by Erin Grace
Lily huddled up hard against her sister and shivered. The icy wind rattled under the roof and whisked its way around her body. She had asked Henrietta to line the roof, but it had never been done. No money to spend, her aunt had claimed.
She covered her sister’s head a little and pushed more of her blanket over. Despite having no more nightmares, Stephaney too found it difficult to sleep when it was so cold. She given her sister her spare nightgown to put over her own and put socks on her hands in the place of mittens she didn’t have.
Laying there, she stared toward the small attic window next to the bed.
The night outside was surprisingly clear after a day of heavy snows. The moonlight glistened against the iced-trimmed window pane and she couldn’t help thinking the scene just a little magical. Freezing, but magical none-the-less. She glanced away and bit her bottom lip.
Oh, don’t be a fool. Christmas or not, wishes were just fairytales meant to keep up ones’ hopes. Then she looked down beside her and smiled. But, she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to make just a little wish for her mother and sister.
She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, made her wish and prayed Papa was listening.
Her eyes opened as a cracking sound echo in the early morning quiet. What on earth? Another crack followed it.
Something was hitting the window. A stone perhaps? Then a sinking feeling settled in her stomach and her eyes widened.
Jacob? Oh Lord. Annabelle didn’t…Please don’t let it be one of her friend’s brothers come to take her away. She pushed back the covers and shivered as her stocking feet touched the icy floor. Her teeth began to chatter as she crossed her arms and approached the window sill. Oh, is she going to give her friend a good talking to. She couldn’t go to Gretna Green. Despite the fact the roads would be impassable, she had no clothes, no money and she didn’t want to marry Jacob!
She looked out the window, straining to see in the moonlight. Her breath fogged the glass and she wiped it. No one was out there. Damn it. Had she imagined things? Blast it all, she couldn’t see.
She would have to open the wretched window. But it was freezing outside. She paused then undid the latch. It wasn’t much warmer in there anyway. She opened the window slowly, only to be narrowly missed by a small black stone. ‘Bloody hell.’
‘Lily.’
Someone was there, in the shadows next to the stable. But it didn’t sound like Jacob. Her heart began to race, and her hands shook, but not from the cold. Gabriel?
‘Lily. Answer me.’
‘Are you mad, sir? Go home at once. You have been ill.’
‘Yes. And if you leave me out here for much longer, you shall be responsible for my being ill again. Now come downstairs. I shall meet you at the kitchen door.’ And with that he disappeared from view.
She closed the window, stunned for what to do. Surely, he had to be delusional, mad with fever to be at her house in the dead of night? But Henrietta said he had recovered. Should she go down there?
Wretched man. She grabbed the cloak Annabelle had given her, wrapped it around her and quietly headed down stairs. Facing him was the last thing she desired but knew if she didn’t he was bound to wake the entire household.
In the narrow hallway at the bottom of the attic stairs, she paused by her aunt’s bedroom and was relieved to hear the familiar sound of two people snoring like bears in hibernation. Many nights she’d been keep awake, the dreadful sound echoing into her room above.
She entered the kitchen, somewhat pleased to find the room still a little warm, embers still glowing in the hearth.
A dark shadow appeared at the back door.
She froze, not knowing what to do. Why had he come? Her heart near burst with the sudden rush of emotions conflicting inside of her. She thought him cut from her life, yet here he was waiting to be let inside.
She rushed to the door, slid back the heavy bolt and opened it. ‘Quickly, sir. But do be quiet, I beg you.’
Ignoring the mud and ice on his boots, he stepped inside the kitchen then closed the door behind him.
Lily. He took in a deep breath and gazed at the woman before him. In the soft light of an oil lamp and glowing embers in the hearth, she appeared almost ethereal. Her pale skin was luminescent, her eyes wide and glass like.
On the journey from Etford Park he rehearsed what he’d intended to say at least a hundred times. But standing there before her now, his words deserted him like a retreating army.
She crossed her arms, her gaze turned toward the hearth. ‘Why have you come?’
He swallowed hard. ‘Why didn’t you reply to my letter?’
