my room. I can hardly walk.”
“Have you been in an accident?”
“Sort of, we were playing golf and I stood too near Bill when he took a swing with his club. I’ve been sitting with an ice pack all evening, that’s why I’m wet,” said Jamie. He grimaced, more at telling his son another lie than the pain he felt.
“We should get you to the hospital. You should sue him?”
“No, no I’ll be fine, just get me to bed. It wasn’t his fault, he tried to warn me,” said Jamie, as he recalled a mental picture of Bill on the dance floor, furiously drawing his hand across his throat to warn him something was amiss.
Jamie, despite his pain, started to giggle as he realized the truth of his words about Bill warning him and finally managed to get into bed, but struggled to sleep.
The following day Ellie came rushing into Jamie’s bedroom, an expression of concern etched on her face
“Steve told me what happened, dad, how do you feel?”
“Not well enough to work, but I’ll be fine, eventually. Don’t worry.”
“I think it would be better if I stayed off work too; you need looking after. I’ll phone your doctor and have him come to see you,” she said, as Jamie felt panic. The last thing he wanted was for Ellie to be there when the doctor called. He dreaded her finding out the true cause of his misfortune.
“No, honestly Ellie, I don’t need the doctor, I just need to rest up today. You go to work and you can phone me to see how I am.”
“Okay, I’ll leave my work number in case you need me.”
With the kids at work, Jamie phoned in sick. The doctor’s secretary phoned Jamie back from the message he had left, and he arranged for the doctor to call to see him. It wasn’t covered by insurance but his doctor was one of the few who would make house calls.
Managing to make his way downstairs to the kitchen to collect an ice pack from the freezer, Jamie returned to the lounge. Sitting in his armchair, he applied an ice pack and started the day’s crossword. Before he had time to work out the first clue, the doctor arrived and Jamie shouted for him to come in. Jamie had decided to tell a different story to the Doctor, not wanting to involve a third party. The doctor approached him and placed his medical bag on the coffee table.
“Now then, Jamie, what seems to be the trouble?”
“Silly really, I was playing pool and I had an awkward shot and when I balanced over the corner pocket, I over stretched a little and slipped.”
“Okay, let’s have a look then and see what we can do?”
Opening his dressing gown, Jamie removed the ice pack to show the cause of his distress.
“Try to grin and bear it while I inspect the problem,” said the Doctor, slipping on some surgical gloves and proceeding to inspect his manhood.
“Hmm... A pool table? Was there a woman lying on top of it as you took your shot?”
“A woman?”
“I can see it’s badly bruised, but a pool table, really, Jamie. I thought I’d heard everything. It looks like the pool table’s given you thrush,” he said chuckling and taking a syringe from his bag. He started to fill it with an antibiotic from a vial.
Jamie was speechless; the expression on the doctor’s face said it all. He thought back to the condom and wondered if it had torn.
“Right then, Jamie, bite your tongue. I’m just going to give you a little prick,” the Doctor said, wielding his syringe. He gave a smirk that said he hoped to cheer Jamie up. The ordeal over with, the doctor wrote him a prescription for some cream for his thrush. Jamie sat there holding his prescription still speechless. The doctor looked to be in deep thought, and then started to rummage in his bag.
“Is there anything you want to talk about? I’m a good listener.”
“No there’s nothing I can think of. I’m otherwise in good health.”
“Ah, here we are, take this card. I can recommend this guy, if you’re having problems coming to terms with your divorce or... anything else?”
“Thanks for taking the trouble to come to the house.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble. Take a few days rest and you’ll soon be up and about,” he said, walking to the door and shaking his head.
Jamie looked at the card, ‘Tim Johnston, Psychiatrist’, then looked at the prescription and started to feel emotional. For God’s sake, pull it together, man. You’ve been through far worse than this in Afghanistan. The phone rang. It was Ellie checking up on him and quickly, he regained his composure.
“Hi, dad, is everything okay? I was worried about you. Is there anything I can get you from the pharmacist to make you more comfortable?”
Jamie looked at the prescription with the calling card and hastily put them in his dressing gown pocket, feeling as if she could somehow see them.
“No I feel great, the doctor’s just been here, given me an injection and told me to rest up for a few days.”
“Okay, remember if you need anything, just telephone and I’ll leave work.”
Jamie finished the call as the doorbell rang. It was Bill, clutching a bunch of flowers.
“Don’t just stand there, come in and close the door,” said Jamie.
“How’s the patient? Thought I’d better see how you are. I bought some grapes but ate them on the way over here.”
“Don’t worry, Bill, thanks for the flowers. I thought you were working today?”
“Oh, they can manage without me. Besides, I feel a little responsible for your predicament.”
“If you really want to make up for it, you can start by getting me this?” said Jamie, as he pulled out his prescription. Bill read it and laughed.
“Sorry to laugh, but you have to see the funny side. Welcome to single life, it reminds me of when I first joined the singles’ club and had my first encounter. A few days after I had this incredible itch and discharge, so I went to the special clinic.”
“You didn’t.”
“Where do you think I learned the double speak from? It was as if I was still at the singles’ club, a regular home away from home at the clinic. That was where I met most of the guys who filled me in on the double speaks,” said Bill, almost splitting his sides with laughter at his recollection.
“I can’t see the funny side. The girls must have used their own condom, but it must have split. I still have the one Steve gave me.”
“You mean you only have one condom?” Bill asked raising one eyebrow. “Make sure you have one in every pocket. I always do; it saves fumbling around. Here, give me the prescription and I’ll go to the drugstore for your cream and something for the weekend while I’m there. Then, when I come back, I’ll forage in your kitc
hen to see if I can’t rustle up some road-kill and make us something to eat.”
Jamie had never had a close friend since he married and was starting to warm to Bill, even though he found his nature a little on the vulgar side. The fact that he was taking time out from his business to help was beginning to allay the mistrust. Jamie carried on with his crossword, waiting for Bill to return, as he read the first clue aloud.
“One down, nine letters, the eyes have a part of it, in the ground in short, it’s all sometime past.”
Jamie couldn’t get his head around it, his pain causing too much distraction. He put the newspaper down, but couldn’t get the clue out of his mind, when the telephone rang again.
“Hi, Jamie, Margaret here from the singles’ club, returning your call, how can I help?”
“This is embarrassing Margaret but on Saturday evening, I met two girls, Grace and Sandra. The long and short of it is, I think they spiked my drink and had their wicked way with me,” said Jamie and hearing a snigger at the other end of the line.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I’ve heard rumors about the gals, but you’re the first one to complain,” she said, unable to contain her laughter.”
“Margaret, I am deadly serious, they’ve left me in agony and I can’t work.”
“Oh dear, don’t worry, I’ll send them an email telling them their membership’s suspended pending investigation, will that do you?”
“Yeah, for now I suppose. See you Saturday for your Hawaiian night,” he said as he heard a car pull into his drive.
Contents
The third victim
Monday afternoon, Detective Joe Fagan relaxed and cast his fishing line to the middle of the lake. His eyelids started feeling heavy when he received a stabbing jolt of noise. Damn cell phone!
“Joe, need you right away. Homicide. A young woman at 32 Claymore Street.”
“Shit! Why me? It’s my day off.”
Survival Instinct Page 8
