“That won’t be a problem for me. I always tell the truth,” Mattie said.
“Are you implying I don’t?” Uncle Doc asked as he put his hands on his hips.
“I didn’t say a word,” Mattie laughed.
“Since you guys are new, we’ll let you go first. And Selwyn’s also new. He can go after you guys,” Riley said.
“I’ll go first,” said Mattie. “You all have some snacks and I’ll go while you eat.”
“How come you always have to go first, Mattie? You don’t even know how to play,” Uncle Doc said.
“ ’Cause I’m a lady,” Mattie said.
“Who said I ain’t one?” Uncle Doc smiled. “Here, give me a card, Riley. I’ll show this old woman how it’s done.”
“Go on, then, with your bad self,” I teased as I did a little bit of a mashed potato step.
“Show me, you old fool,” Mattie said. Uncle Doc walked over and put his hand in the bag and pulled out a card.
“Hey! This is a picture of Leland when he graduated from Hampton. I was there. Sat right behind the first row, where all the Hampton dignitaries were,” Uncle Doc said.
“That’s right! Wasn’t that something else,” Mattie said.
“Okay, Uncle Doc. Now give the card to me,” Riley said. Then she looked at Leland and asked, “Is it okay if I read the cards?”
“Sure, Riley. Knock yourself out.” Leland smiled.
“Okay, Uncle Doc. Your card says: ‘Thank somebody.’ ”
“That’s it?” Uncle Doc said, puzzled. “Thank somebody’? That’s no question, that’s more like a direction.”
“See, Douglas?” Mattie gloated. “I told you I should go first.”
“Wait just a minute, now,” Uncle Doc said. “Just hold on. ‘Thank somebody’? I can handle that just fine—and without any help from Miss Thing Alinga.” Uncle Doc mulled over his answer for a moment, then said, “I got it! I want to thank a bunch of somebodies. I want to thank y’all for what you’ve done for Boo here. I don’t mean just lately, I mean for the last few years. You’ve been good friends to my boy and I sure do appreciate it. And—you’ve been good to me too. Always coming to my eatin’ establishment and bringing your friends. I couldn’t do it without you. I feel like we’re all family here. We can never have enough family or friends. There! How’s that?”
“You did fine, Douglas. That was lovely,” Mattie said. “Now let me have a card.”
Mattie rose from her seat and reached into the bag. She pulled out a card and handed it to Riley, then sat back down. “What does it say? What’s my question?” she asked.
“Mrs. Thompson, your card says, ‘What are you grateful for?’ ”
“Her question sounds like mine,” Uncle Doc said.
“All the cards are somewhat different from what we usually have, Uncle Doc,” Riley said. “Mrs. Thompson, do you want to choose another card?”
“Naw, she don’t want another card,” Leland said. “We don’t get to change cards, so my mother can’t either.” He laughed. Mattie rolled her eyes at Leland and said, “Hush up, Mr. I’m-So-Sick-I-Could-Just-Cry. And, Riley baby, you can call me Mattie.”
“Okay, Mattie, are you ready to answer your question?”
“I have so much to be grateful for. I’m grateful for Jesus Christ,” Mattie said as she looked toward the ceiling with a peaceful look on her face. “I’m grateful that my son is on his way back to a total recovery from that crazy man’s bullets and that he has such wonderful friends, looking out for him—when his family was far away, both in miles and in the heart,” Mattie said as she patted her heart and then blew a kiss toward Leland, who smiled broadly. “And for a reason I don’t know why, I’m thankful for my brother-in-law, who’s been like a brother and a sister, but more than anything, for being my friend.”
“Stop it, Mattie, stop it right now, before I start boo-hooing,” Uncle Doc said.
“And so much other stuff, but I don’t want to take up all you children’s time. Thanks for letting me do this. It feels good to say how you feel out loud.”
“It sure does,” Uncle Doc chimed in.
“Okay, Selwyn, it’s your time,” Riley said.
“Not yet, ladies first,” Selwyn protested.
“But you’re not a regular member of the group, so it’s your time,” Riley said.
“That’s right, my man. See what we have to go through? Go on, dig in and pick a card, my brother,” Dwight said. Selwyn shrugged his shoulders and reached in and grabbed a card. I saw him wink at Riley as he handed her the card.
