“I remember that,” Harrison said with a gruff chuckle. “You told her she couldn’t go because she’d spilled nail polish in the bathroom and tried to blame it on Athens. I didn’t know you’d already told her no, and brought her there without asking.”
“She played us like a fiddle,” Willow said, shaking her head. “But that was it, Harrison. Four years ago. That was our last big argument.” She turned to him. “One of the reasons this has been such a shock to our marriage is because we’re not used to there being any tension. We’ve always gotten along so well.”
“Like peanut butter and jelly,” he said. “At least that’s how the great Diane Holmes thought of us.”
It had been his mother’s collective nickname for them from the time they’d become engaged.
Willow smiled, but then her expression sobered. “She would be so disappointed in us.”
“Not in us. In the situation, yes, but I doubt there’s anything we could do that would have disappointed her.” Harrison angled his head back and looked up at the sky through the slats of the pergola, studying the wispy clouds that partially obscured the moon. “I think, more than anything, it would have hurt her to see us hurting.” He brought his gaze back to his wife’s. “Because this hurts, Willow. It hurts so damn much.”
“I know.” Her voice trembled. “It hurts me too.”
“So what are we going to do about it?” Harrison asked, wincing at the raw desperation cloaking his words. But, dammit, he was desperate. He wanted to fix this—to fix them. He softened his voice before he asked, “Do you want to go to marriage counseling?”
Her eyes shifted to his before she cast them downward again. “You’d be willing to do that?”
Harrison took hold of her chin and lifted her face up so he could look into her eyes. “I’d be willing to walk through fire if it meant figuring out what’s broken between us. I can’t go on like this, Willow. It’s not fair to either of us.”
He caught the single tear that escaped, using his thumb to swipe it from her cheek. Harrison thought about the plane tickets in his back pocket. He’d slipped them in there before he left the office, still unsure whether he should even bring it up. But it was time to pull out all the stops. His marriage was on the line here, he would do whatever he could to ensure its survival.
Lifting up slightly from the swing, he retrieved the envelope and held it out to her.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I’m supposed to give this to you tomorrow, but now’s as good a time as any.”
Willow looked at the envelope, then back up at him. “What’s in it?”
“Your anniversary gift. Take it,” Harrison encouraged, nudging her hand with the envelope.
She finally accepted it and gently untucked the flap. Harrison watched as her eyes roamed over the tickets. He recognized the exact moment when she comprehended what she was looking at.
“Are you serious?” she whispered.
He hunched his shoulders. “You’ve always wanted to go.”
“But you don’t fly. You won’t even take a forty minute flight to Houston.” She paused. “Wait a minute. This is for next week!” She swung her head around to look at him with wide, shocked eyes. “Harrison, did you buy last minute tickets to Italy?”
“I bought these almost a year ago,” he said. “Just after the holidays.”
A gasp escaped her lips as she flattened her hand over her heart. “You’ve been planning this for a year?”
“I’ve been owing you a honeymoon for seventeen years. I figured it was finally time we take it.”
Her expression softened with gratitude. “You’ve always been the sweetest man I’ve ever known,” she said, returning her attention to the tickets. But then her shoulders wilted. The corner of her mouth tilted downward. When she looked over at him again, her eyes were filled with reluctance and warning. “Harrison, you know this isn’t a magic pill, right? It wasn’t that long ago that we tried to just pretend everything was okay, and you saw how that turned out.”
“I know,” he assured her. “I’m not expecting us to go to Italy and have everything suddenly return to the way it used to be.”
No matter how much he wanted that to happen.
Harrison reached over and took her hand in his again. “I just want to spend some time with my wife. With only my wife. No kids. No brothers, or sisters, or clients. Just you and me in this place you’ve always wanted to go. Let me do this for you, Willow.”
“Do you really think you can disconnect for”—she glanced down at the tickets—“an entire week? We haven’t taken a single family vacation without you having to steal away at least a day for work.”
Harrison shook his head. “Not this time. This trip will be about you and me, and no one else.”
Anxiety gripped his chest as he waited for her answer. The fear he now felt was one of the main reasons he’d been so reluctant to give her the tickets in the first place. The threat of her turning him down loomed over him like a menacing cloud. If she was able to say no to this trip, especially after the way her eyes had lit up at the first sight of those tickets, it would tell Harrison exactly how far gone things were between them.
“What about the kids?” she finally asked.
He released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. She hadn’t responded with an outright no.
“I’ve already talked to my dad. He’s going to come stay over here for the week.”
“Wait! The foundation’s kickoff party! It’s next month. It wouldn’t be fair to leave all that work to your sister and brothers.”
“Are you kidding me? Indina would love nothing more than to be given carte blanche over the last minute decisions for the kickoff party. There isn’t all that much left to plan anyway. Indina can handle it.” He was seconds from falling to his knees and begging. “Come on, Willow. Let’s do this.”
She stared down at the tickets for a moment before asking, “Can I have a day to think about it?”
