Even if it hurt more than she thought it would.
“Grace? Grace, are you out of the shower yet?” her mother called from the other side of the door. “You don’t have much here to make lunch with! Do you want to just go out?”
Turning off the water, she reached for a towel and quietly groaned. There was a ton of food in the house, but her mother was not into cooking.
“Give me five minutes to dry off and we’ll find something. I’ve got the ingredients to make some fun salads!”
Because yeah, after her weeklong food binge with Finn, she came home and cried when she stepped on the scale. Healthy eating had been the first thing on her to-do list once she settled back in.
“I don’t want a fun salad!” Irene whined. “I was hoping you’d have the makings for some sandwiches!”
Ugh…so not what she needed right now.
Quickly drying off, Grace wrapped her hair up in a towel and threw on her robe before opening the bathroom door. Her mother was practically pacing in the hallway. “Mom, what is going on? It’s just lunch. What is the big deal?”
Taking her by the hand, Irene led her to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator. “For starters, I’m starving, and you always have something good to snack on. But then I look in here and see all…this! Lettuce! Vegetables! Fruit! Where is the chocolate? Where are the cookies?”
Grace couldn’t hide her amusement. “Well, typically, I wouldn’t keep chocolate and cookies in the refrigerator. Have you checked the pantry?”
Irene’s eyes lit up. “Is that where they are?”
“No. I don’t have any in the house because I’m trying to eat healthy again,” she said, trying to keep herself from laughing at her mother’s disappointed expression. “There’s more going on than just you wanting junk food, so…spill it.” She sat down at her kitchen table and waited.
“Okay, fine.” Sitting in the chair beside her, Irene sighed. “I’m worried about you.”
Frowning, Grace asked, “Why?”
“Sweetheart, it’s been almost a month…”
“A little over three weeks, but…who’s counting, right?” she said with a mirthless laugh.
“Anyway, it’s been almost a month, and you’re just…you’re just being normal! How is it possible that you’re this okay with everything? I fear you’re bottling it all up! You need to talk about what happened and get out some of your anger! Have you been going to the gym? Do you hit one of those punching bags?”
Her heart squeezed a little at the fact that her mother was this concerned for her. Reaching over, Grace took one of her mother’s hands in hers. “I’m fine, Mom. Really. I think I’m more relieved than anything that Jared and I aren’t together. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until I got home and finally had the opportunity to focus on me for a bit.” She sighed. “I hate the way it all happened and how I wasted so much time, but basically, I’m good. I don’t need to punch anything or get out my anger. I promise, I’m really okay.”
Irene studied her for a long moment before gently clearing her throat. “Well…uh…that’s good. I just thought with the whole spectacle Jared made when he got back…”
Oh, yeah. That.
Jared had gotten back to town two days after Grace and started an immediate campaign to save his job and his image. Her phone rang nonstop from his bosses and their wives and mostly from Jared himself. When she refused to help, he started calling her family to plead his case. Not that it did him any good, but it was a major annoyance to everyone. It stopped after a week and she hadn’t really thought of him since.
“I’m just glad he stopped calling,” Grace said reassuringly. “He’s someone else’s problem now, and I can guarantee you he’ll mentally exhaust her just like he mentally exhausted me. Good riddance.”
But Irene didn’t look completely convinced.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“To be honest, it wasn’t really Jared I was thinking about.”
That was…shocking. “Oh,” Grace said cautiously. “Then…what or who were you referring to?”
“Finn.”
Her eyes went wide. “Finn? Why would you…I mean…how did you…uh…” She stopped and sighed. “Okay. Why? Just…why?”
“Grace, when you got home and told us about your trip, I have to admit I was a little dismayed that you opted to drive across the country with a complete stranger rather than flying directly home to us. But the more you talked about the trip, the more I could see you had feelings for this Finn person. Your whole first week home, you brought him up in every conversation and then…nothing.” She gave Grace a sympathetic look. “I’ll admit I thought it was normal and that you talked about him so much simply because you spent so much time together. But now I have to wonder if…”
“If what?”
Irene paused and seemed to consider her words. “You’ve been sad and quiet these last few weeks and I have to wonder if part of that is because of Finn.” She met Grace’s gaze head-on. “Like maybe you had feelings for him.”
What good would denying it be?
“I did, Mom.” Then she quickly corrected herself. “I do. I really do. But we agreed to just let things go and…” She shrugged. “That’s what I’m trying to do.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
She shook her head. “Not since the day I flew home.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“I know you just got back, but…”
“But what?”
“Have you thought about taking a little time away for yourself? You know, go someplace tropical or to a spa for a week and just…get a little perspective while you regroup and rejuvenate?”
It did sound like a good idea, but it seemed a little impractical to be taking time off again–which is what she said to her mother.
“Well, it was just a suggestion. And you know if ever want to use the timeshare, it’s yours.”
“Thanks, Mom. I appreciate it.”
