by K E Osborn
“Okay, my turn.”
Matt chuckles, resting his arm on my shoulder and looking over me to see as I scroll through the sea of women. I notice my profile and Matt chuckles pointing to me, and I smile as he runs his finger over my face on the screen. I scroll past it, shaking my head with a slight smirk.
“Okay, so we need your perfect ten, right?” I ask, and Matt nods.
“Yes. Let’s find her together,” Matt suggests.
I glance up to see Nate and Whisper looking at us both resting their fingers on their chins assessing us. I furrow my brows and shake off their judgmental stares going back to the screen to search for Matt’s perfect partner and match.
Then I see her.
She has short wavy brown hair with a slight red tinge, but it’s only just there. She caught my attention because whenever Matt is over, we always watch The Walking Dead and he always comments he has a crush on Maggie. Well, this woman is the spitting image of her. But obviously, she has a less apocalyptic, world’s just ended and zombies are everywhere trying to kill you, look.
Matt leans in over my shoulder as I pull open her profile and he chuckles into my ear. “Damn Alex,” he says and I giggle as I read over her profile. She’s studying to be a writer and spends most of her time case studying.
I raise my brow knowing this means she’ll probably work for herself, and send her work off to publishers or journalist columns and such. Therefore, she’d be free to travel with the band which is one of Matt’s complicated rules. She’s never been previously married, has no kids, and seems to have a good family from what I can see. To me, she appears to be a good match and is hitting a number of his rules.
“Charlotte looks like a good match from what I can see,” I say turning toward Whisper.
Whisper moves to us and looks at her over my shoulder and instantly screws up his face. “Urgh, no. Try again,” Whisper demands and Matt pouts shaking his head.
“Oh, but I think Charlotte looks great. From what I read she fits my criteria. Plus, she looks like Maggie, my idol.”
“Beauty like a serpent. It can strike you and be venomous, lethal to its prey.”
Matt raises his brow. “Umm, what does that even mean?”
“It mean… choose wisely.”
I swallow hard wondering why Whisper is so adamant with Matt, but with me he was like, yep, Ronan’s all good. Off you go and be merry. Whether we have different ju-ju, or whether he looks at us differently I’m not sure, but either way, we’re certainly getting a differing experience in this love guru thing.
I use Matt’s account to send Charlotte a Pessimistic wink, while Matt smiles at me as Whisper grunts from behind me in a disapproving manner. I roll my eyes as Matt cuddles into my side even further.
“Well, looks like we’re at it again, Alex. We gonna double date like old times?” he asks.
I scoff. “Umm… no. Don’t think I can live up to your lavish lifestyle, Matt. If Ronan and I go anywhere, I think I’ll catch up with him on my own terms this time.”
He frowns and pouts like a small child. “Party pooper.”
We both turn to look at Whisper and Nate, who are watching us both with the same intense stare.
“What?” I ask, and Nate shakes his head.
“You guys are weird. That’s all,” he replies and turns walking out of the kitchen while Whisper smirks.
“I believe sexy boy one correct… you two, are, as he says… weird.”
Matt and I burst out laughing.
“That’s rich coming from you, Whisper,” Matt says.
“Ah yes, but my weird seen, yours seen by others, but not seen by yourselves. For it the unseen that one does not see before it become clear to oneself,” he says.
I furrow my brows looking to Matt to see if he has any idea what any of that means, but the confused look on his face that mirrors mine shows he’s just as confused as me.
“Your riddles give me heartburn,” Matt says, and Whisper grins with a twinkle in his eyes.
“It not my riddles that make your chest ache, Matthew, it the unseen. It make sense one day. Just open your chakra, the knowledge there, you need to be willing to truly use it.”
Matt exhales as his hand reaches into his back pocket pulling out his wallet. “Okay, so how much for this insightful privilege, Whisper? $599? $699?” He chuckles, and I open my eyes wide in shock at the cost.
