by Kitty Parker
"Yeah. Wan' me to go get 'im?" Jack asks.
"I wish he wouldn't stay," she then says as if he hasn't said and he blinks at her. She turns her head on the pillow and looks at him. "I mean, I'm not angry, of course, that's he here. It's just a little awkward."
Because he's here, too? Nah, that can't be it. Why should that matter if he and Spencer are in the same spot at the same time? It's happened tons of times already.
He swallows and waits for her to say something else.
"I was talking with him today…" Daisy takes another moment and sighs again. "I told him I didn't think we should see one another anymore."
Jack feels like such an asshole but he can't help himself or stop himself from feeling an elation in his chest over that – as if that's the best thing he's ever heard.
…
Daisy doesn't have to spend the night. The doctor discharges her and he's still out in the hallway when she comes out of the room with her mom and sister, changed into her jeans and sweater that she had been wearing earlier before the accident.
Matty wants to be picked up by her but everyone can see the way she winces when she bends down to attempt it and Jack is quick to swoop the kid up into his own arms.
She and her family go back and forth with one another for a few minutes. They don't want Daisy to go home that night and if she insists on going home and not to the farm, at least one of them should come over and spend the night with her.
"I'm fine," Daisy keeps insisting. "I didn't break anything. I'm just a little sore. All I want to do is go home to my own bed and go to sleep. I don't need a babysitter."
No one seems happy with that at all.
"Daisyy," Annette says. "There's no problem in letting one of us stay on your couch for the night."
"Please don't baby me," Daisy tells them. "If I wasn't fit to be on my own, the doctor wouldn't be letting me go home tonight."
"I can check on her a couple times," Jack hears himself speak up and they all turn their heads to look at him. Daisy especially looks surprised by the suggestion. "'s no problem," he then makes sure to add because it isn't. At all. If he didn't check on her, he can imagine he'd be spending his night worrying about her, too.
"That would be a big help, Jack. Thank you," Johnathan smiles at him and Annette and Maybelle and Nathaniel are all smiling at him, too, as if he just said that he's got a cure for cancer all ready.
Daisy's just looking at him though, not smiling. She doesn't seem angry by his suggestion but she doesn't seem that happy either.
…
He's never been in Daisy's bedroom but he's made a promise to her family – and to her, too – that he would check in on her and he plans on doing just that. Her family comes back from the hospital to her apartment and they stay over for a while, helping with Matty, getting both him and Daisy ready for bed. And when they are leaving again, Johnathan knocks on Jack's door and gives him a spare key to Daisy's apartment.
"It means a lot, you doing this," Johnathan says.
And Jack shrugs as it's not a big deal and it shouldn't be. It isn't. He keeps saying he wants to be Daisy's friend but hasn't done dick to show her that he means it. He's nice to her one minute and ignoring her the next and he knows he can't keep doing that because she's going to wind up really hating him and he can't stand even the thought of that happening.
Her family has just left so he waits a couple of hours and heads across the hall a little bit after eleven. The apartment building sounds to be completely silent. Using the key, he enters Daisy's apartment as quietly as he can – which, being a hunter, is pretty quiet.
It takes him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness but then, the familiar layout and shapes of her furniture take form. He turns down the short hallway and sees a light on in the second bedroom. He peeks a look into Matty's room, seeing the kid asleep deeply in his bed, and he then looks into the bedroom which is Daisy's. She's sitting up in her bed, the floral comforter pulled up her chest, and the lamp on the nightstand table is turned on.
She isn't startled when she sees him standing in the doorway.
"What are you doin' awake?" He asks, lingering in the doorway rather than entering the room, not knowing if he's comfortable enough to do that. The walls are painted a white and like her kitchen is in shades of yellow, her bedroom seems to be in shades of purple.
She shrugs. "I think it's adrenaline. I thought the pain medicine would knock me out."
