by K E Osborn
“Nate seriously? She’s worth waiting for,” I say.
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I mean. I mean… are you kidding me? This is amazing!”
Matt chuckles. “Fuck yeah! Zaria Shafir, she’s so goddamned hot, guys. Tillie, you’re incredible!”
She smiles and it’s the most beautiful smile in the world.
“I try.”
“While I have you guys. Jimmy Fallon’s crew rang—”
“What?” Danger interrupts Oliver.
“Let me finish. They saw the shit that went down with Debt Money online, listened to your music, and they want you to go on the show for an interview and to do a one song performance.”
We all look around at each other smiling like Cheshire cats.
“Fucking yeah!” Lunar calls out throwing her hands in the air and we all break out into fits of laughter.
“But you will all need to be on your best behavior… no swearing, no chewing gum…” he looks to me, “… no farting!”
I laugh while watching Tillie smirk. “It was the kale smoothies,” I defend myself and Danger laughs.
“Yeah, your body cleansing all the shitty food from your gut.”
“Hey, my guts is looking better than ever at the moment, thank you.”
“Tillie should know,” Nate calls out.
We all look at him and I glare while Tillie turns a bright shade of red. My fists clinch at my sides wanting to smack him out. She already feels shitty enough because of me this morning, she doesn’t need Nate embarrassing her about us too.
“Nate, bro, cool it will you?” Matt chides. Nate huffs and sits back in his chair as an awkward silence filters through the boardroom.
“So when’s Jimmy Fallon?” Danger breaks the tension.
“He wants you on tomorrow night, you’re filling in for a cancellation.”
“Awesome, this could be a good platform for us,” Nate says.
“It will be a great platform for you guys. So decide what song you want to play, make it a good one… you only get one shot to impress America.”
“Don’t worry, Oliver, we won’t waste this opportunity. We’ve been waiting years for this,” Danger says, and I look at him and nod. It’s taken a lot for us to get to this point, including the band breaking up, but it’s all been to get to this critical point. This one performance could break us once and for all into the American market.
“Okay, well, you guys go and rehearse or something. Get out of here, I’m sick of your faces,” Oliver says, and we all chuckle standing up. “Tillie, stay back, I want to discuss something with you,” Oliver calls out. I swallow hard glancing at her but she avoids my eye contact, sitting back down as the rest of us walk out of the room. I’m last out, so I shut the door and dawdle behind watching the others as they march next to each other not noticing I’m still by the door of the boardroom. Once they turn down the hall, I quickly lean against the door.
“So, is it serious?” Oliver asks.
“I don’t know what you mean?” Tillie replies.
“You and Ryan.”
She’s quiet for a moment then I hear her voice come through like she’s having trouble holding it together. “No, not serious. To be honest, I don’t even think he wants anything to do with me anymore.”
Oliver grumbles as my stomach twists.
That’s not true, I’m just a little confused.
“Are you okay to keep working with him?” Oliver asks.
“Yes… I mean, I think so. Just so long as he doesn’t go back to hating me.”
“Did you have a fight?”
My body slumps and I run my fingers through my hair, feeling like an ass for this.
“No, honestly… I don’t know what happened. We had a great time and then he got… weird. I think maybe he was using me. I was a trophy of some sort. You know get the girl who’s your enemy then ditch her. Maybe this was his plan all along, make me start to fall for him then hurt me so I’ll leave. Maybe he never liked me at all.”
I shake my head gritting my teeth so hard they squeal from the force. My temples throb from me clenching my jaw shut so tightly.
“If that’s what he’s doing then he’s a bigger douche than I thought. You’re a great catch, Tillie. If he can’t see that, that’s his loss. But by the same token you two have to work together, and if this is going to disrupt the flow we might have an issue.”
“I know, I love working with Recoil and you. This is the best job I’ve ever had, and to be honest, it’s not even like a job to me I love it so much. But if push came to shove and I needed to, I would leave for the sake of the band. They’re what’s important after all.”
