Fionna was silent, thinking about whether to argue or run.
“All of you know what my family life was like. I had to go next door to get what was impossible from my own parents. And they are not my parents, not biologically or in any other sense. I thought that I missed out on what should have been my right; to have parents who loved and nurtured me. I thought we could all, all of us who are damaged and those who aren’t, become that thing that eludes me. But to me, the foundation of family is love and trust. Acceptance of who we are. But I’m sorry to say that the Immortals in my life think like Fionna. You are not like me; you think you are better than me and can decide family matters for the best.”
“I’m not sure that’s fair,” said Hecate. “We’re different, that’s all.”
“Well, that’s exactly true. I have zero idea why Kendra is here. You want to kick ass for our Lord. Hana the peacemaker gets sniped by Kendra all the time. Apparently, Immortals even look down on other Immortals. Fionna and Niona are sisters, and once Niona was back, we fell into old patterns. You think you know better than me what we need to do. And Hecate is the same. So bold, so ready for action? What action? What did any of you accomplish? Nothing. You did not trust me. You thought me weak and indecisive, while I, in fact, did something, something tangible and real that you all fucked up. Now I have no idea where our enemies are. This I did with Kalindra, who risked her life for me. For us. Wasted. Wasted opportunity to set us free.”
“Maybe you should have told us what you were doing,” said Fionna. “Then none of this would have happened.”
“Of course, Immortal, I’m just a dumb mortal. I’m surprised I can even do my calculations without you near. It’s my fault. Well, then leave Fionna, because this mortal isn’t going to change and you will never be trusted again.”
He paused, taking a deep breath.
“As to mortals, which of you spoke up for me? Show of hands. That’s right, zero. I asked Eene to come with me and Alana, but you rejected me. You went back to your clan. Let me ask you, what will happen when they decide to leave, Eene? Where will Alana be, where will any of you be? They’ll desert you and go out on their own. I asked you, and only you, to come with Alana and me. I felt numb after you said no. Maybe betrayal is too strong a word but this cannot be my future. I would rather be alone than to feel this way again. I’ve lost you; all of you. You’re angry, I’m angry. How do we ever put the pieces back together? I just don’t know. I think that maybe I’m just not cut out for family. I don’t understand it any better than any of you. Maybe Misti does; maybe you should go back to Barrows and your family there. I don’t belong there anymore nor do I belong here.”
Noki asked, “What then? Do we all just quit? Like nothing good ever happened? Like we never loved each other. This was my dream here in Paraiso, made possible by you. I can only speak for myself, but I want you to stay and I will stay. And we will build Paradise on Earth. I want you back and I want you to love and trust me again. If others reject what we had, then go. I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong to not trust you; now I want to make it right. If it takes forever to heal this thing we’ve done, then it does. But I want you back, and I’ll do whatever you want for me to remain in your life. I’m sorry I didn’t have faith in you before. I should have; and faith that you would always protect me and Eene and Misti. I know it was you who saved us. Please say you still love me and will let me try to make amends.”
“You know I love you. I always have.”
“Even when I was trying to kill you?”
“Especially then. That’s how I knew you really loved me. Understood me. I’m aggravating.”
“Can I please come home now. Misti snores and really loud.”
“Come home. Maybe we can try this again.” He said the words, but his heart was less than certain and his voice unconvincing.
Fionna still looked defiant, but said, “Even me? You still want me back?”
“You’re a bigger pain than me, but yes I miss our mosaic. You are still very important and I have always loved you. But do you really want this life? Maybe you and Niona should think about it. All you Immortals. If you don’t believe in me, think yourselves superior to me, then don’t stay. I won’t change.”
He paused again.
“And Eene, quit hiding in the back. All my family is invited; you choose what’s best for you. This family is not for everyone.”
Eene rushed to Adam, wrapping her arms around him and crying. The thought of being alone again terrified her.
