by Jana DeLeon
After dinner, Gertie and Ida Belle took off for Sinful in Ida Belle’s SUV, and Carter and I followed in his truck. During the meal, no one had mentioned the future, and it had been the elephant in the room. All the “what now” questions I’d expected were strangely absent as the three who wanted answers the most seemed to dance around the subject.
At first, I didn’t understand, but the longer I thought about it, I started to. I’d talked to some extent about what I would do when this was over, but now that it actually was, I think everyone was afraid I’d change my mind. That I’d slip back into my old life and disappear from theirs as quickly as I’d appeared.
And then there was the timing of it all. There was certainly no shortage of things to process that had happened that day. For all of us. And now that everyone knew the details of what I’d done during the takedown, all the gaps had been filled. But it was a lot for them to process and it would take time. I wasn’t done processing it and I’d lived it, so my friends’ spending time in silent contemplation wasn’t odd.
But I knew the thing keeping them from asking the most was fear.
I owed them answers, and I saw no reason to leave them hanging. I hadn’t broached the subject over dinner because I felt we all needed to talk about what had happened and get that all out of our systems. And I didn’t feel a public place was a good location for such an emotional and private discussion. Nor did I wish to have the discussion with them as a group. But now, in the quiet of the truck cab, alone with Carter, that single unasked question seemed to be taking up every available inch of space.
“I’m not going back to the CIA,” I said quietly.
His relief was visible. “You’re sure.”
I nodded. “I’m not going to lie. When I was preparing for Ahmad to enter the room—when I got into the zone—it felt good. Familiar and right.”
“I can see that. I felt the same way this afternoon working with Harrison’s team.”
“But it’s not what I want for myself. Not anymore.”
“Can I ask why? I mean, I’m thrilled you’re not going back, but I just wondered…”
I knew he was thinking about his own exit from the military and his time in Special Forces. He’d taken a lot of time afterward to figure out what he wanted out of life and knew better than most people exactly the kind of thoughts that I had been dealing with. He also knew that a lot of people made a rash decision about quitting and ended up going back.
“I found something I like better. Something that I believe is sustainable, and that life isn’t.” I blew out a breath, Ida Belle’s recent words to me echoing in my head.
Be true to yourself.
“The truth is I didn’t have much of the life like you did before your time in the service,” I said. “Once my mom died, everything was different and none of it something I’d want to revisit as an adult. I adapted because I didn’t have a choice, and I moved forward with my career because I’d been raised not to consider anything else. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t regret my career. Not at all. It was what I needed to do then, and I excelled at it. I needed that as well.”
“And now?”
“Now I know I can have the life I had before my mom passed. One with friends and hobbies and not having to shoot someone every week.”
He smiled. “You sure about that shooting part?”
“Warning shots and shoes don’t count. And yeah, I know my time in Sinful hasn’t been exactly normal by average US standards, but it seemed fairly normal by Sinful standards.”
“If you’re besties with Ida Belle and Gertie, maybe.”
I shrugged. “There are way worse things. To be honest, coming to Sinful and meeting them is the best thing that ever happened to me. They’ve helped me in ways you’ll never know and that I could never explain.”
He nodded. “I can see that. I had a couple people who did the same for me…Walter being one of them. So you’re resigning your position at the CIA, and then what?”
He tried to sound nonchalant, but I could hear the strain in his voice. My heart clenched a little even as I felt a sense of relief. Despite everything—even the strain our relationship had been under lately—he still wanted me to stay. He might not feel that way tomorrow or the next day or the next time we butted heads, and it was sure to happen. But today, right now, the thought of my leaving had him in knots. I could see it in every flex of his jaw. In the way he clutched the steering wheel. In the way he sat so rigid in his seat.
“I’m going to stay in Sinful,” I said.
He looked over at me, his expression one of both excitement and partial disbelief. “You are? You’re sure?”
“It’s one of the only things I am sure about. I don’t know where I’ll live, or what I’ll do for a job, or if I will have any friends besides Ida Belle and Gertie once everyone learns the truth. But I’m going to take the risk and see.”
“You know you can stay with me,” Carter said.
“I appreciate the offer, but neither one of us is ready for that, and the truth is we don’t know that we ever will be. No use putting a strain on things when we’re already working around a lot of stuff to begin with. Besides, Ida Belle and Gertie have both offered me a place as long as I need. Having a roof over my head isn’t a big concern of mine. Not at the moment. I’ll figure something out.”
I already had some ideas on that one, but I didn’t want to say anything unless it was viable.
“I guess working in a library is out,” Carter said.
“Since I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in one, I’m going to go out on a limb and say yes. But I’m not worried about the job thing, either. I have money saved—life insurance from my parents, and their estate—so I’m good for a while. And it’s not like I have big expenses. I used to spend the bulk of my money on ammo and range fees. And rent. DC isn’t cheap.”
