by K E Osborn
“Matt?” she asks, and I nod.
“Charlotte?” I ask, and she giggles with a nod.
“Call me, Charlie. Wow! You really are rugged up there, mister inconspicuous,” she says grinning at me from ear to ear.
I shrug and sigh. “I kinda like to not be noticed.”
She nods, and looks around as if to check if anyone’s within hearing distance, then looks back to me. “I understand that, but you know we didn’t have to come out in public… considering.”
I raise my brow and tilt my head. “Considering?”
She leans in closer. “Considering who you are, you jerk. You should have told me!” She slaps my arm playfully.
I weakly smile. So she knows who I am, but at least she didn’t scream and yell it to the entire universe. Guess that’s one good mark for her. “Sorry, just wanted you to get to know me, not who people see me as in the tabloids.”
She nods. “Yeah, I get that, but don’t worry it doesn’t change anything, Matt. I’m still excited to get to know you, the real you, and I’m willing to listen to everything you have to talk about. I’m here for you,” she says resting her hand on my arm.
“Thanks, Charlie. I haven’t had a whole bunch of luck with this internet dating thing, so to be honest, I don’t even know where my head space is at with it right now. I think I just need a friend more than anything.”
She nods and leans in giving me a brief, gentle, yet calming hug. “I’m here for you, Matt, however, you need me.”
I hug her back, and it’s nice to have someone who’s willing to be a friend. I pull back and look toward the street fair. “Wanna get some food and sit on the grass for a bit?”
“Sure, let’s have a chat,” she says, grabbing my hand and leading me toward the hot dog stand.
We spend the evening sitting on a grassy knoll, chatting about everything. I tell her all about Alex, about what happened, and about my prior internet dating history. I don’t know why I feel the need to unload everything on her, but something about her is soothing and makes her easy to talk to. Charlie’s an amazing listener, and she gives great advice at the right points in the conversation. She doesn’t mind that I keep my sunnies and cap on the entire time, even though the sun has gone down and it’s clearly nighttime. She knows why, she understands, and that just gives her a positive vibe. I feel comfortable around her. An ease I haven’t felt with anyone other than Alex, and it’s nice. Although, she isn’t quite in the same league as Alex. In fact, they’re quite the polar opposite, but Charlie is great, and if I were to refer to my list, she would tick off a decent chunk of the ten requirements I’m looking for in a partner. But right now, I’m not looking for that. No, a friend in Charlie is all I need.
We’ve been talking, and while most of the night has been about me, which has been cathartic and nice to release some built up tension, I’ve learned a little about her too. About her family, about her lifestyle. Charlie’s an up and coming writer, and she pens columns for an independent LA paper. That’s how she knew who I was. She’s seen articles about the band in the papers, plus obviously, she’s heard our music. She’s excited that I am who I am, but it doesn’t seem to affect the course of the relationship, which is good.
It’s been a few hours and the evening is getting on. Charlie came here by cab, so I’ve suggested that I drive her home. I’d hate to think I let her cab it home, when I can easily drive her. So we’re walking back to my car, and we’re in the back street where it’s dimly lit with hardly anyone around. We’re laughing about the size of the foot long hot dogs, and that one kid trying to eat it in one go when a bunch of teenagers run down the street toward us. I tense up as they swarm around us completely, running full pelt, laughing maniacally and pushing between Charlie and me.
My hood falls from my head in the chaos as someone bumps into me, abruptly making me fall forward. My glasses descend down my nose and fall off to the ground. My body tenses, and I turn just in time for my eyes to lock with one of the teenage girls. She focuses on me, her eyes widening as her fits of giggles stop, and she stands stock still staring at me. My muscles clench and I shake my head knowing that look. It’s an awed look of recognition.
Fuck! Why didn’t I bring Scott?
