by Sofia Grey
“Caitlin?” Holly called to me from the kitchen doorway. “Where are you going?”
“Home.” I snatched my jacket and tugged on my tennis shoes.
“But—”
“Let her go, Hol.” Jasper emerged from his room. He leaned against the wall, his shoulders slumped. He looked as exhausted as I felt.
“What happened?” Holly ignored her brother. “Are you okay, Caitlin?”
She was so nice. So like her brother.
“It’s complicated,” I said, “but I have to go. Thank you for everything.”
I couldn’t get away fast enough. I hurried back to my cottage and tried not to see the reality that faced me. My temporary new premises were located in Jasper’s gym. I couldn’t avoid seeing him.
Sleep would have been good, but it eluded me. I lay on my bed, stared at the ceiling, and made a list in my head. Top billing went to pulling up my big-girl panties and behaving like a grownup, not a spoiled brat. Second was the need to find a new kitchen. Seeing Jasper every day wouldn’t be healthy. If he asked, I’d cave in and sleep with him again. Jasper-sex was like a drug, and I craved another fix.
Dad eventually called me, safe from home. The Hollywood guy had left his camera behind at one of their rest stops, and they’d had to double back to find it. The rain was worse than expected, and when one of the other trampers twisted an ankle in the mud, they decided to take a shortcut down the hill, to shelter in the bush, instead of continuing along an exposed ridge. Trapped by a rapidly rising river, and with one person unable to walk, they’d made an emergency camp and activated the beacon.
Dad only stayed on the line long enough to reassure me all was well, but I was glad to speak to him. I caught the TV news report with Roddy Genesys telling the world how amazing New Zealand was, and how he had a new-found admiration of the SAR service. He was making a big donation from his personal funds to buy them more equipment, and couldn’t praise them highly enough.
I should thank Sam and Zack for their part in the rescue. That went on my list too.
What should I do with myself this evening? I craved the oblivion of sleep, but I couldn’t force myself to relax. I wasn’t hungry, and packing my bags took no time at all. I’d go to the gym tomorrow, to finish the orders I’d taken, but I wouldn’t stay longer than necessary.
Searching through the ads was as depressing as before, with nothing new that matched my requirements. Should I take Bruce’s offer of the helpdesk job, and leave baking as a hobby again?
No. But maybe Bruce could help another way.
The Oriental Bay property was still available.
I placed a call to Bruce, and he picked up on the second ring.
“Caitlin. I saw the news. You must be relieved. I’m glad your dad’s okay.”
“Yes, I’m very happy he’s home, but that’s not why I’m calling.”
“You want to apply for the job?”
“No. I want to offer you a business opportunity. Invest in my cake-making business, and I’ll give you a share of the profits.” I made sure I spoke precisely. “You owe me, Bruce. And I know you can afford it.” I outlined how it would work and what my plans were, and then I waited for his response.
“Aww, Caitlin, I’d love to help, but I’m pretty sure Pammy wouldn’t like it. She’s worried you’re too dependent on me, and that I should cut you loose. She didn’t like me offering you the helpdesk role.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Wow. I don’t know what to say, other than forget it. And find someone else to make your wedding cake, because I’m not doing that now.” I disconnected and stared at my phone. Did that conversation really happen? Pammy was stressing because she didn’t like Bruce talking to me? Weird.
There was another call I could make, and this was another longshot, but hey—that was all I had left.
I called Helen, the cheesecake maker, and asked if they’d like to share the Oriental Bay premises with me. Split the bills. Joint marketing. Our businesses would work together, to make it a success.
She sounded excited at the idea and promised to talk to Trish, her business partner, and get back to me.
That would be the perfect solution—gorgeous premises in a lovely part of the city, well away from Kapiti and anything to do with Jasper.
So why didn’t I feel happier?
