“Even me?”
“Yes, even you,” I said, and he flinched. “I’m sorry.” The truth was, I wasn’t sorry. For once in my life, I didn’t have a care in the world for anyone else’s feelings. I was on a merry-go-round when I was near him. How could he sit there and ask me to be around him?
“Fine. I’ll try to understand,” he said, closing his menu in front of him.
“Are you guys ready to order or are we waiting for another?” the waiter asked.
“Yeah, I’ll have—”
“No, we’re waiting for another,” Ben interjected. Confused, I looked up at the waiter and then across to Ben. Winking at me, he smiled. “I have a surprise for you.” He chuckled when he spoke.
My heart began to race at the thought of whom he had asked to join us. Cole? I had a hole in my heart because of him. Three months of forgetting my life had only eaten away at me. It had been months since I thought about him. Lie. He was a part of me, and I thought about him constantly. But I had put my feelings in a box deep down and locked away. I had never planned on opening that box again.
He was my undoing.
I couldn’t let him see me like this. The mere thought of him had my hands shaking.
I reached for my purse to locate my painkillers when Ben reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s Lila. I invited her. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Relief washed over me. Though I didn’t want to see Lila, either, I preferred her to Cole. My heart wouldn’t be able to take the heartache he would have caused me—the pain I would be reminded of when his eyes met mine. I wouldn’t be able to hide the memories.
“Oh … okay.” I took a deep breath.
“She has something to share with you, and when I mentioned I was meeting you today, she asked to join. That’s okay, right?” he asked. His eager smile made it hard to deny him. Though I had explicitly mentioned that I’d only do brunch with him, it was out of my hands now.
I consumed as much of my Bloody Mary as I could before I felt a small, cool hand resting on the warm skin of my shoulder. I looked up in Lila’s direction and was greeted with sky blue eyes, bright and happy. It was like getting punched in the stomach. As much as I put on a façade that I didn’t care or that I was okay on my own, I missed her. I missed our friendship, our insane obsession with ice cream. Hell, I even missed how we argued, letting it all on the table.
“Hi, Katherine.” She leaned down and hugged me.
Unable to control my emotions, I hugged her tightly. I missed my best friend. She was my right hand, the one who always had my back. I missed how she always read me like an open book. Even though we lived together, I had avoided her at all cost. The agony I felt with her arms wrapped around me was more than I was prepared for. Being around her and Ben was too much. I couldn’t sit and have lunch like nothing had happened. A dark cloud came over me, and I reminded myself why I had chosen to pull away. Why I needed to be alone. Our relationship could never be the same.
Releasing her, I grabbed my purse and smiled.
“I need to run to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I managed to hold my tears in check until I’d locked the bathroom stall.
I leaned against the door and let them run down my face. I knew it was a bad idea to come. I had canceled all the other times because of this. I was finally getting to a place where I knew that once the darkness passed, I would find my way, start all over like I had done after college. I located the bottle in my purse and took out another pill. Needing it to take effect faster, I tossed it in my mouth and cracked the capsule open with my teeth. The taste was almost unbearable, but I fought through it, chewing it into little pieces before I swallowed.
This will help.
I took another, repeating the same process, my eyes shut in an attempt to contain some of the tears. My fingertips tingled. The opiates were already calming my body. I stomped over to the sink, washing my mouth out with the tap water, swallowing any remainder of the pills that were stuck in my teeth.
Lila sat adjacent to Ben and me. The waiter was setting her drink down as I returned. “Your hair looks super long.” Lila said to me, trying to make conversation.
I massaged the back of my head, and my fingers felt the greasiness of my scalp.
My eyes felt heavy, the painkiller taking effect sooner than I’d expected. I reached in my purse and pulled my sunglasses out, hiding my heavy eyelids behind the dark shades. Lila and Ben didn’t question it. They both stared at me before looking at each other, concern clear as day spreading across their faces.
“It needs to be washed,” I finally responded.
