by K E Osborn
“I’m going to make you feel so good, Alex,” I whisper in her ear then bite her lobe.
“You already have,” she whispers back and then moans as I flick her clit.
Chapter Twenty-Two
ALEX
My body aches, but in a delicious way as my eyes slowly open. Light filters in from the open curtains sending in rays of light from the morning sun. Dust particles sprinkle through the air giving the morning a magical feel as I lay here basking in the afterglow of the events of the night before. Matt’s arm is draped over my naked body, still clinging to me almost as if for dear life, as my back is pressed against his very naked front. I can feel all of him, including his morning erection, and I chew on my bottom lip wondering if I should take advantage of that again this morning.
Our relationship has changed irrevocably, in one way or another. We’re best friends, but we’ve now crossed a line and slept together. But what we did last night wasn’t just sex, not for me, it felt like more. I don’t think you have sex like that with just anyone. At least I don’t.
Closing my eyes, I relish in the moment a little longer. I’m not sure exactly how long I’ve wanted this for. But being here, in Matt’s arms, feels… so right. I just hope he feels this too.
I slowly move my hand to lace my fingers with his hand that’s resting on my stomach, and he takes in a deep breath like he’s just woken. He murmurs slightly, shifting his weight and squeezes my hand in his, then leans in kissing my shoulder gently.
“Morning,” he whispers.
Smiling, I turn my head slightly to look at him. Matt’s eyes are still hazy, and his hair is all disheveled.
He looks perfect.
I roll over, facing him and he smiles at me, looking in my eyes. “Morning,” I murmur back.
He brings his hand up, moving some hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek in a kind gesture. It’s tender and sweet, and I nuzzle into his palm as he weakly smiles at me.
“So… we’re still best friends, right?” he asks out of nowhere, and I pull my eyebrows together more in shock than anything else.
Is he serious?
We had an amazing night together. I thought we shared a deep emotional connection, and yet he wants to stay just friends? I’m a little stunned. But this is Matt, and I have never been on his list, so I guess, I have to remember that I don’t meet his rules.
I’m not the girl he wants.
I was there last night when he needed me, and that’s all this was. I look away from him and swallow hard. “Ah… yeah, of course. We’re always friends, Matt. But I, ah… have to go to work. So I better get going,” I say and turn from his grip.
Realizing, I’m butt naked, I need to find some clothes. So I make do and grab the top cover of his bed, and pull it over me and hop out of bed then wrap it around me to go about finding my clothing. Matt furrows his brows, leaning on his elbow watching me cautiously like he’s a little stunned by my actions.
“Didn’t Nate give you the day off? I thought we could hang out together?” he asks.
I find my panties and try to pull them on up and under the massive duvet while trying to hold it on me at the same time. I’m confused and a little hurt that he wants to go back to normal after last night, and I just want to get out of here. “Yeah, but Ria’s paid me for seven days a week, so I don’t want to take advantage,” I say and let the last two words hang in the air.
He nods and clears his throat as he sits up in the bed, the sheets falling showing his perfectly toned body. I cringe slightly, as all I wanna do is go back over and jump back into bed with him.
But I can’t, Matt clearly doesn’t want that.
This was obviously a one-time deal.
“I’m so sorry, Alex. I needed comfort last night. I was weak, and I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he says, and my stomach sinks.
He’s regretting last night?
I turn away from him simply nodding and grab my bra, dress, and shoes and swallow hard. “It’s fine. What are friends for?” With my back turned to him, I head out of his room before this gets even more awkward. My breathing is short and sharp as I race toward Nate’s old room.
I’m not going to cry!
I won’t allow it.
It feels like Matt used me, and I hate that he did that. I thought I was worth more to him than that, but if that’s what I am to him, then I guess he does mean more to me than I do to him.
I need to distance myself from him.
I drop the duvet and get dressed quickly, then race out of his house.
Matt makes no attempt to come and find me or stop me, and I leave without a word from him. It’s not until I get out the front of his home that I realize I don’t have my car or any means of transportation. So I sigh, shaking my head. Taking off my heels, I start the long walk to the gallery. I could call a cab or an Uber, but I’d have to wait for them to get here and risk Matt coming outside to find me. I don’t want that. So I head off down his street, in bare feet, with a sinking feeling and a nervous stomach.
***
The gallery is quiet for a Sunday, but I’m glad. I’m not my usual chirpy self today, and even though I’m nice to the few customers that do come in, I’m not on my game. Nate isn’t here, which is good. Seeing him would only remind me of Matt, and right now I don’t want that. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life.
Sure, I have an amazing job, I have a bunch of good friends and people surrounding me, but right now, I feel like maybe I need to reevaluate. LA is great, but I’ve had nothing but bad luck here. The last three years has certainly looked up, but it’s starting to go downhill again, and I’m not sure I can take another beating. I’m strong, I’ve survived much worse than being denied by my best friend, I know that. But I’m beginning to feel like maybe moving wouldn’t be such a bad idea? I know Ria paid me to be here for a year, but I haven’t spent the money. I was wise and banked it, so if needed, I could pay her back for the hours still owed. It would suck having to bail on Nate, but I know Ria could find him someone equally as awesome as me. Hell, I could help him find someone before I left, I’m not that much of an asshole. But anyway, it’s just something to think about. The option is there if I need it.