She looked up and met his fervent gaze. Her eyes were a deep, dark green, like moss in a hidden valley. ‘I couldn’t.’
‘Or wouldn’t?’ He began to pace, his thigh aching with the movement. ‘Damn it, Lily. I needed to talk with you, yet you have avoided me. Have I done something so terrible?’
‘No. I have just realized that we all have our place in the world. Yours is to marry well, produce an heir and carry on your family title. Mine is to understand my place and accept it.’
She’d known about Cecily?
‘Accept it by marrying this Dunford fellow? Don’t look so surprised. Your aunt kindly explained to my father during her visit this morning. When had you intended to tell me of your betrothal?’ A soaring urge of frustration fought to be released, but he clenched his hands and sighed heavily.
‘I had not yet made up my mind, sir, until today. Mr Dunford had proposed some time ago, and I promised my aunt to decide by tomorrow night, Christmas Eve. I saw no need to delay my decision until then.’ She relaxed her hands together against the long cloak she wore.
Her calm demeanor chilled him to the bone.
‘But why are you marrying him? What can he give you?’
‘A home, perhaps. Security for my family and I.’ She sighed and continued to hold his gaze. ‘A name.’
Unable to hold back, he gritted his teeth at her words. ‘You don’t need his bloody name. You need nothing from him.’
He shunted a chair then turned toward the smoldering hearth. The fading embers glittered like tiny gems scattered against the dark ashes.
‘You hardly know what I need, sir. In fact, I doubt you even know what you need. You only understand what you want. And they are two very different things.’
‘Then tell me. What is it you desire, Lily? What can I not provide you that this fool, Dunford can?’
She stepped toward him, chin raised, eyes ablaze with glistening emerald fire. ‘Do you think I care for money and clothes?’ She raised her hand, his letter crushed within her tight grip. ‘Or that my conscience can be bought for the price of an elegant townhouse? If that is so, then you know nothing about me, sir.’
She threw his letter in the fire and he winced as though he too were burning.
He’d written her of his forgiveness for her crimes and that he didn’t care about what she’d stolen. He wanted her all the same. Hell. Didn’t that show her he cared? He promised to take her away from her wretched existence at the vicarage and shower her with everything she’d ever dreamed about.
But, she’d just thrown it all in his face.
He stared into the hearth as the crumpled paper smoldered then burst into a ball of bright flames. ‘You have said quite enough.’
‘For God’s sake, look at me, Gabriel. Really look at me. For once, see who I am and not just who you want me to be. For who I am is nothing more a woman trying to make sense of a world that left her wandering in the dark twelve months ago. It’s so easy for you. So simple to just pick and choose and take whatever you want…whoever you want.’
She raised her hands to her face and slowly shook her head as she turned toward the kitchen door. She was leaving him?
His hands trembled as he considered letting her go. His chest ached with the need, the desire to show her just how much he hurt inside. His father. His brother. Cecily. Devil take him, he wanted to trust her, b
elieve that she would not judge him.
No. He didn’t want her to go.
‘I am not marrying Cecily. That’s why I hadn’t told you of our betrothal. There wasn’t one as such. We were only to be married if she was expecting my brother’s child.’
She stopped, her hand on the door handle, but didn’t turn around.
He approached her slowly and stood directly behind her. Even through the cold, he could feel the subtle heat radiating from her skin. Smell her sweet scent.
He reached out and wrapped both arms around her waist, then gently rested his forehead against the back of her head. His whole body was shaking and for the first time he felt unsure of his own emotions.
Dangerous ground indeed.
She turned her head slightly. ‘You thought her with child?’
‘Yes. Lady Stanton had written to me explaining Cecily’s situation. And despite our past, I couldn’t allow shame to be brought against my brother’s name. But how little did I know my brother.’
‘Did you love her?’
‘Perhaps, once, I thought I had. But she chose Henry over me. I was almost engaged to Cecily. I had thought her the sun and the moon. Fool that I was, I had believed she’d felt the same for me.’
