by K E Osborn
“Yeah… friends.”
“Nate—”
“It’s fine, Ria… but I gotta go. I’ll see you at the filming.”
“Nate—”
“See ya, Ria.”
I tug on my shoes and walk out feeling completely used. Now I know what that feels like, I realize just how crap it really is, so I take a mental note to never use a woman again.
Chapter Six
As I walk into the kitchen Matt’s making himself a coffee and looks up at me and smirks.
“Pulled an all-nighter, hey bro? Should I guess who the lucky lady is?”
I just groan and ignore him walking straight to the stairs. The fucking ficus smacks me in the face as I walk past it.
“Fucking Fung Shui my ass,” I murmur as my feet feel weighty dragging them up each individual step and into my room. Heading straight to the en-suite for a shower, I need to wash her off me. All I can smell is her and even though I know I’ll never have this smell again, I can’t stand the thought of it driving me crazy all day either.
So I strip off and hop in, with the water burning my body as I try not to think of the disappointment and usual rejection that’s flowing through me. For once, I’d like to be good enough.
Removing all traces of her, I scrub my body and once clean enough I step out quickly, dry myself off and get dressed. As I look around thinking about lying on the bed and sulking, I decide I better not spend the day cooped up in my room knowing Matt will come looking for me. So I head down the stairs walking into the ficus again, then to the kitchen to see Matt cleaning up from his breakfast.
He looks at me and frowns. “What’s got you down, Missus Brown?”
I raise an eyebrow as I roll my eyes. “We’re quoting Mom now?”
Matt smiles. “Yeah, she was a wise woman. What I remember of her anyway.”
Immediately I tense as an image of Mom clutching her chest as she sat next to me, gasping for air while I clung to her arm, flashes through my mind.
I sure wish those flashbacks would piss off and be replaced with some other memory of Mom.
“Nate?” Matt calls, bringing me back to the now.
“Sorry, what?”
“Did you have a flashback?” I nod and exhale. “Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t talk about her.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll get over it one day.”
Matt nods tilting his head slightly. “It would happen sooner with some counseling.”
I groan rolling my eyes again like an errant child. “I can hardly talk to you about it. How the fuck would I be able to talk to a stranger?”
“You don’t know until you try, Nate. I can come with you…” he trails off and I shrug.
“Maybe… I was working on some things with Ria, but I think I’ve actually fucked that up now, too.”
Matt furrows his brows. “What? Why?”
Running my fingers through my damp hair, I sigh. “We slept together last night.”
Matt slowly grins.
“But then she did the whole… we’re still friends spiel this morning, and basically the… it’s not you it’s me thing, so I left.”
Matt winces and slaps my shoulder rubbing it slightly. “I’m sorry, bro. You thinking she just wanted a one-nighter?”
I shake my head. “No. I think she’s scared because she’s been hurt by that cockhead rocker, so she’s automatically lumped me in the same basket.”
Matt exhales. “Ahh… the infamous Kade.”
“Yeah… fuckhead!”
“Will things be weird at the video filming?”
Rubbing my face, I nod. “Yeah, I think so. I wish I’d kept it in my pants like Oliver told me to do. We had a great friendship and she was helping me… and I mean actually helping me.”
“In what way?”
I sigh looking to Matt. “She’s been teaching me to read.”
Matt opens his eyes wide and smiles. “Really? But you don’t tell anyone. Especially not women.”
Shrugging, I sigh. “She knew somehow. Ria just guessed it straight off the bat. And instead of making fun of me, she went out of her way to help me. I even wrote my first note, Matt. She’s been the only one to get through and stop the flashbacks from happening while I’m learning.”
Matt smiles wide and exhales. “Dude, you have no idea how happy this makes me. And there I was thinking Zaria was nothing but a rich pompous bitch.”
“Don’t call her that—”
“See, still defending her even after she made you feel like crap. You’re a good guy, Nate. I wish people knew you like I do. Got to see the real you, not the smart ass, conniving, idiot you come across as most of the time.”
