“I’m clean,” he said. “But I’ll get a condom, considering . . .” He chuckled mildly.
“I have an IUD, because . . . you know.”
A devious smile spread across his lips as he spread my legs farther apart and settled between them, keeping his eyes locked on mine as he pressed the tip of his cock against me. I held my breath, spread my legs farther, tried to stop psyching myself out. I couldn’t seem to relax. Rowan noticed and reached to push my still-damp hair out of my face.
“I love you, Sprite,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine as he pushed inside me. My breath hitched as he fully entered me. I arched my back. My hands gripped his biceps. “I should’ve told you years ago.” He pulled out excruciatingly slowly. I whimpered. He thrust back in fast. Hard. I gasped, arching once more, my nails digging into his biceps. “I’m sorry I didn’t.” He pulled out again. Slowly.
“Fuck,” I cried. “Stop pulling out like that.”
He pushed back in. Hard. Fast. Tears sprung up in my eyes. He brought his mouth to my cheek, my neck, my forehead, breathing out. “Fuck. I missed you so damn much.”
He pulled out again. Slowly. The emotion built inside my chest, closing and gripping and pulsating the way my core was. Rowan pushed back in, letting me feel his length, making me squeeze around his girth. He groaned deeply, breathing choppily. He began to thrust without pausing, faster, deeper, pulling me closer and tucking his large hands underneath me to lift me, squeezing my ass with each thrust. He let go of one side and brought a hand between us, circling my clit with his thumb as he continued to thrust. I felt my eyes roll back as he continued the sweet torture. The build got stronger, squeezing my core so tight I was sure I’d explode.
“Look at me, Sprite.”
I did and then I started to convulse around him. He thrust a few more times before he followed, grunting out my name.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Rowan
I ran my fingers through her hair slowly, not wanting to wake her. We hadn’t gotten much sleep at all and I didn’t want her to blame me if she woke up with dark circles under her eyes. I’d told her I loved her. The thought made my hand pause on her head. I’d told her I loved her and she hadn’t said it back. I didn’t need her to. I felt it the way I felt my own love for her burning every night through the years. My phone vibrated on the nightstand. I turned over, got out of bed, and picked it up on my way out of the door, shutting it behind me softly.
“Sam, I swear if this is about—”
“Where’s Tessa?”
I frowned. “Celia? Why are you calling me from Sam’s phone?”
“Where is my sister? I don’t have time for this.”
“Sleeping. Why? Did something happen? Where’s Miles?”
“Miles is fine,” she said. I exhaled, but then she continued, “Freddie was in an accident.”
“What kind of accident?” My chest tightened. I didn’t know much, but I knew Freddie’s job was dangerous as hell.
“He got . . . he was in an ambush. I don’t know.” She choked out her words. “I don’t . . . where’s Tessa?”
“Where is he? Is he okay?”
“He’s in the hospital. They’re operating on him now.”
“Is he going to be okay?”
“I don’t know!” Celia yelled. “I don’t know! I need to talk to my sister.”
“Is everything okay?” Tessa asked from the doorway to the room. I hadn’t even heard it open. I swallowed as our eyes met. I’d never seen someone move as fast as she did. One second, she was in the doorway and the next second, she had grabbed the phone from me and was shouting into it.
“What happened? Is Miles okay?” She let out a breath a second before all the blood drained from her face and I had to steady her shoulders to keep her from falling over.
“But is he okay?” She pressed her hand to her chest. “Celia. How bad is it? Did you see him? Did you see him?” She screamed the last question, her voice grating. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
She handed the phone back to me, turned around, and walked back into the bedroom. I stood there for a second, looked at my phone, and then back toward the bedroom. I dialed Sam’s phone back. He answered on the first ring.
“I’m at the hospital,” he said. “I came to pick up Miles and take him with me. Everyone is . . . this isn’t a good environment for him right now.”
“Thank you,” I managed to whisper. “Are you taking him to your place?”
“I think it’s best. Celia gave me her keys, but I think I’ll keep him entertained at the park and my place for now.” He exhaled into the phone. “It isn’t looking good.”
The words hit me in the center of my chest. “What happened?”
“I guess he went into one of his missions and he was ambushed. That’s the only thing we know. Are you canceling your meeting?”
“Of course, I’m canceling,” I said. The meeting hadn’t entered my mind at all. “We’ll have to go with what we’ve got.”
“Call me when you land and don’t rush. Chloe and I can watch Miles so you don’t have to leave Tessa alone.”
“Thank you,” I said, my throat closed again as I thought about Freddie and what Celia and Tessa must be feeling. I remembered getting the news of my brother’s cancer and how my world seemed to shift on an axis. The thought of losing him had my gut twisting every day that first year. I thought of Freddie, who had been like a brother to me growing up, and that same feeling came rushing back. I closed my eyes as I gripped my phone, my brother silent on the other end. “Hey, Sam?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“I love you.” I hadn’t said those words to him when he was battling cancer, but I’d felt them, and I was done not saying them.
