by Kitty Parker
Daisy's brow crinkles at that and he knows he's not making any sense.
He shakes his head. "You come from this lovin' family who would do anythin' for you and you bake cupcakes for a livin' and you have an awesome kid and you're an awesome mom and everything's that happened to me, it's jus' too dark of shit to touch you."
Daisy shakes her head slowly. "But everything that's happened to you, it's part of you, Jack. And I love you." She exhales a shaky breath and takes a sip of her coffee. "I don't know if you'll ever understand…" she then says like an afterthought; as if she's saying it more to herself than to him. "We get close and everything is going so well and you just leave. You always leave and me and Matty aren't going to just wait around for you to come back."
"I know," his eyes lower to the coffee cup between both of his hands. He's not surprised that he's lost them this time. He's walked away from them one too many times and what did he expect? He feels his throat drop and settle down in his stomach. "'m sorry, Daisy," he says again and looks back to her, finding that she's already staring at him. "'m not used to havin' someone in my life who wants me to stick around in theirs."
Daisy doesn't say anything to that. She looks at him and her lips purse together and those big eyes of hers are looking at him, so damn sad. She doesn't say anything else though.
She takes another sip of coffee and then stands up. Jack's not too sure what to do so he stands up, too. She has walked to the entrance door of the cafeteria and then she stops, looking over her shoulder, clearly waiting for him. Jack doesn't hesitate in walking to her and together, side by side, they walk back to Matty's room.
…
Everyone in town knows that Matty got hurt so when Daisy hangs a sign on the door of Daisy's Bakery, announcing that there are new shorter hours for the time being. Everyone understands and over the next few days, the mailman is busy delivering cards and packages to Daisy and Matty's apartment and the flower delivery man has their address memorized by the second day.
Johnathan and Annette are over every day, watching Matty when Daisy does have to go to the bakery for those few hours a day, sitting with Matty and making sure that he takes it easy – even though he does nothing except lie on the couch and watch movies or play with his train-set in his bedroom. Daisy has called him in sick for a couple of days and the school, of course, absolutely understands. Football injuries, unfortunately, are nothing out of the ordinary in this school district.
And Jack comes over after work, too. On Monday, he hadn't planned on it. He still isn't too sure where he stands with Daisy. They were able to talk and he has apologized but he's still not sure. He can't expect Daisy to forgive him. Even this perfect girl has her limits and he's probably pushed her so far past them, she can't even see them anymore.
But when he comes up the stairs after work on Monday, there's a post-it on his door and he stops in mid-step the instant he sees it on his door. It's not yellow. It's a pale blue and it's not asking him for dinner. All it says is Come Over? and he doesn't even think about it. What is there to think about? He turns for her door instead of his and knocks.
It opens a minute later and it's Matty. Jack smiles a little when he sees him and Matty smiles a little, too.
"Hey, kid," Jack greets as Matty steps back and opens the door wider for Jack to come in. Otter is there, sniffing at his boots.
"Hey, Jack," Matty says, still smiling up at him and Jack is so damn grateful that this kid is smiling up at him again though he knows he owes Matty an apology, too.
"How you feelin'?" He asks as he closes the door behind him.
"I'm fine. It's mama that's not feelin' good," Matty says and Jack almost smiles a little at that as he follows the boy into the kitchen where Daisy is standing at the stove, stirring something in a large stock pot.
"I'm feeling fine, Matthew," Daisy responds to the comment she had overheard. "I'm not the one who was in the hospital."
Matty looks back to Jack and doesn't say anything but he doesn't need to. His expression pretty much says it all. See? He seems to ask Jack and Jack doesn't say anything. He just kind of smirks and looks to Daisy.
"Thanks for invitin' me over," he says and she nods.
"Thank you for coming," she says. "My parents were here but they had a church council meeting they had to get to and I thought… I thought it could just be the three of us tonight."
Jack's pretty sure he's never heard anything better than that.
…
They eat a beef and vegetable soup that Daisy has made with slices of thick cornbread and for the first time in weeks that they've been eating dinner together, they don't talk about football. The Gators lost the championship against the Bulldogs but that doesn't matter to them. It will matter next season – if Matty and Daisy make the decision to let him play again – but for now, talk is about Daisy's cupcakes and work at the garage and Christmas lists.
Jack has never celebrated Christmas. He's never gotten a present in his entire life on the day and has always spent the day in the woods and to him, Christmas has just always been another day in his life. He can't help but wonder what it will be like this year. He wants to buy presents for Daisy and Matty but he doesn't know if he should. He doesn't know if he has that right. But even if they're not anything, he can still buy them presents. Can't he?
He had spent weeks trying to pick out the best present for Matty's birthday and before that, he had wandered around a department store for nearly an hour, trying to find the perfect thing for Daisy. He knows he'll be doing that again. Hell. He already has a card to that damn department store and they're always mailing him coupons. He'll go back and buy presents for both Matty and Daisy and no matter what he and Daisy are, he'll do this.
