Church Boy

by Kirk Franklin

  That’s where I am. Too often we put on these suits and ties and preach to people about the grace of God—and “Oh, isn’t it wonderful!”—before the people have had a chance to get transparent and honest about who they are. They listen to all those sermons and sing all the uplifting hymns, and they never come to grips with the deadly claws wrapped around their hearts.

  They go home and battle with pornography, drugs, alcohol, adultery, and all these other things because they don’t have anywhere to go and unload that stuff. They’re crying out, “Can’t anybody hear me? Can’t anybody help me without judging me? Is anybody else going through this junk I’m going through?”

  The answer is, “Yes, Jesus knows. He hears your cry, and He loves you more than you’ll ever know.”

  I want to help get that message out there, and one of the newest things we’re doing now is making plans for a convention called “Nu Nation.” We’re going to try to put on a major event every summer, from the year 2000 on, and it’s going to be a conference for young people from all over the country. It’s going to be an incredible buildup. I can’t wait!

  I want to give people—young and old—a format, a place where they can say, “Hey, I got some junk! Can we talk about it?” And when they leave that place they can honestly say they’ve been helped, they’ve been loved, and they’ll know that somebody cares for them. We’re talking about organizing this thing so that people can get serious help and support from other people who’ve been there. I’m thinking about doing a “Nu Nation” website on the Internet where people can log on and chat with others who’ve found some answers. I think there will be many, many ways we can touch people and give them some hope.

  You know, there’s another guy out there trying to raise up a nation, and he’ll do it if we turn our eyes and look away from God. But God is saying we’ve got to give the young people better choices. We need to get them involved with the right nation, and that’s how God gave me the name “Nu Nation.” So in the coming year you’ll be hearing a lot more about that.

  Believe me, there are no more godly people on this earth than men and women who really know Jesus and live for Him. The very idea that somebody can come in here and steal those godly hearts and souls away is unforgivable. I won’t be a party to that. Satan is stealing our young people. He’s stealing our fathers; he’s killing our mothers and breaking their hearts. But, I’m sorry to say, he’s doing it because we’ve been sleeping.

  The enemy is selling false pride that is dangerous and self-destructive. People have no fear of God; they have no God to believe in. So somebody is selling them a bill of goods in the name of a false religion, and they’re not sure what to believe anymore.

  But let me tell you, I’ve got the answer! Jesus is the answer, and He’s the only answer that really works. He is the only answer that will save your life. I’m saying, Call on Him! He is the way, the truth, and the life, and His name is not Mohammed or Buddha or Hare Krishna. It’s Jesus, and He loves you.

  WORDS AND MUSIC

  I believe that all the drama I’ve experienced in my life is because God wanted me to have a sensitivity to the music and to people’s pain. I believe that what you live is going to dictate what you play and what you write.

  And I believe that your motives will dictate what happens. If you’re there because it’s a gig and just because you’re going to get a check for it, then you’re not going to touch the hearts of the people. But if you’re there because you’ve been there yourself—been there, done that, gone through some hard times and come through them with a sense of blessing— then I believe you can touch somebody’s heart.

  It’s as if you say with your lyrics, “Want to hear about it? I’m glad you asked.”

  When we went back on the road in December 1996 after six weeks off, there was a new focus to what we were doing. Now and then a preacher or another brother I respected would come up to me after a show and say, “Man, you’ve really got a crazy anointing on you now!” In other words, they thought they could feel the Holy Spirit in our performance in a way they’d never felt it before.

  I can’t say whether the performance changed. Honestly, I don’t think it has. But what I have seen is that when I get the microphone now and it’s time to say a word and minister to the people, I feel the hand of the Lord like I never did before. It is an anointing.

  People want to say I’m some sort of new man, a new entertainer, and that this is all new with me, but I can’t see that that’s really the case. If it is, I certainly can’t see it. It’s nothing the physical eye can see. It’s something only God can see, and possibly a few others who walk closely with Him. But I’m just walking day by day and doing what I can to thank Him and serve Him with the music.

  The first big song we ever had was “Why We Sing,” and I think that song puts a lot of this into perspective. It says:

  Someone asked the question, why do we sing;

  When we lift our hands to Jesus, what do we really mean?

  Someone may be wondering, when we sing our song;

  At times we may be crying and nothing’s even wrong.

  I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free,

  His eye is on the sparrow. That’s the reason why I sing.

  And when the song is over, we’ve all said Amen,

  In your heart, just keep on singing, and the song will

  never end.

  And if somebody asks you, was it just a show?

  Lift your hands and be a witness, and tell the

  whole world no.

  And when we’ve crossed that river, to study war no more,

  We will sing our song to Jesus, the One whom we adore.

  I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free,

  His eye is on the sparrow. That’s the reason why I sing.

  Glory, hallelujah, You’re the reason why I sing!

  Glory, hallelujah, You’re the reason why I sing!

