I whimpered at the sight of him on his knees. “Shut up.” I braced my hands behind me on the dresser.
Cole brought his mouth centimeters from my soaked core and looked up at me. “I fucking love when you’re mad,” he moaned. My head slammed back against the mirror, and I pushed my cunt further into his face. His palms clenched my thighs, his fingernails digging into my flesh.
Painful and sweet.
Agonizing and gratifying.
The Cole who loved me had temporarily departed. Kneeling before me, devouring my most sensitive area, was a different man.
His tongue swirled over my swollen nub, and I felt my impending orgasm, but I didn’t want him to have this control over me. I didn’t want him to own me at that moment. I didn’t need his help forgetting. The oxy did that for me. If I came now, he would win.
My toes curled, but I refused to climax, I calmed my breathing and focused every fiber of my body on not coming. His hands dropped from my thighs. His fingers joined his tongue on my core, flicking my clit before he inserted two fingers deep within me, thrusting them back and forth against my g-spot.
“Come,” he ordered.
“No!” I moaned. My feet shook as his fingers drove in me, repeatedly hitting the perfect spot.
“Come, Kat.”
“No, you can’t have it.”
Cole straightened from the floor, gripped my waist and tossed me on the bed. I barely had a second to catch my breath before I heard a condom wrapper tear. Cole turned me around, lifting my ass in the air for him before he dipped deep into my core. The hastiness of it was so intense that he had me crying out his name. He began to feed my carnal hunger.
“I’m not asking you.” He held my hips, driving deeper each time, but his words were composed when he spoke. “I’m telling you to come. Kat, either you let go, or I’ll make you.”
My knees locked as he continued his pace. I tried to breathe through the tantalizing torture, but I was so fucking close. “Fuck you!” I shouted between whimpers and moans, my eyes focusing on my linked hands. My body yearned for a release, but I denied it.
“I’m doing that, Kat.” His hands wrapped around my hair, pulling it back. His heavy balls smacked against my clit.
“Harder!” I screamed. Cole slammed into me. His breath came in spurts. “Harder, Cole!” The words left my mouth before they’d registered in my mind. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I tightened around him, and chills ran up my spine. I was a goner.
“That’s it, come for me.” He released my hair and gripped my hips, ramming his cock deep inside.
There is a thin line between love and hate. I hated that he had this power over me, but when my body began to release the most satisfying, intense orgasm I had ever experienced, I loved it, savored it, reveled in the shocks that coursed through my body.
No pills.
No alcohol.
No other man could do what Cole had done.
He’d fucked me into oblivion.
At some point during my orgasmic high, he’d found his own and crashed over my body. He lay on top of me, his tremors matching mine.
My heavy eyelids closed with bliss, and I let the serenity take me under its wing as I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up in the same position I had fallen asleep in, my eyes focusing in the darkened room. Cole lay next to me, naked and dead asleep. Though the room was dark, I could make out his perfect face—manly and sexy as ever. I had never watched him sleep before. He looked peaceful. My hands reached to trace out his jawline, but I stopped myself. I couldn’t. Not when I planned on leaving.
I tucked my hands under my cheek and watched him a little while longer. I loved him. God did I ever. But our relationship had been tarnished. We couldn’t be us until I got the help I needed.
I pulled one hand out from beneath my cheek and kissed my fingertips before I lay them on his lips. “I love you,” I whispered. Before I could change my mind, I pushed myself off the bed and quickly got dressed. I grabbed a pen and paper from the desk on my way to the bathroom. He deserved to know my reason for leaving.
Cole,
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. I will never be able to thank you enough for last night. My life is just too screwed up at the moment, and I need some time to figure it all out before I give us a chance.
I love you.
Katherine.
I shut the bathroom light off before I opened the door. Propping the paper on the nightstand beside him, I wiped my tears as I walked away.