“I learned my lesson. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I should have known better that you would be thinking about something. Something wonderful and to protect me and all of us. And like Noki said, thank you for rescuing us. It would have been very, very bad otherwise. But Misti never lost faith. She said you would come for us and you did. She said we had nothing to worry about, and we didn’t. Maybe some day you’ll tell us how you did it.”
“Simple. I sent the Immortals back where they couldn’t interfere and I made sure to keep an eye on you mortals. Wasn’t that hard. Even if I am just a mortal.”
Chapter 43
Weeks later, things were still not back to normal. The house was filled with all the usual suspects and Adam was happier and almost back to his normal routines. Everyone tried, tried very hard to regain each other’s trust and to be kinder to each other than they had been the day before. But they were all walking on eggshells, not just around Adam but around each other. Adam felt the tension in the air and called for a breakfast meeting. Attendance mandatory.
There was even more tension among the women overnight; some thought that something else was wrong, or that Adam was still unhappy and the new revised family was still not working. They already felt uncomfortable enough; what now?
“Please remove that ‘deer in the headlights’ look from your faces; nothing is wrong and everything is fine. I love all of you and I am happier than I thought I would ever be again. I am rethinking my own contribution to the problems we all experienced and maybe I think that our family is so unique, so different that I do need to share everything and anything with all of you. No secrets and side projects from what we are all working on so this thing never gets out of hand again. I want to protect you all from harm; maybe I shouldn’t anymore. If you want to share the risk, then have at it.”
Whether they showed it or not, everyone was relieved that there was no more drama on the horizon, that Adam was being circumspect and thoughtful, more amenable to accepting some responsibility for his own conduct even though he had not changed his mind one bit about what they had discussed previously. Their private time alone was more often dominated by talking than doing, though there was still some doing being done.
Fionna was still seemingly unsatisfied and Adam privately thought she would leave. Their alone time was tense and she argued with him, still believing that if anyone was at fault it was him for not telling his wives what he was doing apart from them. He told her if she had told him everything, maybe he would have too. Two could play the blame game. Adam still believed that as long as Fionna remained on the bent of Immortal superiority, they would have to part company. In fact, he made the same point with all his Immortals that if they thought themselves better than their co-existence with lowly mortals, they could never really be happy with him. They should consider starting their own Immortal family and leave all the mortal drama behind.
Responses from the Immortals were not generally encouraging, so Adam warned Misti, Noki and Eene that he believed their family would soon be much smaller in number. He was sad to think his Immortals would leave but then the risks of being honest are such that ending relationships, even loving and caring ones, was a risk that was the consequence of such honesty.
The three mortals thought that was poppycock; Fionna simply had a disagreement with Adam. She was headstrong and independent. She still loved her mortal but Adam felt they could easily substitute the word ‘pet’ for ‘mortal’ and that would be just as ac
curate. The Immortals shrugged his conjecture off not really knowing Fionna’s mind nor those of her sisters. They did feel as though there was less tension among the mortals as there was less tension among the Immortals. Slowly Adam sensed two camps were beginning to form. Adam hoped he was wrong.
“What I want to talk to you about are a couple of things, not that there is anything to decide, but whether we all feel the same, or it’s just me.”
Nobody had any intention of speaking before they knew what Adam was thinking.
“I would like for us all to return to speaking our minds out loud in front of each other without holding back. I don’t like all this careful wording and politeness that seems to have pervaded all our conversations recently. If Kendra stays and wants to call Hana a peacenik, do it, if that’s how you feel. Fionna still thinks this is my fault; maybe others do too. Fine; out with it. But we’re all being too careful now and it kinda creeps me out. Families argue and say terrible things, then say they’re sorry and move on. I’ve had my say and have been hard on all of you, but if this is going to work out, then we need to be honest and get back to normal. Am I wrong?”
