by K E Osborn
She steps back, breaking free from my grip forcefully, and glares at me so fiercely it shocks the hell out of me. Her stare is cold, hard, and calculating. “I didn’t want to have to do this, Matt,” she says.
“Sorry… what?”
She flares her nostrils and opens her handbag pulling out a ream of paper. It’s quite thick, maybe thirty pages, and I furrow my brows looking at the typed notes. On the front page is a profile—on me. Tensing up, I take a step back as my breaths come in hard and fast, trying to figure out what the hell is happening right now. I grab the profile and turn to page two, and it’s dot points on me. Details of everything I’ve told her. She’s written everything down. I slam my fist onto the pages and glare at her.
“What is this?” I yell, she doesn’t even budge like she knew it was coming.
“It’s not just on you, it’s about all your band mates, too. Everything you’ve said, everything I’ve dug up. Every little detail I could find or get out of you.”
“Charlie!”
“C’mon Matt, you know I work for an LA paper. You can’t honestly think I’m going to let a story like meeting a Recoil band member go by, do you? I couldn’t believe my luck when you turned up. It was like all my dreams had come true at once,” she declares.
I scoff and throw my hands in the air. “So what… you think I’m just going to let you print all that stuff about me? About Madeline… fuck, about Alex?”
She shrugs. “The readers will love it!”
“Charlie, seriously, why would you do this to me? I thought we were a team? We just said this literally two minutes ago.”
She flares her nostrils and rolls her eyes. “Matt we were a team, this whole time I’ve been building us up, working toward us being together, and when you had your chance to prove to me that we could be together, you failed. You still chose her. So, now sure… I don’t get you, but I do get my big break… unless…”
I listening to her ramble as she pauses at the end, and I decide to bite. “Unless what?”
“I change my story to something you want. Something that’s more of a hero piece for Recoil, and I get it published somewhere much better than my lousy paper.”
“And how exactly is that going to happen?”
She smirks. “You’re hooked up. Get me a column in an issue of Rolling Stone, and I’ll write you a glowing article… which you can approve before publication, and this all goes away.”
“Great, this is just fucking great!”
“Can you do it?” Charlie’s eyes light up like she’s hopeful, the excitement in her voice annoys the crap out of me. What the hell, she cares more about her career than the damage she’s causing me right now.
“Sure,” I murmur as I wave my hand through the air in agreement. “But all this, all this info you have on me, stays here. You can’t take it with you.”
“Okay, fine. I have it on my computer at home anyway.”
“Charlie!”
“Okay fine, I won’t use any of it. I’ll do the piece on how you guys are having a break from music at the moment, but you’re going to be going back to it once Danger is back from wedded bliss. Right?”
“Yeah. We’re going to start recording again, then eventually we’ll do another round of touring to promote that album.”
“Okay, this is going to be great…” Her smile is so wide it makes me want to slap it right off her face, but I wouldn’t of course – I would never hit a woman. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t make me see red though. “Why aren’t you happy, Matt? This is a win-win for everyone! Can’t you see? I get a piece in Rolling freaking Stone, and you guys get an article slanted in your favor.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Was this your angle all along?”
“No, I came in wanting to be with you, Matt. But I could see early, you were way too into someone else for it to go anywhere. So I made the decision to get as much out of you as possible and see where it could take me. It worked, hey?” Charlie’s so damn happy she’s bouncing up on her toes, and I screw my face up.
“It’s time for you to leave.”
“Okay, you’re angry, I get it. I do. But in time you’ll see this as a blessing, Matt.”
“Not fucking likely, Charlie. I thought Madeline was bad luck, seems like you’re even worse. Now get out,” I say grabbing her arm. She doesn’t fight or argue as we head to the door. Charlie picks up her bag on the way and simply walks with me.
Charlie turns to face me. “For the record, I think we could have been good together.”
“For the record, I don’t do conniving psychopaths.” I open the door, and she smirks walking through it.