I’m running through some invoicing when the door chimes letting me know someone has come into the gallery. I head out to the store front to see Ria, and I smile wide as she smiles at me weakly and opens her arms to me for a hug.
My forehead creases in confusion, but I move over and embrace her as she rocks me back and forth, her swollen belly protruding in between us.
“Nate’s been on the phone to Matt all morning,” Ria says, and I exhale and sag in her arms.
“Oh,” I murmur, and she nods pulling back and looks at me with a concerned look while leading us over to the red love seat.
“First of all, are you okay?” she asks, and I shrug.
“I have no idea. I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
She nods as we sit down, her a little more awkwardly than me, as she reaches out grabbing my hand. “Well, they were still on the phone when I left. I think Matt’s as confused as you are if that helps.”
I scoff. “I don’t think he’s confused at all. He made it pretty clear it was a one-time thing, and it was only to make him feel better. That we’re just friends at the end of the day.”
She purses her lips and winces. “I know the friendship means so much to him, he doesn’t want to lose that with you.”
“I know. I also know he has those stupid ten rules and I don’t fit them, so what hope do I have?”
“Without sticking around to find out what Matt was saying I don’t know. All I know is what happened, and as soon as Nate told me, I came to you, because I knew you’d need someone to talk to, too.”
I nod and tighten my hand in hers. “Thank you. I feel like such an idiot for going to his house last night. I’ve fucked everything up.”
“No. I don’t think you have. This could be the start of
something, Alex. You and Matt both need to think about what you want.”
Shaking my head, I flare my nostrils in annoyance. “Matt told me already, he wants to stay friends. I was stupid for allowing myself to feel something for him.”
Ria scrunches her face in dissatisfaction. “Well, if that’s the case then you need to think about whether you can realistically carry on a friendship with him, especially if you have feelings for him.”
Sighing, I nod. “I know.”
“I love you, you know that, right?”
“I do. I love you, too. Thank you. I know you’re right. I need to cut ties with him, don’t I?”
She runs her hand up and down my arm tenderly, but it does nothing to soothe me like I wish it would. “It will hurt… it will be hard… but I think for your health, Alex, you have to do what’s best for you.”
Nodding, I swallow hard and take a deep breath knowing this is probably the right thing and that I will, at some point, have to let Matt go.
Chapter Twenty-Three
MATT
Waking up yesterday holding Alex was a bit of a shock to my system. Then her leaving with that deer in the headlights look freaked me out a little. I knew I’d fucked up. My feelings were all over the place. My head was fucking with me. All I could think about was not ruining our friendship, and by enforcing that, I think that’s exactly what I’ve done.
I spent pretty much the rest of the day talking it out with Nate, running through my options. It was clear that there’s something happening with Alex and me, but I’m not sure what. Our friendship is so important to me, and taking that leap over the boundary of friends to lovers scares the fucking shit out of me. Because I don’t have the best boyfriend record. Not that I’m not a good boyfriend, I am, it’s just that I don’t tend to keep a girlfriend for long. And if Alex and I were to move into that territory and we didn’t work, I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.
Having sex with her, while utterly electrifying and the best experience of my life, was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made. I certainly wasn’t thinking with my head, and now I’ve gone and possibly fucked everything up. I have no idea how to fix us. I haven’t spoken to her since she left yesterday. I know Ria went to see her, so at least she’s had some support, but I should be there for her. After all, I’m the one causing her anguish, and I fucking hate myself for that.
I know Alex and Nate will be at the gallery today, so I’m going to go down there and see if I can fix this. Nate can hold down the fort while I talk to her for a bit. I gather my keys and wallet and head to my car wondering if I should take a bunch of flowers, but decide not to. Just in case she wants to be friends and it confuses the situation even more. I don’t even really know what I want, or what I’m going to talk to her about. I really should have planned this out. Going in blind is probably stupid, but at least I’m making an effort to sort this shit out.
I get in the car and try to think on the ride over about what I’m going to say, but everything seems wrong. I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do or say when I see her.
I should’ve got her flowers.
I’m an ass!
Parking my car, I get out and walk up to the gallery. It reminds me of the first time I came here and seeing her for the first time all those months ago when I thought she was supposed to be a man. I smile at the memory and clear my throat as I approach, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans. Taking a deep breath, I walk inside. The door dings letting them know I’m here. I’m happy to see no one else is browsing, giving me space to be with Alex when she comes out. She rounds the corner and stops still when she sees me. She’s dressed in her usual business attire that doesn’t suit her look, but her aqua hair is pulled back in a messy bun, and her makeup is done but not to its usual standard.
She looks tired.
Still beautiful, but tired.
She falters in her stride, staggering on the spot slightly when she sees me, and lets out a long breath like the sight of me has taken her breath away.
I exhale taking her in. I guess I’ve never really looked at her. Truly looked at her. She’s utterly stunning.