17
Katherine
The sun burned on my shoulders, and the sweat pooled on the lower part of my back as I walked down the long city block that I knew all too well. I knew every crack, every raised sidewalk. I had lived on this block since I moved to New York City. It was home. But my happy feelings of walking home from school or work, or coming home late from a party were now tainted with the faint memory of Gary showing up. I couldn’t tolerate the anger and agony I felt when I was here.
But I needed to get my life in order. I needed to kick this habit, and there was only one person who could help me.
I had left the hotel room a few hours ago and walked aimlessly until I knew Lila would be home. My legs shook as I took each step up to the front door. I held my keys in my hand. I exhaled slowly, releasing the air that was stuck in my throat, I slid the key into the lock and opened the door.
“Lila?” I called as I stepped inside the house. Seconds passed, but I heard her footfalls from her room.
“Katherine?” She said rounding the corner. My eyes filled with tears as I saw her and Ben together. My two anchors.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked.
I lowered my head to my chest and sobbed. “I need your help.”
“Shh, it’s okay.” Ben wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.
“I need to get clean,” I cried into his chest. “Please, help me.”
“We’re here for you, Katherine.” Lila placed her hand on my back. “We'll get through this, I promise.”
Ben sat me on the couch, and I buried my face in my hands. “I was so embarrassed so distraught, but desperately in need of help.”
“How bad is it?” Lila sat beside me.
“It’s bad.” I swallowed and looked up at her.
“What triggered it?” Ben asked. I lifted my head and met his gaze. He had moved from the couch and was sitting on the coffee table his hands folded together.
“Gary,” I admitted. “I came home one night, and he was sitting on our steps.”
“What did he want?” Lila asked.
“Forgiveness.” The word slipped from my lips with hatred. “He wanted me to forgive him for what he did to me,” I said with a shaky voice. “He acted as though he was apologizing for throwing away my favorite toy as opposed to what he really did to me.” Ben handed me a tissue, and I wiped away my tears. “I didn't know what to do. All the memories that I had shoved deep inside of me resurfaced. All I kept seeing was him entering my bedroom, his hands on me, and I knew the only way to make it all stop was to…” I couldn't finish the words. I couldn't admit that I was so weak that I looked to drugs to numb the pain.
“Are you high now?” Lila asked. “I'm not judging you. I want to help, so you need to be honest with me.”
I nodded, knowing very well that the first thing I had done when I left the hotel room this morning was popped two pills into my mouth.
“And where is your stash?”
“I have some in my purse, but my bigger stash is hidden in the water tank of the toilet,” I admitted. Lila gave a quick look to Ben, and he stood. I closed my eyes knowing that there was no turning back now. A few minutes passed and I heard the flushing of the toilet.
“You're going to get through this.” Lila grabbed my thigh, her voice reassuring.
“I don't know if I'm strong enough,” I said weakly.
Her eyes welled with tears. “You’re the strongest person I know. You asking for help shows me how
strong you are. You know it's going to be a battle to get sober, But you’ll get up that hill. You will get clean. I believe in you.”
I bit on my lower lip to contain the sob that desperately wanted to come out and nodded. “You're going to have to say that a few more times to me.”
“We got you, babe,” Ben said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
“It’s going to suck, right?” I asked, knowing very well that withdrawal was going to be a battle.
“No, it won’t be so bad. I’ll take you to the hospital, and we’ll start you on methadone––”
“No! No methadone. I need to do this cold turkey. I can’t take one pill to lose the urge to use another one.”
“But––”
“Please. I need to kick this once and for all.” I needed to this without the assistance of any other medication.
She stood and reached out her hand for me. “Come on.” She cocked her head in invitation. Lila moved towards the bathroom and sat on the edge of the sink with her arms crossed at her chest. “If you want to do this cold turkey, I need you to know that this house will be one hundred percent drug-free. You’ll to listen to me. You can kick, scream, or threaten me, but you will follow my rules, got it?”
