He pushes up off the sand and my eyes widen when I get my first proper look at his defined torso, the muscles rippling as he runs down the beach toward us. “Can any dolphin join in?” he asks, diving into the sea and splashing us as he swims closer.
Izzie giggles. “Daddy! You’re splashing me!”
He chuckles and dips low, putting his head under the water and disappearing again. I spin around looking for him and we both squeal as he pops up next to us, taking Izzie out of my arms and spinning her around in the air.
She giggles, throwing her arms wide and lifting her face up to the sky. “I can fly!”
I let them have their moment, watching the father/daughter relationship they have. The notion of why she’s a daddy’s girl finally hits me full force, making me need a moment to collect myself. I may be mad at him, but he’s had a hard time too, he doesn’t need me making it worse.
I turn around and ring the excess water out of my hair, wading back through the sea and onto the beach, sitting down beside Clayton.
“That’s a pretty spectacular sandcastle.” He eyes me and smiles cautiously, turning his head back toward it as a blush creeps up his cheeks. I can see that he’s not good at taking compliments. “Mind if I join in?”
He shakes his head and I pick up the bucket, filling it with wet sand as a still giggling Izzie is placed down beside me.
Tristan runs his fingers through his sandy-blond hair and shakes the water out of it before sitting down in front of me. “I think I might’ve turned to ice,” he says, chuckling and placing his cold hands on my back.
I screech and jump up, backing away from him. “Don’t do that, I’ve only just warmed up!”
He stands up slowly, bending at the knees and crouching slightly before stepping toward me and holding his hands out in front of him. “Is Harmony scared of cold hands?” He raises his brows up and down and dives for me.
I spin around and run away—clumsily—as Izzie and Clayton cheer their dad on in the background. I don’t know why I’m entertaining this, but it feels good to not think about anything for once and just be in the moment.
He catches me as I stumble and wraps his arms around my waist, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder before walking toward the sea.
“Tristan, what are you doing? Tristan!” I squeal as he wades in and tosses me into the waves. If I’m going in then so is he, I don’t let go of his neck, causing him to topple in with me.
He gasps when he breaks the surface just after I do, seeing me spluttering. “Oh, shit, sorry.” He’s not, he’s the furthest from sorry that he could be and the giant grin that covers his face attests to that.
I splutter as I try to stand up, wiping the salt water from my eyes. While I can’t see, I lose my footing and stumble before dipping back under the waves.
I’m not under for long because with Tristan’s quick reflexes, he pulls me out of the water and up against his taut body. His eyes shine with concern as he holds onto me, conveying that he wouldn’t ever let anything happen to me.
I cough and laugh at the same time, causing him to laugh with me.
“You okay, Harm?” he asks when I don’t stop the weird cough-laugh, his voice gruff.
My laughter dies off as I look up into his gray eyes, the starburst around his pupils sparkling just like the sea does when the sun hits it.
When he looks at me like that, I don’t know what to do or say. He’s rendered me speechless.
“I—”
“Miss J, are you okay?” The sound of Clayton’s voice breaks me from my trance and we pull apart quickly, both looking at the edge of the waves, seeing Clayton and Izzie with worried expressions on their faces.
“I’m fine, guys, we were only playing,” I assure them, walking over with Tristan following behind me.
“Daddy, you shouldn’t have done that,” Izzie scolds him and I turn my head to look at him briefly, mocking him with a raised brow.
He winks at me, making me blush and murmurs a not very convincing, “Sorry,” as he wades through the water. He walks past me and whispers, “Not really.” Which causes me to narrow my eyes at him as I watch him walk over to where the towels are laid out.
He throws me one as I reach there and I catch it, wrapping it around Izzie before holding my hand out for another.
He startles and looks between Izzie and me with an unreadable look on his face before shaking his head and handing me another towel that I wrap around myself. “That was… Never mind. Are we ready to eat?”
“Yeah!” the kids chime together and we all sit down, tucking into the sandwiches that Tristan has packed up for us as deep-rooted feelings that I’ve kept locked away swarm in my belly like bees in a hive.
Today feels like an awakening. I’ve been focused too much on my own pain and grief that I haven’t been paying enough attention to what is going on around me, but I see it now.
I see the way that Clayton keeps looking over at me every now and again, a strange expression on his face. I see the way that Izzie gravitates toward me, seeking a bond, and it scares me. But most of all, I can see the sadness and the pain that is locked behind Tristan’s eyes every time he gazes at his two perfect children. And that about guts me. I’m not the only one suffering with hidden pain.
As soon as Tristan pulled out of the parking lot at the beach, the kids fell asleep, making the car fall into companionable silence—save for the soft snores coming from the back seat.
After eating our picnic, I built more sandcastles and played in the sea with Izzie and Clayton, laughing more than I have in a long time. Seeing them both be so carefree and happy warmed my heart, and even though the day had been emotionally draining, I’m glad that I went in the end despite my trepidation.
Being back around Tristan feels surprisingly good, I’ve always missed him, but being in the same place as him; breathing the same air that he is, it’s thawed my icy exterior toward him.
