by K E Osborn
“That means a lot to hear you say that, Madeline. I think this could be the start of something nice,” I state honestly, and she smiles wide showing me her perfect teeth. She is stunning.
“I think so, too. Okay, shall we have something to eat? I’m not sure what I feel like. Do you know what you want? Maybe—”
“Eggs Benedict,” we both say in unison.
I wave to Tamika and glance sideways to Scott with a sly wink. He gives me a subtle thumbs up and goes about pretending to play with his cell.
***
The rest of the date went amazingly well with Madeline. We stayed and had a late lunch, spending the entire day together until she had to leave to get ready for work. She guessed that Scott was here with me, noting that he hadn’t left that table all day, and was looking over casually all the time. She’s pretty cluey, but she didn’t mind, and I think she realized then that I was actually more famous than she thought. It still didn’t bother her, though, which was good. And by the end of the date I was comfortable enough to ask her if she’d be willing to come to Danger’s wedding as my plus one, seeing as it’s on the weekend and I have officially run out of time to ask anyone else. She agreed, and said she’d be a little scared to meet everyone, but she would be on her best behavior. That she was honored and is looking forward to our official second date. I’m hoping that if all goes well, I might take her home after the wedding. I know it’s only the second date, but it would be nice to spend some more time with her alone and in a comfortable environment.
Scott and I walked her out the back, then around to the parking lot to her car, and I kissed her goodbye. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, it wasn’t lust-filled, it wasn’t brimming with ecstasy. It was a first kiss, and it was gentle, tender, and nice. It was basically lips touching, no open mouth and no tongue. It was a good girl kiss.
It was what I expected from the woman I want on a first date.
She passed the test.
My somber mood is all but lifted as I watch Madeline drive off, and I turn and walk with Scott around the back to our car.
“So, that went fucking well!” he cheers, looking down at his watch.
I smirk like a fucking giddy school boy. “Didn’t it, though? I have no idea how I lucked out, man. Did you see her?”
He chuckles while nodding his head. “Umm… yep, I saw her. Matt, man, fuck.” His eyes bulge out of his head accentuating his approval, and I chuckle knowingly.
Then it dawns on me, Alex’s text. I always answer her right away, and her message has gone unanswered for hours. “Shit,” I murmur and quickly pull out my cell as we reach the car and slide in.
I read the text and slump my body.
Alex: Can you come to the gallery? I wanna talk to you about something…
Fuck! This was at like eight this morning, it’s now close to her getting ready to come over for Taco Tuesday. She’s gonna think I ignored her all day. I grimace and swipe my cell to dial her number. It rings a few times, and I think she isn’t going to answer when she finally does.
“Hey...” She doesn’t answer with her usual rhetoric or chirpy manner, she seems down, and I know that’s because of me.
“I’m a shit friend,” I blurt out, and she lets out a small laugh down the line.
“No denying that. Are you being held captive by Afghan Hounds?” she asks, and I furrow my brows.
“What? No. That’s so weird.”
“You say weird, I say creative. Can you imagine those long coated pups with AK47’s and headbands yelling at you to get on your knees and put your hands behind your head?” she asks with a slight chuckle.
“Are you drunk?”
“No, I’m always this weird, Matt. You used to like my weird.” She sighs.
Furrowing my brows, I swallow hard. “I still like your weird, Alex, but you watch too many Japanese cartoons. That sounds like something from one of them.”
She snorts. “True. Anyway, how can I help you, Matt?” she asks, and the low tone in her voice tells me something’s not all right with her, even with all the joking.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get your message until now. I swear, I wasn’t ignoring you, Alex, I would never ignore you.”
“Okay,” is all she says.
Great, one word answers.
My nerves are back and my stomach is flipping in on itself, and I want to be sick all over Scott’s car as he drives toward my house.
“I have a good excuse,” I say wanting to defend my actions.
“It’s okay, Matt. I’ll talk to you tonight when I come over. Maybe, I’ll see.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I think so… I’m just umm… I’ll talk to you tonight, okay?”
Tensing up, I feel like this sounds serious. Is she sick? Is something wrong with her? I can’t help myself, and it comes out before I can stop it. “Alex, are you sick?”
“No, nothing that serious. It’s nothing really. Don’t even worry. I’m just being stupid probably.”
“You could never be stupid.”
She chuckles, and the line is quiet for a while. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“‘Kay, see you soon.”
She hangs up, and I furrow my brows letting out a long drawn out sigh.
Scott looks to me and raises his brow. “That sounded intense.”
“Yeah, I get the feeling something’s up with Alex, but I have no idea what, though.”
“She’s a mystery, our Alex. Hot as fuck, though. If you don’t mind me saying so,” Scott states.
I raise my brow at him, and he winces turning back to face the road and continues driving without talking any more of Alex for the rest of the car ride home. Probably a good thing. I might have ended up having a few words to say to him if he said anything else about her.