He was quiet for a couple of beats. “Love you too, Ro.”
I hung up and tossed my phone aside to go find Tessa. She wasn’t in the room and I could hear the shower on, but when I walked in, I couldn’t see the top of her head through the top partition. I walked over and peeked my head in, my chest squeezing when I found her sitting on the floor hugging her legs to her chest. I walked into the shower and sat in front of her, pulling her until she was sitting between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair as the water hit us.
“He’s going to be okay,” I whispered, the words burning in my throat. “He’s going to be okay.”
He had to be okay. She started shaking against me as sobs poured out of her and I held her tighter and whispered the words over and over, willing the universe to listen to me. I’d done it when Sam was sick, and he’d been okay. Maybe it would be the same for Freddie. It had to be.
“Sam has Miles,” I said. “He’s going to watch him until we get there. We’ll go to the hospital and I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
I wasn’t sure she’d want me to at all. I didn’t know what would happen once we got back home. Last night had been amazing, but we still had a long way to go. Loving someone didn’t mean everything would automatically work out. We both knew that. I held her until long after the water ran cold and her crying finally subsided. I kissed her forehead as I carefully stood, carrying the weight of her against me and shutting the water off. I let her go to reach for a towel and brought it around her, lifting her hair off her back to dry it separately.
“I n-n-need to get the conditioner off,” she said.
I took the towels back, switched the hot water on by itself and pulled her back beneath the spray, turning her to face the wall as I finished washing her hair.
“You washed your body?”
She nodded, turning to face me. She was eye level to my clavicle and in her despondency, that was where she was looking.
“Do you think you can dry yourself while I shower? I’ll be two seconds.”
“Can I sit there?” She pointed to the little bench behind us. I cupped her face and made her look at me.
“Sweetheart, I need you to do whatever makes you comfortable right
now.” I ducked down and placed my forehead against hers. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath before letting me go and sitting on the bench. As I showered, I watched her dry herself and wrap the towel around her body.
“I hate that stupid company,” she said. “The Company, that’s what he calls where he works. I hate them. I hate that they call him in the middle of the night and have him doing shit he can’t talk about, and I hate the haunted look on his face he comes back with.” She wiped her face. I switched off the water and grabbed a towel. “I just want my brother to be okay,” she cried. “I don’t know life without him.”
I wished so badly that I could take the pain away from her, because I would if I could. On our way to the airport, I held her hand. I fought the bricks that threatened to stack back in place around my heart. I fought the old, stupid notion that echoed inside my head, telling me to protect myself, that I didn’t bleed. All my life I fought the notion of love because of the effect my parent’s marriage had on me. It wasn’t until this moment that I realized that even though romantic love was always what I’d shooed away, it wasn’t the only thing that scared me. The idea of losing my brother when I thought it might be a possibility was crushing, but the idea of losing Freddie, who was also like a brother to me, was equally as painful. The entire airplane ride back to New York, I held Tessa in my arms, closed my eyes, and hoped for the best.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Tessa
I couldn’t tell you how I arrived in New York. I couldn’t tell you how many people were on my flight or what seat I sat in. I couldn’t tell you anything before the cab ride over to the hospital because I was in a state of complete shock. I’d somehow managed to speak to Miles and hearing the happiness in his little voice soothed me some. He had been with Samson at the park and then they were going to go to a museum. Miles loved museums. Not for the first time, I was thankful to have someone like Sam in my corner. Rowan reached over and put my hand in his, reminding me that he was also still there.
The cab pulled up in front of the hospital and I didn’t wait until it came to a full stop before jumping out and rushing up the sidewalk. I heard Rowan’s voice calling out to me, but I only had one thing on my mind: get to Freddie.
I rushed to the security, fished out my license, and paused, looking behind me. Rowan walked inside, dragging both our suitcases behind him, and strode over. He set them down, pulled out his license, and got his visitors’ sticker. I followed up with Celia again. Freddie was in the ICU, which meant he out of surgery and alive, which was a relief even though the ICU didn’t bring warm and fuzzies with it. Rowan appeared again, taking my hand in his and escorting me toward the elevators. I tightened my grip on his hand as we neared the waiting area for the ICU and let go completely when Celia and I locked eyes. She stood, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, and started to cry the moment she saw me. I felt the emotion surge back as I rushed over to her and wrapped my arms around her.
“What are they saying?”
“He’ll live,” she said, letting go.
“He’s being prepped for another surgery,” Dad added. I hadn’t even seen him standing there. I threw my arms around him next, crying into his neck the way I had done when I was a kid. When I let go, I hugged Mom and then Grandma Joan.
“Miles is with Sam,” my grandmother said.
“I know.” I wiped my face.
Rowan was at my side, saying hi to everyone and asking about Freddie. I could feel the tension radiating from him as we sat beside each other. Mom and Dad sat across from us, Celia sat beside me on the other side, and my grandmother beside her.