I nodded.
“Okay. First things first…” She pulled back the medicine cabinet door. “Here, dump these into the toilet.” She handed me Advil, Tylenol, and a couple different bottles of cough syrup.
“Even these?”
“Drug-free, Katherine.”
I dumped the pills into the toilet while Lila did the same with the cough syrup and anything else she could find before leaning over and flushing the toilet.
“Now your bag.” I grabbed my purse from the sofa and handed it to her. “Nope. You have to do it.”
I reached inside, pulling out the two full bottles. I sighed and opened each one before dumping them both into the clear water.
“Do you have anything else?” she asked. I looked down and shook my head. “Prescription?”
“Yeah.”
She flushed the toilet and hopped off the sink. “Come on. We’ve got to go burn that shit.”
I followed Lila into the kitchen, and with every step, I reiterated to myself that this was the right thing to do. She stood near the stove, a big smile on her face.
“What?”
“We’re going to burn the prescription like we burned that exam we both bombed freshman year. Remember?”
Lila and I had spent weeks our second semester as freshmen studying for an economics exam. We had pulled all-nighters and were running on caffeine. When the day of the exam came, we were both confident we’d ace it. We would have both been happy with a C, but the big F that covered them was a huge shock. Later that night, after much sulking with tequila, we emptied our garbage bins and burned the exams, cursing the professor for being a dick.
“Yeah, I remember.”
She took out a deep saucepan and handed me a lighter. “All yours, Kat.”
I dug into my purse again and took out the green piece of paper, studying it as I clutched it in my hand. This was it.
Holding the sheet by the corner, I lit the paper. Once the flame grew strong, I dropped it into the pan and watched it burn. Lila’s hand found mine, squeezing it tightly as she bobbed her head.
“I’m proud of you,” Ben said kissing the side of my head.
“I won’t have any prescription pads with me at all, so there is no point looking,” she stated. She moved to the fridge and pulled out the white wine, setting it on the counter. Returning to the living room, she filled her arms with bottles of alcohol from the bar before walking back to the kitchen. “Okay, one last thing.”
“Are we having a party?”
“Nope. They all have to go,” she said and lined the bottles up on the island. “We have to dump it all.”
“All?” I questioned. “I don’t even like rum.”
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to have any temptations.” She removed the cork from the wine and poured the liquid into the sink. I followed suit with the bottle of tequila. Within ten minutes, we had all of the liquor in our apartment poured down the drain.
“Thank you for this, you guys.” I sat on the kitchen stool, my arms crossed on the granite counter top. “I feel like I’ve been such a horrible friend to you both."
“Don’t thank us yet,” Lila teased. “You’ll think I’m your worst enemy in a few days.” She pulled the fridge open and pulled out a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Her eyebrows furrowed before she smiled and slid the pint my way. “The first step is asking for help, Katherine. We want to help you, but you need to want to help yourself. You know?”
“Yeah, I know.” I popped the lid off and reached for a spoon. I scraped some of the ice-cream onto my spoon, stopping to look at both Ben and Lila. I was broken, but with their help, I already felt somewhat normal again.
“Do you want to talk about Gary?” Ben asked
I slid the spoonful into my mouth, shifting its cool, velvety texture side to side before swallowing. “No, not really. He ripped open a wound that never healed properly.” I lifted my shoulders and tried to smile. “ I want to forget what he did to me but I can’t. I don’t know how to move past it.”
“Kat, you need to face your demons. You can’t just put a Band-Aid over your problems.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I bowed my head, ashamed that I felt so weak and vulnerable.
“Well, first things first, we need to get you clean, and then we can worry about the other stuff.” She took the pint from Ben’s hands and filled her spoon before handing it back to me. This was the first step to getting the rest of my life back.
Day One.