Slowly, she turned around to face him, his hands still encircling her waist. ‘And yet you were willing to sacrifice your own future for that of your family’s honor?’
He stared down at her lips, his hungry gaze tracing around their plump sweet shape. ‘You make it sound so noble. It was anything but.’
‘No. I do understand…more than you know.’
He let out a deep breath. ‘Lily. I need you. And, I want you to come to London with me.’ Damn it. He had to make her go with him. Had to make her see she would be happy.
Eyes glistening with unshed tears, she reached up, kissed him softly on the cheek then gently pushed him away. ‘I’m sorry, Gabriel. Good bye.’
Chapter 21
Captain Holsworthy, sir. So good of you and Lord Etford to host our humble little celebration. After your terrible bout with fever we had feared the worst. But, my husband and I – indeed the whole congregation – prayed for your quick recovery. And, here you stand.’
He groaned inwardly at the shrill grating tone of Mrs Talbot. Somehow though, he imagined the woman would have been even more pleased had he died, and she was given the task of providing the floral arrangements at his funeral.
‘Indeed. According to my father, we have divine intervention to thank for my swift recovery, and your good wishes, of course.’
He bowed slightly, to her obvious pleasure.
She fluffed open her fan and fluttered it about her face. ‘You flatter me, sir. And, Christmas is the season of miracles after all…’ She paused her prattling and looked toward the doorway of the ballroom where a steady stream of guests flowed in.
Dozens of candlelit chandeliers shed a glittering effect upon the mirrored walls decorated with large wreathes made from ivy and holly. Tables adorned with gold-plated cornucopias overflowed with sugared treats, glistening pastries and silver punch bowls. Townsfolk chatted amongst themselves whilst drinking lemonade and supping on Mrs Peel’s various savories.
Everything suited to a Christmas dance had been put in place. But, without Lily on his arm, the room may as well have been dark and bare.
‘…Um, perhaps you will allow me to introduce some of the ladies involved with my flower arranging committees, sir?’ Mrs Talbot waved her fan and signaled to a group of women who resembled a brightly colored gaggle of geese.
A hasty escape was in order.
‘As charming as that sounds, madam, I would prefer to speak with your niece first. That is, of course, if you have no objections?’
The woman paled and began fanning herself rapidly as she lowered her voice. ‘Objections? Of course not, sir. I just hadn’t thought you wish to ever speak with her again after the unfortunate episode. Not that I would blame you at all, Captain.’
‘I don’t wish to discuss such a delicate subject in the middle of Christmas festivities. Do you?’ His harsh gaze seemed to stem the woman’s ready reply.
Instead, her beady little eyes darted about the room. ‘No. No, of course not, sir. Though, I’m not certain she is here at the moment, Captain. I asked her to come, naturally, but she felt inclined not to at the time. I do hope she hasn’t been imposing herself upon your good nature, sir. She doesn’t deserve a second chance. Lord knows she should be grateful for it regardless should you choose to forgive her. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea should she attempt to soften your opinion of her with her lies.’
‘Wrong idea?’
‘Well, yes. Though I have told her often enough that a young woman who is engaged to be married shouldn’t spend so much time in the company of other men. And as her fiancé couldn’t be here tonight, it was only appropriate she didn’t attend.’
A cold sensation gripped his chest at the woman’s blatant lies, dripping from her tongue like cobra venom he’d seen in India. ‘I am quite aware your niece is to be married, Mrs Talbot. However, I am somewhat surprised she made no mention of it before.’
The woman swallowed then produced an odd smile. ‘That’s because Lily had never thought herself worthy of Mr Dunford. But after she returned from Etford Park, she finally saw reason.’
His hands balled into fists by his side. ‘I see. And who is the fortunate gentleman?’
‘Why, Mr Dunford, sir? He owns the largest piggery in the village. Such a generous man and a very good provider I must say. Lily will want for nothing, I’m sure. Every Christmas he sends one of his finest hams to his lordship at Etford Park. And I was just telling Lady Stanton the other day, he always donates some pickled pork for the vicarage.’