“Thanks, Tillie. I know this sucks and hopefully, it will never have to come to that. Let’s just see where Ryan’s head is at in the next couple of days and reassess.”
“Okay…” Her voice is broken like she’s lost all the fight in her. I hate that I’ve done that to Tillie. Just because I’m lost in my own mind. I need to sort my shit out because hurting Tillie is not something I want to do.
“Right, back to work. Chin up, and try not to let this get you down.”
“Yes, boss.”
I hear the chairs rolling on the floor, so I step back from the door to the other side of the hall and just stand there. I’m not sure what I’m going to say or do when they open the door, but I need to do something.
The door creaks open and Tillie steps out, looks up and spots me then stops dead, causing Oliver to run right into her back.
“Tillie what the—” He stops, looks forward and sees me, then steps to the side. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”
“Thanks, Oliver.”
I step forward reaching out for her, but she pulls back and looks away from me. A deep pain stabs in my chest. “Tillie, I’m sorry.”
She looks up at me and frowns. “For what?”
“For being a fucker. This morning, I was… Fuck! I was a dick. I’m sorry for that. I’m lost in my own head worrying about things that shouldn’t matter, that probably don’t matter, and I’m taking it out on you.”
She purses her lips. “What things?”
Swallowing hard, I’m not ready to tell her about Katie yet. “It doesn’t matter, but what does matter is us, our connection is real. It’s intense, it’s scary, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. It’s new to me, Tillie… I’m scared to let you in.”
She furrows her brows stepping closer. “You can’t be with someone completely until you let them in, Ryan.”
Sighing, I nod. “I know, I’m working on it. Trust me.”
“Why did you leave?”
Slumping, I grab her hands and hold them tight looking straight in her eyes. “I got scared.”
“Of what?”
“Falling for you.”
“Would that be so bad?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so, I think it could be really good. I just… it’s hard this whole relationship thing. I haven’t done it for such a long time, I think I’ve forgotten how it works.”
She purses her lips and steps closer to me. “Ryan, nothing’s easy and I’m not looking for a proposal here, I just want to be able to trust that you’ll not run out on me after we have a beautiful time together. Do you know how cheap that made me feel?”
I rub my face with my hands in frustration. “Fuck,” I murmur to myself as I drop my hands with an exacerbated sigh then look at her. “I didn’t mean to do that. I was freaking out in my own head. It’s not that I didn’t want to wake up next to you, Tillie. It’s that it felt so good, I got scared that it would be taken from me. That feeling… you in my arms… it astounds me, and I got so scared I’d lose it that instead, I ran like a fucking wimp.”
Tillie’s gaze softens. She looks into my eyes bringing her hand up to my face caressing my cheek tenderly. “I’m not going anywhere. Trust in me, Ryan. I’m pretty sure you’ve been hurt before, badly too, but I’m not going to do that to you.”
&nbs
p; Sighing, I lean into her hand and relish in her warmth. “You’re too good for me, Tillie.”
“You’re not good enough to yourself.”
Tilting my head, I nod. “You’re probably right.”
“Of course I’m right.”
We both chuckle and she leans forward embracing me tightly, her head resting on my chest. I lean into her, wrapping my arms around Tillie, taking as much comfort from her as I can.
“Okay, let’s go to the studio with the guys and pick out a song for tomorrow. I’d love your input,” I say.
She looks up at me and smiles. “Thanks, that means a lot.”
“You’re part of this team now, Tillie, we value your input as much as anyone else’s.”
She laces her fingers with mine. “Well, this is a change. When I first got here, I never would have thought I’d hear you say something like that.”
“I know, I’m sorry about all that.” I start to walk us off.
“Stop apologizing. It’s forgotten, it was quite entertaining actually.”
We continue to the studio to meet the guys and Lunar.