“What? I do not!” Matt raises his eyebrow and smirks. “Okay, maybe I do come off a little… strong. I can’t help it, I’m fucked up, man.”
“Oh, I know. I live with you. I’ve known you for twenty-two years, I know how fucked in the head you are.”
“Shut up, ass.”
“But no, in all seriousness, and I don’t want to play the older by two minutes brother card here, but I’m gonna. You’ve been through some tough shit. Seeing Mom… well, what happened to you was horrible. You were five… that scars a person. And I’m not stupid, I know while growing up that everyone always chose you last for everything… or second to me. I know what kind of confidence shattering effect that has had on you. Nate, I know you better than you think I do. I know you struggle. I know how you’ve suffered. I know I didn’t help as much as I could and should have, but bro, you’re twenty-two and you need to think about getting your emotions out. Talking to someone about all this shit that’s been happening in your life, because… I’m scared, Nate.”
Furrowing my brows I tilt my head. “Why?”
“Because, it’s fragile, broken men like you…” I watch him choosing his words, “… that when thrust into heavy fame like we’re getting now…” again I see his mind ticking over, “… that they find other vices to cope.”
I curl up my lip. “You think I’d take drugs?”
“I know you’ve dabbled in your younger years, and I don’t want you to be another statistic. Adding Zaria into the mix scares me a little. Fame, depression, and being love sick… it’s all a toxic balance waiting for disaster.”
“Geez Matt, this got fucking serious.”
“Because I fucking love you, and I don’t want to see you spiral out of control. Okay?”
I nod and exhale. “Okay. But I swear… drugs are not on my to-do list. Never man.”
“Good, keep it that way. I don’t wanna come home to find you overdosing in the bathroom.”
“Wow! You’ve put waaay too much thought into this, Matt.”
“You clearly haven’t thought about it enough.”
“I’m hearing you, bro. But honestly… I’m okay. A little dented ego maybe, but I’m okay.”
He nods. “Well, I’m always here when you wanna talk. Always. You know that, right?”
“I do. You might be older, but I’m smarter.”
“Hmm… debatable. Better looking maybe, but smarter than me? I don’t think so.”
I chuckle. “I’ll take better looking over smart any day. Even though we’re completely identical in every way, except of course for our tattoos.”
Matt smiles pulling me into a hug. “Zaria’s a fool for not bagging you.”
I scoff. “Yeah, maybe... I just hope the weirdness is okay to deal with and not completely unbearable for everyone.”
“Why don’t you talk to her before we start filming, try to sort it out like adults?”
Shrugging, I wince. “Not sure she’ll wanna see me.”
“Only one way to find out?”
I nod and take a deep breath. “Shit! I hate adulting,” I say as Matt laughs and slaps my back.
“It’s a tough gig, but sometimes you just gotta be a man about these things.”
I sigh. “I’ll work up to it. Talk myself into messaging her.”
Matt chuckles. “You ne
ed some good vibes.”
I roll my eyes. “The ficus isn’t working,” I admit and he smiles.
“I agree, nor the coffee table where it is, I’ve stubbed my toe three fucking times.”
I laugh. “Exactly! Glad you’re seeing sense,” I say and pat his shoulder heading back upstairs to try and formulate an idea about what to say to Ria.
***
I’ve been in my room for a while, running over and over what to say, whether to call, whether to message. My mind keeps playing tricks on me and I can’t come up with a definitive answer. It’s driving me insane when I hear the doorbell ring. I furrow my brows and sit up on my bed wondering who the hell has come to our home. Then I hear the manic laughter of a little Asian man and my body tenses.
“Matt, you didn’t,” I murmur under my breath as I stand up and walk to my door peering out and listening to see if I’m hearing right.
“Oh hello, you sexy boy, your arms have gotten bigger, yes? Hahaha,” Whisper’s distinctive voice chimes up from downstairs. My body tenses and I roll my eyes wondering what the hell Matt is thinking. I thought we just said that this Fung Shui thing wasn’t working?