I watch the lights on the freeway illuminating the inside of the car every couple of seconds, my gaze drifting over to his strong hands as he flicks on his turn signal to take the next exit.
He clears his throat. “Thank you for coming today, the kids loved having someone else other than their boring dad to play with.”
“I had a great time, it was nice to do something fun for a change,” I reply, keeping my voice low so I don’t wake up Clayton and Izzie.
“It was,” he says, flitting his eyes back on the road. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.”
I wring my hands in my lap. “Yeah, me neither.”
I’m silent for the next few minutes, not knowing what to say or do. Worrying my lip, I open my mouth to say something again but nothing comes out. I’ve been alone with him a couple of times now, but for some reason, this feels different. Almost like the darkness makes it more intimate.
“So…” I say, trying to distract my own thoughts that are telling me to ask him more questions about his life. “How’s your mom?” I have no idea why I asked that.
He quirks up his brow, he knows how I felt about her when we were together. “My mom?”
I shrug. “Yeah.”
“She’s okay,” he replies, driving through the tunnel toward Mom’s house before clearing his throat. “She and Edward are… a thing now.”
My head swivels toward him. “A thing… like… together?” He nods, screwing up his face in mock disgust. “But… what about your dad?”
He scoffs. “She divorced him the moment he set foot in prison.”
I smile, turning my head to look out of the window as we pull onto my street. “Good for her.”
“How’s your mom?” he asks.
I nod. “She’s doing a lot better now that I’ve moved back. I think she was lonely without my dad.”
“Your dad?” he asks, his brows drawing down into a frown.
“He passed away two years ago, it was hard on the both of us and I felt bad for living so far away. But she seems happy now.”
>
“I’m so sorry, Harm,” he says, coming to a stop outside the house.
I lift my beach bag off the floor and turn toward him. “He was a good man, and I miss him, but that’s life.” He nods, his hands twisting around the steering wheel as he turns away from me and I wonder if I should tell him about who my mom is. Deciding I should, I bite my lip before blurting out, “Tilly is my mom.”
His head snaps toward me, a shocked expression on his face before he chuckles a few seconds later. “That actually makes sense.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Why’s that?”
“She… I’ve caught her throwing me shade a few times, that’s all.”
I chuckle. “Don’t you say you didn’t deserve it.”
He turns away from me, the tension I’ve caused from what was meant to be a joke filling the car.
I clear my throat. “Thanks for today, I’ve had a great time.” I turn my head, smiling at the kids’ sleeping faces. “Tell them I said I’ll see them next Saturday.”
“Will do,” he replies, watching me as I shoulder my bag, opening my door and sliding out.
I shut the car door behind me and wave before spinning around and climbing the steps up to the front door of Mom’s house.
As soon as the door is closed behind me, I press my back against it, shutting my eyes and breathing in deep. What am I doing?
“Harm?” Mom calls.
I try to clear the emotion that’s collected throughout the day out of my throat. I’ve tried to act normal, but what is normal when you’re spending the day with your ex and his kids that he had with your best friend from college?
“Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute. I’m going to put my wet things in the laundry basket.” I trudge up the stairs and shut myself in my room, the bag over my shoulder dropping to the floor as I slide down my wall.
I hang my head in my hands, finally letting the emotion overwhelm me. I’ve always been so in tune with mine and others’ emotions that I seem to feel deeper than most.
I crawl across the floor to my old desk that I used to study at and open the bottom drawer, pulling out a framed photograph from my college days. I stand and move over to sit on the end of my bed, looking down at the smiling faces of our “gang.”
Tristan and Nathan have me in their arms like a baby and I have an arm around Natalia’s neck who is crouched down, her face pressed against mine with her dark blue eyes sparkling into the camera.
My chest seizes and I struggle to take my next breath—she’s gone. She’s really gone and I never kept in contact with her. But if I had, would I have ever been able to forgive her for marrying Tristan? Did he leave me for her? Had he always wanted her over me?
I’m trying not to feel bitter toward either of them but it’s hard; it’s hard when we were such good friends—best friends. She knew how much I loved him, how we were the other half of each other, or at least that’s how I felt.
“Say cheese,” a random passerby that we grabbed to take our photo says.
“Pickles!” Nate shouts, making us all laugh.
The guy looks at the photo, smiling. “That’s a good one, guys.”
Nate and Tris put me down before running over to the guy for the camera. “Thanks, man. Have a great day.”
The guy salutes us before walking off down the sidewalk next to the field we’re on.
I flop down beside Natalia on the grass, leaning back on my hands as I watch the guys walk over to join us, admiring Tris’s muscular thighs in his cargo shorts.
“Let me see,” Natalia says excitedly, holding her hand out to Nate for the camera. He hands it to her and she presses a button and laughs. “This is a really good one.” She sighs as she hands it over to me and I smile down at the photo of us all having fun. “I’m gonna miss this.”
“Miss what?” Tris asks, slotting in behind me so I can rest my head back on his chest.
“This,” she says, pointing to each of us with a sad face. “We finish college in a month, well, you, Nate, and I do.” She smiles apologetically at me; she knows how much I’m going to miss them being around all of the time: it’s going to feel like I’ve lost a limb. “No more messing around, no more ditching class… Nate.”