He has thought that, too. He hadn't been expecting to see her awake but now that she is, he stands there and realizes he has no idea what to do. His eyes can't help but go to her cut again and even in the dim light, she notices.
She sighs softly. "You keep looking at it."
"Sorry," he's quick to apologize. "Jus' not used to seein' it," he tries to explain though he almost cringes because that just will make her think that it's obvious.
"It's alright," she says softly though it's not alright – at all. "I should get used to people staring at it. I guess it's a good thing I work from home."
Jack takes a quick step into the bedroom and then abruptly stops himself. "'s not bad, Daisy. Really. I've seen enough scars in my life to know a bad one when I see it."
Daisy looks at him and doesn't say anything to that.
He wants to tell her that she's the damn prettiest thing in this whole damn world but he can't say something like that to her. She'll never believe him and that's his fault. He's done nothing to get her to believe him and anything he has to say to her. He wish he was better at this. At all of this.
Maybe that's why he can't seem to push Carolina away from him. With her, it's easy. She's fun and easy and she doesn't make everything inside of him feel as if it's twisting into some snarled knot that he'll never get untangled. Carolina doesn't make him think or feel about anything. She doesn't know anything about him and with Daisy, she's the first person he's ever met where he can actually imagine telling her everything.
And that scares the absolute shit out of him.
He knows he'll never be able to explain that all to Daisy in a way where she'll understand. Hell, he barely understands it himself.
"Do you need anythin'?" He asks.
She shakes her head. "I'm alright. I'm just going to be staying up and watching some TV. Hopefully, I'll drift off eventually."
He nods but he still stands there, feeling a bit hesitant to leave. "What are you gonna watch?" He asks and she gives him a curious look. "If you watch somethin' you like, you'll want to stay up and finish it. But if you watch somethin' you normally don't, you'll maybe go to sleep sooner," he suggests.
She smiles at that and he doesn't realize how important it is for her to smile until he sees it. There's something about Daisy when she doesn't smile that's almost unnerving to him.
"Any suggestions?" She asks and she's still smiling and it makes him want to smile, too.
He does – a little. His lips twitch upwards. "Home Shoppin' Network. Definitely."
Daisy giggles. "Isn't that going to make me buy a bracelet or leg wax or something?"
"Nah," he shakes his head. "You're too smart to give into that."
She just keeps smiling and his own lips keep twitching.
"I'll be back in a couple more hours," he says and she nods her head and even though he's still feeling a little reluctant to do so, he's finally able to turn and leave the bedroom.
…
When Jack comes back a little after two, the light in her bedroom is still on as well as the bluish hue from the television. But when he pokes his head into the bedroom, he sees that Daisy is asleep, curled on her right side, her breaths deep and even.
He steps into the room and smiles to himself when he sees that she had in fact turned it to the Home Shopping Network.
He slowly steps around the bed and finds the remote on the nightstand, turning the television off. He then makes sure she's covered with the sheets and comforter and that she seems warm enough. Spring is here but the nights are
still deceptively cool out and these apartments can get a little drafty at times.
He stands there for another moment, watching her sleep. She's pretty even in her sleep. He looks at the cut on her cheek that will become a scar and yeah, right now, he keeps looking at it but that's just because it's new and a lot worse looking than it will turn out to be. It will fade over time and it will eventually hardly be noticeable. She'll still be the prettiest girl in the world. She's still that.
Before he can stop himself, he reaches a hand down and swipes his thumb across the rough bumps of the stitches. Daisy murmurs something in her sleep then. Shifts. And Jack rips his hand away, remembering what he said to her in the hospital about getting it dirty. He has no business touching her cheek anyway.
He turns off the lamp and then leaves the apartment as quickly as he can, making sure the door's locked behind him. He thinks he doesn't breathe again until he's in his own apartment, in his own bed. But he's pretty sure he can still feel the warmth of her cheek on his fingertips.
…
"What's up your ass?" Cletus asks but he's smiling as the question leaves his mouth.