Fionna said, “No, I don’t think you’re wrong. I feel it; I don’t know about anyone else. To be honest I’ve kept my own counsel lately; I don’t talk to anyone else, not even Niona or chatterbox Hecate. I’m not sure whether I’m staying. I feel like I’m the bad guy here and I don’t think I am. This may not be right for me anymore if it ever was. I am an Immortal and I am different. You say I feel superior, and upon reflection, I guess I do. Not sure how to change it or if I want to. In fact, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to. There. That’s honesty. I hope we all are happier now.”
Adam said, “Actually I am. I’d rather you be honest and to know what you feel about it than never to know. If you don’t want this any more, I understand. Is this how all you Immortals feel?”
“I do too,” said Kendra. “I think I’ll be leaving. This is too much nice and too much sweetness for my liking. What I like about being here has to outweigh the power I feel as an Immortal. It doesn’t. Not anymore, if it ever did”
“Not me,” said Hecate. “I’m staying. I like it here and always have.”
Niona said, “If Fionna leaves, I’ll leave with her. Adam, I know what you have done and tried to do, but in the end, I guess I think that Fionna is right. I’m an Immortal and I am superior. You are right too, though, we can never have in our Immortal realm what we have here. It is cold and uncaring; there is only duty. But this part of the Reality may not give us what we want or let us be what we truly are. Away from here, we have the whole of Reality to roam. How can we be content to stay on just one world? When I was restored, I was fully restored. No residual issues with Immortal to mortal to Immortal. I can’t change who I am.”
Adam said, “I guess that just leaves you Hana.”
“I love you and don’t care for full Immortality. Certainly not what Niona, Fionna and Kendra experience. I will ask our Lord for a demotion, if that’s what it is. Whatever you are Adam, and Misti and Noki and Eene, that’s what I want to be. I cannot exist in a loveless world. Those that can, I wish you well. I will never give up on my family again.”
Adam looked at Hecate again. “You’re sure?”
“No doubt in my mind at all. I have always belonged with you, to you. You have always had my heart. Immortality is only important insofar as I am able to be with you. Perhaps, though, I should do as Hana and become what you and our mortal sisters are. Free myself from the cold world of Immortality. Not sure though. I’ve never been tempted to go to that Realm; I’ve only known a life with you. But there are benefits to full Immortality we may need in the future that only come from having an Immortal around.”
She thought for a moment.
“As to my Immortal sisters, I wish you luck. But I think you will quickly regret this arrogance and beg to come back. You, Niona for a second or third time. You’ve leaned nothing and begged forgiveness, but here you are again abandoning our family. What will you do next time? What excise will you have then?
“And you, Kendra, are the unkindest and most ungracious of all. I hope to never see you again, and if I do, it will be too soon. This is honesty too. To my mortal sisters, I am happier than ever to be back here with you. I love you all. I hope none of you are leaving, are you?”
All three shook their heads no.
Noki said, “My dream lives and my sisters are here in love and support. You are my treasures, all of you, and I cannot wait to begin this journey anew. And to prove it, I say to the love of my life the following: you are arrogant and charming, there are times I want to brain you, you’re so dense and stupid, you infuriate me, then you do something kind and gentle that reminds me exactly why I love you. You are imperfect and yet thoughtful, you are kind and sometimes cruel, you are caring and at times indifferent. I have no idea why I love you so much that I ache at even the thought of not being near you. But in every way that matters in my life, I know, I deeply know, that you love me and will always watch over me, even when I do things that I know make you very angry. And I don’t need your protection; I used to kill people for a living. But I need you to protect my heart, and that is the only thing that matters to me. You talk too much, you scold us like we’re children and yet the biggest child on this playground is you. You need me; you need us all and on some deep level, the place where all your love resides, I know you know that too. I could never leave you and I never will.”
“Ditto what she said,” said Misti. “Except I want to kick your ass more than she does and have never wanted another mate. I have always been yours and always will be. Enough said. I don’t like crying.”