“I can pick up Miles if you want,” Rowan said.
“Would you take him home?”
He brought his hand up and brushed my hair behind my ear. “I’ll take him wherever you want him, baby.”
“Home,” I whispered as I fought back fresh tears.
He pulled my head on top of his shoulder and held me there for a couple of beats.
“What is the company saying?” Celia asked. “Have they said what happened? What he was doing?”
“A mission,” Dad said, shrugging. He dragged his hands roughly over his face a couple of times. “They won’t say much of anything. They want us to sign papers, but I can’t even think right now, let alone sign anything.”
“Freddie wouldn’t want you to sign anything without his permission,” Celia said.
“She’s right,” I added.
“Well, he’s unconscious. The doctors say—” He choked on his words and put his face in his hands, unable to get the sentence out. Mom stood and went over to him, hugging him while he cried. I couldn’t stand any of it, but I tried to hold it together.
“Where did he get shot? How?” I asked, raising my voice with each question. “Where the hell was his team? Who did this? We’re not signing any papers. They need to give us answers!”
Rowan’s thumb moved over my thigh in a soothing manner as I spoke. Dad tracked the movement. He didn’t say anything about it, but I knew I’d have to answer questions later.
“His team made it out,” Dad said. “I only know this because a guy came by to check on him. Freddie and one of the others were badly hurt.”
“And this mission was here in New York?” It must have been for them to bring him to this hospital.
“That was all the information they’d give me.”
“This is bullshit.” I stood, anger and frustration and blinding fear threatening to overflow inside me, as I paced the short distance to the opposite wall and back. “They need to give us more information. Where was he shot?”
“Spine.”
“A spinal injury?” I stopped walking and held on to the back of the nearest chair. “Will he . . . will he walk? Talk?”
“We don’t know.”
My knees buckled and Rowan was right there to catch me, to keep me upright.
“Come sit down.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to sit. I wanted to stand. I wanted my brother to be okay. I wanted him to walk out of that goddamn room and tell me I was stupid for worrying about him. I wanted him to complain about building the IKEA furniture I bought. I wanted him to argue with me over stupid things and tell me I was wrong about everything that came out of my mouth. What would he do if he lost the ability to walk? My brother, who ran everywhere and trained for triathlons for kicks, would hate being restricted. My knees shook again. Rowan’s hands tightened.
“Please sit down.”
I nodded and let him lead me back to our seats. They weren’t paying attention to the way he didn’t stop touching me or the way he caressed my hair and whispered that everything would be okay. They didn’t notice that he kept touching my face, or my leg, or holding my hands. But I did. I cataloged every movement and the way all of it soothed me and made me feel like I could handle this situation.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Rowan
After I made sure Tessa and her family had eaten, I left the hospital. By the time I got to Sam’s apartment, the sun was almost coming up. Thankfully, he let me inside, where I crashed on the couch without another word. It wasn’t until I felt someone slapping my face repeatedly that I woke up again, groaning.
“What?”
A little laugh responded. My eyes popped open and landed on Miles’s smiling face inches away from mine.
“Hey, Buddy.” I smiled, pulling him into a hug. “Don’t you know you can’t wake people up by hitting them?”
“I tried poking, but Uncle Sam said to slap you.”
“Uncle Sam, huh?” I rubbed my eyes and sat up before stretching. “You need a new sofa.”
“It’s a sofa bed, you know?”
No, I hadn’t. It wouldn’t have mattered if it had been a rock. I’d been so exhausted when I got here that I hadn’t really cared where I’d crashed. I looked at Miles. “What are we doing today?”
“Can we go to the museum?”
“Didn’t Uncle Sam take you there yesterday?” I st
ood, ruffled Miles’s hair, and walked to the bathroom, taking the bag I’d packed for Miami with me.
“He wants to go to the one in the city. I took him to the one nearby.”
“Hm.” I spit out toothpaste and rinsed my mouth. “How’s the weather? What about the park? We can go out on the canoe or visit the library. Have you been there yet?”
Miles ran into the bathroom, shaking his head. “Do we have to be quiet there?”
“At the library? Yes.” I chuckled. “Is that going to be a problem?”
He shrugged nonchalantly, made a funny face, and walked out. If I hadn’t known he was my son, that right there would have given it away. After I finished, I joined my brother in the kitchen.
“How did you not know? He looks just like me.” I looked over at Miles, who was busy with a puzzle. If it was one of Sam’s puzzles, it would take him all day. Sam liked to do puzzles and crosswords nowadays to help with his memory.
“I told you I suspected. He was a baby. He looked like everyone.”
He didn’t look like everyone. He looked like me. Big difference. I didn’t push the matter because at the end of the day, it didn’t make a difference.
“How’s Freddie?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m torn between going down there and calling. I just don’t want to leave Miles again.”
“You can leave him with me. We can go get bagels down the block, you can take them while Miles and I eat, and then you can pick him up and go to the library.”
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