“I’ll be in touch.”
“Contact Tillie Marks, she can handle everything from now on. I’ll let her know you’re doing a story on us, and she’ll give you everything you need. Don’t contact me again,” I say slamming the door in her face.
I take a deep breath and turn slamming my body against the door and clenching my eyes shut while scrubbing my hands against my face. “What the fuck!” I yell.
I bang my head against the door wondering how the fuck did my life get to this? Fangirls, hookers, thugs, crazy reporters? What the hell is next?
I’m not sure I can dive further in the wrong direction if I tried. Everything’s gone off course when I lost Alex. I feel like I’m breaking. After everything that’s been thrown my way, knowing that on top of everything else, the realization that I had Alex in my life and now I have nothing. I hardly have any friends at all at this stage including my own brother… I’m completely and utterly alone.
Trying to find the perfect ten was a ridiculous idea.
I see that now.
Three women I thought matched that criteria and one by one they got crazier as I went on. There’s no such thing as a perfect ten. I was so stupid. By having this idea of the exact woman I wanted in my mind, I pushed a version of the perfect woman away. Sure, she’s not the sophisticated and innocent looking woman I planned to have on my arm. Sure, she has tattoos and piercings. Sure, she has bright colored hair, swears like a sailor, and drinks like a man. But fuck if she isn’t the perfect ten for me.
What the fuck was I thinking?
It’s only when you’ve lost what you had, that you truly see it for what it was.
Alex was my friend, my best friend. I didn’t want to change that. But I fucked everything up by not realizing sooner that we were more, so much more. We had the potential to be something epic. One of those great loves. The ones that romance lovers dream about.
My heart is beating rapidly in my chest as her voice echoes in my mind. “To let me be happy, you have to let me go.”
I clench my jaw tight and smack my head back against the door again hard. I’ve fucked up. I know I have, and I want her to be happy but I’m fucking miserable, and this realization is coming way too late. It’s been nearly three weeks since I’ve spoken to Alex. It’s too long! I need something, anything, to tide me over. I’m a sinking ship. So I pull out my cell from my jeans and dial Nate’s number.
“Hey, you know it’s like stupid o’clock, right?” Nate tells me and I close my eyes trying to hold it together.
“Sorry, I’m just ah… I ah… I needed to talk to someone,” I murmur.
Nate’s quiet for a pause then I hear shuffling like maybe he’s sitting up in bed. “Matt, that sounded serious and your voice is kinda strained like you’re just holding it together.”
“I am only just holding it together, man,” I blurt out, and he exhales.
“Babe, I’m just gonna go to the living room, go back to sleep,” he murmurs obviously to Ria. I hear her mumble something incoherently in the background, and then there’s movement like he’s shifting around their home. “Matt, you wanna talk to me, tell me what’s going on?”
I sniff and exhale. “I’ve fucked up.”
“Okay, are you in trouble?”
Shaking my head, my bottom lip trembles and clench my eyes tight so they don’t water. �
��I think I’ve lost her man.”
He exhales and murmurs under his breath. “Alex?”
My chest tightens, and it’s hard to breathe. “Yeah.”
Nate sighs. “So she told you then?”
My eyes flick open, and my body jolts at his words. “Told me? No. I haven’t spoken to her since the fight? Told me what?” I ask, and he groans followed by a slapping sound as if he’s slapped his hand to his forehead. “Nate!”
He mumbles under his breath then blurts it out. “She’s moving. Alex was packing the last of her stuff tonight. She leaves tomorrow morning.”
All the air leaves my body, and I feel like a lead weight. My head spins while trying to take this in. “Wait she’s leaving, but what about your gallery?”
“She hired some pompous, arrogant ass. I hate him. But he knows what he’s doing so that’s all that matters, I suppose.”
“But I don’t… what… why?” I blabber, and Nate sighs.
“Because she has trouble looking at me, Matt. I remind her of you.”
