by T. A. Chase
After taking her hands in his, Ajay smiled at her. “Please don’t worry. You did the right thing. I don’t mind that you’ve let Raj stay here. Has he been eating?”
She shook her head. “Not very much. I make him plates of all your favourites, because I figure he must like them too. But he only takes a few bites, then apologises to me for not eating it.” Her eyes welled up with tears. “I understand that grief is a hard thing to bear by oneself, and the poor man just lost his mother.”
“Well, he has us to take care of him now, Mrs Mehra.” Ajay patted her on the back before moving past her. “Is he in his rooms?”
“Yes. He went up there to hide, I assume, when Master Malhotra delivered your luggage. I haven’t seen him since then.”
“Thank you.” He started to leave the kitchen, but Mrs Mehra stopped him.
“There is some dinner in the warmer for you and Master Malik. I will see you in the morning, sir.”
Ajay nodded, then strolled out of the kitchen, acting like Raj being in his house wasn’t a complete shock. Yet all he could think about was the fact that Raj had chosen to come to him when he needed refuge from the grief and pain of losing his mother.
As soon as he was out of her view, he raced up the left staircase leading to the guest suites. He’d taken off his shoes the moment he’d stepped inside, so he made no noise dashing down the tiled hallway. After skidding to a stop outside the doors of the gold suite, he smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt the best he could and took a deep breath.
Ajay couldn’t act like it was a big deal that Raj was there. If he did, Raj might feel pressured for more than he was willing to give, and run away from Ajay. He didn’t want that. No, he wanted to go back to the way things had been before Raj’s mother had dragged him out of university and had made him feel ashamed of who he really was.
Once his nerves were calmed and his hands weren’t trembling, Ajay knocked on the door before he opened it a little.
“Raj,” he called around the edge of the door frame.
“Ajay?”
“Yes, it’s me.” Ajay pushed the door open a little farther.
“Come in. Sorry, let me get the light.” The bedside lamp flicked on, softly illuminating the room.
Ajay entered, and he gasped as he got his first look at Raj. When they’d reunited last week, he’d thought Raj looked awful. Now the grief and stress of his mother dying had drained Raj of all life, and he looked like he was barely holding himself together. Ajay approached the bed, but didn’t sit right away.
“I’m so sorry, Raj. I know what your mother meant to you.” He wanted to reach out and take Raj into his arms. Ajay wished he had the right to offer comfort and caring to this man.
Raj glanced away, jaw clenched. “She was very sick at the end, so it was merciful that she found peace.”
Hovering uncertainly next to the bed, Ajay still wasn’t sure what to do. Finally, Raj seemed to realise his dilemma.
“Please sit.” Raj swept some papers off the blankets onto the floor.
Ajay sat, pulling his legs up under him, and his knees touched Raj’s hip. His control broke, and he reached out to take one of Raj’s hands in his. “Is there anything you need right now? I will get it or do whatever you want.”
Raj shook his head, then looked down at their joined hands. “You must think it strange that I’m here.”
As much as Ajay wanted to say no, he couldn’t. “I’ll admit to wondering why you’d choose to come to my place when there are many others who would welcome you in your time of grief.”
“Yes, well…” He shrugged. “Many of them are dealing with their own emotions right now, and a few of them are just not…peaceful. I needed peace.” He looked up at Ajay. “I tried staying at Maa’s, but since she’d passed there… And there are people in and out of there all the time, as well as at my place.” It was like a dam had broken. The words kept tumbling out faster and faster. “I’m expected to be there and grieve the way they want, and I understand. I do. There are conventions to follow. But I’m just so tired. So tired…” He finally trailed off and a tear hit Ajay’s finger.
Ajay let go of Raj’s hand to cradle his face. He brushed the tears from Raj’s cheeks before leaning forward to place a chaste kiss on his lips.
“You are welcome to rest here, Raj. There are no conventions and no expectations in my house for you. All I wish is that you begin to find the peace you seek, and if I can help with that, I’ll be more than happy.”