“Alex,” I murmur.
“Matt,” she whispers back standing steadfast in the doorway, so I decide to move instead. I start moving toward her and her eyes bug out like she’s shocked that I’m rushing toward her, but also like she’s stunned to the spot.
I breathe harshly through my nose as I get closer and stand right in front of her, looking into her eyes. Her usual sparkling brown eyes look at me like she isn’t sure what to do or say.
“I’m sorry,” I admit, and she slumps with a frown.
“For?” she asks.
“Fucking everything up.”
Alex nods and looks down to the floor. She looks broken. I hate it.
“I shouldn’t have asked you back to my place on Saturday night,” I say, and her head snaps up, and her eyes glisten like she’s trying to fight back the tears.
Shit! Jesus! I needed to word that differently.
“No, I mean we shouldn’t have slept together.”
She lets out a bemused laugh, takes a step back and looks away from me.
Shit! Even worse. Fuck, Matt!
“What I mean is… I don’t want to lose what we have, Alex, and I feel like us being together might have fucked everything up.”
Her nostrils flare, and her eyes are still downturned. “So you regret it?”
Shit!
“I ah… I enjoyed it—”
“Ha!” She laughs turning around and storming past me out into the gallery.
“What? Alex, wait!” I call out, and she turns back facing me.
“You enjoyed fucking me, and then letting me know you used me because you needed some comfort? Huh? Well, I’m certainly glad you enjoyed it.”
I tense up wincing at the obvious pain in her voice. She continues to storm off into the gallery toward the other side of the room.
I take off after her. “Alex, no it wasn’t like that,” I yell back at her.
She turns to face me, stopping her stride. “Wasn’t it? Because that’s sure how it seems. Poor Matt got himself into a bad situation. We all saved him. Then the poor love needed comfort. In comes Alex to the rescue, yet again, and saves the day. Yay, for Super-Alex, she should get a fucking gold star,” she says with extra sarcasm, as Nate walks out from the studio and looks at us both. He’s covered in paint and screws up his face.
I ignore Nate as he stands to observe, but says nothing, while I look back to Alex and shake my head. “I swear, Alex, it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t using you. In the moment I felt it, I needed you—”
“And then the next morning you didn’t. That’s called using, Matt. Look it up.” She blinks away a few lingering tears and continues, “I thought I was worth more than that.”
I storm toward her, but this time she doesn’t budge her stance. “You are. That’s the whole point of this, Alex. You mean so much to me! So much. Can’t you see that?” I reaching out grabbing her arms and holding on, probably a little tighter than necessary.
She still doesn’t move, looking in my eyes. “I don’t feel like I mean anything to you, Matt.”
I grit my teeth and shake my head. “Alex, your friendship means everything to me. Absolutely everything. I can’t lose you. That’s why what happened was wrong, because if we made this into something bigger than it needs to be and I lost you—”
She shakes free of my grip and screws up her face. “Don’t be ridiculous, Matt. Just be honest with yourself and with me. Don’t make excuses. We both know the reason you’re hiding behind the ‘we’re too good a friends’ banner,” she says, and I furrow my brows.
“What?”
She walks away from me toward the studio and Nate, throwing over her shoulder a death glare. “I don’t match your… stupid. Fucking. Rules. I don’t meet your expectations. I’m not fucking good enough for Matthew Levine…” She pauses for a second. “I can’t do
this, Matt. I’m done,” she says and walks into the studio as my stomach sinks out of my body through my feet, and my heart races a million miles an hour. Nate grimaces at Alex as she walks past him, and he sighs looking at me and shakes his head.
“Good going, bro,” he says.
I grit my teeth, clenching my fists by my side, and slam my hand into the pillar beside me letting out a frustrated groan. “I should have brought flowers,” I murmur, and Nate lets out a stifled laugh.
“You should have brought her an offer of a relationship. Now you’ve lost her completely, and it’s no one’s fault but yours,” Nate says.
I look up to the ceiling wanting it to fall down on me. “Will you talk to her?”
“And say what? Are you willing to change your mind? And even so, I think it’s too late now. Good going, Matt, and you’re supposed to be the sensible one.” Nate turns walking back into the studio leaving me in the gallery completely alone.
I want to go out there and try to sort this out, but I’ve only made it worse.
Now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me.
I’ve lost her for good.
I’m a fucking idiot.
I bring my palm up smacking my forehead and turn, walking out of the gallery feeling like the moron that I am. My feet feel heavy as I walk back to my car, scuffing my soles along the pavement as I go. I’m a dick, a fucking useless asshole, for making her feel like she isn’t good enough for me. I hate she feels that way. She is good enough for me, probably too good for me. It’s just, she’s my friend, and I didn’t want to fuck that up. Now I have and I’ve lost her anyway.
I’ve never been good with relationships, I always fuck them up, and it just goes to show even friendships I seem to fuck up now too. Maybe I’m not the sensible twin after all? Maybe Nate was really the better twin all along, and he was just making me feel better about myself because I was, in fact, completely useless at everything. I’m not saying Nate was useless, not at all… see even my thoughts make me sound like an asshole.