“Selwyn, your question is: ‘What’s the best gift you’ve ever received for Christmas?’ ”
Selwyn paused for a moment and looked at Riley as though they were the only two in the room. I was afraid they were gonna just attack each other and start doing the nasty right there under the tree. I guess everyone else was feeling it also, because nobody said a word until Selwyn spoke. “That’s easy, I got the same gift twice.” He paused and reached across to hold Riley’s hand. “The day God blessed me with Riley was the best gift I could ever receive. And this year I got her back.” Riley eyes filled with tears, as did Mattie’s, Uncle Doc’s, and mine.
“Man, you gonna make this tough for us to follow,” Dwight said.
“I mean,” Leland said.
“Let’s take a break,” I suggested. “Let’s eat some food and then come back and finish.” I was hungry and wanted to make sure my makeup wasn’t all over my face. I could see Riley’s eyeliner sliding down her cheeks, but she still looked beautiful.
Riley and I went into the bathroom and freshened up our makeup. I told Riley how happy I was for her and Selwyn.
“Thanks, Yolanda. I’m so happy, I don’t know what to do. Who said you can’t have love in your life always and forever. I wish the same thing for you too,” Riley said. I gave her a hug and whispered, “Thank you, Riley. You deserve happiness. I’m not so certain about me.”
“What are you talking about? Of course you deserve happiness. With love, friends, and your career. Why are you being so hard on yourself?”
“Well, I know you said everything was fine, but I need to tell you again, how sorry I am about what I said about your singing,” I said.
“You don’t have to do that, Yolanda. One of the things I have always loved and respected about you was that you always deal with honesty. That’s how you felt. I don’t have to agree, but I want friends who are honest with me. That’s why I’m so lucky to have a friend like you,” Riley said.
“Thank you, Riley,” I said as I grabbed her and hugged her once more.
“No, thank you, friend. Thank you,” Riley said.
When Riley and I left the bathroom, we heard Uncle Doc yelling, “Ya’ll come on and eat ’fore this food gets cold, and don’t nobody eat Miss Thing Alinga’s gumbo cold.” Uncle Doc and Mattie brought out a large smoked turkey with dressings, fruit salad, and steaming bowls of gumbo and rice. When everyone was seated and served, Leland asked Dwight—who he now called “Blood”—to turn on the Christmas-tree lights. The lights sparkled and the tree looked magnificent. At that moment it was the most beautiful tree I’d ever seen, and we all ooohed and aaahed and applauded Uncle Doc and Mattie for a great job of decorating. The gaze exchanged between Uncle Doc and Mattie spoke volumes about love, friendship, and family.
“Leland,” Mattie said, “would you please say grace?”
“I’ll say it,” Uncle Doc interrupted. “Good food, good meat, good God, let’s eat!”
“Amen, amen,” Leland said.
“Now, Doc, you know better than that. I want a real prayer from my baby. Leland, you remember how your daddy taught you how to say grace? You and your brother.”
Leland looked at his mother very lovingly and said, “Yeah, Mama, I remember.” Leland bit his lower lip (I’m certain to fight back tears) and began to pray. “Our Father, who art in heaven, we thank you for this chance to thank you once again for your blessings and your grace. We than
k you for this food our bodies are about to receive, and Lord God, we thank you for the hands that prepared this food. We thank you for all the families gathered here today, and for the gift of friendship you’ve allowed us to enjoy and rediscover. But most important, dear God, we thank you for the reason for the season, the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. We ask that you watch over us and all your children, those who know you and those who don’t, not only tonight, but now and forever, amen.”
“Amen, amen,” Mattie said in a voice so loud, it shocked a few of us. “I told you my baby could pray.” Then she added, “Let’s eat!” And Mattie was right, after Leland’s prayer, there was nothing else to do but eat.
When it was all said and done, we had each eaten more than we should have—and enjoyed each and every bite. To my surprise and Riley’s too, Selwyn and Dwight did the dishes, then joined us in the living room for coffee and some of Uncle Doc’s make-you-wanna-slap-your-mama pound cake with lemon icing, while Stephanie Mills’s Christmas album played in the background.