Chapter Thirty-eight
I half-expected to find Jasper on my doorstep in the morning, waiting to take me through an exercise session, but he wasn’t there. I didn’t know if I was glad or disappointed. I was tired. I’d only slept a little, and I looked a mess. Even triple-strength concealer couldn’t disguise the bags under my eyes, and I gave up trying to hide them.
The gym was busy when I arrived, but that was good. It meant I could slip in unnoticed. I should have been able to lose myself in the process of creating my cakes, but it was hard. Everything—everywhere—now reminded me of Jasper. How did he get under my skin so thoroughly in the space of a week?
When anybody came into the kitchen, I shooed them out and said I was too busy to chat. I didn’t expect Holly to turn up with Zack.
“Caitlin.” She gave me a hug. “Do you have a few minutes?”
“Of course.” I turned to Zack and shook his hand. “Thank you for helping find my Dad.”
“It was a team effort. A good result, though. It could have been much worse.”
“Yes. I guess you never know what to expect when you respond to an emergency callout.”
“Not that.” Zack slung his arm over Holly’s shoulders and eased her closer. “Another few hours, and they’d have been in trouble. They were soaking wet and close to hypothermia. Didn’t your dad tell you?”
“What? No.” That was scary. I’d talk to my parents later and get the full story.
Zack smiled. “I’m glad I could help, but now Holly wants your help.”
“It’s Jasper,” she said. “I’m worried about him. I don’t know what went down between you yesterday, but he’s in a filthy mood. I’ve never seen him like this. Not even after his accident.”
I held up my hands. “I can’t talk to him. We broke up, but we weren’t really a couple anyway.” Why do you have to define it? Jasper’s words whispered in my brain, and I ignored them.
Hurt flickered in Holly’s eyes. “This is horrible timing, but Zack and I are going away for a long weekend. I hate to ask, but would you be able to check on him today? I know you leave the rental tomorrow.” I hesitated, and she carried on. “Jas insisted that we still go away as planned, but I hate seeing him like this. He’s an idiot, but he’s my baby brother.”
I stared at the floor. At my shoes. At the door. Anywhere but Holly’s face. “Give me your number. I’ll drop by later, and text you an update.”
*
Jasper didn’t come to the gym at all, so I’d have to call at his house in the evening. I didn’t want to. I’d rather have emergency dental surgery or spend an evening with Pammy and Cindy. Maybe this was Holly’s attempt at matchmaking? Or an intervention? Either way, it was a responsibility I didn’t want.
It was almost eight o’clock and fully dark, before I wandered around to his house. I’d used the heavy rain as an excuse to delay my visit, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I’d knock on the door, ask politely if he was okay, and then retreat, and text Holly.
When I rapped on the door, all was quiet. No booming cacophony of barks. Were they asleep? I knocked harder. Nothing.
I didn’t have Jasper’s phone number, so I couldn’t call or text, and if I asked Holly, she’d be worried. Where could he have gone? Out with friends? He couldn’t drive, and his truck was parked next to Holly’s car. He wouldn’t be walking the dogs. I didn’t remember who mentioned it, but it came up in conversation that he couldn’t manage both hounds on leads at the moment—not with his walking stick as well.
He wasn’t home, and that was all I needed to know. I turned and made my way back to the beach. Even on a dark, wet night, there was a wild beauty I’
d come to love. Maybe one day I’d live around here. Quiet, remote, and utterly beautiful, compared to the city.
I reached the steps to my wooden deck and paused. What was that noise? A dog woofed somewhere close. Too close. I scrambled up to my door. Before I could go in, a hound darted up to my side and nudged my leg. Woof.
I squealed like a little girl, all my fears rushing back at once. “Go away.”
It didn’t. Instead, it sat and barked at me again.
There was enough light spilling from the kitchen to recognize the beast. It looked like one of Jasper’s. But if she was here on her own, where was he?
“Gwen?” I asked, and she yipped a reply. Okay. I didn’t expect this. I was sure Jasper wouldn’t want one of his beloved dogs running free on the beach at night, which left me with a couple of options—bring her inside or walk her back to his place. There was a third option, but I didn’t want to think about that. About Jasper being in trouble.