Eene said, “I need you to protect me in every way. I’m not like the others. You understand me, as flawed as I am and maybe you are too. But I have never loved anyone. Not ever. Not until I met you. I live in fear of ever losing you, and I don’t like it when you are angry with me. That’s the only thing I would ask to you change. I want you to love me and not to yell at me when I screw up.”
“When have I ever yelled at you?”
“Never. But I think you want to. Sometimes I don’t exactly think things through like the others. It takes me a little longer.”
Adam asked, “And yet, who is it I listen to the most? Whose advice do I follow most?”
“Is that a real question?”
“It is.”
Misti said, “It’s you Eene. He listens to you because there is no malice in your heart even though the world has been unkindest to you. Yet your thoughts are always smart and good for us all.”
Noki smiled. “She’s right. You may be a ninety-pound weakling, but you have a big brain and a bigger heart. We all love you so much.”
“Now you’re all making fun of me.”
Adam stretched his arms out, pulling his mate to him and enveloping Eene in his embrace. “No, we’re not. You’re our prize, our jewel and we could not live without that smile and your laugh. And I will try harder not to ever make you think I want to yell at you. I promise, I do not. Now Hecate, on the other hand …”
“You’re mean. And I hate you! But I love you way more. And I only screw with Eene because it’s so easy. I’ll try to tone it down. Probably not, but maybe. You’re forewarned Eene. You’re my girl too, you know. He doesn’t get all of you.”
“I know. I love our time alone. I’m glad we talked; sorry to say goodbye to the three who will be leaving but, if we must part ways to fulfill ourselves, then I wish you well. I for one want to work harder than ever to make Paraiso, Noki’s dream, come true. And I know that Adam will take care of the other thing. I’m hereby retiring from plotting and scheming with anyone other than Papa.”
The three Immortals just disappeared. Hana left but said she would be back. Hecate said that, since she was the best spy and bodyguard ever, she decided to remain Immortal; she had no idea what Niona, Fionna and Kendra were talking about. And the world of the Immortals didn’t soun
d like any fun anyway. Besides, the Boss loved her and liked having her around. She saw no need to change.
That night, a note floated to Adam in his Study.
The children are yours to raise and nurture. Please love them as you loved us.
F, K and N
It was over.
For now, anyway.
Chapter 44
Laura was standing in the middle of nowhere looking at Gaea as if she had lost her mind. She wasn’t expecting a warm welcome from Gaea and Armand, who she mistook for Gaea’s older brother in New York City, Bernard. She had assumed that where she was going was an off the grid luxury lodge or magnificent cabin that Bernard would have used as his hideaway, hidden through layers of off-shore companies and other legal mechanisms to conceal identity and ownership. When she arrived and saw that it was Crown forest, belonged to the Canadian government and consisted of shipping containers hidden in the thick trees to avoid detection from the air, she was shocked but not concerned. It made sense to go off grid if Edward and Anna were looking for them, and Laura understood that Gaea was now in as much danger as she was; Edward would assume that Gaea knew what Laura knew, and what Laura knew was where the Marco Polo Cache was.
Armand did not look right in the head and, after Gaea’s initial remark, which Laura took as a sick joke, she became increasingly uncomfortable as she watched the interaction of this crazed man and his half-sister.
“I didn’t know you had another brother. I assumed you would be hiding out in New York with him rather than here in the wild.”
“Yes, well my brother Armand here values his privacy and likes to stay away from the rest of the world. He rarely gets any visitors, mostly hikers in the wrong place at the wrong time. They can be troublesome, so Armand occasionally takes extraordinary measure to insure his privacy. Can’t be too careful you know. So why are you here, Laura? Our deal is dead and now you see my living conditions. Until that shit turns up and is turned over to Edward and his psycho wife, I suspect we will never be safe. And since someone stole it right out from under your nose, we’re screwed.”
Crissy Chance Page 32