“Holy shit!” she yells, making her friends halt their fast pace, and they all turn to look at me as I quickly try to pull my hoodie back over my face, but she yanks it back down and lets out an almighty scream. “It’s fucking Matt from Recoil!” Her ear piercing tenor makes me squint, as I slump my body glancing to Charlie who’s gnawing on her bottom lip, standing back from me as I’m now suddenly swarmed by teenage fangirls.
Fuck! This is not how this was supposed to go!
“Matt, oh my God, Matt, is it really you?” she shrieks, pulling at my top.
“Yeah. Look I’m kinda here with someone and we’re just leaving so, I’ll take some pictures and sign some autographs, but I can’t stay too long, okay?” I suggest, and they all start screaming which makes more people look down from the end of the street, and I wince as I glance to Charlie who’s standing back, wrapping her arms around herself and taking this all in.
“Okay, pics first? Phones everyone?” I ask, and they all yank out their cells, including Charlie who giggles taking snaps of me with my fans. I smile and shake my head, rolling my eyes at her making fun of me. But I take a picture with every girl, plus a couple more that appear.
“Can you sign my iPod?” one girl asks.
“Ah, sure, but I um… don’t have a Sharpie,” I say, and Charlie throws her hand up gesturing ‘one minute’ as she rifles around in her handbag, pulling out a sharpie. Smiling at her, I nod, as the girls thank her and start turning toward her, while I sigh the random shit they pull out of their backpacks.
“So you’re here with Matt, right?” one girl asks Charlie.
Charlie nods. “I am.”
They all giggle and cheer off an immature “oohing.”
“Are you his girlfriend?” one girl asks, and I tense up stopping mid-signature to look at her.
She looks to me with a smirk and lets out a bemused laugh. “I’m his advisor and friend,” she replies.
I wink at her as I continue to sign shit, including someone’s arm.
“Speaking of advising, I think you’re a little too open out here, Matt. Time to finish up,” she says very authoritarian, and I chuckle with a nod.
“Sorry girls, the boss has spoken. You don’t want to get me in trouble, do you?”
They all groan but nod. “No, but it was sure good to meet you. Thank you for hanging with us,” one of the girls says.
“My pleasure, ladies. Have a good night.” I lean in hugging them all, throw my hoodie back over my head, pick up my shades, and grab Charlie heading back to my car.
She exhales and looks to me with a smirk as we get in quickly. “Well, that was relatively calm for your type of fans.”
Nodding, I let out a small groan. “I know, they were great… I was an idiot tonight coming out without security, wasn’t I? If they went ballistic and a huge crowd had swarmed in, it could’ve been a whole different ball game. I’m a fucking dickhead. I’m not thinking clearly lately.”
She rests her hand on mine on the gearstick and sighs. “Matt, look, I think you’re going through some stuff in your life right now, and as much as I was just trying to throw the kids off about me being your advisor, I am actually really goodat listening. So if you wanna get some stuff off your chest, then please go for it. You can talk to me, with no worries of judgment or criticism.”
I figure I may as well tell her everything. I’ve already been honest about most things, I may as well tell her about T-Dog and my stint in the slammer too. I told her about Madeline and how that went south, but I didn’t tell her she turned out to be a prostitute and I went into custody for it, but now I guess I want to.
So on the way to her place, I open up, tell her everything. All about Madeline, about T-Dog, about the watch, everything. She takes it al
l in like a champ, and when I drop her at her home she doesn’t get out and walk away. Instead, she smiles and takes a breath.
“Matt, you’ve had a rough couple of months, and tonight has been a huge night for you. Plus, having fans accost you when you were trying to go it alone… is not helping your situation. Come inside for coffee, and we can talk some more,” she offers.
She’s not running.
She’s not freaked out or scared off.
She is accepting of everything.
Who the hell is this girl?
The swarm of fangirls should have freaked any sane woman.
“Okay, thank you. Thank you for everything over the last few months. You’ve been really supportive since I met you online, and honestly, you’re the only good thing I have right now.”
She reaches out, grabbing my hand and squeezing. “I’m not going anywhere, other than inside for a coffee. So c’mon let’s go.”