This was the same dog that cuddled up to me last night. I knew she meant me no harm, but years of fear were hard to overcome.
She wore a loose chain-link collar, and I reached down and curled my fingers around the links. “Come on, Gwen. Let’s take you home.”
The hound stood, butted me with her nose again, and then lurched forward, down the steps, and onto the sand.
“Whoa.” I tried to haul her in the direction of the street and Jasper’s house, but Gwen had other ideas. With a joyful woof, she barged down the beach, dragging me with her. Where the hell was she going?
On she went, speeding her pace until I was forced to break into an ungainly half-crouched jog to keep up. If she went any faster, I’d have to let go. I couldn’t keep up this speed for more than a few yards. She diverted right, heading up the fine powdery sand into the dunes, and there, in the faint glow from a nearby streetlight, was a wooden bench.
Jasper sat there, Lily at his side. The two dogs yipped to each other, while I stared at him.
“Caitlin? What are you doing here?” His voice was husky.
My breathing was uneven, so I waited a moment before replying. “I could ask you the same question. Gwen came to my cottage and led me here.” His face was in the shadow, and I couldn’t read his expression. “Did she slip her leash or something?”
“Yeah. Little madam ran off and I couldn’t chase her. I’m glad she’s okay.”
“I didn’t think you were walking the dogs.”
He sighed. “Yeah. Maybe I shouldn’t yet. I think I overdid it.”
I stared at his bowed head, his hair shiny in the drizzle. “How long have you been here, Jasper?”
“Dunno. An hour? Maybe more? It was daylight when we came out.”
That was at least three hours ago. Walking away from him was not an option. “Are you okay? Do you want me to take the dogs while you walk back?”
He lifted his head and stared at me. “Why are you being so nice? I was an asshole to you. Again. You should turn around and get the fuck away from me before I hurt you some more.”
“Because I love you.” I shrugged and stuffed my hands in my pockets. “So how about it? Do you want my help or not?”
Chapter Thirty-nine
“’Stop saying that.” Jasper sounded exhausted rather than angry.
“What? That I love you? I can’t take it back.”
“It doesn’t change anything between us.”
I studied him. His slumped posture and the way he rubbed at the back of his neck added up to one cranky, hurting guy. I hurt too, but mine was on the inside.
“Do you have their leashes?” I asked. The dogs still scared me, but I could manage them for a short distance.
Jasper dug into his pocket and pulled out a tangle of chain and leather. “I’ll clip them on. Here, Lily.” He snapped the first in place and then the second, before handing them to me. “Thank you, Caitlin. I appreciate it.”
“I’ve never done this before.”
“Hold tight. They have a tendency to pull.”
I took a step back, and then another, and the dogs moved with me. Jasper stayed where he was.
“Are you coming too?”
“In a bit.”
“What do I do with the dogs?”
“The side gate isn’t locked. Let them loose in there, and they’ll go to their kennels until I go back.”
Something wasn’t right. I didn’t want to leave him there. “It’s raining. Why stay out in it?”
“Why not?”
Holly asked me to check on him. Said he was in a filthy mood. That made him sound angry, but Jasper looked defeated rather than pissed. “Are you okay?” I asked.
“Jesus. You’re as bad as my sister. I’ve got cramp in my leg. I can’t walk on it at the moment.”
“Where’s your stick?”
“At home.”
“Should I bring it back with me?”
“I’ll be fine.”
It would take me no more than ten minutes to get to Jasper’s house and back. I nodded. “Okay. See you.”
I spun on my toe and set off, my hands tight around the leashes. Christ. They pulled like a pair of huskies with a sleigh, and I had to do a half-jog to keep up with them. I was concentrating so much that I forgot to be scared, and it was only when I flicked the side gate open and the dogs surged inside that I realized what I’d done.
