“Because I say so,” he yelled loudly.
He pushed her one last time into the wall before releasing his vice like grip on her arms. Picking up his jacket, he slammed the door behind him. Ashleigh was left in a heap on the floor, unable to comprehend what had just happened. She slowly got to her feet and staggered into the bathroom. The cut on her head wasn’t big but it felt deep. Blood began to congeal in her hair, causing it to tangle. She caught sight of her pale complexion in the bathroom mirror; the collar of her blouse now stained heavily with her blood.
The warm shower stung the wound to her head but it was the only way she could clean her hair. The water was still stained with crimson despite having spent twenty minutes standing under its warm flow. Her fingers probed the wound which immediately became sticky. Stitches were necessary but totally out of the question. Reaching for some plasters, she carefully moved her hair away from the gash, sticking several plasters across it. By now her head was throbbing. There was a first aid box in the cupboard under the sink which held a small piece of bandage. She wrapped it around her head as a way of soaking up the excess blood. After taking a couple of tablets for the headache pounding inside her head, Ashleigh placed a towel on her pillow and lay down. Feeling sick and dizzy now, the security of her bed felt the most sensible of places to be.
The sound of the bedroom door closing several hours later woke Ashleigh. Finn slid into bed and moved up close to her. With her back to him he had no way of knowing she was awake. He nuzzled into the back of her neck but there wasn’t a chance in Hell Ashleigh was going to respond to him. The smell of alcohol wafted passed her. For a fleeting moment, she felt like a teenager again. Everything she’d endured in her mixed up life suddenly came flooding back. When Finn put an arm around her, she stayed perfectly still, frozen with dread.
He soon began to snore. To lie there any longer would have been torture. Pushing his heavy limbs to one side, Ashleigh slid out of bed. Finn didn’t stir. Taking a blanket from the wardrobe, she tiptoed into the lounge, making a bed up on the settee. Her head felt extremely tender but the blood flow had virtually stopped. How she’d be able to face Finn in the morning she didn’t know. They’d been married for two months and yet the love he’d shown her seemed to be quickly dissolving. Twice now he’d shown odd behaviour. Was there a side to him he’d failed to warn her about? Should she ask him what had caused him to show such aggression or should she just ignore the incidents, pretend they hadn’t happened? But how could she ignore such an outburst of anger? The man had been like someone who was possessed, not the man she’d met and fell in love with just over a year ago. The loneliness she’d felt as a teenager was back, so was the sickly feelings of being scared for her life. Fresh tears wet her pillow. Crying for most of the night through utter confusion, she felt as though she’d been plunged once again into a life of Hell. What had happened earlier could never be discussed with anyone, ever. Of that she was certain.
During those lonely moments that evening, Ashleigh’s thoughts once again went to the one person who’d offered her comfort recently. And it was that someone who had intrigued her, but Ashleigh knew he could be dangerous in her life. Father Michael must never know how she was beginning to feel about him. And above all, neither must Finn.
Chapter Thirteen
Ashleigh was woken the next day by heaviness on her legs. Her head hurt and her eyes felt swollen and sticky. Finn was there, sitting next to her. Reaching out to stroke her face he said, “How are you?”
Unsure of why he should be concerned she replied, “I don’t know.”
As he kissed her on the lips, she failed to respond like she normally would. He pulled back saying, “Please forgive me. I shouldn’t have done what I did.” His words seemed genuine which didn’t help the anger or the confusion she was feeling.
“No you shouldn’t. You scared me.”
“Please forgive me. It’ll never happen again and I promise to never stop you from going to church.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, relieved she wouldn’t have to make a fool of herself by explaining to Father Michael that yet again, her husband had forbidden her to do something.
“Just promise to stay away from him.”
“Who? Father Michael?”
“If that’s what he’s called, yes him.”
It was as though to speak his name was poisonous, sinful even. Feeling calmer, Ashleigh moved a little closer to him.
“He’s a priest Finn, that’s all. You have nothing to fear.”
“But you read in the papers stories about things; stories of affairs and ...”
“Shush,” she replied gently, already submitting herself to him. “He’s new to the parish and needs support, that’s all. I love the church, it’s somewhere I sometimes need to be.”
“Did you go back there last night after I’d gone out?”
“Of course not. I went to bed, my head was hurting and I felt dizzy.”
“How is it now?” Genuine concern showed on his face.
“Still very sore.”
“Please don’t tell anyone. I feel so ashamed.”
“I won’t.”
After moving the covers a little closer to her chin he said, “Stay here today and get some rest. I can manage on my own.”
Pleased she didn’t have to face work, Ashleigh thanked Finn, confirming she’d try to get some sleep. Before he left, he made her a cup of tea and a piece of toast, leaving it on a tray next to her. He did regret being rough with her but deep down he felt she’d pushed him too far. That’s what people got if they provoked him. If he was extra nice to her from now on, he was certain she’d forget the incident. Of course, he’d have to make something up for her absence at work.
Her mobile ringing woke her up at eleven fifteen. She’d slept nearly all morning. The cup of tea Finn had made had long since gone cold; an orange residue floating on the top. The toast was now brittle.
