“Yes, he explained a couple of things. We were finally honest with one another.” Ash smiled for a second before becoming serious. “We can talk about that later. I need you to know that I was given an ultimatum,” Ash said.
“When? What kind of ultimatum. Was it Gage?”
“Back when we found out you were pregnant. I was told to convince you to come back to the village or I would be excommunicated.”
“You mean, I’m here because …” she swallowed hard, trying to process what he was saying, “because you had no other choice but to bring me?”
Ash nodded. “It was either bring you here, or give up Ethan and live in Sweetwater to keep an eye on you. In order to stay close to the babies.”
“So …” Hurt filled her. It threatened to overflow inside her. To consume her. With the pain came anger. Hot and burning. “You should never have brought me here then. What right do you have to mess with a person’s feelings like that? I thought you wanted to give us a try. I thought you loved these babies, at the very least.” She shook her head. Feeling her eyes prick and then overflow. That had been quick. Then again, she was a hormonal mess. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t blame the hormones. Not this time.
“I had no right! None whatsoever.” He looked her in the eyes.
It wasn’t the answer she expected. Alice frowned. “Why then? You should have at least been straight with me. You could have told me you weren’t really interested in forging a relationship. Why the whole ‘pretend’ bullshit?”
“I would have, only, I’ve been fooling myself.”
“What does that even mean?” Her voice was thick. Alice wiped her face.
“I told myself I was bringing you here because I had no other choice. In all honesty, I haven’t wanted to bond with the babies. I care, of course I care, but I’ve tried not to become even more attached to them.”
“They are your children. That’s insane.” A couple more tears escaped, which infuriated her. Ash didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve her love. “I need to pack.” She lumbered to her feet. Wishing she could move quicker. “I can’t stay here.” Then she stopped in her tracks. What about Ethan? She would have to leave the little boy. He’d come to mean so much to her. It made her want to lash out at Ash. “You’re so selfish!” she shouted. “I can’t believe you.” Her shoulders shook at the thought of leaving. “I need to at least say goodbye to Ethan.”
“Please sit back down. I’m trying to explain things.”
“I don’t want to hear anymore.” She couldn’t. Her heart was shattering one word at a time. He was breaking her right now. Tearing her into tiny pieces. She might never be able to put herself back together.
“Please, Alice. I was wrong!”
“You’re right you were wrong. You’re an asshole!” she screamed at him, like a crazy person. Tears still streaming down her face.
“I’m most definitely an asshole and a coward. I was wrong, and I was mistaken.”
“What does that even mean?” She brushed away tears but they were coming too fast and thick to stop them.
“I was wrong not to be more open and honest with you, but you see, I couldn’t because I was lying to myself all along. I was trying to protect myself, which was wrong as well.”
“You’re speaking in riddles.”
“Please sit down. Please.” He clasped her upper arms, squeezing lightly. “Let me explain.” He implored her with his eyes. His beautiful, dark, fathomless eyes, and all at once she was drowning. Falling for his shit again.
“No.” She pulled free. “I can’t.”
“I knew that Savannah was still in love with my brother when I first started seeing her. That’s how I learned to guard my heart. I’ve been doing it for years. It’s all I know. I never fully gave myself to her and she could never fully give herself to me.”
“I’m sorry for you but what does that have to do with me, with us?” Alice sniffed.
“Despite guarding myself, I still almost fucking lost it when Savannah died. I don’t know if I would have made it if it wasn’t for Ethan. Losing my mate, losing a child …”
Her tears came faster but only because Ash was crying. Not openly and messily like she was, but he was still doing it. His eyes clouded with such immense pain, it hurt to even look at him. His lashes were wet. He pushed out a deep breath through his nose. His jaw clenched so tight.
“I’m sorry,” Alice choked on the words. “I’m sorry that happened. That Ethan lost his mom and his brother. That you lost almost everything in that moment.”
“That’s just it, I barely coped and I hadn’t committed myself fully. Savannah always held a torch for my brother.”
“I’m sure she loved you too.”
“Yeah, she did, in her own way but it wasn’t that one special kind of love that only comes around for a select few. It wasn’t that all-consuming love. I have this terrible feeling that we could have that.”
Another dagger-tip pierced and sliced. It hurt! “Why is that terrible?” she yelled. Alice wanted to hit Ash. She wanted to hurt him like he was hurting her. Instead, she clasped her hands together.
“I’m so afraid to let myself love you. To love them.” He dropped to his knees in front of her. For the first time since becoming pregnant, he touched her belly. Not just touched, he clasped her in both his big hands and buried his face into her.
“It’s a choice only you can make. You can’t play with my emotions though. It’s not fair. I won’t let you do it anymore.”
“That’s just it.” He looked up and she was almost brought to her knees by what she saw in his eyes. “It isn’t a choice. It just is. I love you, Alice. I love them. I’m fucking terrified of losing you but I’m here. I’m one hundred percent invested. I’m risking it all. I hope you’ll forgive me for being such a giant prick. That you’ll give me another chance. I’ve tried to distance myself, I’ve tried so hard not to love you or them, but it hasn’t worked.”