After dinner and helping carry his bowl to the sink, Matty – with Otter – go to the living room where there is some special dinosaur program on television that he's been waiting for all day and Jack stays in the kitchen, helping Daisy clean up and put away leftovers and he wants to close his eyes because this is what they did together for a while before he fucked it all up and now he's back and he can hardly believe it.
He just wonders how long he'll be allowed to be back for before Daisy comes to her senses.
…
Matty goes to bed and Jack watches two episodes of Cupcake Wars from Daisy's couch and his arm's not around her shoulders and he can't smell the chocolate scent in her hair but they're close enough where he can feel the heat coming from her body. He sits there and he's so glad to be sitting there once again but he finds himself hating himself because he left and if he hadn't, he'd be able to hold her and then they'd be able to go to bed and his arms could keep being around her and he could bury his nose in her hair and everything in his life would just be so fucking perfect.
But it's not because he can't let himself have anything good in his life.
He wonders if this will just be his story for ever. He goes along day to day, just working and hunting and keeping to himself and it's always the same. But then something good happens to him and he lets it stay good for a while but then he freaks out and is sure to run away from it and he messes everything up because that's what he does and he doesn't know if it will ever change for him even though he knows he really wants it to change. He finally knows what he wants for sure in this life and it's this woman next to him and that kid sleeping in his bedroom down the hall.
"Oh my gosh," Daisy comments as the winner on the show is announced. "I was not expecting that. I mean, it's red velvet. There's nothing special about red velvet." She leans forward and takes the remote control from the television, muting it before the next program can begin.
"Yeah," Jack comments. "I've noticed that you don't bake 'em."
Daisy smiles at him. "You've noticed?" She teases him. "What do you know about cupcakes, Jack Belton?"
And he smiles because this feels so good to have her joking with him. He shrugs. "Jus' thought red velvet was a popular thing to bake."
"It is, "she t
urns towards him so she's facing him. "I just think the only special thing is the cream cheese frosting and I love cream cheese frosting so I make other things to put it on."
"Don't think I like red velvet either," he comments.
"You've never had red velvet?" She asks and rests her elbow on the back of the couch and her head in her hand, her eyes settled on him.
He doesn't feel uncomfortable though. He forces himself not to be. This is what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to talk with this girl instead of just walk out because he wants her to get to know him. That may change the more she finds out but for now, she's asking him questions and he'll be damned if he just walks out again. If he doesn't want to tell her something, he can just tell her and hopefully, she'll drop it and move onto something else. He has to trust her to do that.
Jack shakes his head. "'ve never had a lot of things."
Daisy is quiet and he wonders what she's thinking. "Well," she says after a moment. "You're not missing that much," she says with a small smile.
His lips twitch a little, too. "I trust you," he says and he doesn't mean just about stupid red velvet cupcakes and he hopes she knows that.
But she's Daisy and she does and she smiles at him. He thinks about leaning in right then and kissing her but he doesn't because he has knows they're not there yet; if they'll ever be there again and even though being with her here on her couch once more feels so good to him and he's so grateful for that, he still feels a slight ache at the idea of never having her in any kind of intimate way ever again.
His hands itch to touch her but he can't do that either and he makes sure his hands stay on his thighs and nowhere else.
"You know what else I've never had?" He asks.
"What?" Daisy asks and she's already smiling at just the idea of him telling her something.
"I ain't never had a Friends episode on my TV," he says and Daisy seems to instantly gasp.
"What are you talking about?" She asks and seems to be horrified at that. "Jack, they show reruns on a least five different channels."
He shrugs and smiles a little. "Not really a big watcher of television unless I'm over here."
She looks at him for a moment and then without a word, she pulls herself from the couch and he watches as she hurries to the television. Kneeling down and reaching onto the shelf beneath the TV, she then pulls out a box.
"This is the entire series," she informs him, turning towards him. "We'll watch two tonight. First, we'll start with the pilot just so you can get to know the characters and the general show and then we'll watch my favorite episode of the entire series. The one where no one's ready," she says and laying the box on the coffee table, she opens it and takes out the first disc and Jack just smiles a little to himself because his night with her gets to go on for a little bit longer.
…
She walks him to the door at the end of the night as she always used to do before he started spending his nights over here.
"I've been meaning to tell you," she says just as he steps over the threshold into the hallway and he turns back k towards her. She gives him a smile – almost a shy one. "I really like your haircut. I liked it long but I like it like this, too."
Getting his haircut had been so damn random and something he had honestly just done because he needed to do something to keep his mind off of the girl and her kid across the hall. Casey and Adam have their usual barber and Jack went to go see him after work one night. He usually doesn't give a shit about his hair or keeping it that neat but that night, for some reason, he just wanted to cut it and get it the hell off his neck and face.
"Thanks," he says as he scratches the back of his head. He feels embarrassed for some reason but it's just hair and Daisy likes it so he doesn't know why he would. "Thanks for invitin' me over tonight," he changes the subject.
"Thank you for coming," she says in return.