He reached over and took my hand in his. “I know we’ve had a rough time of things lately, and we never cleared the air, even though we said we would. But I want you to know that I always wanted you to stay, and have been afraid from the beginning that you wouldn’t. Ever since you told me about the takedown, I’ve been worried that it was over. I want a chance with you, Fortune. Even if we ultimately can’t make it work, I think it’s worth trying to.”
“I do too, but it’s not going to be easy. You can’t have the simple, easy life you were looking for—not if you’re going to be with me. I could tell you I’d try to tone things down, but I’d be lying. I am who I am, and I’ve accepted that. Now it’s on you.”
He nodded. “I’m working on it. But there still has to be some sort of compromise. Some form of truce on certain things.”
“I’m working on that. And I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not easy for me. I’m not only used to being responsible only for myself, I prefer it. Taking other people into consideration has never come naturally for me. So all this is new territory. I’m going to make mistakes. And I’m going to have some lines in the sand that your average person probably wouldn’t have. I can’t promise you how far those lines will move, if they move at all.”
He squeezed my hand. “Tell you what, let’s just deal with it one day at a time.”
I looked over at him and smiled. “Perfect.”
The four of us gathered at my house for a while, and I knew no one wanted to return home alone. Being in the same room was a comfort, even when no one was talking. We rambled on about everything and nothing until Harrison showed up for a debriefing. The three excused themselves, but I could tell they still didn’t want to leave. But this was business, and it was confidential business.
My last business with the CIA.
Harrison was as exuberant as the rest of us and I couldn’t blame him. He’d already confided in me that he was leaving the agency once Ahmad was out of play, so this was the start of the next stage of his life as well.
“Morrow is beside himself,” Harrison said as he sat at the kitchen table.
&n
bsp; I put two beers on the table and sat across from him. “I can imagine. So many good things in one day. Ahmad is gone. Morrow doesn’t have to worry about hiding me anymore. Lots of things for him to be excited about.”
“He’s not as thrilled about both of us leaving the agency.”
“You told him you were resigning?”
“Yeah. I didn’t see any reason to wait.” He looked me directly in the eyes, his expression serious. “I’m thrilled that I ran the mission today. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the most important job I’ve ever been on, and there is no place else I would have preferred to be.”
“But?”
“But I want it to be my last.” He took a drink of beer and nodded. “The last time people who love me have to wonder if I’m coming home and have no idea when they’ll find out.”
“I get that, and you earned it. I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
Harrison lifted his beer and I clinked mine to his. “We made a great team,” he said. “And beyond my personal reasons for wanting to leave, I wouldn’t have wanted to do the job without you. It would have never felt right.”
I nodded. We had both worked with other agents and teams, but from the moment Harrison and I had been partnered, we’d known our pairing was something special.
“Morrow knew it was coming,” I said. “At least from me, and honestly, I doubt he was surprised to hear it from you.”
“Probably not. But I’m sure he thinks I’ll change my mind.”
“Will you?”
“Not a chance in hell. You?”
“Same chance here. I don’t know for sure what I want for my future, but I know what I don’t want. If that makes sense.”
“Perfectly. I’ve got some soul-searching to do as well. Fortunately, I have a ton of vacation and sick time and plenty of money saved. I plan on taking some time off to figure it all out.”
I grinned. “You just want to hang out with Cassidy all day.”
“I would love to, but as she has her own career, that’s not possible. However, I predict I’ll see her ten times as much as I used to. And that makes me a happy man.”
“I’m really glad for you, Harrison. You deserve everything good. You’ve been an awesome partner and an even better friend.”
He grinned. “You’re one of a kind, Fortune Redding. And you’re going to go down in CIA history.”
“Maybe.” At one time I would have cared. I would have been glowing over the boost to my reputation that taking down Ahmad would bring. I would have reveled in the fact that I’d taken out one of the agency’s most wanted in hand-to-hand combat, something even my revered father had never done.
But now…now it was simply part of my past.
Harrison spent a couple hours documenting my version of what happened during the takedown, and we had a long Skype session with Director Morrow. By that time, we were both ready to call it a night. I’d told the story so many times now that I could probably do it in my sleep. But everything about the mission had to be recorded, even though I figured some of the “facts” would be slightly different before they went into the file at headquarters.
After Harrison left, I considered hopping into bed. It was late, and it had been an incredibly exhausting day. And God knows my sleep hadn’t been all that grand for a long time. But I was too restless to settle. I knew if I got in bed, I’d lie staring at the ceiling until I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I did what I’d been wanting to do all evening.