Alice couldn’t help but frown. “You love me? I’m sorry, I feel like I just got whiplash. This is moving too quickly.” She could hardly believe her ears. Just a moment ago, she thought it was all over.
Ash smiled, his lashes still glinted. His eyes still held a hint of pain. “Quick? I disagree.” He shook his head. “It’s taken far too fucking long for us to get to this place. For me to pull my head out of my ass. For that, I apologize. I only hope you will feel the same about me one of these days. That I can win your heart the way you’ve won mine.” He smiled. “The way you’ve won over both Ethan and me.” Ash got to his feet, towering above her. “I hope you’ll consider mating me one day and making this official. I’d be happy if you agreed to stay, at the very least.”
Alice felt her heart swell. Surely too big to fit in her chest. “Is that a proposal?” She bit down on her bottom lip.
“Yeah, it is.” Ash’s jaw tightened. His eyes seemed to darken.
“Are you sure?” She frowned, and then pulled her lip between her teeth.
“Dead serious. Never more sure. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m scared shitless, but I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Good, because I accept. I love you too, I have for a long time but don’t hold out on me again. Never ever hold back. I want it all.”
“Deal.” Ash kissed her. It was deep and hungry, yet filled with so much emotion. It was a reflection of all of their pent-up feelings. There was no holding back in that moment. A promise of what was to come. No more barriers. Just love. Open and honest. Real. Both ugly and beautiful. Both exhilarating and terrifying.
“I want to make love to you now.” Ash was vibrating with the need to show his female how much he loved her. “In my bed.”
“Yes, please.” He picked her up. Cradling her in his arms.
“I’m moving Ethan back into his own room.” He walked quickly. “That is, if you’ll move in with me?” He couldn’t assume.
“I just agreed to mate you. Of course I want to sleep with you every night.”
<
She toed off her shoes. “Is everything okay?”
“Perfect.” His dick was as hard as nails. It throbbed beneath his zipper.
“Look, if you would rather wait until the babies are born—”
“Dr. Evans said that we can have sex. She said you were fine and …” He was being a dick. Putting his own needs ahead of hers. “We don’t have to though if you’re not comfortable. I’ll make you come … if that’s what you want. We don’t have to have actual sex though.”
Alice widened her eyes. “I want sex. I really want to. I’m worried that you might …. Well, that you might not be into sex with me right now ‒ and that’s okay.”
“What?” It came out gruffer than he intended. He went down on his knees next to the bed, his hands on each of her thighs. “You have no idea how hard it’s been to live with you and not touch you. Your scent, everything about you right now is so gorgeous. So damned sexy. I was attracted to you before, but now … now it’s like next level and I’m a little afraid of hurting you. Of hurting them.” He stroked her belly.
Alice laughed softly. “You won’t hurt us.”
“I might. I’m desperate for you.” He leaned up and clasped a hand around her neck, tipping her forward slightly so that he could plunder her mouth. His other hand went to her breast. Ash squeezed softly, making a groaning noise. “So damned lush,” he whispered the words over her lips, raking his thumb over her nipple a couple of times. Loving how her flesh tightened up in an instant.
He reached around her belly. Although it looked like she was wearing regular jeans, there was a soft elasticated band around her middle instead of any buttons or zippers. “I’m taking these off.” He waited a couple of seconds to make sure she was okay with it before going ahead and pulling them carefully down her legs. He rubbed her thighs, putting her legs over his shoulders. She was wearing light pink cotton panties. He ran his fingers over her slit a few times through the fabric before zoning in on her clit.
Alice leaned back on her elbows, her eyes became glassy in an instant. Her breathing turned choppy. He pulled the panel to the side. Fuck! Her pussy was flushed a deeper pink. It was a little swollen and already glistening at her opening.
His balls pulled tight just looking at her. “Beautiful,” he whispered as he dove in. He had to taste her first. He tongued her a couple of times, groaning at the sweetness that hit his mouth. Then he moved to her clit and suckled on her for a few seconds before laving his tongue over the bundle of nerves. One of her hands threaded into his hair, gripping him. Her hips rocked forward. She made the cutest little noises which quickly turned throaty, turning him on a whole lot more.
It had been a while since they had last rutted. He needed her wet and ready for him. Ash tore her panties open in one quick movement. Then he fingered her using one finger. Nice and easy. His tongue kept laving her clit. By the noises she was making and the way her hips were rocking, he knew she wasn't going to last. Ash eased two fingers inside her. Damn, but she was tight. He eased his fingers in and out, crooking them just a little to catch her sweet spot.
Alice mewled. He glanced up. Her mouth was open, her eyes at half-mast. Her hair wild about her shoulders. Her cheeks heavily flushed. So goddamn beautiful it almost took his breath away. When he pushed a third finger home, her eyes widened up, her hips jerked forward and she groaned low, long and deep as she came around his hand.
Instead of slumping back in a heap of satisfied loveliness, she reached for the hem of her top and pulled it off. Then she yanked off the shirt underneath. Lastly, she unclasped her bra. His mouth went dry at the sight of her. Lips puffy from his kisses. Her belly distended, her breasts swollen. Heavy and lush. Her nipples were darker and so much plumper. His dick twitched, reminding him that he still wore his pants.