Ben took a sip of his Bloody Mary. “How’s school going?” he asked after an awkward silence.
“Fine,” I lied. I hadn’t enrolled for the fall semester.
“Did your professor ask you to stay on after the internship?” Lila asked.
“Enough with the inquisition!” I slammed my hand on the table. “What’s the big news?”
“I ... um ...” Lila cleared her throat before she spoke. “Caleb proposed, and I said yes.” She lifted her left hand to her face. An emerald cut solitaire sparkled around her ring finger.
Joy filled my heart, and an unexplained happiness for my friend came crashing into me. I was a wrecking ball of emotions. “Oh, Li … that’s beautiful!” I reached for her hand. My mild bliss was replaced with envy. It wasn’t that I didn’t want Lila to be happy, I did. But for the first time in four months, I wanted the happily ever after. I wanted the till death do us part.
Dropping her hand, I swallowed back the tears. “That’s great, Lila, really. I am so happy for you.”
Tears filled her eyes when she heard my voice crack. “I know things between us are off at the moment, but I would love for you to be my maid of honor. I wouldn’t be able to stand up there without you, Kat.” Her bright eyes were filled with exhilaration and love, a feeling I hadn’t felt since I gave my heart to Cole.
A feeling I would never feel again.
Unable to take the agony any longer, I pulled my purse strap over my shoulder. I needed to leave. “Of course. Yes, it’ll be my honor. But I’m so sorry, guys. I have to go.”
“What?” they both said in unison.
I dug into my purse, pulling out some cash for the bill. “I’m really sorry. I ... I forgot I have class today.” I slapped my forehead. “Text me.” I pressed my feet against the floor and pushed my chair back, striding away from them as they stood speechless, staring after me.
I needed to be far away from them. I was in a dark and twisted place in my life where the numbness and painkillers were my only friends, not rainbows and sunshine. I wanted to be happy for Lila, but I didn’t know how. I had no clue how to be happy for her and not regret every single thing I had done in the past three months.
I sprinted down the city block until I found an abandoned alley. I leaned on the brick wall as I grabbed two more pills from my purse.
What else did I have to lose?
11
Cole
“Mr. Rhodes, she’s in the lobby. Do you want us to send her up?” Samuel asked. He was the manager of building security, and I had given him some cash to keep an eye out for Katherine. I didn’t want to miss her showing up to my place.
“Yes, please.” I turned the wheel and made an illegal K-turn. “I’ll be right there,” I said as I turned the Bluetooth off. Dinner with my parents would have to wait. Katherine had shown up, and there was not a chance in hell I was going to let her walk away again.
I slid my car into the underground parking lot and shoved it into park. Hopping out of the car, I ran to the elevator pressing the button multiple times as I willed it to come down. Samuel had called ten minutes ago. Had she changed her mind and left?
I pressed the button a few more times and waited patiently as the door slid opened. My foot tapped against the floor as I swiped my key card for the penthouse and waited for the elevator to ascend. “Come o
n.” I cracked my knuckles. “Move!”
The door opened to my apartment, and I took a calming breath before I stepped in. Lila’s words slipped back into my mind. If she comes to you, just be there for her.
I could do that.
The house was still, and I walked across the foyer and into the kitchen. “Katherine?” I said so she knew I was home. The lights were shut off, but the sun shone through casting her in an orange hue. She sat on the couch staring out into the Manhattan sky ignoring me. “Katherine,” I said again this time I stood beside her.
She pulled her gaze away from the window and looked up at me. He green eyes were sunken in and her eyes where dilated. I moved my gaze away from her, and to the bottle of whiskey she had on the coffee table.
“You found my good whiskey,” I said looking down at the twelve-hundred-dollar bottle my mother had bought for me when I won my very first case.
“I’m celebrating,” she slurred.
Walking to the bar, I grabbed a glass and poured myself a drink. “What are we celebrating?” I asked taking a sip. The amber liquor was smooth and warmed my throat.