Whisper waves his hand through the air and lets out a bemused laugh. “We friend now, sexy boy, you no longer pay me for guidance. I give freely. I offer myself to you in all way to help you… unless you want your taxes done, then I give you good price… Yes?”
Matt glances at me with a sly grin and swallows hard. “We’ll see about the taxes. That’s a big job for a rock star, but we can talk. In the meantime, thank you, and I’ll let you know how it goes with Charlotte and Madeline.”
“Excellent, okay, I take leave now. You kids have good night. Don’t party too hard, you wild child you. Hahaha,” Whisper laughs in that fake laugh he does so well, making Matt and me both chuckle as he turns and heads for the front door leaving us both in the kitchen.
“This should be interesting. Not sure I’m ready to take on two women at once,” Matt says.
“Well, I guess you just talk to both of them if they respond, get a feel for them and then choose which one you like better to meet out of the two.”
“Strange how he said I needed two. Maybe I need more odds because I’m harder to match with?”
“Or because you’re such a dork that no one will like you,” I tease and he grins while rolling his eyes.
“Burn,” he says, licking the tip of his finger and placing it on my arm pretending it sizzles. I chuckle and sigh as he furrows his brows and looks into my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug. “I dunno… I just feel a bit like… I get why you have to do it this way, but am I so unapproachable that the only way a guy would be interested in me is by meeting me online first?”
“Hey, stop. No. You’re incredible, and you could have any guy you want. You’re killer, Alex.”
“Nah, I’m not exactly ladylike am I?” I scoff.
He tries to hide his smirk, and he bumps his shoulder into mine. “But that’s what makes you so awesome. You’re not like the other girls, you’re unique, and there’s plenty of guys out there who love that in girls.”
I sink into the side of the kitchen bench wondering if he’s just saying that. Because from where I’m standing, Nate went for Ria who’s stunning and a normal girl in every sense of the word, other than being an actress. Matt, he wants the same, a stunner who has core values and looks the part. Me—I’m not a normal girl. I look different, I act differently. Everything about me is different, and so if the two men in my life both want normal women then isn’t that what most men are looking for? Normal? Which I obviously am not.
“Alex, you’re thinking too much,” Matt says grabbing my hand. A tingle shoots through my skin when he touches me, and my heart skips a beat, but I’m not entirely sure why. Whether I’m just on edge in this moment, or high from Whisper being around. His energy always flows into me for some reason making me feel more in tune with what’s around me, and I’m not sure how or why that happens but it does.
I nod my head slightly. “I probably am.”
“Well then, stop it,” he demands.
“Yes, sir,” I say as his cell dings.
He looks down. “It’s a wink back from Madeline,” he tells me.
“Not the writer… the redhead?” I ask, and he nods. “Good. Send her a message,” I suggest, and that sinking feeling in my stomach appears again, and I have to hold onto the bench for support.
Chapter Sixteen
It’s been a long day at the gallery, and after work, Nate and I decided we would hit up Finlay’s for a drink and an after work meal.
We’ve eaten, and Nate got a message from Matt saying he was with Danger and Lunar, and now they’re heading down here to hang out with us.
I haven’t met them yet, but it will be nice to finally meet some more members of the Recoil family, officially.
Nate and I are in our usual booth. It’s in a great section of the bar and is kind of like your own room inside a room. It’s a pleasant nook where we can be, and people don’t tend to bother us too much. It’s perfect for celebrities to hide away in. Even though Dwayne and Scott are standing right by the edge looking more like security for the bar than for us, which is how Nate likes it, so they don’t draw attention to him.
Suddenly, three people catapult into the booth quickly like they’re madly rushing to avoid someone, and I look up to see one of them is Matt. I smirk then laugh as they rush in taking their seats with us. Matt looks at me and smiles, sitting next to me, and the sexy bad boy looking guy covered in tattoos sits next to Nate, bumping fists. Then a stunning curvaceous beauty with fading pink to yellow hair sits on his lap, making no qualms about being there, as his hands rest on her upper thighs. I open my eyes wide at their display of affection, but shrug it off as no one else in the room seems to be affected by it.