He cut her a scathing glare. ‘You spoke to Lady Stanton? When?’
She fumbled her fan, her cheeks flushed with color. ‘Um, well I…I don’t quite recall, sir. Oh. If you will excuse me, I believe I see Mrs Henry beckoning me to her side.’
Frustration bubbled beneath his skin as he turned his back on the lying woman and made his way through the jovial crush and head toward the hallway. Everywhere he turned Christmas revelers drank wine, laughed and danced.
The library called to him, where he could sit in peace and contemplate what to do next. For the first time in his life, he had no direction, no plan. And, he’d little desire to remain here, when his soul was standing on the edge of an abyss. Lily wanted so much more than he could give, yet when she’d said goodbye, there was something in her eyes he could have easily mistaken for love. She loved him?
‘Captain Holsworthy?’ Pulled from his thoughts, he turned and met the sparkling gaze of a young woman with guinea gold hair, blue eyes and a sweet face. Her gloved hand touched his arm. ‘May I speak with you, sir?’
‘I beg your pardon, madam. I didn’t see you there just now.’
‘Forgive my intrusion, sir. I understand we haven’t been properly introduced, but I trust you will understand under circumstances. I’m Annabelle Smythe.’ She leaned in over her fan and lowered her voice. ‘I am a dear friend of Lily Bowden.’
His skin tingled with the sound of Lily’s name. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Smythe. I hope you are enjoying the evening.’ He smiled softly. ‘Would you by any chance have seen Miss Bowden this evening?’
She nodded then glanced surreptitiously in the direction of Mrs Talbot who was eyeing them both above her fan with great intensity.
The young lady smiled and fanned herself as though they were talking about the weather. ‘She was just here, sir. But her aunt wouldn’t allow her to attend. I was speaking with her by the hallway near the kitchen just moments ago.’ She continued smiling but met his eye with a determined look. ‘Lily isn’t a thief, Captain. You must believe that.’
He took her hand raised it to his lips and issued a brief kiss. ‘I have never really thought that, madam, despite what she may believe. You are a good friend to her. And you
have my thanks.’
She beamed. ‘Now, if you hurry. You may catch her. She had just brought her sister along to see what a Christmas dance was like. Then they were heading back to the vicarage.’
‘On foot?’ Blasted woman. He bowed. ‘Then, if you will excuse me.’
As he approached the ballroom doorway, Lady Stanton entered as though she were the queen herself. Dressed her finest gown, she’d obviously set out to teach the ‘country folk’ how the ton celebrates the Season. Yet, for all her jewels and finery, he considered her the foulest woman in all of England.
‘What are you doing here, madam? This gathering is for the villagers.’
‘So, I understand. Very accommodating of his lordship, I must say.’ She smiled, her critical gaze sweeping the room. Her lip curved with mild distain. ‘I was bored, sir. Surely you wouldn’t deny me a little entertainment?’
The woman’s excursion to Lord Petherbridge’s estate had been delayed due to the heavy snow yesterday. She and Cecily were forced to remain at Etford Park until tomorrow morning.
‘Entertainment? I hardly think this is your sort of crowd, madam. However, if you wish to stay, I will not prevent you. In fact, you may wish to join Mrs Talbot over there.’
She blinked innocently. ‘Mrs Talbot?’
‘Yes. The vicar’s wife. I’m certain the two of you have much to discuss.’
Without waiting for her reply, he inclined his head then made for the kitchens. He must find Lily. In his haste he near crashed into several servants carry enormous trays of champagne – courtesy of his father’s new-found goodwill to all men.
If his father wasn’t careful, Etford’s cellars would be drained in no time.
He pushed the kitchen door open in time to see a figure leaving through the back door. His heart pounded with the effort to shift his feet, but he couldn’t seem to move fast enough. Ignoring the stares of disbelief, he dashed past Mrs Peel and several kitchen maids grasping the door just inches before it closed.
‘Come along. We have to get back before Henrietta sees us.’
He paused at the familiar voice and gazed out into the darkness. Damn it all.