Now I really feel awful. “Fuck! I have to fix this—”
“Hallelujah, finally one of you is seeing sense.”
“I gotta go,” I blurt out, and go to move even though my body feels like it’s been run over and weighs a ton. Maybe all this ice cream is affecting me.
“Matt, make this right. Get the girl. Fix this fucking mess. Okay?”
I nod in pure compliance. “She’s my perfect ten, Nate. I just couldn’t see it till now.”
“I know, brother, I know. I’ve known all along. Now stop talking to me and go to her.”
“Already on my way,” I say, reaching over to grab my keys as I walk out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
ALEX
A heavy banging startles me awake from a restless sleep. My eyes are heavy and I’m disorientated slightly as the loud sound echoes through my apartment. It’s persistent, and as I wake fully, I realize it’s someone knocking on my door. Blinking rapidly trying to gain my bearings, I rub my puffy eyes that spent so much of last night crying into my boxes as I packed them.
“What the hell?” I murmur as the knocking continues.
I glance at the clock on my side table to see it’s nearly 3:30 a.m. and wonder if this is some burglar’s attempt at trying to get into my apartment.
Typical, the night before I leave, I get robbed and pillaged.
Getting out of bed, I grab a vase I’m yet to pack from the table as I pass, and walk to the door slowly as the banging continues. I peek through the peephole and to my surprise it’s not a burglar, but a disheveled looking Matt. I lower the vase and stand there for a moment trying to figure out what’s going on. I haven’t heard from him since our fight, and I thought that maybe after Scott came around and I sent the voice message he might have tried harder to fight for me, but he just gave up.
Now he’s here.
Hours before I get on a plane.
What the fuck?
He bangs harder, and I see lights flicking on down the hallway of the apartment block. He’s waking up the neighbors. So I grit my teeth and flick on my outside light. He glances up, halting his banging as he looks back at my door, his eyes lighting up as I continue to stare at him through the peephole.
“What do you want, Matt?” I ask, and he visibly slumps, but then he half-smiles like hearing me speak is soothing to him.
“Alex, please open the door.”
“Why should I?”
His loud exhale is heard through the woodgrain at the same time a thump resonates when he bangs his forehead against the door. “Alex, I know I fucked us. I was the one who made it so we couldn’t function. My fucking ten rules are so goddamned stupid, I couldn’t see that the perfect ten I was aiming for, was exactly who I didn’t want—that prim and proper girl, she’s not for me. I needed someone who was right in front of me all along… someone bold, daring, and not afraid to tell it how it is. Someone not scared to be a little rock and roll like me. I need someone who’s nothing like my list. I don’t need to keep searching for the perfect ten, Alex. I fucking had her all along. I was just too fucking blind I couldn’t see it.”
My stomach flips as I gasp drawing my bottom lip in by my teeth as my eyes begin to water.
“Our friendship means so much to me, Alex, that I fucked up everything at the thought of not fucking us up… does that make sense? I wanted to not lose you so badly, that I fucking pushed you away! You’re the one thing my body craves constantly, Alex. You’re the flame my heart desires…” I pause trying to get the words right. “I fucked up. I know I did, big time. But please, if our friendship was worth anything to you, then please, Alex… open the door,” he says pulling on my heart strings.
I huff letting out a small groan, and step back turning the lock and opening the door. He looks at me seeing me in nothing but a pair of tiny shorts and a tank top. He clears his throat and shifts from foot to foot awkwardly, as his hooded eyes look me all over like he’s devouring me. The intense stare of lust in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine, and straight between my legs. We still affect each other, there’s no doubt about that. His eyes trail down my arm to the vase I’m holding, and he furrows his brows.
“Umm… what’s the vase for?”
I look down to it and bring it up to my chest covering my breasts and hold it to me tightly. “To smash you over the head with. Why are you here, now, Matt?”