The roughness of Raj’s skin against the palm of his hand made Ajay wrinkle his nose.
Though he could understand not shaving while in mourning, Raj should at least get cleaned up.
“You might start to feel better if you took a shower, my friend. I always find that being clean helps me start seeing the world in a brighter light,” Ajay suggested.
A ghost of a smile flitted across Raj’s face. “Are you trying to tell me I smell?”
“Well, I was trying to be polite about it.” Ajay chuckled.
“That’s probably a good idea. Bansi mentioned something about it yesterday, even offered to help if I needed it, but I sort of tuned him out.”
Ajay frowned. “Who is Bansi? I don’t remember ever hearing that name mentioned with yours before.”
Rajan’s expression held a different sort of pain. “I’d rather not go into it right now. It’s just so complicated and we’re trying to work things out between us.” He moved as though to try to rise and Ajay stood to give him room.
Ajay tried not to let the jealousy he felt show on his face. It was foolish to be jealous of someone he didn’t know, and as Ajay kept telling himself, he had no real claim on Raj, no matter how much he wanted it to be so.
“Let’s go to my bathroom. The shower is much bigger there. There is also a hot tub if you would prefer to soak instead.”
He offered his arm to Raj, and gave a mental fist pump when Raj slid his hand into the crook of his elbow. Ajay escorted his friend from the left wing of the house to the right, where Ajay’s personal suite and rooms were.
“Do you want me to help you or do you think you can handle cleaning up on your own?”
Ajay could see the mental debate going on before Raj’s pride kicked in. “I’ll be fine, Ajay. Thanks.”
“All right. Do you need some clean clothes? I probably have something that would fit you.”
Raj looked chagrined. “I didn’t even think about bringing a bag. I just walked out of the house. That would be nice. I think these are about done.” He plucked at his loose white shirt.
“I’ll bring you some pants and a shirt. I rarely wear shoes or socks in my house, but I will bring you some in case you would like them.” Ajay placed another soft kiss on Raj’s cheek. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I’m going to bring up the dinner Mrs Mehra had made for us. Once you are clean, I know you will feel like eating.”
“I’m not really hungry, but thank you.” Raj must have read something in his expression because he added, “I will try to eat a little bit.”
“Good because Mrs Mehra is worried about you, and while she understands you are in mourning, she doesn’t want you to waste away. Not while you are staying here with me.”
Ajay smiled. “She is a mother hen, though she wouldn’t thank me for telling you that.”
“You don’t mind me continuing to stay here, then, even though you’re home?” Raj began to take off his shirt.
Ajay clenched his hands behind his back, fighting back the urge to help Raj strip. He couldn’t be thinking about sex at a time like this. Raj didn’t need Ajay drooling all over him.
He needed a friend to help him, and Ajay was more than happy to be that.
“No, I don’t mind. Raj, you can stay here as long as you want or need. I told you before, I missed you so much, and I regret all those words I said to you when we parted. Please, consider my home to be yours.” Ajay stroked his fingers along Raj’s bare shoulder, soaking in the warmth of Raj’s skin.
“Shit,” Ajay muttered as he turned to go back downstairs. “You need to keep your hands to yourself, jackass. He’s in mourning, and you need to be his friend.”
By the time he came back up to his suite, the shower was running. He laid out the food and tea on the low table in front of the balcony doors. The sun was just setting, and Ajay always thought it was a soothing event to watch.
He gathered up a soft pair of silk pyjama pants and a white T-shirt. It took him a few tries to find a pair of socks because most of them were tucked away.
The bathroom door had been left open a crack, leaving Ajay to think Raj wouldn’t mind if he came in. Yet polite manners dictated he knock first.
“Raj, I’m coming in to bring you those clothes I mentioned.” He waited, but when he didn’t get an answer, he pushed open the door, then he walked in. “I’ll just leave them on the counter for you.”
He barely heard what he thought was a sob over the pounding of the water. Did he check to make sure Raj was okay or did he give the man his privacy? Another sob, louder this time, made his decision for him. If it was in Ajay’s power, Raj would never cry alone.