Charlotte opens the door and heads off. I take a deep breath and follow her inside, pulling my hoodie down from my head and finally feeling like I can relax a little for the first time tonight.
***
I spent a further two hours at Charlie’s talking and hanging out. It wasn’t the same as hanging out at Alex’s. Charlie’s house, while beautiful, lacked the funkiness and flair of Alex’s home. Charlie’s is more modern and Betty Homemaker.
Nothing happened, I stayed steadfast about being friends. I’m sure she would have liked the idea of a goodbye kiss, but I wasn’t keen on the idea of taking it to that level. Not yet. It’s far too soon, and I’m pretty sure she understood that.
I came home, and all I could think about was how I had a good night with Charlie, but how I wish I were there with Alex. I miss her, I miss everything about her.
I haven’t checked in with Nate lately, so I wanna see how he’s doing. I pick up my cell and dial his number as I wander aimlessly around my empty home. It feels so barren without him here. It rings a couple of times and then he picks up.
“Bro, how you doing?” I sigh exasperatedly, and he chuckles. “That good, eh?”
“Yeah, just trying to get by a day at a time.”
“What, are you in some kind of anonymous meeting place?”
I chuckle and shrug. “Maybe I should be, M&M and Ben & Jerry’s anonymous.”
“Dude, lay off the saturated fats. We rockers have a rep to uphold you know.”
I drop on the sofa. “Yeah, yeah… so, I have news.”
“Oh, you’ve come to your senses and decided to talk to Alex?”
I clench my jaw. “No, she doesn’t want me to. She made that abundantly clear—”
“Man, you two are as stubborn as each other. I swear—”
“My news!”
“Oh right, please proceed, oh wise and sensible brother of mine.”
Rolling my eyes, I take a deep breath. “I met up with Charlotte, and we had one hell of a wild night let me tell you—”
“Wait, Charlotte… the internet girl?” Nate interrupts.
“Yeah, the one Alex chose for me from the internet dating site.”
Nate groans, letting out his obvious frustration. “You don’t waste time do you?” he murmurs.
“No, that’s not what I meant—”
“How do you think Alex will feel when she finds out you waited… what… one fucking week to meet what’s her name… oh yeah, Charlotte?” I can feel the sarcasm dripping through the phone line.
I sit up taller and pause thinking this through. Alex will probably think I’m moving on, getting another girl. That’s not what this is. “Shit,” I murmur and Nate mumbles all sorts, of what I assume, are expletives incoherently under his breath.
“Good going, dick head. Way to royally screw everyone over,” he says, and I shake my head.
“Wait! What does that mean?” I ask, but the hang-up tone sounds in my ear before I can say another word.
“Fuck!” I curse, throwing my cell onto the cushions beside me.
Now Nate’s angry at me, even more. I seem to be fucking up with every step I take.
Surely now it can’t get any worse… right?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I’m all over the place. My mind is cut up about Alex. All I want is her, but she just doesn’t want a bar of me. I wish I knew how to go about these feelings I’m having, because I just really need to talk to her. I want to see her, just once, but I can’t even do that. After talking to Nate, I feel a little like I might be losing the plot. I need someone to walk me off the edge, so I pick my cell back up and dial. The cell rings a couple of times and then she answers.
“Hey, you. It’s really late, you okay?”
I sigh, I’d forgotten the time. I should have called tomorrow morning. Idiot!
“Oh shit, sorry! I should’ve called tomorrow… I can call back then.”
Charlie’s voice is wide awake, no hint of sleepiness in her tone at all. “No, it’s okay. I’m working on something anyway, so I’m up.”
“Oh, okay, sorry to interrupt.”
“No, all good, I needed a break. You okay? You sound a little, I don’t know… frazzled?”
Nodding even though she can’t see me, I sigh. “Yeah, just a bit. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good, Matt.”
“No, it’s not. Can you come over, I could do with some company?”
She sighs. “Sure, text me your address, and I’ll come now.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
“Sure.”