I move out to the stairs and traipse down them to see Whisper in his usual monk attire. He spots me and smiles wide throwing his hands into a prayer pose then he bows his head in greeting. “Namaste Nathaniel son. May waves of a thousand oceans roll over and caress your soul like endless soothing suns of heaven,” he says.
I raise my eyebrow at him and cock my lip up in confusion. “Umm… what now?” I ask.
“Hahaha you so funny. I see you have bad ju-ju again. It flow off you like a torrent. I wash it away, we go shower, sexy boy?”
I choke on a laugh. “Umm… fuck no, what the—”
“I kid, I make joke. Hahaha. I so funny. I got you good one, Nathaniel. Yes?” Whisper asks, and I tense up shaking my head slightly as Matt chuckles while grinning at me.
“I asked Whisper back to rearrange the Fung Shui again because it’s not working for us. We need to get it so it’s working better this time and all that?” Matt says and Whisper nods.
“Yes, yes… I see where problem lies. Art was all wrong and it threw everything off key. I did not take it in last time. I move it all again and it work much, much better this time… you see. It fix all your problems, you sexy boys. Okay?”
“Yes, sure,” Matt say.
“No,” I say at the same time.
“You see, Nathaniel, I fix the ju-ju. Then your luck change like flick of a switch! Trust in power of the Whisper.”
I roll my eyes and stand to the side. “Fine! Whatever! But Matt, you’re paying for all this shit.”
Whisper glares at me and does his hand zip thing.
“Sorry,” I murmur slumping my body.
“Okay, I get to work, you big sexy boys. You stand there and say ‘cool, calm, collected’ over and over, yes?”
“Okay,” Matt says cheerily as I scoff and slump down even further.
“Really?”
Matt looks to me and tilts his head. “It won’t hurt, Nate. Just do it.”
Rolling my eyes, I murmur under my breath the three words over and over again as Whisper flits about the living room taking art from the walls and moving the pictures around. He then moves the coffee table from the wall to the side of the staircase, basically now it’s changed from one road block into another. I grunt slightly as he then moves the ficus from one side of the stairs to the other.
He’s pretty much just swapping everything from one side to the other.
There’s nothing harmonious or technical about this guy. He’s definitely a hack and I don’t know why Matt’s paying him. But I gotta admit the way he flounces about the room chanting and singing with absolute tone-deafness is pretty fucking entertaining. Thank God there’s no sage stick this time, it took ages for that smell to dissipate. I can still smell it occasionally in my closet and to be honest it stinks.
He suddenly breaks out into a verse of ‘Hava Nagila,’ the Jewish folk song and I look to Matt who bops his head from side to side seemingly oblivious that that’s not a Chinese Fung Shui incantation. I smile and I can actually finally feel myself starting to relax. Even though this is a crazy situation where there is obviously a quack and a half in my home, he’s making me chuckle inside and it’s lightening the mood a little, now that I can see the funny side of this. To start off with I was annoyed, but now, it’s actually rather entertaining and I’m kinda getting into it.
He’s lifting my mood and making me feel more energized.
What the fuck sorcery is this?
“Your ju-ju is lifting, Nathaniel sexy boy,” Whisper calls out.
I say nothing as he continues moving things and Matt bumps into my side playfully. We continue chanting ‘cool, calm, collected’ as he walks back over to us and he places his palms in front of me and closes his eyes humming. I open my eyes wide and stop chanting but Matt continues.
“I pull demon from you, Nathaniel. It be hard process, but you feel better, soon,” he says resting his palms on my chest and digging his fingertips into my flesh. I tense up as Matt chuckles and Whisper starts to vibrate. I smirk as I find this more entertaining now than absurd, and Whisper takes in a deep breath and gasps like he’s just taken in a very deep lungful of air.
He swallows harshly and backs up nodding his head and placing his hands in a prayer pose as he smiles at me. “I took one of your demons, Nathaniel. Something good happen today for you, sexy boy. You reach out for good, and good come back to you tenfold,” he tells me.