I headed out to see Big and Little.
I sent them a text asking to meet. It was late, but I figured they were anxious to hear the details and were probably waiting up to see if I had a chance to call. The response was immediate.
Looking forward to it. See you soon.
Their Hummer was parked in front of the warehouse. I headed for the front door and Mannie opened it, grinning at me.
“Big and Little were very excited to get your text,” he said. “They’ve been talking about the coup all night. You were something else. I mean, I’d heard through channels, of course, but hearing about it and seeing what you accomplished are two entirely different things. Following Ahmad into that tunnel was a move most people wouldn’t have even tried, much less come out of successfully.”
“How do you know what I did?”
“I saw both of you break the surface, but I was too far up the canal to help. By the time I got there, you’d already taken care of business.”
I nodded. “I want to thank you for shooting that guy. You saved Carter.”
He shrugged. “One of the team might have taken him out before he got off another round, but I figured why take that chance when I had the shot.”
“And at the moment, another team member shooting that man is exactly what they assume happened. I’m not telling them any different.”
“I appreciate it.”
“It’s the least I can do.” I tilted my head to one side and studied him for a moment. “You weren’t wearing a mask or a regulator.”
“No.”
“And I saw no snorkel or bubbles despite the fact that I had plenty of the canal in my line of sight. You simply disappeared. Tell me the truth. You’re Aquaman, right?”
He grinned. “Let’s just say swimming might have been a big part of my previous profession.”
I smiled. I knew it. “SEAL. I can totally see that. And your secret’s safe with me.”
“I know. Now, let’s get you upstairs before the Heberts burst from anticipation.”
We headed to the office where a very excited Big and Little greeted me as soon as I walked in. I took a seat, and Little opened a bottle of champagne and poured us all a glass. I sipped the champagne and told my story one more time. The last time, because no one else could ever know the details.
When I was finished, they looked at each other, then back at me.
“You are one of a kind,” Big said.
“Some would say that’s a good thing,” I said.
Little nodded. “It most certainly is for the bad guys.”
“I want you to know that your identity is still a secret. I refused to give that information to the CIA, or anyone else for that matter, and I won’t. The only people who know the building was yours are Ida Belle and Gertie, and you can trust them.”
“If you trust them, then we do as well,” Big said. “As to the other, we knew you were a woman of your word. We were never worried.”
“I wanted to tell you again how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Without your help, this couldn’t have happened and I’d still be in limbo. You stuck your neck out for me, more than once, and I’m not going to forget it. I owe you and Mannie big-time. Whenever you need to cash that marker in, you let me know.”
“No questions asked?” Big asked.
“I’m a woman, and CIA. What do you think?”
They both laughed.
“I also want to apologize for the damage to the building. I am happy to pay for the repairs, if you’d just get some estimates and let me know the cost.”
Big waved a hand in dismissal. “You did us a favor.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We’ve been wanting to unload that warehouse for years, but with that meatpacking plant upwind, no one would bite. Since you conducted a small war on the property, I’ve heard through my sources that the plant is moving forward with a plan to consolidate operations at their remote location. They should be cleared out in a couple of months. I expect the property value to soar, and Little and I will make out extremely well.”
“Then I guess this has worked out for everyone,” I said.
“Fabulously so,” Big said. “So what’s up next for the now-infamous CIA agent Fortune Redding? Another impossible mission in a foreign locale?”
I shook my head. “Not anymore. I resigned.”
Big’s eyes widened and he glanced over at Little, who’d leaned forward in his chair.
<
br /> “And may I ask your plans?” Big asked.
“I think I might stick around a while. See how I fare here as the real me.”
Big laughed. “I think the better question is how Sinful is going to fare.” He rose from his desk and extended his hand. “Let me be the first to officially welcome you to southern Louisiana.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I was up early the next morning, but not as early as Gertie. It was only 6:00 a.m. but Gertie had sent a text at five thirty asking me to let her know when I was awake. I figured she and Ida Belle were probably as antsy as I was, so I texted back for them to come over for coffee.
In theory, one would think we’d all be sleeping late, relaxing in the glory of all that was now behind us. But the reality was, there was so much in front of me that I couldn’t stay asleep a minute longer, despite the fact that I’d only put in a couple hours. It had taken forever for my mind to settle enough for me to sleep and even then, it hadn’t been restful. I’d tossed and turned and dreamed until I’d finally given up and decided I had the rest of my life to snooze. Sooner or later, I’d feel like it.
They arrived fully dressed and completely alert, proving my theory that all of us had been up at the crack of dawn. Gertie had a blackberry cobbler with her that had just come out of the oven, so we headed back to the kitchen for coffee and an unorthodox breakfast. I figured it had fruit, so that was at least one food group.