I lay on my bed curled into a ball, my sheet drenched from the sweat of my body. But I didn’t feel hot. Instead, I was freezing, like the cold arctic wind was chilling my bones. There weren’t enough covers in our apartment to keep me warm. I squirmed from the pain. My limbs ached, and my jaw locked at times from chewing the edge of my pillow. I heard every noise, every car that passed, every step Lila took, and every movement in and out of the house.
I heard her on the phone with Ben. Since I was only listening to a one-sided conversation, it seemed they were taking shifts watching me. After she called Ben, she also called my mother. My calls to her were less frequent in the past month, calling only when she I knew she was at work and couldn’t answer so I could leave a message. I knew that Lila calling my mother wasn’t easy on her, but I thanked my lucky stars that I had a friend like her.
Lila had taken all of the sharp objects in the house and hidden them from me. She also stated that the first forty–eight hours were the worst. It had been twenty-two hours, and I was still awake. The clock on my nightstand said it was four in the morning.
Just breathe through it.
But it seemed almost impossible. The muscle spasms came unexpectedly, twisting and turning my body. I screamed, and the hallway light immediately clicked on. I knew Lila was nearby, listening to my pain, unable to sleep.
“L...Li…Lila,” I stuttered.
“I’m right here, Katherine.” She cracked open my bedroom door.
“Fuck…I don’t think I can … do this.” My jaw trembled as I tried to get the words out.
“Yes, you can. You’re tough, remember that,” she said, leaning on the wall of my bedroom. “I’m a room away. Shout when you need me.” She walked out and stopped, turning to look back at me. “I’m proud of you, girl.”
My stomach turned. Dry heaving into the trashcan next to me only made me feel worse. But Lila was right. I was tough, I was determined, and I was going to beat this shit.
Day three.
Lila had duct taped oven mitts over my hands so I would stop scratching my skin. The feeling of ants crawling up my skin and biting my flesh had me wailing at the top of my lungs. I knew ants weren’t biting my skin. I knew it was only my imagination, but it fucking itched like no other fucking possible thing. I
moved on the bed like a snake, trying to relieve some of the pain.
I had only slept for a few hours since I’d started withdrawal. My fever spiked so high that my body finally shut down for a few hours. I was dying. I was being punished for all of the wrongs I had done.
“Fuck!” I cursed when I couldn’t take it any longer. “Please, Lila!”
My bedroom door opened and in popped Ben, eyes bright and a huge smile on his face. “Hi, baby girl.”
“No, Ben,” I cried, “you can’t let me live like this. Please, you have to let me scratch. Go get Lila.” I squirmed again. “Tell her I need to itch.”
“Katherine.” He leaned down on the bed, cradling me in his arms like a child. “You’ll get through this. You know it can only get better from here.”
Moving out of the bedroom, he carried me down the hallway. “Where are you taking me?”
“You need to shower, girl. I love you to pieces, but you reek.”
Lila was waiting in the bathroom for us, towels covering the bathroom floor. “Are you getting in with her or am I?” she questioned when Ben placed me on my feet.
I rubbed against his body to try and alleviate the pain. “I’m capable of taking a shower.” I moved up and down along Ben’s strong arms. My skin burned like fire and ice.
“I will.” He yanked on the hem of his shirt, tossing it over his head. “I know you’re capable, but we don’t want you scratching.”
“I’ll do it.”
The sound of Cole’s voice caused an ache deep within my chest.
“No,” I cried, mortified that he was seeing me like this. “Cole, please leave,” I begged. “You shouldn’t be here.”
He ignored my request and took my limp body from Ben’s hold. Ben maneuvered behind him, leaving the tight bathroom. Cole pulled me closer to him and whispered in my ear, “I’m not going to leave you. Not ever.”
Weak from the lack of sleep and food, I held Lila as Cole undressed to his boxers. Lila took off my oven mitts, and Cole pulled my shirt over my head and lowered my pajama bottoms, leaving me in my bra and panties.
Redemption (Savior Seires Book 2) Page 10