I think of Ria and my chat with Matt. I doubt that Whisper’s influence will have any effect on my relationship with Ria, but he’s given me the strength to at least make the move to message her.
I need to do this.
I need to make the move.
I can’t let this fester.
To bring the good, I have to make the good, at least Whisper has taught me something.
“I have to go do something,” I say and Whisper nods.
“Live well, Nathaniel. Be calm, be cool—”
“And collected. Yeah, yeah, I got it, thanks Whisper.”
He nods. “You’re welcome. Namaste and that will be $399.95… you pay cash?” he asks and I scoff as I walk off toward the stairs leaving Matt to deal with that load of bullshit.
My feet feel somehow lighter as I move with an air of excitement toward the stairs. Suddenly, my foot smacks into the coffee table, the pain radiates through my big toe and I groan out loud in annoyance. “Fucking hell,” I murmur, but round the table and walk to the stairs only to be hit by the ficus as I walk up them. I shake my head and chuckle, even though my toe is throbbing, I still feel good knowing I’m making the move to message Ria and not let things fester.
RIA
Sitting in the living room I feel like absolute crap. I’m looking over some contracts and a couple of scripts but I’m frustrated. All I can think about is Nate’s face as he left this morning. It’s late afternoon now and I genuinely feel like I’m having withdrawals from him. I miss his smell, his touch, his kiss. But even so, I know I’ve still done the right thing for me.
Groaning in frustration, I throw the papers onto the table and run my fingers through my hair when my phone buzzes alerting me to a message. So I bring my cell phone up to see it’s from Nate. My heart flutters and my stomach twists as I open the message to simply see an emoji of a dove. I smile and I hit reply, sending back a clown fish to let him know I feel bad too. I wait for anything else to come through or a phone call but nothing happens.
I don’t want to stop talking to him so I figure, fuck it. I’ll call him.
Taping the digits I dial his number, and as it rings my stomach flutters with nerves. It rings… and rings… and rings, and I think he isn’t going to answer when suddenly his voice sounds on the other end.
“Hey.”
“Oh… hi. I thought you weren’t going to pick up.”
“I wasn’t goi
ng to.”
I pause and exhale. “Oh, right… what changed your mind?”
“Guess I’m a sucker for Oscar-winners.”
Smiling, I sigh shaking my head slightly. “You’re way too good to me.”
He chuckles down the line and it’s like heaven to my ears. “I am, but they say the nice guys always finish last, so this is all kind of making sense.”
“Nate…”
“I’m sorry, I’m being a brat.”
“I deserve it… after this morning.”
“No, you don’t. You know what you want. Just ‘cause it’s not the same thing I want, doesn’t mean I have to be a bitch about it.”
“True, but just because I don’t want a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t find you to be an incredible man. You know that, right?”
“Thanks, but that doesn’t help, Ria. Basically, you’re saying I’m great, but I’m still not good enough.”
I gasp. “Oh God Nate, please don’t think that. You’re so good… too good, I’m just—”
“Scared?”
I sigh. “Yes, very.”
“I told you, I’m not him…” I pause for a moment as I swallow hard. “Are you still there?”
“I’m here… just thinking.”
“I’m sorry, Ria. I’ve been rejected all my life and, to be honest, I thought I was used to it. No, I was used to it. I just wanted you to be different.”
Salty water forms in the corner of my eyes and I shake my head fighting back the urge to have it spill over in tears.
“I’m incredibly sorry I’ve made you feel this way… like you’re not good enough again. I know you’ve been dealing with this your whole life, and I don’t want you to go through that with me.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that if you can promise me… swear to me on something important that you will never cheat on me… I’ll give us a go.”
He’s quiet. A little too quiet, and I’m worried that he won’t agree. That I’m asking too much.
“Nate?”
“I swear on my mother’s grave that I will never ever cheat on you!”
Hearing those words brings a lump to my throat. I can’t fight back the tears. My throat chokes up and I sob, just the once, and then burst into a river of tears.