“You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Only if you’re still sure.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
She gave him the sweetest, shyest of smiles. “I can see by the way you’re looking at me that you still find me attractive.”
“Understatement of the century.”
Alice moved onto all fours.
“I might need to bite you again,” he warned. “I’m just so turned on right now. Not only that.” He moved in behind her, the bed dipping. “I’m so damned in love with you. My bear wants to mark you. I want to—”
“It’s fine,” she all but sobbed. Her pussy glistened, her need for him gleaming on her upper thighs. “I’m fine with all of it. I just want you inside me.”
Ash put his cock to her opening and carefully nudged inside. Just his tip. “You almost feel tighter,” he choked the words out.
“It feels good.” She rocked back against him. “Pregnancy can make a woman’s privates more swollen. It’s supposed to make me come easier.”
“I sure as fuck hope so, or I’m about to embarrass myself.” He pushed in a little more, grunting loudly. “You feel so good.”
“You. Do. Too,” she groaned as he bottomed out.
“Do you need a pillow for your belly?” His dick throbbed with the need to move. His balls were lodged somewhere in his throat.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was strained.
“You sure?”
“Please, I need to come,” she ground out.
Didn’t have to ask him twice. Ash stayed deep. Using small, precise movements, he fucked her quickly. Tiny little thrusts, right there where she needed him.
Alice cried out. She cried out again, this time yelling, “Yes!” He could see the side of one of her heavy breasts bouncing in time with his short thrusts. Her mouth was wide, her eyes too. “I’m going to … oh god! I’m going to …” Her voice dropped a couple of octaves.
It was already game over for Ash. Her pussy was tight and wet around him. Her cries in his ears. The wet sounds their bodies made. All of it coupled with her. Alice. His. He roared her name, finding her clit and furiously rubbing.
Alice screamed, her pussy clenching tighter. He gripped her hair, holding onto it. Forcing himself to be careful. He sank his teeth into her. Careful! His dick felt like it exploded as she tightened up even more. She yelled his name in a sharp, hard burst. His dick actually hurt! He could barely move. At the same time, it had never felt better.
Ash eventually slowed, he licked the teeth marks. Her skin was only broken in two places and then only scratches. He finally stopped moving. “You can do that anytime,” Alice slurred the words. This time she was slumped over. Her eyes closed.
Ash kissed her cheek. “Are you okay?”
“Better than okay.” More slurring.
“I love you,” he whispered into her ear.
“Now wasn’t that better?”
“What?” Ash frowned.
Alice smiled. It was sleepy. “Sex on the bed.” She chuckled.
“It was with you. Only with you.” He kissed her. It was sloppy and messy. It was perfect, all of it.
23
“Push. That’s it.” Dr. Evans became animated. “The baby is crowning. He’s crowning.”
Alice fell back, breathing hard. Her hair was stuck to her forehead and her lips were dry. There was pain etched in her eyes. Ash couldn’t believe how well she was doing.
“That was great.” Dr. Evans touched his mate’s arm. “One or two more big pushes like that and he’ll be out.”
Alice moaned something incoherent.
“Have some water.” He reached over and grabbed the cup. It was sealed with a lid and a straw. He held the drink to her lips. “Take a big sip.” His heart was beating like crazy but he worked hard to try to contain his nervous energy.
Alice did as he asked. She was breathing heavily. Her eyes were closed. It was no wonder that she was tuckered out. She’d been at it for over fifteen hours. The contractions had been slow at first. They’d gone for walks to try to speed things up. Her waters had finally broken two hours ago and things had gone relatively quickly after that. “You’re doing so well.” He wiped her forehead with a wet cloth.
Alice moaned, her face contorting in pain.
“Here comes another one,” Dr. Evans said, unnecessarily. They all knew the drill by now.
“Squeeze my hand,” Ash whispered, dipping his head down to her face. Alice lay on him, her head on his belly. Her chin on her chest.
She made panting, moaning noises, her eyes were still squeezed tightly shut. Not for the first time, Ash wished he could take her pain from her. He wished he could do this for her somehow. He refused to let fear take hold of him. He concentrated on his mate’s needs instead. He watched Dr. Evans closely.
The doctor leaned in-between Alice’s thighs. He couldn’t help noticing the blood on her gloves. Not much more than a smear or two, but there. He sucked in a deep breath, looking at the doctor’s face instead of her hands. Although there was a look of concentration, she looked completely calm. Dr. Evans glanced up at Alice. “Get ready to push.”
Alice opened her eyes just a tiny crack and nodded once. She set her mouth and squeezed his hand, groaning as she bore down.
“That’s it. Keep going!”
Alice’s groan turned into a yell. She sucked in a few deep gulps of air before straining again. Then she cried out. It was loud and throaty.
“Here comes the head.” Dr. Evans was smiling. “Keep going.”
Alice growled low in her throat for a second or two before sucking in a few deep lungfuls. Then she screamed, trying to grab between her legs.
"The shoulders are the widest," Dr. Evans said; she seemed quite busy, her hands way more bloody than before. She was frowning but still looked calm.
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