TILLIE
The band had their interview with Jimmy and now they’re performing to the live studio audience. I’m streaming it from the side of the stage on their Facebook page and the likes and comments are going through the roof. I’m trying to keep up with the comments noticing a lot of people talking about how great the band is, how they’re new to Recoil after seeing the interview on Jimmy and how they absolutely love their sound. Being the multitasker that I am, I’m also checking sales on my iPad and the iTunes charts are rocketing, sending ‘Rise up’ up into the top ten on iTunes.
Oliver is busy talking on his cell as stats keep rolling in on Recoil’s increasing popularity and I’m super excited. The guys finish the song and the lights dim. They come toward me while Jimmy starts talking, and they all wave to the live streaming whispering “hi” to the camera phone, then I end the stream and let out an excited squeal as Ryan pulls me into his arms suddenly. His lips smash to mine and everyone around us chuckles as I pull back excitedly.
“Stop kissing me and listen to this,” I say, and he smirks letting me down with a nod and everyone looks at me. “You have a huge array of new followers on Facebook following the interview and performance. They were commenting on the stream. Your page likes went up so quickly I couldn’t keep count and, get this… Rise Up, is now number four in all of iTunes!”
They all just stare at me in silence, and I’m wondering straight away what the hell is going on with them. “Guys?”
“Wait,” Danger shakes his head like he’s not heard me right. “Did you say number four in all of iTunes?”
I giggle. “Yes, you idiot. Now get fucking excited will you, you’re freaking me out!”
“I think I’m gonna pass out,” Nate says.
Matt rolls his eyes as he pulls his brother in for a hug while everyone starts laughing and cheering.
Ryan pulls me in for another hug, embracing me so tightly I can scarcely breathe. I giggle as Danger and Lunar embrace too.
“This is all because of you,” Ryan murmurs into my ear.
I pull back looking in his eyes. “No Ryan, this is because you guys are amazing at what you do. I just helped the world see it.”
His eyes glisten and go a little glassy like he’s becoming emotional. I smile, leaning in to kiss him and he kisses me back with a strong confidence that lets me know he isn’t backing down this time.
“We need to go and celebrate,” Lunar says making me pull away from Ryan. I turn to see her hanging off Danger’s arm smiling wide.
Oliver comes over looking down on his iPad. “Guys, Rise Up just moved up two places… you’re number two.”
“Jesus Christ, now I’m really gonna fucking pass out,” Nate declares, and we all laugh.
“God, you’re a fucking pussy,” Matt calls out, and Nate shakes his head punching his brother in the arm. Hard. “Ouch, fuck head.”
“Don’t punch like a pussy, do I?” Nate quips, and I smirk as we all start heading out the back of the studio to go and celebrate.
Chapter Fourteen
We make our way up inside the VIP section of the bar. The thumping of the bass reverbs through me making my ear drums hurt and my insides vibrate. The music seeps into my very soul while we head up the stairs as a bunch of girls scream for the guys. I look across while the guys wave and lap up the attention. Entering the VIP lounge, Danger, Lunar, Ryan and me, head over toward a booth while the others head straight for the bar. I slide in next to Ryan, and Lunar’s opposite us while Danger announces over the constant beat of the music that he’s going to get us some drinks.
Lunar looks across to me and Ryan and smiles. “So… are you two okay?”
We look at each other and nod. “Yes, we’re good,” I reply.
“Good, ‘cause I like you two together, you’re great for each other.”
“Thanks, Lunar,” Ryan answers.
“Plus, Tillie liked you when you were tubby, so you know it must be real.”
I blush and Ryan grins. “I’m not totally fit yet, Lunar.”
“No, you may not have rock hard abs, but that beer gut has gone. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the hard work you’re doing on yourself, Ry. Your tummy’s flat now, your biceps are bulging and you’ll have a six-pack in no time.”
I clench my thighs together at the thought. I can’t say I haven’t noticed Ryan’s transforming body. He was hot before but as each week passes he’s toning, and his muscles are appearing bigger than ever. My inner wild child loves it.