My knees trembled with adrenaline, and I rapidly unclipped the leads and hung them on a hook by the kitchen door. I did it. I walked two giant dogs. Go me. I checked that they had water, then made sure the gate was secure behind me and set off to go back to Jasper.
Stubborn man. He might plan to walk back under his own steam, but I didn’t plan to let him.
He sat on the bench, head tipped back and eyes closed. I cleared my throat, to get his attention, and he jerked upright. “The dogs?”
“They’re fine. Are you?” He said nothing, and I advanced a step closer. “Walk back with me?”
“Sit here a minute first.” He scooted across the seat and patted the dry spot next to him.
“Okay.” I sat. “What’s up?”
“You wanted cards on the table? Here are mine. I hate being a gimp. Not being fit. I used to run freaking marathons, and now I can’t even walk my dogs on the beach. I hate asking for help. I have my pride, y’know.”
I nodded, uncertain what to say.
“And I’ve had this plan for so long—months—to get out of here and see the world. I leave in just over two weeks, and I should be excited.”
“But?”
He held out a hand to me, and after a moment’s hesitation, I took it and tangled our fingers together. “But every time I see you, I ask myself if I’m doing the right thing.” He squeezed my hand and lifted it to his mouth, before pressing a delicate kiss on the knuckles. “I don’t have anything to give to a relationship, but you make me want one anyway. I’m not planning on fucking around with other women, so you know.”
“Why did you say it, then?”
Jasper sighed. “I was trying to push you away. Again. But you keep coming back.”
“Not anymore. I’m moving back to Wellington tomorrow, and I’ve got plans for other premises, so I’ll be finishing in the gym in a few days.”
“You didn’t change your mind about El Roach, did you?”
I chuckled at the memory. “No. I’m taking on the Oriental Bay property, but sharing it with those two ladies we met. The ones who run a cheesecake business. It’s all sorted, apart from the paperwork.”
“Seriously? That’s amazing. Well done.” His voice was warm with pride in the near darkness. “They’ll miss you at the gym.”
“I may do special deliveries, but I haven’t decided yet.”
“I’ll miss you too.” His soft words made my heart lurch. “I keep wanting to ask if you’d like to come travelling with me, but I guess you can’t now.”
He made is sound so unimportant, but it had such huge implications. Tears pricked at my eyes. “No, I can’t. I could
n’t afford it—either the trip or taking the time off.”
“Yeah. I kinda thought that.” He played with my hand, stroking my fingers in an absent-minded way. “You can always move in with me for the next however many weeks it takes to get your new place set up.”
A tear trickled down my cheek. “If things were different, I’d say yes without hesitation.”
“But?”
“The reality is you leave in two weeks, and I need to put my life back together. Without you.”
“I guess.” He kissed my fingers again. “No sense in asking if you want to come back to my place tonight?”
The tears flowed freely now. Should I? No. My heart was cracked wide open. One more night with Jasper would break me completely.
“No.” I chewed on my lip. “This is it for us, Jasper. I don’t expect you to stay faithful to me while you’re overseas. You’re a free agent.”
“What if I don’t want to be? What if I asked you to wait for me?”
“I could do that, but I don’t want to tie you down. You want to see the world, and you need to do it unencumbered.” I swiped at my face. “Look me up when you come home.”
“Aww, shit. Don’t cry, Caitlin.”
I held onto my control by the thinnest of threads. “I’m going to walk back now. You coming?”
Chapter Forty
Jasper took my arm, and we walked slowly back to his house. This time I’d be strong. No last kisses or invitations.
“I don’t deserve you.” Jasper’s quiet words took a moment to sink in. “And I wish things were different. Our timing is off.”
If he’d still been with Cindy when we met, he wouldn’t have looked twice at me. I stayed silent.
“Can we stay in touch while I’m travelling?”
I thought about it. Did I want to hear about the exotic places he was visiting, and the adventure of a lifetime? “I guess.”
“And I have no right to ask, but would you check in with Holly sometimes? Make sure she’s okay? She puts on a brave face, but she hates it when Zack is deployed.”