“Hey!” Matt says leaning into my side.
“Hi, is that Danger and Lunar?” I whisper.
He looks to them and clears his throat. “Hey Danger, Lunar, this is Alex… curator extraordinaire, awesome friend, and lover of Mexican.”
I chuckle as I bow my head slightly and wave in their direction. “Howdy, nice to finally meet you guys.”
Lunar sits up taller on Danger, and he groans like her weight shifting hurt him. “Girl, your hair is freaking bonza, gotta love a woman who knows how to dye.”
Smiling, I grin wide and nod. “Thanks, I love yours, too.”
“Oh God, don’t tell me I came all this way to talk fucking hair. I’m a hardcore rocker. Give me booze and food… or sex. Yeah, gimme sex,” Danger says and Lunar rolls her eyes.
“Urgh, like you don’t get enough of all of that. Let me have some girl talk, you fiend.”
Matt chuckles as Nate sighs taking another sip of his beer and I’m liking these two already. They’re my kinda people.
“Fine, but I wanna tie you up later,” Danger says making me burst into laughter as Lunar grins wildly.
“Oh dear Lord,” Matt groans and Nate does the best exaggerated eye roll I’ve ever seen.
“Are you guys always like this?” I ask.
Nate and Matt both nod.
“Meh, mostly,” Lunar sneers.
Danger kisses her neck sweetly in contrast to his previously sexual nature.
I glance to Matt as he waggles his brows up and down, when he reaches for my stout and takes a large gulp. I purse my lips in fake annoyance, but he chuckles licking the foam from his top lip and shrugs as he takes my beer for himself.
“So, Alex, you’re basically running the lives of Nate and Matt now, right?” Lunar asks, and I tilt my head looking from one twin to the other and nod.
“Well, definitely Nate, but I guess Matt a little too, yeah,” I reply.
“Well, good. Someone needs to sort these douches out. We need another tough ass chick in our gang, and I think you suit the bill perfectly. You’re officially Recoil material, Alex. You’re a part of us now. You gotta look after these twins when we can’t, okay?” Lunar demands.
“I got your back, Lunar. I’ll sort them out, don’t you worry.”
“You do realize we’re right here, don’t you?” Nate asks.
Lunar and I both giggle.
“Yes, mopey Mandy, I do. I mean I’m not Zaria’s biggest fan, we all know this, but you’re one sad, sorry sack of shit without her. But I think Alex here can cheer you up. She’s all right by me,” Lunar says.
I sit up taller, and Matt reaches out placing his hand on my knee giving it a little squeeze.
“Thanks, Lunar, you’re pretty freaking tops yourself.”
“What is this… some sort of mutual admiration society?” Danger mocks.
Lunar jumps on his lap making him groan in discomfort as she squashes him. “Shut up, prick. Oh. My. God. Alex, you have to come to the wedding,” she calls out.
I open my eyes wide and gasp. I hardly know her, and Danger even less so, but I feel a kind of kindred spirit to her, and I’m so happy to be a part of the Recoil family. I guess if I plan to be around for a long time, I may as well plant myself in the fabric of their foundations.
“Babe, you can’t invite everyone to our fucking wedding,” Danger scalds, and Lunar scoffs rolling her eyes.
“I’m not inviting everyone! And Alex is a part of our gang now. She’s a part of my girl squad—”
“Your fucking what?”
“My girl squad. My team. You just don’t get women at all, Danger. But we digress… Alex come to the wedding. You will, won’t you?” Lunar begs, smiling so wide, drawing her bottom lip in by her teeth and looking hopeful.
I glance to Matt, who’s trying to hide his smirk as Nate looks lost in his own world, so I nod and chuckle. “Of course, girl squad code and all. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Lunar,” I reply and wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.