Ajay stepped around the wall blocking the shower area from the rest of the bathroom.
What he saw broke his heart. Raj was standing with his hands braced against the tiled wall, his head hanging under the cascade of water, and his shoulders were shaking with the force of his sobs.
With no regard for his own clothes, Ajay stepped in with him, then wrapped his arms around Raj’s waist, plastering himself to the man’s back. He ran his hands up and down Raj’s chest and stomach, not trying to arouse him, simply trying to ease his pain with a gentle touch.
“Shed all those tears you’ve been holding back, my love,” he whispered against Raj’s shoulder. “She was your mother, and she loved you so fiercely. A big piece of your heart is gone now, and you won’t ever get it back. So cry for yourself and your loss.”
He continued to murmur those words over and over, until Raj’s sobs began to slow down. When Raj went limp in his arms, Ajay knew it was time to dry the man off and get him in bed. He shut the shower down, then eased Raj out into the drying area.
Ajay pulled a towel off the warming rack, then began to rub Raj all over his body, again not trying to do anything except take care of him. When all the water was gone from Raj’s skin, Ajay tossed the towel towards the hamper and sighed.
“I think you should lie down for a little while. When you wake up, if you’re hungry, I can make something for you.” He took Raj by the hand, leading him out into the bedroom and over to his bed. “I would like you to stay here with me. I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want. I’m here for you, Raj, not for me.”
Raj looked at the bed then back at Ajay, and he frowned as he looked him up and down. “I hope you plan to dry off before you get in.”
Ajay laughed. “I’ll change my clothes. Would you like to put the ones I brought you on?
I forgot to ask when we were in the other room.”
This time Raj gave his own nude form a once-over and the faintest blush appeared on his chest and throat, moving up to his cheeks. He walked back into the bathroom and Ajay enjoyed the sight of Raj’s firm ass moving away from him.
By the time Raj reappeared—now covered in the silk pants and socks but not bothering with the shirt—Ajay had stripped out of his own clothes, dressing in a pair of similar pyjama bottoms. He gestured towards the bed.
“You don’t have any objections to sharing my bed, do you, Raj? If yes, I’ll let you go back to your own room. I’d hate to presume anything.” Ajay rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs. Even if all they did was sleep in his bed, Ajay would be happier than he’d been in a very long time.
Raj looked at him and deliberately held his gaze as he lifted the covers and climbed onto the mattress. Ajay swallowed once, then after turning off the light, he joined Raj in bed.
Is this the wisest decision? Raj probably isn’t thinking straight, no matter what he believes.
What is my excuse? Aside from pure lust for a man whom I used to love. Ajay gave a mental snort. Used to love? Hell, I still love him, that’s never changed.
Chapter Thirteen
Raj shifted under the blankets, drawing Ajay’s attention back to him, and away from the discussion he was having in his head. Ajay lay on his side, facing Raj, but he didn’t make a move towards the man, not wanting to frighten him.
It was Raj who launched himself into Ajay’s arms, wiggling to get as close as was humanly possible without them wearing the same skin. Ajay embraced Raj, burying his face in Raj’s hair to breathe in his scent. He might have smelt like Ajay’s soap on the surface, but under that was Raj’s unique musk that Ajay had never forgotten.
Raj slid his hands down from Ajay’s back to his ass, resting them there, and Ajay stilled, not sure how to handle it. Was Raj asking for more than just being held or was he not thinking clearly? When Raj kissed Ajay’s chest, then licked one of his nipples, Ajay put a little space between them.
“Are you sure about this, Raj? I don’t want to take advantage of you during your sorrow.” He had to ask.
Raj seemed to have a difficult time meeting his eyes, though he continued to press closely to him. “It’s…hard for me to say the words, yeah? And I’m not sure about anything right now. But I came to you. And…I need this. I need…”
Ajay understood some of what Raj couldn’t say out loud. Raj needed a reaffirmation of life, and at this moment, that meant having sex. Ajay could deal with that, and who better to give that to Raj than Ajay, the one person who had loved him simply for being himself.