The visitor's center there doesn't keep glass between the prisoners and visitors. They are able to sit at a table across from one another – one hug when they get there and one hug when they leave and no other contact in the meantime.
"'m fine," Jack is quick to insist though that's a damn lie.
Of course he's not fine and it's not even because he's visiting his brother in jail. It's not the first time he's visited Cletus here and it sure as shit won't be the last time either. He's not fine because of Daisy and what's the point in even trying to deny that to himself anymore. It never works no matter how many times he tries to just forget about her.
That morning, as he was leaving to make the drive to Atlanta to visit Cletus, he saw Daisy coming up the stairs as he was going down and she was trying to carry three grocery bags in her arms. Matty was carrying a gallon of milk in his arms and Jack wanted to ask why she hadn't driven her car to the grocery store like she usually did. But he didn't have to ask. He may not be smart but he's not an idiot. She's absolutely terrified of cars right now.
"That's fine," Cletus just keeps on smiling. "I'm not the one who drove all this way and dealt with Atlanta traffic jus' to sit 'cross from me and pout."
Jack glares at his older brother. "I ain't poutin," he says but of course, that just makes Cletus laugh as he usually does; as if nothing's more amusing to him than his baby brother.
Jack will never understand how Cletus can be so happy when he's wearing an orange jumpsuit, sitting in jail, awaiting trial. They both know though that the trial will be useless. It's not like Cletus can say he's innocent. They have him dead to rights and the trail is just a formality because the Constitution says he gets one. Jack knows he'll be going to whichever prison they take him to for visiting by the end of this year or next. The court system tends to move a little slow.
"My neighbor, the one 'cross the hall, she was in an accident," Jack tells him though why the hell he would do that, Jack has no idea.
"She okay?" Cletus asks and it almost sounds like he's actually concerned.
Jack gives him a look as if wondering why the hell he's asking that.
Cletus shrugs. "That blonde is a hot lil' number. Would be a shame if somethin' happened to her to stop her from bein' that."
Jack's back to scowling. "Don't talk about her like that."
Cletus just laughs and after a moment, he shakes his head. "Damn, baby brother. You got it bad for that one. You know that ain't never gonna happen though, don't you?"
Jack knows but he looks at Cletus. "Why can't it happen?" He asks, wanting to hear Cletus tell him. Maybe if he hears someone else say it, he'll be able to get her out of his head.
Cletus shrugs. "Girls like that and Beltons, we ain't exactly peanut butter and jelly."
And it's not the exact way Jack had been trying to explain it to himself, but it makes perfect sense to him and it's really exactly the thing he's been needed to hear.
…
When he gets back, there's a yellow post-it on his front door.
Dinner at my place if you're hungry – Daisy
He takes the note and crumples it in his fist but goes to her door and knocks. She answers it a moment later with a bright smile on her face. It's been a couple of days and the black stitches are still on her cheek but he's right. He hardly looks at it anymore.
"Hi," she steps aside so he can enter.
"Smells amazin' in here," he says as the smells of the kitchen waft into his noise.
"Thank you," she smiles as she closes the door behind him. "I'm roasting a chicken and I've never done it before so you are my test rabbit tonight."
"'m fine with that. Smells good enough to eat," he says and she keeps smiling.
He has no problem doing this – making her smile. He seems to make her smile a lot. But then he turns around and wipes that smile from her face as he does something to hurt her. He doesn't want to hurt her though. He's done hurting her. She's peanut butter and he's something like sardines and those things just don't go together – and that ain't her fault. He wishes they did go together but they don't and he needs to stop blaming her for that.
He hears a toilet flush and then a couple of seconds later, Matty's running around the corner towards him. "Jack!"
"Hey, kid," Jack smiles at him.
"Stop right there, Matthew," Daisy says before Matty can reach him. "Did you wash your hands?"
"Yep!" Matty says but she takes one of his hands and bending down, she sniffs it.
"Your hands do not smell like vanilla," she says. "Come on."