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Irene squeezed Grace’s hand and then stood. “Well, that decides it.”
Grace looked up at her in confusion. “Decides what?”
“We’re going out for junk food,” she said with a big smile. “Or at least, a somewhat non-healthy lunch. How does Mexican food sound to you? We can eat our weight in chips and salsa!”
Right then, Grace wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry.
She swallowed the lump of emotion clogging her throat and stood. “That sounds like the perfect thing, Mom. I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes!” And forcing a smile to her face, she ran off to get dressed.
10
It was a rainy Saturday morning, and Grace stood by the glass doors that led out to her back porch and sipped her coffee. Dressed casually in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, she couldn’t help but smile. Today’s shirt said, “Sassy Since Birth.” It was one of the shirts she purchased at Walmart that fateful night. Never before had she worn t-shirts with sarcastic sayings, and yet she ended up with a small collection of them thanks to their quickie shopping spree.
Finn loved all of them. Every day he made a comment on what the t-shirt of the day said and, if possible, it was one of her favorite memories of their trip. Each and every one of those conversations made her smile.
Meanwhile, nothing else did lately.
With a sigh, she stared out at the rain. Things weren’t going well. She felt restless and anxious and–contrary to popular belief–she hadn’t slept well since coming home. Sure, that was probably the main cause of every day feeling like an eternity, but more than anything, Grace felt like she needed a change of scenery.
And not just a quick getaway either.
Her home held memories of a life she didn’t relate to anymore. Every room was filled with items she purchased with Jared’s input. Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but there were still enough things scattered around the house that broug
ht up negative feelings.
Placing her mug down on the kitchen counter, she said, “Then that’s what I have to do today. De-clutter the house.”
Two hours later, she had three boxes filled with stuff to take to the local Goodwill. She put them in the garage and stepped back inside and felt…nothing. Still the same old feelings as she looked around. “Now what?” she asked herself.
Then inspiration hit.
She could renovate the place. It was something she talked about before she met Jared, but once they started dating, she forgot about it.
Now she walked around the house and thought about all the possibilities–new paint, new furniture, new window treatments…she could make the place look like something out of a decorating magazine. Only…she felt completely uninspired.
“How is this possible?” she called out to no one. “I am an intelligent woman! I have a great and successful career! Why can’t I snap out of this damn funk? Why isn’t what I have enough?”
I want Finn.
Yeah, that was what was missing. Grace knew the rest of her life was pretty damn good, but being with Finn brought something out in her she never felt before, and she wanted to feel that way again.
Collapsing on the couch, she knew what she needed to do–had put it off long enough.
She was going to call Finn.
It took several minutes for her to get her courage up to actually hit the call button, and when she did, she let out a long shaky breath and prayed she wasn’t making a mistake.
“Hey, you’ve reached Finn Kavanagh. Leave a message after the beep, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks,” the message said in Finn’s deep, rumbly voice, and Grace practically fumbled to make herself speak.
“Hey, Finn, it’s…it’s Grace. Grace Mackie.” Ugh, did I really just clarify that? “Anyway, I was just calling to say hi and see how you were doing, soooo…give me a call if you want. I mean, you don’t have to. I’m fine and all. But…”
BEEP!
“Dammit,” she muttered and quickly dialed his number again. As soon as she was cued, she spoke again. “Hey, we got cut off. I was just saying if you wanted to call, um…that would be good. I hope you’re okay, and you’re…uh…you know…good.” How can I possibly be this bad at speaking words? “I hope you’re okay and things are good. Maybe…:
BEEP!
“Son of a bitch!” she cried, angrily swiping her screen and calling again. “It’s me again and your phone is stupid because it keeps cutting me off! Gah! And I swear to stop saying the word good. All I wanted to do was say a quick hello and…and…you know what? I really thought you would have called by now,” she said, calming down. “I really was hoping I would have heard from you. I don’t know, maybe you really are glad to be rid of me, but…
BEEP!!
“That is it!” she yelled, tossing the phone away as if it were on fire and called herself every name in the book for being such an incredible dork. With her head back against the cushions, she groaned. “What is wrong with me?”
The list was endless.
She was a great public speaker and was known for her witty and intelligent conversational skills. How was it she couldn’t leave one simple voicemail message like a normal human being? If Finn wasn’t glad to be rid of her already, listening to her rambling phone messages would be enough to seal the deal. With a sigh, Grace closed her eyes. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe the fact that she couldn’t speak or leave a coherent message was enough of a sign to let her know the universe did not want her to be with Finn.
Like ever.
Maybe she was just going to have to deal with the fact that they had one great week together and it was all they were going to have.
And damn if that didn’t kill her.
The phone rang, and she let out a loud scream.
Finn’s name was on the screen.
Flinging herself across the couch, she reached for the phone. “Hello?” she said breathlessly.
“Hey,” he said, his voice was deep and gruff and it made her tummy flip-flop. “Are you okay? I see you called a bunch of times. I didn’t even listen to the messages, I just saw the three missed calls and figured something was up.”