After we finished, Selwyn suggested he take Mattie and Uncle Doc to see The Preacher’s Wife, allowing the four of us time to talk privately.
“That’s a good plan,” Leland said. “Mattie needs to get out of the house.”
“I don’t wanna go too far, my baby might need me,” Mattie said.
“We’ll take good care of baby-boy,” I said.
“I think it’s playing at 900 North Michigan,” Riley said.
“The theater near Bloomingdale’s? You would know that, wouldn’t you, sweetheart,” Selwyn teased. Riley smiled and winked at Selwyn.
“I don’t know when was the last time a man invited me to see a movie. It might be the last time. So git your coat, Mattie, before this fine young man changes his mind,” Uncle Doc said.
“Leland, you sure you gonna be all right?” Mattie asked.
“Mattie honey, I ain’t gonna tell you again. Git your coat. This big ole rusty-tail boy will be just fine,” Uncle Doc said.
“I love you too, Uncle Doc. Ma, I’ll be fine. Go on, enjoy the movie. I heard it’s great. As much as I’ve been playing the sound track, you two will know the entire movie,” Leland said. The sound track, along with Jody Watley’s Greatest Hits, were in a gift package I had brought Leland at the hospital. He told me those were his two new favorite CDs, but mentioned he hoped Santa Claus would also bring him the Evita sound track. I told him I’d talk to Ms. Santa and see what she could do.
While Mattie and Uncle Doc grabbed their coats, I heard Mattie saying how much she loved “that little Whitney Houston” and Uncle Doc saying Denzel was his man.
After Selwyn, Mattie, and Uncle Doc left, the four of us gathered in the living room. Riley and Dwight were sitting on the floor, and I sat on the sofa with Leland’s legs in my lap. This chile loved being spoiled. Typical man, I thought.
“So what are we going to do? I don’t have a lot in my journal,” Riley said.
“Me either,” Leland added.
“Why don’t we just talk,” Dwight suggested.
“Talk?” I asked.
“Yeah, why don’t we just tell each other what’s on our mind. The truth and nothing but the truth,” Dwight said.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Leland said.
“I’m game. What do you think, Riley?” I asked. I didn’t want her to think we didn’t appreciate her doing special cards for Christmas.
“That’s fine with me. Who wants to go first?” Riley asked.
“I will,” Dwight said. Dwight cleared his throat, and then coughed as he looked around the room. “I just wanna say thanks to you guys … you know …” Dwight’s voice seem tangled in his throat, but then words of friendship and love surged through. “I hope one day to be as good a friend as you’ve all been to me. So … well … I guess that’s all I have to say, except that I’m making some changes in my life. I’ve released some anger, and I want you to know I love you all and—” Dwight stopped abruptly and looking somewhat embarrassed, stared at his hands in his lap.
“We love your old ass too, man. My blood brother. You know I feel like I should break into a verse of ‘I Am Changing’ from Dreamgirls. Riley, you know that song, don’t ya, sister?”
“I don’t think so, let’s leave the singing to Vanessa and Stephanie.” Riley smiled. Leland’s comment and Riley’s cute response quickly dissipated the awkwardness that had descended upon us. With his head hanging low, Dwight whispered, “Thanks, my brother.”
“I’ll go now,” Leland said. Leland looked at me and said, “I’m truly blessed to have Yolanda, Dwight, and Riley for friends. True friends. I can’t thank you all enough for your love and care this last month. It’s meant the world to me. I wish Uncle Doc were here so I could tell him how wonderful it is to have an uncle who’s a friend, and my mother, how happy I am to have her back in my life. But I’ll tell them later. You know, I’m blessed, I guess, I know, just to be alive; to be here with you all like this. I realize that I’ve spent a lot of time in last years thinking about death, but now I want to concentrate on living. Riley, it was a brilliant idea you had to bring us all together like this so many years ago. I don’t think I knew then how much it would mean in my life, thank you,” Leland said.
Fighting back tears, Riley said, “Thank you, Leland.”
“And I’m especially grateful to have a new brother—a blood brother. Thank you, Dwight. And, Yolanda sweetheart, I love you, that’s all.”