“Didn’t you hear?” She shook her head and smiled. “Lila and Caleb are getting married.” She tossed her head back on the couch.
“I hadn’t heard that.”
She took a copious sip and nodded. “He finally convinced her to marry him. I mean, it’s about damn time since she’s been giving him the run around forever.” She accentuated the last word.
“Congratulations, Caleb and Lila.” I rose my glass in the air.
“Yes,” she followed suit, “and congrats to my best friend for finding a man who loves all of her broken pieces.” Her eyes filled with tears, and she drank the remnants in her glass in one large gulp.
“Katherine…” I was unable to mask the concern in my voice.
“How much did you pay for this penthouse?” She looked back towards the window.
“A few million.”
She nodded and poured another drink. “A few as in two, three, six?”
“Fifteen. I bought it right after the market crashed, so I got it for a good price.”
“Whew!” she said dramatically. “Fifteen-million dollars—good lord.” She took another sip. “And you can sell it for how much?”
“I don’t know, thirty maybe.”
“Thirty-million dollars,” she said letting the words sit in the stagnant air. She sat up and slid her leg under her. “Do you think that’s enough for Devon to throw a wedding?” She cocked her head to the side.
“What?” I was lost and confused.
She shook her head. “You’re both loaded, so you wouldn’t need to sell this place to pay for a fancy wedding.” She laughed. “Her daddy would pay for it, and you two would live here for a few years, and then after your bratty kids were born, you’d move to the suburbs. Greenwich, Alpine, something like that.”
“Katherine, I’m not marrying Devon.” I moved from my seat and sat beside her. She inhaled slowly, and I watched as her eyes filled with unshed tears. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“You quit your internship.” She shrugged. “We went to trial,” I whispered. “Evan is going to jail for fraud.” She looked up at me, and her lips quivered. “You did that.”
She exhaled and closed her eyes. The tears dripped down her cheeks, and I pulled her into my chest. “Shh,” I said running my hand through her hair. “I’ve got you.”
She shook her head and pulled away from me. “I should go,” she slurred and wiped the tears from her face. “I need to go.” She stood and stumbled to the side. Grabbing the coffee table, she stood straight and placed her purse on her shoulder.
“Katherine, wait,” I panicked. I couldn’t let her go now. I rushed to my feet and stood in front of her.
“Cole,” she said my name as though it pained her. “Don’t.” She raised her hand to stop me. “Don’t try to save me. There is nothing left to save.”
“What can I do?”
“Nothing.”
“Katherine.” I held her shoulders in place and looked deep into her eyes. Somewhere in there, past the pills and whiskey, was my Katherine. “Tell me what you want.”
She gnawed on her lower lip and then dropped her purse to the ground. Before I could say anything else her mouth was on mine and her frail arms were wrapped around my neck. “Kiss me,” she moaned against my lips. “Take me,” she begged. “Make me forget,” she cried.
I knew I shouldn’t give in to her request, but I was a man who wanted her more than anything else. “Katherine,” I said through labored breath.
“Please…” she begged. “Just do this for me.” Her hands ran up my chest, and she tugged open the buttons of my shirt.
She was my own undoing. And there was no way I could deny her this.
My hands dropped down and wrapped around her legs as I lifted her to my waist. Her arms coiled around my neck as her mouth attacked mine. Desperate and hungry, I carried her to my room. As long as she was with me, she was safe. And if she had to use me for sex to forget, then that's what I was going to be for her. At least this once. It was selfish, but I didn’t care, she was mine.
I lay her on my bed and stared deep into her eyes—her eyes that were filled with hunger, drunkenness, and oxy.
She rested her weight on her elbows as she watched me undress. Standing naked before her with my cock erect, I tugged on her jeans. She was just as beautiful as I remembered. Her body had lost ten pounds if not more in the last month and a half, but still beautiful.
“Katherine.” I ran my hands up her body.