ALEX
After grabbing a tub of ice cream and driving through the drive through of our local Taco Bell, I’m almost to Matt’s, and my stomach feels tight. I’m nervous about seeing him tonight. I’m not sure what happened today to make him not talk to me all day. He’s never done that. We generally talk a few times throughout the day, and today was radio silence after I asked him to come and chat with me.
Did he know what I was thinking, and that maybe he didn’t want that?
Maybe I’m overthinking things, and making this more than what it is, and he’s pulling away from me?
All I know is that Matt means so much to me and this wedding is only four days away, and with me not having met Ronan yet and he not having met either of his girls, to me the logical conclusion is for us to go to the wedding together.
Now there are two issues with this. Asking Matt to come with me to the wedding is like taking that step from friends to something more, but it doesn’t have to be if we don’t let it. But I’m a little confused. I love Matt, with everything I have, but is that love friendship or something more? I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore? And it’s confusing the hell out of me.
So if we do decide to go together, what then? What happens to Ronan, Madeline, and Charlotte? There are three others to think about in this, and while Ronan and I get along fine on paper, and online—our geekdoms work great together—I don’t feel a spark with him, not at all. I know it won’t lead anywhere. But with Matt, he wants to make a go of it with Madeline or Charlotte. I’m just not sure if I want to throw myself in the mix there too.
And you know the whole don’t fix something that isn’t broken. If you have a solid friendship, a foundation that’s so strong, why would you fuck with that? So this is where I am at. Driving to Matt’s to ask him if he wants to go to the wedding of the year together. As friends first, and I’ll let him take the lead to see if he intends to admit to anything. I’m not expecting anything more, but we’ll see. I’m going to put my cards on the table and see where it can take us.
Pulling up in Matt’s driveway, I grab all the food and make my way to the front door. I kick the door with my foot seeing as I don’t have any free ha
nds, and the door opens soon after. He chuckles looking at me and takes some of the bags from me.
“Did you buy extra food tonight?” he asks.
“Yes, I’m hungry. Sue me.”
He chuckles and shrugs. “All good. Though I had a late lunch, so I might not eat too much,” he says, and I grunt as I shove the food on the coffee table.
“Maaattt, you need to tell me these things,” I say, and he shrugs slumping down on the sofa, pulling the burritos and tacos out of the bags as I place the ice cream in the freezer.
“Sorry, I’ve had a big day,” he says, and I close the freezer door and take a deep breath while walking back to the sofa. I grab a burrito, unwrap it and take a bite.
“Tell me,” I say with a mouth half-full.
“So, I might have met Madeline,” he says.
The burrito instantly gets caught in my throat, and I start choking. I lean forward and cough violently as he pats my back hard and it dislodges. I spit it out onto the table, not caring about the mess and take a big gasp of air.
He opens his eyes wide and rubs my arm for comfort. “Jesus, are you okay?”
“You met Madeline?” I confirm through a wheezy breath, and he continues to rub my arm and nods. “This is huge!”
“That’s why I didn’t reply to your message, I was with her.” He smiles weakly.
My stomach sinks as I open my eyes—he was with her?
Oh, God!
My breathing quickens, and I nod matter-of-factly as he smiles wide like he’s reliving a memory. A good one obviously.
“Oh. And, how’d that go?” I ask, not knowing what else to say.
“Amazing… she’s perfect.”
I turn away from him and take another bite of my burrito, not knowing what else to do.
“She doesn’t know who I am. Hell, she doesn’t even know who Recoil is,” he says, and I raise my brow.
Well, that’s definitely what he wanted.
I’m happy for him.
“I asked her to go to the wedding with me,” he says, and I stop eating and breathe heavier.
And…
There’s my answer.
If I’m feeling anything, it’s completely one-sided.
I need to get a grip on this and sort my head out because Matt obviously was never thinking the same thing I was—that we should go together. That we should ramp this friendship up.
I’m such a fucking idiot.
What the hell was I thinking?
“Alex, you’ve gone all white. Are you okay?” he asks rubbing my arm again.
“Yeah, just need to eat. Had a huge day and didn’t get to have breakfast or lunch, so I’m starving.” I left out the part where I didn’t eat breakfast because I was on the phone to him, and then I skipped lunch because he was ignoring me and I was too nervous to eat.
“So what did you wanna ask me today? Why did you want me to come to the gallery?” he asks then takes a bite of his taco.
I tense up with a fake laugh. “Oh, it doesn’t even matter now. It was nothing. Just wanted you to help me with putting up some stuff while Nate was out. All good, next time.”
He furrows his brows and tilts his head. “But you said you’d talk to me about it tonight?”
Raising my brow, I purse my lips. “Hmm… did I? Oh, I can’t even remember. Mustn’t have been that important if I can’t remember,” I say blasé, and have another mouthful looking away from him.
The room shifts to an uncomfortable silence. It’s the first time I’ve been in a room alone with Matt and felt uncomfortable.
I’ve done this.
I’ve put a wedge between us.
I need to get the hell over this and get back to being just Matt and Alex because he clearly has no affection for me what-so-ever. I should have known. I break pretty much every one of his rules, except for number ten—get along with his twin. How could I ever see myself in his life as something more?
“Should I go?”