We sat silently and let Leland’s words sink in. I think we all got a little misty around the eyes. It was a good feeling that wrapped around us, bonding us together in mutual love. After a few minutes, Riley started talking. “Well, I would like to say first that I feel like Leland said—blessed to have you all as friends. I really feel lucky because I’ve learned what being a friend really means. I don’t know if I knew that when we started this. Friendship doesn’t always look like I thought it did. Sometimes being a friend means you have to be true to yourself. You have to be honest, even when it hurts. And you have to trust that your friends will be honest with you, even when it hurts. Yolanda, I want to thank you for the gift of honesty and for the book you gave me.”
“What book?” I asked.
“Lessons in Living. The Susan Taylor book. When I was having a tough time, I read that book over and over. There was a line that stuck with me. I think in chapter eight she said something about the paths to realizing our dreams is never smooth. But we have to say I will—claiming my power to choose. I choose you all as friends for life and wish you safe and peaceful paths to your dreams,” Riley said.
“Thanks, Riley,” Dwight said. “I think we should put that in the If This World Were Mine journal.”
“I do too,” Leland said. “That’s beautiful. I want a copy of that book.”
“I think Ms. Santa already took care of that,” Riley said as she looked toward the presents under the tree. Suddenly everyone looked toward me. It was my time.
“First, I’m just thankful to be here and have friends like all of you. I know everybody has said that, but today I feel it in my heart. I feel it all over this room. I’ve learned some lessons in the last couple of months. Friends are forgiving. I’m thankful for that. Like life, friends are precious gifts. They should both be honored and treasured. That’s what I’ve been blessed to learn.”
“I think this is going to be the best Christmas I’ve had in a very long time,” Riley said as she stood up and moved near the tree, and the Christmas lights cast a warm glow over the room.
“It’s the best for me too,” Dwight said, “in a lot of ways.” He looked over at me and smiled that smile again.
“Me too,” I said. “How about you, baby-boy?”
“I think it’s already the best,” Leland said. “You’ve all filled my home with so much love, so much friendship and warmth, I don’t think there’s any room left for old memories and broken dreams. I’m ready to move on. With friends, of course,” he said as he grabbed my hand
and squeezed it tightly.
I knew at that moment that no matter what happened to each of us in the future, this would be a day we would always remember, a day and night we would cherish for the rest of our lives.
Chapter 35
It’s Christmas Eve and my nightmares won’t leave me. I didn’t go to Detroit for Thanksgiving and I didn’t call my dad to explain why. He and my aunt Lois called almost every other day, but I didn’t answer the phone or return their messages.
I almost made it to Detroit, but instead I went to Chicago. I was going to convince Yolanda to come to Detroit with me. I knew if I saw her face-to-face, she’d change her mind. I checked into a hotel near the airport and called Yolanda every hour on the hour. When I couldn’t reach her, I went back to some of my old habits. I went to this club, the Excalibur, near downtown Chicago, and met this big-hipped, small-breasted lady. I don’t even remember her name. Yeah, I do, it was Kathy—Kathy with a K, she had said proudly. I bought her a couple of drinks and brought her back to my hotel.
After a few more drinks, I was going for the draws. We had oral sex, but when I wanted to take it further, she insisted on a glove. I didn’t have one. Kathy got up and dressed quickly, saying something corny like, “If the glove don’t fit, then keep the dick.” All I could think was dumb bitch. I took Kathy with a K back to the city and then I stopped at a seedy male bookstore near downtown Chicago and got an anonymous blow job through a tiny hole in a booth.
It didn’t make me feel any better.
When I got back to New York, I felt guilty for losing my courage and not going to Detroit and doing what I had to do. I had rehearsed the scene in my mind, almost every day since I had my first nightmare. I would go to my uncle Mac’s house and say nothing. I was going to stare him into a confession in front of the entire family. Then I’d make him get on his knees while I held a gun in his mouth, so he could plead for his low life. Instead, I just came back to New York. I punked out.
One day I got a note from the New Orleans art gallery stating a credit had been issued against my credit card, because Yolanda had sent a check to pay for the painting I sent her. That hurt me deeply. The days since Thanksgiving passed slowly and painfully. I spent a great deal of time staring at my phone and listening to Luther Vandross crooning “Goin’ out of my Head.” I was. I knew I needed to call my dad, but what would I say.
If This World Were Mine Page 29