She almost sagged to the floor in relief. “I need you to promise me something right here, right now.”
“Um…o-kay…” he said slowly.
“Erase all the messages without listening to them,” she said firmly. “Promise me. Promise me, Finn, that you will just delete them.”
He chuckled softly. “Well, now I’m curious.”
Groaning, she straightened on the couch before tucking her legs under her. “Trust me, it’s awful and you don’t want to subject your ears to it.”
“Now I’m even more curious,” he teased.
“Finn…” she whined.
“Okay, okay. I’ll delete them. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“So…what’s going on? How are you?”
And everything in her relaxed. Just the sound of his voice did that for her. “I’m okay.” Then she paused. “Yeah, I’m just…I’m okay.”
He was quiet for a moment and then she heard a low rumble in his throat. “Yeah. Me too. I’m okay.”
There was the same sadness there that she knew she felt, and she wanted to question it but didn’t want to sound too desperate or needy.
No matter how much she wanted to.
“How’s work?”
“The same,” he replied. “Today’s the first day off I’ve had in a while.”
“That’s a good thing then, right? Business must be good if it’s keeping you so busy.”
“I guess. But it was more like me trying to distract myself.”
And then her heart started to race. “Oh? Why would you need to do that?”
And yes, she was totally fishing in hopes that she was the reason he was working so hard.
“Grace…,” he began and then groaned. “Enough about me, what about you? I hear you got a new client.”
Laughing, she said, “Yeah. Lucky me. He’s a total handful.”
“Welcome to my world,” he responded, but there was no anger or sarcasm in his tone. “But seriously, you’ve worked a miracle there. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother quite so focused.”
“He’s a little all over the place, that’s for sure. Other than that, he really just needed someone to talk to him about what it was he wanted to do.”
“Yeah, that’s what he said too.”
“I’m hoping he’ll have a job soon. He seems really motivated.”
“Grace?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t really want to talk about Dave.”
“I’m not the one who brought him up,” she said lightly. “If you recall, I asked you a question and you refused to answer, so…”
Now it was his turn to groan. “Fine. I’ve been working my ass off because…I miss you.”
Her heart soared! He missed her! Twisting around, Grace stretched out on the couch and then curled up into a ball–practically hugging the phone to her. “I miss you too.”
They were both quiet for several minutes. Grace knew she couldn’t speak for him, but for her, she was quiet because just saying the words out loud didn’t change anything. Finn was still in Atlanta and she was still in Raleigh. Simply admitting what they already knew couldn’t change logistics for them.
“Can I come and see you?” she asked quietly when she couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “Just for a weekend or something? I’ve never been to Atlanta–except the day I dropped you off–and I thought maybe you could show me around and find us some tourist attractions like we did on the road.”
She heard him sigh. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
And her heart felt like it was breaking all over again. Swallowing hard, she asked, “Why?”
“Do you really want to do the long-distance thing?” he asked sadly. “A couple of weekends a month and spending most of it trav
eling?”
“It’s a ninety-minute flight, Finn,” she reasoned. “That’s hardly taking up the weekend.”
He sighed again. “You know I won’t fly…”
“Then I’ll fly to you,” she blurted out. “You don’t have to come to Raleigh. I’ll come to you!”
“Grace, that’s not fair. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but…”
Now she was a little less heartbroken and a lot more annoyed. “Do I mean anything to you? Anything at all?”
“You know you do.”
“No, Finn. Actually, I don’t know! You say you miss me; you say I mean something to you, and yet when faced with ways to try to make something work here, you’re unwilling to even try!”
“It’s not that easy!” he cried, and she could hear the frustration in his voice. “Grace, I’m just…I’m just being practical, okay? I know myself. I love how you’re willing to travel back and forth so we can spend more time together, but…I can’t ask that of you!”
“You’re not asking,” she argued. “I’m volunteering! And why? Because I want to see you, Finn!” She growled to let out some of her annoyance. “We had this amazing week together, and I want to see what it’s like to just hang out and spend time with you! And if flying back and forth is what it takes to make that happen, then I’m willing to do it!”
He was quiet for so long that she feared he was going to turn her down or try to talk her out of it, but he didn’t. “I’m willing to try too,” he finally said.
“Really? You’d fly here?”
“What? No!” he said defensively. “I mean, I’d be willing to try driving it one weekend to see how it is. It’s seven hours each way, and if I leave after lunch on a Friday, I can be to you for dinner.”
Grace heard him say the words, but there was no real enthusiasm in his voice. And as much as she wanted to just ignore it, she couldn’t. “Let’s try it out with me coming to you first, okay?”
“Yeah. I’d like that,” he replied. “I’d like that a lot.”
“Good.”
“Any chance you could fly here right now?” he said with a small laugh. “Because I’d really love to see you tonight.”
Drive Me Crazy Page 17