Matt furrows his brows. “Alex, why would you go? You just got here. You’ve hardly touched your food?”
“Does Madeline know about me?” I blurt out, and he sighs.
“No, but I will tell her. I’ll send her a message right now if it makes you stay.”
Tears well in my eyes. I mean that little to him that he hasn’t even told her about me. Ronan knows all about Matt. Standing up, I grab the bags of food and turn heading for the door.
“Alex, what’s happening right now?” he asks, and I turn to face him
“Ronan knows all about you. You mean that much to me that I told him because you’re such a big part of my life. I feel like Madeline is going to be in your life now, and if you haven’t even told her about me, then where am I going to fit into that little equation?”
He stands up, rushing toward me. “You think because I didn’t tell Madeline about you that means you’re not a big part of my life?”
“I think… we see each other quite differently, Matt. I don’t think I mean as much to you as you mean to me. But that’s fine, you have Madeline now—”
“You’re jealous because she’ll spend time with me now? Time taken from you, is that it?” he asks.
“No Matt, I’m angry because you don’t care enough about me to mention my goddamn name to your potential girlfriend. We were best friends, that’s a pretty big deal in my eyes.”
“Were?” he asks, his eyes drooping like I’ve just broken his heart.
“You know what I mean.”
He stands taller. “No Alex, I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying we’re not friends anymore?”
“No, of course not. I just need a moment. Give me a moment, okay?” I ask and he furrows his brows.
“I’m going to message Madeline right now, tell her about you. Okay?”
I nod, and as he turns and walks away to his cell, I grab the door handle and head out running for my car. I shove the food on the passenger seat as I get in and start up the car just in time to see him racing out the front door to look at me with his cell in his hand. His eyes are droopy, and he looks lost. But I don’t stop, backing out of the drive and speeding off home to think about what in the hell I’ve done.
Chapter Eighteen
MATT
Standing with my cell in my hand and watching Alex drive away is both utterly confusing and equally devastating. I’m not entirely sure what the fight was about. Is she questioning my friendship with her? Or that I didn’t tell Madeline about her? Or both? Sometimes having a female for a best friend is hard work, but I love her, and I wouldn’t want anyone else as my best friend. And the reason I didn’t tell Madeline about Alex was simple, not because she doesn’t mean enough to me, or because I’m embarrassed about her or whatever, but because I know what women are like when you mention your best friend is another woman. They get defensive and jealous, and I don’t want my relationships to start off that way.
Sighing, as I watch Alex drive off, I grit my teeth as my nostrils flare. I’m angry. I don’t know how such a good day could turn to shit so quickly, but all I do know is I hate fighting with Alex. She means so much to me, and for some reason, she feels like I don’t care enough about her. Which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Turning, I close the door and walk inside to the freezer and grab the tub of ice cream. I slam the door shut, making the freezer wobble as I pull open the drawer for a spoon, and make my way back to the sofa to run over this in my head.
Why is she thinking this way?
The only thing I can think of is that because she’s had me all to herself all this time, and now if I have a girlfriend she’s going to be losing time with me. Is she scared of losing me? And me not telling Madeline about Alex, would only make Alex think that I’m not thinking about her in this relationship at all.
I’ve fucked up.
If Alex were a man, I would’ve told Madeline about him. So why the hell haven’t I told Madeline? Why is Alex being a girl so different? I’m the only one making this an issue
. Madeline seems reasonable, so surely if I tell Madeline and she can’t handle that my best friend is a female, that’s going to be a problem anyway. So better to know right now.
I spoon a mouthful of ice cream into my mouth, the gooey, creamy texture hitting my tongue and relaxing me slightly. With my cell in my hand, I type out a detailed message to Madeline explaining who Alex is, and why I hadn’t told her about her before now. That I hope it isn’t an issue that Alex is my best friend, and if it is an issue, well then that’s a deal breaker. Perhaps it should be rule number eleven because Alex is too important to me and is a big part of my life. I hover over the send button knowing I could be dooming this great start to our relationship. But my friendship with Alex is more important at this point. So I hit send. Instantly, my stomach sinks and I clench my eyes shut while gritting my teeth. I feel sorry for Madeline, she’s only just met me, and already I’m giving her ultimatums—accept my best friend or walk. This is not healthy, but it is what it is, and hopefully, she’s cool enough to accept it.
Knowing my luck though, she will walk.
I bounce the back of my head on the top of the sofa trying to calm myself as I wait for her to see the message. It lights up green, and I die a little inside. Shaking my head as I take in another mouthful of ice cream, the little typing bubbles bounce up and down and I cringe in anticipation.
“Here we go, here comes the letdown. Nice knowing you, Madeline,” I murmur and the message comes through shortly after.
Madeline: Matt, thank you for being honest with me, but really you have nothing to worry about. I don’t get jealous easily, so having a female as your best friend is perfect. Just means another friend for me!
I sit up taller and almost choke on the ice cream in my mouth. I swallow it instead of spitting it out and reread the message twice. “You gotta be kidding me?” I mumble and shake my head in awe.