A twinge of disappointment pinched his chest, but Harrison quickly squashed it. He hadn’t expected her to jump into his arms and agree right out of the gate, had he?
Okay, so maybe he had.
He’d give anything for this to be the magic pill she’d referred to, but there were no magical solutions. Figuring out just what had gone wrong in their marriage and finding a way to repair it would take work. This trip was only a start. The fact that she hadn’t said no—that she was willing to consider it—was a win.
“When would we leave again?” she asked, looking at the tickets again.
“Saturday. Everything is all planned out. The only thing you have to do is have the time of your life.”
She nodded and sent him a brief smile, too brief to decide whether or not it actually reached her eyes. Several quiet moments passed before she clamped her palms over her thighs and pushed up from the swing.
“It’s getting late. I should probably go in.”
His mind recoiled at her suggestion. He didn’t want their night together to end so soon. But Harrison knew better than to push. He stood, took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thanks again for inviting me to dinner.”
“Thanks for coming, both to dinner and back here to talk. We needed this.”
They needed more than just this one talk. So much more. But this was more than they’d managed to do in the three weeks since he’d left. It was a step in the right direction.
Still holding hands, they walked back through the softly lit backyard, along the stone path leading up to the patio. Harrison slowed his steps as they approached the French doors. He didn’t want to go inside just yet, because he knew it would gut him when he had to continue out the front door instead of joining his wife in their own bed.
God, why couldn’t he go in there with her? Why couldn’t they be in a place where it felt natural to go in their master bedroom, step into the shower together, and wash each other’s bodies before slipping underneath the covers and making love?
When did that scenario become something he could only wish for?
Apparently, not sensing his reluctance—or maybe she did sense it and just didn’t care—Willow continued into the house, through the kitchen and into the living room. At least she hadn’t let go of his hand.
She still held on once they arrived at the front door. She looked up at him, a tender smile gracing her lips. It was a smile that reached her eyes.
“Goodnight,” she whispered.
“Goodnight,” he returned, his voice just as soft.
Taking a chance, Harrison leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. His body flooded with warmth at the delicate contact, a cascade of endorphins surging through his brain as he immersed himself in the familiar feel of her mouth.
The kiss ended much too soon, but Harrison knew he would dream about it for the rest of the night.
He thought he sensed some reluctance when Willow started to let go of his hand. What would she say if he asked her if he could stay? After that sweet, tender kiss they’d shared, he was tempted. But Harrison knew if she turned him down it would devastate him.
Unless she offered…
She didn’t.
“Be careful driving back to the office,” she said.
Disappointment assailed him once again. “I will,” he answered. He leaned forward and snatched another kiss. Leaning his forehead against hers, he whispered, “I love you, Willow Elizabeth Holmes.”
“I love you, too, Harrison Clark Holmes,” she returned.
He thought about how many times they’d ended the night with those exact words. How could they say those same words to each other with the way things currently stood between them? Did the words not mean what they used to mean?
They meant the same thing to him. He loved his wife with every bone, every fiber, every single cell of his being. Whether it was the same for Willow, he could no longer be sure.
But Harrison refused to ask her what she meant when she told him she loved him. Because if he didn’t like her answer, he knew the anguish he’d face would be so much worse than anything he’d felt up to this point.
With a final kiss upon her forehead, he unlocked the front door and walked out of the house, hearing the click of the deadbolt as Willow locked up behind him.
Chapter Four
Willow craned her neck as she searched through the sea of students emptying out of the building on the campus of Loyola University in New Orleans’s Uptown neighborhood. The prestigious school sat adjacent to Tulane University, another of the city’s illustrious institutions. And her baby sister had been invited to speak at both of them. Willow could not have been prouder.
“Hey! You lookin’ for me?”
She turned at the awful Robert De Niro impersonation and a smile broke out over her face. She rushed over to her sister and wrapped her arms around her. “Where’d you come from? I thought you said to look for you in the building facing Freret Street?”
Jade, who stood a full foot taller than her, leaned over and returned the hug, holding on longer than usual.
“My lecture ended early, so I went to visit a colleague who used to work with me in the Psych department at Rice. I thought I’d be done before you got here, but, as usual, you’re on regular time instead of CP time.”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Better than leaving you here waiting for me,” she said. “Oh, by the way, the line from Taxi Driver is ‘You talkin’ to me,’ not ‘You lookin’ for me.’”
“Yes, I know.” Her sister laughed. Then, after finally letting go, she rubbed Willow’s upper arm and asked, “So, how’re you doing, honey?” Jade’s apprehension was evident in her concerned eyes as they roamed over Willow’s face.
“If I lied and said I was okay you’d see right through it,” she said. “Let’s just say that I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse.”
“I’ve lived through your worse with you. That’s not something any of us ever want to face again.” Her sister squeezed her arm, a sad smile tugging at her lips. But then, in typical Jade fashion, her eyes brightened and she clapped her hands together. “Guess what? I’m done with my lectures for the day, so it is officially wine o’clock. Let’s get on over to your house and drink every bit you have.”