Matt smiles like I’ve amused him, and he takes a step closer, and I inadvertently take one back. He takes the opportunity and steps inside my apartment. I close my door and flick on the light, the amber hue lighting up the room. He pauses, and it’s like all the breath leaves his lungs as he takes in the sight before him—my apartment filled with boxes.
“So it’s true then?”
“I guess you mean that I’m leaving? Yeah, in six hours to be exact.”
His face contorts like he’s in physical pain, and I chew on my bottom lip because it actually makes me uncomfortable seeing him react that way. Matt starts breathing heavily and shakes his head slightly like he’s trying to sort something out in his mind. “So you’re moving. Okay, but where? Like, over a few states?” he asks, and I wince as my stomach sinks feeling like he obviously hasn’t been told.
“Umm… not quite.”
He opens his eyes wide and leans forward swallowing a lump in his throat. “Alex?”
“I’m moving to Paris.”
He stumbles on the spot, grabbing hold of the one chair left in the apartment and steadies himself as he turns pale white. “As in… France?” His face screws up like he’s disgusted with the idea.
I shrug. “Art capital of the world and all.”
Matt turns away from me, his chest heaving, and for the first time, I feel like maybe there’s more here than a broken friendship.
Maybe… I don’t know.
“I did this,” he murmurs so softly I almost miss it. He starts pacing my apartment, and I watch as he looks around seeing all my stuff packed up, except for a few items. He shakes his head and turns to face me, storming right up to me so suddenly, I’m shocked on the spot as he grabs my arms and holds me in position.
“Don’t go,” he whispers, looking into my eyes with such a fierce intensity, his eyes glistening with the threat of overflowing. It shocks me right to my very core.
My body starts to shake, and my breathing begins to stagger as I look in his eyes. It’s almost like fireworks are exploding all around me, and ringing starts in my ears while I stare, taking him all in. “Why?” I ask breathlessly.
He looks right at me and swallows hard, leaning in, so we’re barely apart. Every inch of me is tingling, my skin prickling in goosebumps as my heart pounds in my chest. “Because you, Alex, are perfect… just as you are. You are everything I need, everything I want. You’re my ten out of ten. Fuck it! No, you’re a fifteen out of ten, bordering on twenty. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the fuck ups my life has been showing me the
last few months, is that the only thing that hasn’t been a fuck up… is you…” His eyes well up with unshed tears. “I’m in love with you. With your quirks. With your sass. With your piercings. Your tattoos, and even your crazy hair… I love you...” he blinks a few times before continuing, “Don’t. Go!” Matt says it with so much passion and vigor that it makes my knees feel weak. A sob is caught in my throat, and I place the vase on the table as I let out a long deep breath trying my hardest to keep my tears in check. But my eyes are welling up hard and fast.
Shaking my head rapidly as I try to stop myself from crying, Matt frowns at my reaction and slumps his body. “You’re going anyway?” he asks, dropping his hands from my arms.
I sniff, stepping closer, so we’re definitely in each other’s space. Matt looks at me again as my hands run up his chest and up around his neck, pulling his body to mine. His brow raises in confusion like he’s not sure what to do.
“I’m in love with you, too…” I pause and continue, “Started falling since the fundraiser, I think,” I say honestly, and he nods.
“Me too, I just didn’t realize it soon enough. Alex, I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to feel like you were never good enough for me, but when you said you wanted me to let you go, and it would make you happy, all I wanted was for you to be happy. So I stayed away thinking it was best for you.”
I slump my shoulders. “I only said that because I thought you didn’t want me. So I was just saying I’d be happy without you… but I wasn’t, Matt. I’ve been so damn miserable. Poor Nate, I had so much trouble even talking to him.”
“I’m sorry I took it so literally. I’m an ass, a fucking idiot, a child. I should have come and talked to you, now you’re going and where does that leave us?”
I look to my bed and then back to Matt raising my brow with a smirk. “It means we better make the most of right now,” I say and lean in, slamming my lips to his.