“Hello Ashleigh,” Simone said happily. “I just thought I’d give you a quick ring to see if you wanted to come round to ours on Friday.”
Panic immediately struck Ashleigh. She couldn’t be seen with a cut on her head. That would mean she’d have to explain things. Thinking of an excuse and hating herself for lying to her best friend, she said the first thing that came into her head.
“At the moment I’m on the settee, not very well. How about I come the week after? I’m sure I’ll be much better by then.”
“Oh, poor you,” Simone replied with concern. “I know, what if I came round later today with a film, to keep you company?”
“No,” she said a little abrupt. That’d be worse. “I mean, you wouldn’t want to catch anything would you?”
There was silence before Simone gave her answer. “I suppose not. Okay, next week without fail. I haven’t seen you since you got married.”
“I know and I’m sorry.”
“Only kidding Ashleigh. I expect you’ve been a little too busy,” she said laughing. When the penny dropped at Simone’s insinuations, Ashleigh blushed.
“Simone! Is that all you think about?”
Laughing again she replied, “Yes.”
They ended their conversation agreeing to speak some time the following week. In the meantime, they’d have a think about whether they’d stay in with a bottle of wine and a film or go round Leeds for a drink. Ashleigh found her happiness had been renewed a little having spoken to Simone. A flush of guilt washed over her though after their conversation. She hadn’t spoken to her for a while. All of her attention had been on Finn, with little thought for anyone else. A promise to herself meant that would never happen again. She owed Simone, and nobody would come between them, not even her husband.
Although a chilly day, the breeze felt soothing on Ashleigh’s face. Having decided to go for a walk to try to get rid of the persistent dull headache, Ashleigh didn’t really have a plan as to where she was going. Her mind felt clearer than it had done earlier in the day but thoughts of Finn’s attack s
till worried her. He’d been like a man possessed the night before and couldn’t understand what had gotten into him. She knew one thing though; she never wanted another incident like that happening again.
When she heard her name being called, she searched for the direction it’d come from. Father Michael was suddenly behind her.
“Hello Ashleigh. I’ve been calling you for ages. Are you not going to work today?” he asked.
“No,” was all she could say, wishing he wasn’t here asking questions.
“You do look a little pale, are you ill?” How could she lie again? And to a priest.
“Well, I … I hit my head last night and didn’t feel well this morning.”
“Have you been checked out by the hospital?”
“No. It’s nothing really.”
“Can I have a look please?” Ashleigh began to feel under pressure.
“It’s nothing Father.”
“Please Ashleigh,” he persisted. Reluctantly, she turned around. Her hair at the back was still tangled and matted with old blood. To comb it was too painful. His fingers parted the hair, finding the cut quickly. “Ashleigh, it’s very deep and still bleeding. I think you need it stitching.”
“I can’t Father.” She broke their gaze.
“Ashleigh, look at me.” When she turned her head to look at him, he noticed tears in her eyes. “Who did this?”
“Father I can’t tell you.”
“Yes you can.”
“No I can’t, not ever.”
“Was it your husband?” The silence confirmed his suspicions. “Ashleigh,” he added, his tone staying gentle. “Was it your husband?” he asked again. She nodded yes. “Will you let me take you to the hospital?”
“I can’t, he’ll know where I’ve been.”
“And why is that a bad thing?”
“Because he’ll think I’ve told someone.” The few tears had now begun to fall more freely.
“Let me take you. No one will suspect anything and if he mentions it tonight, tell him you told the hospital you banged it on a coat hook.” Taking a tissue from her pocket she wiped her eyes. “Will you let me take you then?” he asked again.
“Okay. Thank you.”
The wait in casualty was only two and a half hours. Three stitches later, and advised to take pain killers every four hours, Ashleigh was back in the car with Father Michael.
“Would you let me buy you a cup of coffee somewhere?” he asked.
“You’ve already been so kind. Besides, I’ll need to be home before Finn gets back.”
That was the first time he’d heard her mention her husband’s name.
“What time is he home?”
“Usually six o’clock.”
“It’s only three forty five. I’ll make sure you’re back in time, I promise.”
Her body shivered as she remembered Finn’s anger towards her. Father Michael noticed it too. “Are you alright Ashleigh?”
“Yes, I think so. You promise I’ll be back before six?” There was urgency in her voice; he didn’t like it.
“Scouts honour?” For the first time that day, Ashleigh managed a smile. “Come on,” he continued. “Let’s get that coffee.” Father Michael chose a café Ashleigh had never been to before. Choosing a seat at the back, away from windows and prying eyes, she took off her coat and waited for him to return. He came back with a tray, holding two cups of frothy coffee and two scones. “There you are. Get that down you.”
Ashleigh wasn’t sure whether it was the warmth from the coffee or Father Michael’s soothing personality which had calmed her for the first time since the incident with Finn. Unknown to her, he sat for a moment watching her. As she looked up he laughed.
“What’s funny?” she asked, somewhat puzzled.