Lunar claps her hands together vivaciously, while Matt bumps into my shoulder and chuckles.
“You’re truly one of us now, Alex. No escaping, even if you wanted to.” His eyes stare right into mine, and something passes between us, a buzz, a crackle of electricity sizzles in the air, and my breath catches as I swallow hard thinking that right now, there’s no possible way I would want to escape this world.
MATT
TWO MONTHS LATER
The last two months have been crazy. A month ago Ria and Nate finally sorted their shit out, and they’re back together. It’s been a whirlwind, and I’m so happy for them. Ria is seven months pregnant now. Who would have thought? But Alex knew the whole time which was surprising. But I guess they were friends first, so Alex was put in a tough position. Ria regrets doing that to Alex now, but it’s all worked out for the better, and my twin’s got his happy ever after. Not only are they back together, with a baby on the way, but Nate proposed, and they’re planning their wedding. All this and Nate moved out of our home and in with Ria, which is great for him. He needed to do that to start his family, but I miss him.
This house is so big, and it’s so lifeless and empty without him. Sure, I have Whisper over often and Alex too, but I find myself spending most of my time at Alex’s place instead. I feel more at home at Alex’s than I do here now. I’m thinking about moving. This was Nate’s and my place, and now that he’s moving on it doesn’t feel right here anymore.
My mood is depleted, and even though I’m having amazing conversations with two women on Lovepessimist, I’m still not sure that meeting either of them is the right thing to do. Plus, I like both Madeline and Charlotte and having to pick one over the other seems too difficult. They appear equally as good as each other. Neither knows about the other, of course, and I feel like maybe I’m in over my head.
With Jaci, I spoke to her for a week before meeting her. With these two I’ve made sure to extend the talk time to get to know them more first before meeting them. But I keep putting off meeting them, and now it’s been two months. I know them both reasonably well, well as best as you can using text messages. I want to meet them, I suppose, I’m just nervous.
And then there’s Alex. She’s talking to Ronan, and they’re getting along fine, but I feel like we’re all coasting. Too scared to take the leap. I just worry now that I’ve invested so much time into these two women, what if the same thing happens? What if they meet me and fall into the fandom like Jaci did? Then I’ve wasted two months of my life getting to know them. And what if I choose to meet one and I choose the wrong one?
So many variables.
Too many variables.
The only consistent things in my life are music and Alex.
Alex doesn’t go anywhere. She’s always there when I need to talk, and we have Taco Tuesday’s every week, where we stay in eating Mexican without fail. It’s our thing… wh
y? I don’t know, it’s just us. We’re so in sync. I just wish I knew where my life was heading, or which direction to take it in.
Music is coasting. The band is releasing a song every now and then to keep up momentum, but we’re not really doing much. I know that will change eventually, but for now, nothing major is happening and I’m unsettled. I guess I need to do something and take a risk. To take that leap if I want something in my life to change.
I watch Danger and Lunar in their state of bliss, with their wedding fast approaching. Ryan and Tillie are all loved up as humanly possible, and Nate and Ria are already having a family. Then there’s me. The only guy in the band still completely single, and I can’t even say I’m living the rock star life, either. I don’t remember the last time I had sex. Fuck! It might have been on the promo tour, and that was months ago. I just haven’t felt the need for it. I’m definitely in a funk because if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s fuck. Maybe that’s what I need, something to just release the tension. I’m too busy focusing on finding the one, to find the one for right now.
Or maybe Whisper is messing with my mojo. Fuck knows! Either way, something’s gotta give, and with Danger’s wedding fast approaching I need to make an effort to figure out who my plus one is going to be—Madeline or Charlotte?
Picking up my cell to look over their profiles once more, I glance at the two women. They’re both very different, but oddly similar, and instead of messaging either of them I dial Alex’s number as I slump back onto my mattress. It’s still early morning, and I need to get up for the day, but my head’s already confused, and it’s only seven a.m.