“Hey! I object!” he shouts in his no-nonsense lawyer tone, tackling her to the ground and making her squeal.
“Nate! Get off me, you big buffoon!” Natalia squeals, making Tris’s chest rise and fall rapidly as he chuckles at their antics.
She gets up off the ground and runs away from him, her long blond hair flowing behind her in the wind. Nate chases after her, his long brown hippie hair—as I call it—flowing behind him like hers. They’re incorrigible. As cousins, they always find some way to wind each other up.
My eyes flutter shut as Tris’s thumb starts rubbing gentle circles over the top of my thigh, eliciting the heat to start building deep in my stomach.
A large huff causes me to open my eyes and I watch Natalia staring down at the grass stains on her new summer dress. “Thanks a lot, dweeb.”
Nate sticks out his tongue and Natalia laughs, rolling her eyes as she catches my gaze. “So, what are you two doing when Tristan leaves college?”
I feel Tris tense behind me and I sit up, turning my head to look at him. “I… I assume Tris will go and work for his dad and I’ll finish up my last three years of college until I can open up my own studio.”
Tris nods, leaning closer and kissing me on the sensitive skin below my ear. We’ve not talked about what we’re going to do yet, but I’m glad that he has no objections to the thoughts swirling around in my head.
Natalia claps her hands, a big grin on her face as she says, “Oh, you guys are too cute.” She pauses before saying, “But get a room.” I laugh at her. “No, seriously, go!”
Her dark blue eyes have a sparkle to them so I know she’s only joking, but there’s nothing more that I’d like to do than go back to Tris’s dorm room right now.
He must have the same idea as me because he stands, pulling me with him by my hands.
“I’ll message you later,” I tell Natalia, smiling as she stands and pulls me in for a hug.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
I chuckle, giving Nate a high-five before turning and entwining my fingers with Tris’s.
I grimace at the memory, trying to both hold onto the feeling of Natalia’s hug and Tristan’s hand wrapped around mine. But Nat is gone now, and Tristan and I? We’re different people. It’s been a decade since he left me and I need to let this go; too much has happened between now and then and I’m tired. I’m tired of holding onto these feelings and letting them take me back to the past.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this is a new beginning.
Coldplay—Fix You
Gavin Mikhail—Its Where My Demons Hide
Sara Bareilles—Gravity
“Clay, baby?”
I gasp as Mommy’s voice echoes around me, loud and clear like she’s right next to me. I whip my head back and forth, my eyes searching in the darkness as I try my hardest to find her, but it doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t see her anywhere.
It’s too dark.
“Mommy?” My voice is small, my eyes narrowing as I try to see any kind of movement. “I can’t find you, Mommy.”
I shiver against the breeze that sweeps around me and wrap my arms around my waist, trying to keep some warmth in my body. My bare feet hit the cold concrete ground and I wince as something digs into the bottom of my foot.
I feel something brush past me and my head whips to the side, my heart starting to beat harder in my chest.
“Clay?”
Her voice sounds farther away now, but I can’t work out where it’s coming from so I keep walking forward, hoping that it came from this way.
I shiver more the farther I walk, my teeth chattering and my hands shaking.
All I want is my mommy.
“Mommy?” I sniffle, wiping my arm under my nose and trying my h
ardest not to cry. I have to be strong for Daddy and Izzie, I can’t let anyone see me cry.
“That’s it, Clay, baby,” Mommy says, her soft voice sounding closer now. “Keep walking this way.”
“I’m scared,” I whisper.
I hate this; I hate how dark it is.
Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I take a deep breath and move another couple of steps forward before light shines in front of me.
My eyes spring open, the light blinding me for a couple of seconds before my eyes adjust to the brightness.
But as soon as they do, I smile; I smile so wide I think my cheeks may break.
“Mommy!” I rush forward, my feet slapping against the ground loudly.
Sometimes I smell the same perfume that she always used to wear, and it doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, I always look for her. I can still remember the way it felt to sit in her lap or to have her cuddle me when I was upset.
I don’t have that anymore.
She smiles back at me, opening her arms wide as she rushes forward too.
“Clay!” Her voice sounds different; rougher, almost like she’s about to cry.
I try to run faster, but it doesn’t matter how fast my legs move, it feels like I’m getting farther and farther away. I scream inside my mind, willing them to go impossibly faster.
“I missed you, baby,” she says, the sound of a sob coming from her.
“I missed you too, Mommy!”
My legs work faster and finally I start to get closer to her. I reach my arm out, my fingertips nearly touching hers before all of the lights turn off, basking us in darkness again.
I can’t see a thing in front of me for several seconds until the lights shine bright again. Only my mommy isn’t there anymore.
I spin around frantically, my heart thumping loudly in my chest and tears now coming from my eyes and streaming down my face as I try to find her.
I don’t see anything or anyone.
“Mommy?” Silence. “Mommy?” I try again. “Moooooommy!”
No one answers me as the lights go out again and I scream for her, my throat burning as I shout as loud as I can but not getting an answer.
Etching Our Way (Broken Tracks Series Book 1) Page 28