  Glory, hallelujah, I give the praises to You.

  Glory, hallelujah, You’re the reason why I sing!

  What motivates me is the knowledge that God has redeemed me from the pain and the hurts and the sin of my past and given me a new joy I can’t even explain. It’s not just for show. It’s the truth, and that’s what I want to express. I want to write the unwriteable, to compose the unheard melodies, to create the perfect song of praise, to touch the very heart of God.

  I really have a whole different viewpoint than most people do when it comes to songwriting. I don’t say this trying to be too deep. I say it out of safety and because it’s where I feel most comfortable. I don’t believe I have ever written a song.

  I believe that I am a pen. I believe that God is the Poet, and the people are the paper. The pen cannot tell the Poet what to write. The pen only writes what the Poet has to say, and the pen should never get the credit from the paper. The credit should always go back to the Poet. Because the pen was just an instrument in the Poet’s hand.

  One reason I believe this is that there are songs that I feel I had nothing to do with, that God just threw down. They just came out. And I don’t believe it’s because I’ve got skills. I believe it’s because there was a message He wanted me to get out at that particular time and at that particular point in my life.

  Now, I know there are people who will say, “But what about the people who don’t believe in God who are songwriters?” And I can only say, That’s them, that’s their lives. I’m talking about me. I believe that, for me, this is how it works.

  I enjoy hearing God say the unspeakable things and then writing them down. I like to be able to hear and experience things that people were not even there to write.

  The song I’ve used for the title of this chapter is one God gave me for the new album. It says, “When I cannot hear a melody and I can’t feel the sparrows sing . . .” Instead of saying “feel a melody” and “hear the sparrows sing,” it’s the other way around. That’s different. Normally we only hear a sparrow’s song; w
e don’t think we feel it, but that’s the way it came to me.

  The line after that says, “There’s a secret place that’s full of grace; there’s a blessing in the storm.” Then the second verse says, “When the sickness won’t leave my body, and the pain won’t leave my soul, I get on my knees and say, ‘Jesus, please!’ because there’s a blessing in the storm.”

  Now, I’m talking about the fact that there’s joy in going through stuff. Remember the words of James? “My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (James 1:2-4). You know, that’s an incredible thought!

  But that kind of thinking doesn’t make a bit of sense in this world. Only a Christian could make any sense out of that kind of talk. And maybe that’s why so many people think we’re all crazy!

  But it’s true, so very true. It’s a message God wants us to understand, and I think that’s why He gave me this song.

  That’s what I enjoy: the music and the words coming together.

  I am grateful for the music. I honestly think that for me it has been an incredible opportunity to express who I am, a young man who has something to say. I’m not saying that I’m where I need to be or that I’ve already arrived, but that I’m working hard to get there.

  I don’t want to just play a part, to give lip service but live an empty life. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that everybody else is getting to know Jesus but I didn’t make it.

  You know, when it’s all said and done, there are going to be some people who won others to Christ but won’t be spending eternity with Him themselves because they never claimed that gospel truth for themselves. Isn’t that a horrible thought? Some people who know all the right words and have lived in the church all their lives are going to be on the outside looking in because they never really claimed the promise of eternal life for themselves. They may have walked the aisle and they may have sung the songs, but that isn’t enough. Only humble repentance before the cross can do it.

  There are times when life can be too much and you want to quit. I know that. There are times when it’s easy to cave in and go along with stuff that God hates. I know that too. But if you can claim what Jesus is offering and let Him turn you around in a new direction, then you have real peace with God. And even in the storms of life, God’s blessing will see you through.

  My desire is to please You,

  To be more and more like You, Jesus.

  Each and every day,

  I lift my hands and say,

  I want to be more like You.

  I give You my life;

  Take me in Your arms and hold me, Jesus;

  I give You my heart;

  I know that You can mend these broken pieces.

  I’m totally . . .

  I’m totally . . .

  Totally committed to You.

  I give You my life,

  My heart,

  My soul.

  Take control!

  I love You,

  I love You.

  Words and music by Kirk Franklin.

  Copyright ©1998, Kerrion Publishing / Lilly Mack Publishing (BMI).

  Used by permission.

  10

  Totally Committed

  I wonder if I’ll ever get to the point where I can go into the studio and work on a song and not worry whether people will like it. Wow! That’s who I want to be. Not to worry, just to know that I’m living everything I’m putting down in the music. And to know that, even if nobody else applauds, at least God has applauded. I could rest in that. To be that kind of artist and a man of God! That would be my dream come true.

  People’s expectations, from a musical standpoint, are so high now that I have a lot to live up to. It’s frustrating to know that so many people are looking at me and saying, “What’s he going to do next?”

  I feel like saying, “Stop looking at me!”

  Can you picture this? It’s like a scene from an old movie. There I am on top of the Empire State Building with searchlights shining up there, lighting up the sky, and helicopters buzzing around me and I’m yelling, “Stop looking at me!” That’s what I feel like saying. “Stop looking at me!”