“All right, Raj. As long as you don’t feel like I’m forcing you to do this,” Ajay said, urging Raj to roll onto his back.
In a wordless but unmistakable response, Raj pressed his lips to Ajay’s, bridging the last distance between their bodies. Ajay didn’t need any clearer signal than that. He took Raj’s mouth like he’d been starving for a taste of it.
There would be no mercy from Ajay tonight, and Raj didn’t seem to act like he wanted any. It had been too long since Ajay had felt Raj under him…too long since he’d fucked Raj’s hard body until Raj called his name.
Somehow the blankets slid from them, and Ajay made his way down Raj’s body, licking and sucking a trail towards his very own promised land. While he teased Raj, he got Raj’s pants off with minimal fuss. As he dipped his tongue into Raj’s belly button, the head of Raj’s cock rubbed against his chin.
The feel of pre-cum on his skin caused Ajay to shudder. He wedged himself between Raj’s thighs, then grinned as he licked the underside of Raj’s cock from its base all the way to its flared head. The salty taste of Raj’s skin made Ajay hard, and he finally gave in to what he really wanted, which was to swallow Raj’s erection down until it hit the back of his throat.
Raj shouted, “Ajay, please!”
Ajay sucked, swirling his tongue around Raj’s heated flesh. He bobbed up and down, doing everything in his repertoire to drive Raj crazy. Ajay took Raj’s balls in his hand, fondling and tugging on them.
A sudden thought raced through his mind, and he popped off Raj’s cock to crawl across his bed towards the nightstand.
“What are you doing?” Raj demanded, slapping Ajay on the ass.
“Have to get lube and rubbers. I won’t take you using just spit.” He got the drawer open, and without looking, he dug out a battered bottle of slick and a strip of condoms.
“Here we go.”
“A bit ambitious, aren’t you?” Raj lifted his eyebrow.
Ajay tossed them at Raj. “I’m not saying we’ll use all of them tonight. While I’m getting you ready, you can tear one of those open.”
Raj studied him for a second before picking the rubbers up. Ajay returned t
o his position between Raj’s legs, then popped open the lube. After squirting some on his fingers, he managed to get the top closed one-handed. Setting it down on the covers next to Raj’s hip, Ajay stared at Raj.
The faint moonlight bathed Raj’s body in a silvery glow, making him look like some fey creature come to earth to tempt Ajay. Shuddering, Ajay couldn’t believe his luck. Somehow, he’d got a second chance to make love to Raj, and he wasn’t risking it not going right.
“Are you going to fuck me or just stare at me all night?” Raj poked him in the arm with his foot.
“Pushy bastard,” Ajay joked as he ran his fingers over the sensitive skin behind Raj’s balls to his hole.
He rubbed some lube over the puckered opening before pressing just the tip of his first finger into Raj. Ajay watched Raj the whole time, not wanting to miss one hint that he might be hurting his soon-to-be lover.
Raj bit his lip, but didn’t protest as Ajay continued to push, until his entire finger was in. A whimper filled the air when Ajay removed it, then a gasp when he shoved in two. He worked on stretching Raj while also distracting him.
Taking Raj’s cock into his mouth again, Ajay played with Raj’s foreskin, sliding it back and forth with his tongue. Ajay could tell that between the blow job and getting finger-fucked, Raj was close to the edge, and Ajay wanted Raj to come. He wanted to drink down all of Raj’s cum, which was another thing he’d missed all these years.
“Ajay… Fuck, I’m going to come.” He grabbed at Ajay’s shoulders. “Ah!”
Ajay didn’t stop, just continued to use his tongue and fingers to cause Raj to climax. He wanted the man good and relaxed when he took him. Salty bitterness coated Ajay’s mouth as Raj spilt his cum down his throat. Ajay swallowed as much as he could, but some leaked out of the corners of his mouth, trickling down his chin.
It was only when Raj’s cock softened in his mouth that Ajay allowed it to slip out. He eased back on his heels as he swiped his thumb across his face, gathering the remaining strings of cum, then licking it clean.