“Don't speak.” She closed her eyes. “Just fuck me.” She yanked her shirt off. “Hard and dirty.” I swallowed against the knot that formed in my throat and nodded. She was using me, and I didn’t care. I would give her this, and then I’d talk to her about getting help.
I lowered her thong inch by inch as I took in her beauty. Her bra followed the pile that had formed on the floor. “Fuck me, Cole.” She spread her legs for me. “Fuck me, like only you know how.”
I laced my hands around her ankles and pulled her towards the edge of the bed. Dropping to my knees, I buried my head between her thighs. She was ready for me. I tasted her arousal on my tongue as I ran it across her clit. I grabbed her thighs spreading her wider as I devoured her.
“Right there,” she moaned. “Please don't stop.” She rode my tongue as her climax took over her body.
I stood, my cock begging to bury itself deep inside of her. She looked euphoric. Her lips parted as her tongue slid across her lips, and her gaze landed on me stroking my cock. “I want you in my mouth,” she said.
And I knew that if she did that, I wouldn't last.
“Turn around,” I demanded. She rolled over, her ass plump, her skin flawless. “On your knees.” She followed my order and rested her head on the comforter as her ass swung in the air. I ran my cock against her pussy, her cum coating the top of my head. I pressed gently, feeling her tightness around me. She inhaled and exhaled with ecstasy.
Holding her by her hips, I slid fully into her. Her pussy tightened around my cock, and I grunted wanting to slam my cock in harder. I pulled out slowly and slammed into her again. “Harder,” she moaned. I picked up the speed balancing her on my cock.
Her ass slapped against my hips, and I placed a hand on her lower back. Gently, I stuck my thumb in her ass. “Fuck me harder!” she begged.
Determined to give her what she needed, I did. Minutes passed, and the sweat coated my eyebrows, but I continued the pace, my balls slapping against her clit as I fucked her hard. She screamed that she was coming again, but I never let up. I let her have it. When I came, my fingernails dug into her fair skin, and I shoved my cock deep inside of her. My balls tightened as I released myself inside of her.
We stayed joined together in silence for a few moments. “Katherine?” I asked, worried that I had gone too far with her. Scared that I had hurt her instead o
f giving her what she asked for.
“I'm fine,” she said quietly, and I pulled out of her.
“Let me clean up, I'll be right back,” I said and ran into the master bathroom. When I returned with a wet towel for her, she was gone.
“Kat?” I called out and slid my boxers back on. Jogging out of my room, I ran down the hallway. “Katherine?” My eyes caught a glimpse of her blonde hair pressing the button for the elevator. “Kat, wait!” I said but the door slid open, and she rushed in. “Katherine, please!” I bellowed, but it was too late.
The door slid closed, and she was gone.
12
Katherine
Three weeks later.
I stepped out of the yellow cab, my foot instantly warm when my sandal hit the concrete sidewalk. The amount of anxiety running through my body had me sweating like it was July. I pulled on the hem of my Calvin Klein dress, hoping there were no sweat marks on the tan material.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I’d see Cole today.
I had tried to get as much sleep as possible the night before, but sleep never came. Instead, I’d tossed and turned, mentally freaking myself out. I had only taken one oxy this morning to calm my nerves, but my body craved its regular dose of three every few hours, and I doused my face in makeup, hoping it would be enough to cover my dark circles. I didn’t want Lila nor Ben suspecting that I was high. It didn’t help my case that the last time I’d seen them I ran.
I sauntered past the entrance of the River Cafe and sat on a bench in the garden. I took my packet of cigarettes out of my purse, needing something else to calm me. I had prepared for this. I had known about this party for over three weeks now. Lila had repeatedly asked if I was okay with it.
And I was.
Until last night when it all came crashing down on me.
“Ma’am, this is a smoke-free garden,” the valet attendant said as he plodded towards me.
Redemption (Savior Seires Book 2) Page 6