  Musicians and other creative people are wired a little differently from most folks. We’re sensitive to what people think about our work, and we’re especially sensitive to criticism. This is a profession where we put our heart and soul on the line every day for anybody and everybody to judge. The audiences can either like what we do or they can hate it. As long as enough of them enjoy it enough of the time, we can keep doing it; but that’s always subject to change. But Jesus never changes, so He’s the one I’m striving to please.

  If it ever changes, then it will be time to go back and take another look at what we’re doing. At least, that would be the smart thing from a business perspective; but there’s also an emotional side to this business, and that’s where I am most of the time. I like to think that the anointing on our music means more to us than our desire for applause and approval. But we’re all human, and we are driven to perform music that people respond to.

  This is an area I have to pray through and think about in my quiet times with God, not allowing other people’s opinions to sway what I feel. Sometimes I ask for people’s opinions on how I did before I ask God how I did. It’s my human nature. But I have to remember that the One I really want to please is the One I’m here to serve, and if He can use my life and my music to glorify His Son, Jesus Christ, then I’m satisfied.

  Keeping those two sides in balance is a constant struggle. And that’s why I can’t allow myself to get caught up in all the trappings of success. There’s still so much work to be done on Kirk, I ain’t got time for that stuff!

  I’m not where I want to be. But I don’t say I’ve got more growing to do; it’s more like I have more dying to do. Dying to self and working each day to maintain a humble heart. Here I am in a place in my life where people are telling me how good we are, how important our music is, and what great ministers of the gospel we are, and I’m thinking, That’s probably the last thing any of us needs to hear.

  Encouragement is good, and it helps us know what the audience thinks of us; but one night after the show in New York City, I felt the Lord telling me to go on a fast. Not a food fast, a media fast. He wants me to stop looking at my reviews and stop seeing all the praise we get when we’re performing so that we can keep things in proper balance and perspective.

  He wants me to stop it all for a while and not look at all the wonderful things people are saying. He wants me to concentrate on Him and my walk because He’s got some moves I need to concentrate on. I’ve got to be able to hear His still, small voice, and that’s not easy to do in the middle of a circus.

  The reality of the situation is that I’m a Christian in a non-Christian environment. The majority of the stuff I’m doing is happening in the secular marketplace. For example, I got a call from MTV asking me to host the Top Ten Countdown, and I had to say no. That’s not right for me. That’s not my message or my ministry. I can’t introduce a video that says, “I want to sex you up!” God is not going to honor that, and that’s the most important thing I have to think about. What matters to me is, What does God want Kirk Franklin to be?

  As a musician, I want to know that I’m pleasing most of the crowd most of the time. That’s important for a lot of good reasons. By nature I’m a pleaser, so I feel bad if I think people aren’t satisfied with my work. Maybe I’ll grow out of that or maybe I won’t, but right now it’s something I struggle with.

  My biggest hope for the future is to have some peace of mind and, one day, some rest. How I’d love to be able to sit down and read through my Bible without my mind racing ahead thinking of fifty other things! How I’d love to stretch out somewhere with a good book, with no interruptions, so I wouldn’t have to go back and reread the same paragraph ove
r and over again.

  It’s frustrating to be so preoccupied that I can never focus on the things that matter, especially knowing that half the stuff I’m worrying about isn’t even important!

  A SENSE OF PURPOSE

  Sometimes we will go into a hall for a concert and have eleven or twelve thousand people there (which is an awesome crowd for a gospel concert), and I feel a real sense of responsibility knowing that this may be the only chance anybody will ever have to touch some of those people with the gospel. We don’t want to be pushy, but we don’t want to miss the opportunity either. Somebody’s eternal life may be at stake.

  Many times when we’ve been doing a concert and praising the Lord and worshiping in a large crowd, I’ve wished that the gift of healing could take place. I’ve prayed over people and laid hands on some of them and asked for them to be healed of some condition or illness or financial situation, but to the best of my knowledge it hasn’t happened. At least, not at that moment. But I rest in the knowledge that the gift of music is being used to awaken people to their needs.

  If we can just do that night after night and bring even a hundred people to the point where they realize that Jesus really is the answer, then maybe that’s the best we can do. And as much as I would like to see miracles happen in those crowds, I know my real calling is to be faithful to what God has given me to do. I want to be the best musician and the best witness of His grace that I can be. Then I just have to leave the rest to Him.

  At the end of each concert I try to make a time for people either to recommit their lives to Christ or, as happens now in a growing number of cases, to give their hearts to Him for the first time. Obviously, we don’t have the staff or the counseling expertise to take it much further than that, but we can start the process.

  I tell those who come forward to claim salvation in faith and then to find a good Bible-believing church where they can be discipled and ministered to. Generally, that’s as far as we can go. We’re seed planters, not harvesters. We have to trust the Spirit to lead them to a place where they can grow in the faith.