“Cocktails for the ladies, whiskey for me, and soda water on the rocks for my man, Ry,” Danger says placing the drinks in front of us. I smile knowing Danger’s helping Ryan with his health kick. I know the doctor really scared Ryan, so it’s good to see him taking this seriously.
“Thanks, babe,” Lunar calls out as Danger slides into the booth beside her.
“Let’s hope we don’t have a repeat performance tonight in this VIP lounge as we did in the last VIP lounge we visited.” Danger smirks.
Ryan chuckles and I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I’d prefer to keep my nose in one piece, thanks. Although another round with Debt Money could get us on another show… maybe Ellen this time? What do you think, Tillie?”
“I think we need to be on our best behavior, thanks, boys.”
Ryan smirks while his hand moves under the table and shifts to my thigh. I risk a glance at him as the warmth from his hand radiates right up my leg and straight to my pussy. He seems to notice and squeezes a little, moving his hand even higher up my leg.
“Well, I for one don’t feel like cleaning any blood of either one of your gorgeous faces, so keep your tempers under control tonight, please,” Lunar says, but I can’t really concentrate.
Ryan’s hand on my thigh is doing crazy things to my mind. I pick up my cocktail and take a sip through the straw. Ryan chuckles seeming to notice my nerves and moves his hand up higher. I squeeze my legs together tighter, not only to stop him from moving his hand between my legs in public but also to try and dull the ache in my throbbing clit from having his hand on me.
My body is aching, aching for Ryan. My mind is conjuring up all sorts of indecent thoughts of Ryan’s lips against my neck, nipping, kissing and sucking. My breath catches and then quickens as a bead of perspiration rolls down my temple. As my skin prickles in goosebumps, the warmth from his hand radiates right through my very soul, which is making every inch of me burn for him. All I can think about is Ryan, every inch of him against every inch of me, and I gasp as his hand tightens on my thigh. I wish his hands were gripping my ass as he was pounding into me against a wall. Everything throbs as the image runs through my mind and my heart rate spikes so fast I feel like I’m losing the plot.
“You okay, Tillie?” Danger asks.
I cough slightly as some of the cocktail I’m trying to sip becomes caught in my throat. I nod as Ryan’s pinky grazes
the top of my leg where it meets my pussy. I whimper slightly and suddenly stand up. His hand drops from my leg as I step out of the booth and take a deep breath.
“I’m just ah… going to the bathroom. Excuse me,” I say and turn before I can see Ryan’s face. I’m not sure if his face will be smug or hurt from me walking away, but I need air or a quick fuck. But either way, I needed out of that situation because something was gonna give and if I didn’t move, I was going to jump Ryan right in that booth.
My heels click harshly on the tiled floor as I rush into the bathroom. It’s not very occupied as it’s a VIP room, so I make use of the space and run the cold water up my arms to try and cool myself down. I want to run it over my blushed face, but I don’t want to ruin my make-up. Looking up into the mirror, my lips slowly turn up into a smile. Ryan is amazing and he makes me feel all sorts of crazy things.
Taking a deep cleansing breath, I turn off the water and walk over to the paper towel drying my arms. Once finished, I stroll over to the door to walk out. When I step into the hall, the hairs on my arms stand on end and goosebumps litter my skin as electricity sizzles through the air. A smile crosses my face, I know that buzz. It’s how I feel when he’s near. I look up to see Ryan standing in the hall, and I grin as I step up to him. The hall is empty and dimly lit, giving it an edgy and intoxicating feel.
“You looked like you needed a hand,” he murmurs reaching out grabbing my waist and thrusting me back against the wall, not hard but with enough force that I hit the wall with an “oomph” and gasp, biting my lip at his dominance. He moves in, running his nose along my neck, his lips slowly teasing my skin, just the way I wanted.
My hands run up his back under his shirt, his muscles now feeling firm and taut as he presses his body against mine. “You’re just the man to help,” I murmur.
His lips kiss along my jaw and his head comes back up until he’s face to face with me. His eyes lock with mine and his hips press against me letting me feel the bulge forming in his pants. I love that I can do that so easily to him.