Willow burst out laughing. She could always count on her younger sister to put a smile on her face. Even during some of their roughest times, when the Carter girls had absolutely no reason to smile, Jade’s endearing sense of humor would make an appearance and cheer them all up. There were so many nights she’d cried herself to sleep when she was younger, but Willow knew that number would have been much higher if not for her sister.
They made a stop at Martin’s Wine Cellar and picked up a couple of bottles of Jade’s favorite cabernet sauvignon before heading to her house. The parent of one of Athens’s scout mates would pick the boys up from school today, so Willow had hours before either of her kids would be home.
She popped popcorn and broke out the box of Godiva chocolates she kept stashed in the freezer. Plopping on the sofa, she accepted the wineglass Jade handed to her before putting her feet up on the oversized ottoman and leaning her head against the cushioned back of the sofa.
“Are we really about to drink wine and eat popcorn and chocolate at two in the afternoon while we discuss my crumbling marriage?” Willow asked.
“Yep, I think we are.” Jade took a sip from her glass. “Ahhh. I do love this wine.” She looked over at Willow and asked, “Is it really crumbling?”
Willow took her own healthy sip before answering. “Crumbling may be a bit too harsh. Gradually deteriorating maybe?”
“Do semantics really make a difference here?”
“I guess not,” Willow said. She sighed. “It’s just… I don’t know, Jade. I never thought we’d be here.”
“When did this even start? I mean, damn, you and Harrison are like the poster children for the sickeningly in love. I didn’t think anything could put a stop to that.”
“We’re still in love. I love my husband more than anything. That’s what’s so crazy about this. My love for him hasn’t changed at all, but it seems as if everything else has.” Willow lifted her shoulders in confusion. “I was just fine with driving the kids to practice, and baking brownies for the church bake sales, and leading the community action team meetings and all the other stuff I’m require to do. But it just isn’t enough anymore. I don’t feel…fulfilled.” Willow groaned. “I can’t believe I just said that. Like someone in the middle of a midlife crisis. I’m such a fucking cliché.”
Jade gasped. “You said fuck.”
Willow winced. “Don’t tell Momma.”
Her sister laughed so hard she nearly fell off the sofa.
“I’m serious, Jade.” She pitched a throw pillow at her head.
“You’re forty-two, Willow. Momma can’t punish you for saying the word fuck.”
“I’m not talking about saying a bad word. I’m talking about my marriage. I don’t want her to know about the chaos in my life right now.”
Her sister twisted on the sofa so that she could face her, bringing one leg up and settling the bowl of popcorn on the sofa cushion between them.
“I’m still trying to figure out when the chaos started. What is it about your life that has you not feeling fulfilled? What’s wrong?”
“That’s the thing. There’s nothing that’s really wrong. My life should be perfect. I have everything a woman is supposed to want.” Willow ticked the items off on her fingers. “I have two beautiful children. I have an amazing house to raise them in. And a gorgeous husband who bends over backwards to provide everything I need.”
Her sister frowned at her before saying, “Bitch, you do have it all. Why are you complaining?” Jade caught her by the wrist before Willow could toss a second pillow at her head. “I’m just messing with you. Look, I get what you’re saying, honey, but just because you have what society tells us is the idyllic life, it doesn’t mean you have everything. Something’s missing in
here.” Jade tapped Willow in the center of her chest. “What is it? What’s missing?”
Willow should have known better than to open up to a trained psychologist. Jade saw past the surface. She always had. And she knew the exact questions to ask to get to the heart of the matter.
But Willow wasn’t ready to face those questions. She knew she wouldn’t like the answers.
And her sister definitely wouldn’t like the answers, because, although it wasn’t fair, Jade played a part in the dissatisfaction that had been stuck in Willow’s craw for nearly a year. Both her sisters did, along with their mother.
Life had not been easy for Rachel Carter or the three daughters she’d raised on her own. As a child, Willow watched her mother struggle to keep food on the rickety tables of the pay-by-the-week motels they’d lived in during those early years after she escaped their abusive father. Often times, her mother had only been able to scrounge up enough food for her daughters, choosing to go to bed hungry herself.
But despite those hundreds of small bumps in the road, and quite a few rocky mountains along the way, Rachel Carter had prevailed, managing to claw them all out of poverty. She’d done so by going to night school while working at low-paying jobs, earning her bachelor’s degree, landing an entry-level job with a Fortune 1000 company, and eventually working her way up to head of Human Resources. Not to mention getting herself two master’s degrees on her climb up that corporate ladder.
Willow’s sisters had done the same, with Jade going on to earn her Ph.D. in Psychology, and their eldest sister, Rain, opening her third yoga studio in the Houston area just a few months ago.
And here sat Willow, a suburban housewife.
A cliché.
She’d had aspirations of her own, the same as the other women in her family. She’d finished college and filled out applications for graduate school. She’d had all intentions of becoming a biochemical engineer who would one day make a medical discovery that could save millions of lives. Not only that, she’d also planned to teach younger kids about science so they could enter the field and work on making medical discoveries of their own.
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