We hang up, and I send her the details. Soon after she’s at my home, and I let her in with a smile. She leans in to give me a hug and takes a look around my place.
“This place is really nice, Matt.”
“Thanks.”
“And Nate used to live here, too?” she asks looking at everything.
I nod my answer and think, but he’s living with Ria now, so it’s just me.
Charlie nods like she’s taking that all in. She turns plonking down on the sofa, and I follow suit. “Okay, so what’s got you frazzled?”
Running my hands through my hair, I exhale and slump down onto the sofa. “Fuck! I don’t even know.”
She glances down at me and nods. “Okay, well something has you upset.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk, I can just sit here and we can chill.”
“I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed with my life right now. Everything and nothing is happening at the same time, and to be honest, I don’t know where I see myself in five years, you know?”
She nods again and reaches out grabbing my hand. “Okay, well, we just ride it out. It will be okay. I’m not too worried. Matt, you’re amazing. You’re gifted. You’re a wonderful man. Things have a way of working out how they’re meant to.”
I suppose she’s right. Maybe Alex is giving me space, or maybe us being away from each other will only make us a stronger bond in the end. Or maybe we aren’t supposed to be friends. Fuck, I don’t know. But maybe things will work out how they’re supposed to.
“True... okay, so you think just wait it out for now?”
“I do. Don’t make any rash decisions, take each day as it comes. Everything happens for a reason, Matt, people come into your life to test you, to change you. Everyone is in it for a reason, even if you can’t figure out why.”
I nod emphatically. That I believe. I just wish I knew the future for Alex and me. I wish I knew my future, period. This not knowing bullshit is doing my fucking head in.
“Okay, how about we watch some television, and then I’ll stay over to make you feel calmer tonight. In your brother’s old room, of course?”
“Thanks. That would be awesome.”
“The Walking Dead?” she asks, and a sinking feeling filters through my stomach.
I grimace and shake my head. “No, how about something funny?” I try and make it obvious that I’m not affected by her as
king to watch The Walking Dead. That series was Alex and my go to. I miss her so bad.
***
We’re in the kitchen making cups of tea. My mind is a mess, and I wish I knew where my head was taking me. I’m zoned out as I pour the kettle, the boiling water fills and then splashes out over the mug and onto the bench top everywhere. “Shit!” I call out, and quickly grab a tea towel and move in to wipe up the hot mess. Charlie slides in, grabbing the tea mug and shifts it over to the sink, emptying it out, while I wipe down the bench and let out a heavy sigh.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
She chuckles moving in behind me to catch the water now sliding off the bench that I didn’t see, as she collects it with another cloth wiping in time with me as we stand next to each other. With our sides touching, she smiles at me kindly as I turn to lean against the counter.
“We make a good team you and me,” she says. I notice something shift in her. Her eyes sparkle, and she draws her bottom lip in by her teeth. Something is happening. I’m just not sure what.
“We do make a great team. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” I say.
Charlie steps closer to me. She’s suddenly in my space, and her hands move from the counter to my chest while her eyes stay focused on mine. My hands move to the side like I have no idea where to put them as I’m kinda lost. I think I know what’s happening, but like a deer caught in the headlights, I’m stunned in the moment.
“I was hoping you would say that,” she murmurs and she leans up on her toes. My body tenses and not in a good way. I should want this. Charlie’s practically my perfect ten, but right now all I can see flashing through my mind is images of Alex, and my chest heaves as her lips inch closer to mine. Charlie’s so close her breath tickles my skin. I wince away as her lips go to touch mine—I can’t do it. I pull back grabbing her shoulders to stabilize and hold her away from me, at the same time as her eyes fling open and she looks at me like she’s in utter shock.
“I’m sorry… shit! Sorry, Charlie,” I blurt out.
She swallows hard, her face dropping like she’s going through a million thoughts in her mind all at once. Her eyes flicker from side to side like you’d see someone who’s having a mental breakdown. It unsettles me. “Charlie?”