She puts her hands on the boy's shoulders and turns him around, walking him back to the bathroom. Jack smiles a little to himself as he moves into the kitchen and crouching down, he peers through the over door window. It looks like it's from some magazine.
He's never roasted a chicken before. Raccoon, yes. Deer and rabbit, yes. But never a chicken. He's never hunted chicken before and those other animals, he just sticks them on a stick and holds them over the fire to cook when in the woods. He's a simple guy. He doesn't need much in this world. Just the open woods and his crossbow and his bike and a jacket for when it gets cold.
He hears water splashing and Daisy saying something and Matty laughing. He doesn't need anything more than that. All of this, it's just an added bonus but it's not like he needs any of it. He can't let himself get used to it. He can come over here and enjoy their company and work at being their friends but at the end of the day, he's not going to get used to it because he's gone this long without any of this in his life and he'll be able to keep going without it if this was all just to disappear tomorrow.
He doesn't want it to disappear. If the choice ever comes to keeping Daisy and Matty and coming over for dinner or never seeing them again, of course he would choose keeping them. He means it this time. He's really going to try and he's really going to be Daisy's friend.
But how long is peanut butter willing to keep something as disgusting as sardines around?
…
Jack's been coming by every day – always around dinnertime. She doesn't mind adding an extra plate to the table but sometimes, he'll actually call her from the garage and ask her if he can pick up a pizza or something else for dinner instead.
"Tired of my cooking?" She teases him once, smiling into the phone.
"Nah. Jus' wanna give you a break tonight," he says and she hates her heart for flipping.
He's been coming by every day but she doesn't allow herself to get used to it because this is what he does. He's around and then he's not and she's just waiting for him to be gone again.
…
She tries not to go out that much. The stitches on her cheek are out but she officially has a scar now and she doesn't care what her family or Jack says. It's obvious and hideous and every time she goes out to the store or anywhere, she knows that it's all people a
re looking at. She tries to wear makeup to hide it but she feels no matter how she tries to hide it, makeup somehow makes it even more obvious that she has something to hide.
She's glad it's the summer because she doesn't have to walk Matty to school and into the hallway where all the other parents are and have them all look at her scar. She's lost count of how many times her parents and Maybelle and Shawn have told her that she's still beautiful but they're her family. They're supposed to say things like that to her. And she tries to tell herself that she doesn't care what others think. It's just a scar and they shouldn't be rude and stare but on the other hand, it's human to care about others and their opinions. It's natural to want to be liked and be looked upon as normal.
Sometimes, she'll just stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom and stare at herself until not even her own reflection makes sense anymore. She doesn't even really recognize herself anymore and that's more terrifying to her than anything.
"Mama?"
She's sitting in the chair in her bedroom right up against the window, hugging her knees to her chest and looking out. The view's not anything great. Just of the parking lot and the woods beyond that but she's been here almost an hour, looking out at nothing in particular and she doesn't seem to be able to pull herself away.
"Hmmm?" She asks and turns her head to see Matty standing in the doorway.
"We don't have any milk," he tells her.
"Alright, baby," she says and she turns her head back to the window. "We'll go get some in a little bit."
She doesn't hear him leave but a few minutes pass before there's another knock on the bedroom door. When she turns her head this time to look, she sees that it's Jack.
She opens her mouth to ask what he's doing here but then she sees Matty poke his head into the room from behind him and she almost wants to start crying. Matty had gone and gotten Jack because they have no milk. She can't even bring herself to leave the apartment to get milk and food for her son.
"Hey," Jack says lowly as he comes into the room and he crouches down in front of her and she knows that he sees the tears glassing in her eyes. "Wanna go to the store? I'll drive," he offers and she just wants even more to cry because he's being so nice to her – has been so nice to her – but it won't last. Maybe next week or even tomorrow, he'll go back to pretending she doesn't exist and she wishes he would either stay or leave altogether instead of always leaving her balanced on the edge of the cliff like this.