“You’ve got cream on your nose.” She searched his kind face, liking the creases in the corners of his eyes as he smiled. Taking a clean tissue from her pocket she wiped it off, laughing a little. “You should do that more often,” he added.
“What? Get cream on my nose?”
“No,” he began. “Laugh I mean. You look lovely when you smile.” He noticed her blushing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“That’s okay. I just haven’t had much cause to laugh lately.”
After thinking for a moment, he decided he needed to ask his next question.
“You can tell me to mind my own business Ashleigh but is everything alright between you and Finn?”
Here she was, finding herself sitting with a priest she’d only known for two weeks but felt comfortable enough to share her concerns.
“I really don’t know. Everything was great until we got married,” she began.
“How long ago was that?”
“Two months.”
“And how long have you been together?”
“A year.”
“Do you want to tell me how things have been since your wedding day?”
After taking a deep breath she said, “He just flies off the handle, shouts and gets angry.”
“Is there anything in particular that sparks these outbursts?” The question seemed direct but Ashleigh had to be truthful.
“It seems to be about you.”
Genuine shock crossed his face. “How do you mean?”
“After church on Sunday, he saw us talking by the door and he said it made him feel angry. He accused me of only wanting to go to church because …”
Now she felt embarrassed.
“Because of what?” he prompted.
“Because of you. He thinks I have a crush on you.”
“I see. That is a problem.”
She toyed with her cup before speaking. “I explained how much I like the church but I have never told him why exactly.”
Ashleigh could feel herself getting ready to unburden the things she’d carried with her for so long. Could she tell Father Michael about her past? Should she? He knew she wanted to say more.
“Do you think you’ll ever tell him the reasons why?”
“No, I can’t,” she whispered. A few tears teased her eyes.
“If you ever want to come to confession, you know you can don’t you?”
“I can’t even do that. I’m too scared to. It’s the dream I have.”
Totally puzzled but willing to listen he asked, “What dream?”
“Please don’t make me say it.” She looked at her watch nervously. “I need to go.”
Standing up he said, “Yes of course.” They drove back to Ashleigh’s in silence. He’d thought for a moment she was going to open up to him but for some reason, her defences came up. The first time he saw Ashleigh she’d intrigued him for reasons he couldn’t work out. There’d been something vulnerable but caring about her. Now, that vulnerability seemed mixed with something else; fear. Father Michael was beginning to enjoy seeing her and chatting to her. She was several years younger than him but compared to the other members of the congregation he’d met, she was more his age. She was young and fresh. His gut reaction was to tell her to leave Finn but he couldn’t, it wasn’t his place. Besides, it wouldn’t be professional. He wasn’t a marriage wrecker or a marriage counsellor. Asking him to park his car around the corner to their flat, he pulled up slowly by the kerb. Switching off the engine, he turned his body slightly so he was facing her. “Will you promise me something Ashleigh?”
“It depends on what you want me to promise.”
Taking her hand, he looked deep into her eyes saying, “If you ever feel afraid of him, for whatever reason, you’ll come and find me at the rectory?” Aware he was holding her hand she pulled it away.
“I’m not sure.”
“I know you’re not, but if he hurts you ever again or shouts at you and you feel afraid, needing somewhere to escape to, I’ll help you. I’ll protect you.”
There was something in his voice and his eyes which made her believe every word he’d spoken. His eyes found hers. The tingling she’d experienced on their very fi
rst encounter returned. She couldn’t explain why, but she felt at total peace with him, trusting him like she’d never trusted anybody, ever. Even more than she’d trusted Finn.
“I promise I will come and find you.”
She smiled before thanking him, quickly getting out of the car before he could say anything else. Ashleigh walked around the corner never looking back. He drove away.
Father Michael sat by the fire later that evening, writing notes for next Sunday’s sermon. His encounter with Ashleigh interrupted his train of thought. The more he saw her, the more he sensed something. But the troubling thing was, he didn’t actually know what that something was.
Remembering what she’d said about her past, without actually disclosing anything, he felt it was important to her to keep it to herself. Whatever had happened, there were other problems she faced; her husband Finn. Knowing he’d entered the church to serve God and to help people, only led him to wonder if Ashleigh was meant to be his first test from God. Was she a wounded lamb needing rescuing from the wolf or was there more to it than that? Father Michael was shocked at the way his mind was thinking. He admitted to himself he cared about Ashleigh, the more he saw her the more he felt he needed to reach out to her. He hadn’t been with a woman in years. Having made a pledge to serve God was something he wanted to believe he could do. His hands had been burned badly twice in relationships. He didn’t want a repeat of that. The feelings he’d been getting in his stomach when he was around Ashleigh didn’t make any sense though. He knew he was probably at least five or six years her senior and knew he couldn’t have any kind of relationship with her other than as a priest. This was where his faith was being tested. Had God chosen her as a temptress in disguise to lure him into temptation? He’d heard similar stories before, so knew it was possible. It was so early into his new career. He couldn’t mess up. He’d just have to try harder, making sure his hands didn’t get burnt again.
Chapter Fourteen
“Come on ladies; two books for a pound. It’s all for a good cause,” Father Michael called.
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