He hesitates for another moment and he knows he's waiting for Daisy to invite him over the next night after work but he knows she probably won't. She probably doesn't even know herself and won't know until tomorrow when she's seconds away from putting a post-it on his door, asking him for dinner.
All he can do is wait and hope.
"Good night, Jack," she then says, breaking through his thoughts.
"G'night," he's able to say and again, that's the only thing he can do because he just wants to lean down and kiss her and he just can't do that. They're right back to square one even after everything they've been through and he's a dick and it's his fault and he should be grateful that she even invited him back in her apartment and he is because he didn't expect that to ever happen again.
But she has invited him back in and he's grateful for that and if this is all they have from now on, he'll be more than happy with that because he doesn't even deserve to have that and he'll just shove everything more he wants deep down inside where it will never come out. He's good at keeping things a secret and just ignoring it.
They're back to the beginning and it's his fault and who knows if they'll ever move past it. All he can do from now on is just take each day and answer any questions she has and makes sure she never sees his backside again.
…
He barely sleeps and when he wakes up the next morning, he feels like he hasn't even slept a minute of the night before. He takes a quick shower and gets dressed in his usual jeans and tee-shirt he wears to work every day and grabs his plaid shirt and leather jacket on the way out the door. Thank God Martinez makes a pot of coffee in the garage every morning because he definitely needs something that will wake him up.
He opens the door and nearly steps on a small box right outside his door before he pulls his foot back and looks down at it. It's a familiar box. A small brown plain box. He lifts it up and flips the lid open and when he sees what's inside, he exhales a deep breath and he suddenly feels completely wide awake.
Inside, there's one red velvet cupcake.
…
He has his Grandpa Johnathan and Uncle Shawn and Uncle Nathaniel but Matty knows he's never had a dad. He has a dad – everyone has a dad – but not a dad. He's always gotten the feeling that the dad he did have, he never liked him that much. He would go over to his house once in a while – usually on Saturdays to spend the day and night there before coming back home to his mama on Sundays – and he just never got the feeling like his dad ever really wanted him there and Matty didn't make it a secret that he definitely didn't want to be there, either.
His mama won't agree but Matty's always thought that his dad hated him. He never told him that he loved him and would only hug him briefly when he dropped him off at his mama's again – an arm around his shoulders and tugging him into his side. Matty may be young but he knows when someone doesn't want to be around him and his dad definitely wanted to be anywhere but spending time with him.
When his dad doesn't come around for a while – and doesn't seem like he'll come around anymore – Matty doesn't ask his mama about it. His mama doesn't tell him and he doesn't ask because he really doesn't care. His dad didn't love him and he guesses that he had never really loved him either. He has his grandpa and his two uncles and they've been in life every single day and his dad has just always been some guy.
Besides, he likes it just being him and his mama. He likes just being home with her and sleeping in his own room instead of some strange guest room. He likes walking to school with her and coming home and having dinner and watching television and going to church on Sundays and then to grandpa and grandma's for Sunday lunch afterwards.
He likes being with his mama and his family than his dad and his wife and their cold house.
And Jack. He really likes Jack, too.
…
Except when Jack makes his mama cry. Then he doesn't like Jack. His mama's all he has and no one's allowed to hurt her.
But he misses Jack when he's gone. Matty's gotten so used to having the man around – always there for dinner and at his games and taking him hunting and some
times, just coming over to spend time with them. And when Jack's around, mama's always smiling. She obviously likes having Jack around, too.
He sees them kissing or just looking at one another with small smiles on their faces and Matty likes having Jack around because when he is, Matty feels like his other friends on the team who come from homes with moms and dads and Matty feels like he's normal now, too. He likes looking to the stands and seeing his whole family there on game days, watching him and cheering for him and then they'll go for pizza and it's not even a question as to whether or not Jack will come with them.
Jack's family, too.
But then, he makes mama cry and Jack's not around anymore and Matty misses him even though he's angry at him and doesn't want him around them. Besides his grandpa and his uncles, he's never really had a guy in his life who seemed to actually want to be there.
Matty sees him in the end zones during games and Matty sometimes feels like he's running right towards him. Even though Jack knows he's hurt them and they're angry at him – especially Matty – Jack keeps showing up for his games. Even his real dad has never seen him play but there's Jack, always standing at the end zone, watching him as if he would never want to miss one of his games.
When him and his mama go to the shelter and she adopts a dog for them, Matty wonders if she does it to distract him from Jack's absence but he doesn't ask because he loves Otter and he's always wanted a dog and Otter actually kind of reminds him of Jack in a few ways. He's quiet but he's strong and he's always there.
Matty wishes he could tell Jack all about Otter and the playoffs but Jack left and Matty doesn't have to tell him anything.
…
But then he gets hurt and he's in the hospital and Jack's there and he's not going anywhere. He stands next to mama and doesn't leave and the next morning, when he wakes up, Jack's still there, sitting in a chair next to his bed.
"Hey, kid," he greets him in a quiet voice, leaning forward in his chair. "How you feelin'?" He looks tired and worried, Matty notices. He's more observant that most people would probably expect a kid to be. He can pick up on things.
