Welcome to Camelot

by Cleaver, Tony

  “Gwen’s a real expert,” said Dai Mervyn protectively, “more so than that dunderhead up front!”

  As the gathering dispersed, many people came spilling out of the hall past the three of them. Hurrying by, many looked at Gwen with no little surprise and interest. Her brief and emotional outburst had certainly had its effect.

  Chapter 9

  THE QUEST

  Quests according to the legend of Camelot involved knights, or those who sought to become knights, sallying forth on some heroic adventure – undertaking a series of tests and ordeals, fighting and defeating monsters and giants and any number of fantastic creatures – all in the pursuit of honour and thus to return and win the favour of the ladies of the court and thereby to confirm or attain the status of noble knights of the realm.

  Ladies of the court were not required to prove their nobility by such quests – courtly manners and deportment, charitable concern for the welfare of the others and, especially, good birth was what was required. Having a pretty face always helped, of course – as it has done throughout millennia – but Gwen was finding out that how you used that pretty face to gain advancement in the fifth century required an entirely different strategy to how you used it in the twenty-first. The spirited and sexy ‘come-on’ that she had deployed to successful effect in the Camelot Hotel, Monmouthshire, would be close to getting her branded as a witch in the Camelot of King Arthur.

  Thanks to her selfish and, inevitably, her liberated and ahead-of-its-time attitude, Gwen Price was faced with the unprecedented demand of having to prove herself worthy of being kept on as a lady of the Court of King Arthur. She was to undergo her own period of testing, partly devised by Merlyn and partly by herself, and her performance was to be judged by the Knights of the Round Table. She was never actually told this – this was not some form of pre-television reality show where contestants were carefully selected and briefed before they entered a specially designed arena – but Gwen nonetheless knew well enough that she was being watched to see if her behaviour was consistent with the spirit of Camelot.

  Talking to Merlyn she thankfully had some room to determine her own destiny and in caring for Kate’s sickness she came up with her first task: how to contain the spread of an epidemic.

  “Coughs and sneezes spread diseases – that’s how the flu spreads, Merlyn. Do we know how far this has got now? Amongst the ladies-in-waiting, the queen and all – are there servant girls like Kate going around sneezing and spluttering all over the place? If so, there’s going to be a major outbreak…”

  “This plague, this ‘flew’ of which thou speakest…the evil is spread by sneezing?”

  “Yes. Think of the evil being carried from one person to another by the tiniest particles which are conveyed by touch and also fly through the air. It is very infectious. So if you are talking to or touching a person who’s got the evil virus, it means you ought to wear a face mask and wash your hands afterwards. And clean all the surfaces where these people have been and left their mark. Gettit?”

  “Thou shouldst go, then, to the quarters of all those suffering this affliction, and to those of their attendants, and minister thy solution.”

  With Merlyn’s help, Gwen gained a couple of attendants and, all equipped with muslin face masks, various cloths, brooms, buckets and using vinegar as a disinfectant, off they went to visit the quarters of the queen, first of all. Half a day then followed of thorough cleaning and dusting through all the rooms, washing and disinfecting the toilets, and checking which people had or had not been sneezing. The nearby rooms of the ladies-in-waiting affected were also similarly treated. Most of the attendants of the queen and her ladies were all housed nearby – the possible spread of the infection could thus be contained – except for one servant girl who had apparently been visiting her mother beyond the castle gates in the shanty town of the many wooden huts and dwellings that were clustered about on the outside of the perimeter wall.

  Oh dear! Gwen explained to Merlyn that in such places of densely concentrated humanity, plagues could spread like fire. In fact, for really serious plagues when illness could result in death, fire in such places was the only solution. That’s what she learnt in her history lesson about the Great Fire of London, Gwen said, though she mentioned it wouldn’t happen for maybe another thousand years of so…

  There was nothing for it but to follow the servant girl, check out where her mother lived and try and promote as much cleaning and hygiene in this settlement as possible. If there were any there with symptoms of the flu then it was all the more urgent that the message was got across.

  Sure enough, when the servant girl introduced Gwen, Merlyn and their accomplices to the place where her parents lived, there was her mother looking decidedly off-colour. Most probably with the early, and most infectious, stage of flu.

  Gwen suggested to Merlyn, that as the most feared and revered magician of Camelot, he should use his authority to frighten everyone in the vicinity to follow her suggested course of action: that the servant girl’s mother should come into the castle and be quartered with others similarly afflicted; that all around the place be disinfected so far as possible, and that this plague could only be contained if people did not mix freely for a while and if everyone followed basic rules of good hygiene.

  It was a long day. Even when all had been done, there was no guarantee that the actions that had been taken would be successful and Gwen guessed that the flu might anyway turn into an epidemic. With people living so close together, both inside and outside the castle, the chances were that most everyone would go down with the symptoms at some time. She warned Merlyn of this.

  “I’m really sorry about this, Merlyn, but I guess I’ve brought this virus here to people who’ve got little or no defence against it. But I’ve done all I could to try and check the spread of it, honest!”

  “I see that, my lady. Thou hast done thy best today.”

  “If nothing else, cleaning those poor houses outside is some good we’ve done. It might be too late for the flu, but if people keep up with all the cleaning and disinfecting it will stop future problems. It will! And make sure they stop rats running every-where! Rats will bring far worse diseases than the flu, you tell ‘em! Living on top of any unclean animals and birds is not good for people. Sanitary conditions are essential. Remember – clean-liness is next to godliness. It’s good magic, Merlyn. Really it is!”

  “Aye, my lady, so you say. We will spread thy message, no fear o’ that. In the meantime, thou shouldst care for Kate still and I’ll be back on the morrow and we shall see what other tasks can be set thee.”

  With that, Merlyn withdrew and left Gwen on her own, very tired after all the work but actually quite pleased with herself for doing something that she knew was good for people. The rooms inside the castle, and especially the wooden huts and shacks outside, all appeared a lot cleaner, healthier and more attractive to look at.

  Gwen went in to see how Kate was. Lying quietly and resting still. Gwen stroked her head.

  “You’ll be better soon, Kate, don’t you worry. I’ll go fetch you some fruit and maybe something to drink, OK?” She bent over and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

  Kate smiled back up at her.

  * * *

  The next morning, Gwen awoke thinking of fruits – specifically oranges. They were good for vitamin C, which was good for the flu, she’d heard. Gwen had never seen an orange from the moment she had first woken up in Camelot. She knew you could buy Spanish oranges in Tesco but could you buy them in Camelot market? No; not as yet anyway. But underdeveloped as this society was, they had ships that traded back and forth so it was a fair bet if she went to market in Newport she could find oranges. She wondered what Newport was like in these days, if it existed at all. There must be a port there on the River Usk, surely, with ships that came and went, in fact she was sure there had been in Roman times and maybe Newport was just a later construction on top of a Roman original? A new port? Whatever, she would ask Merlyn as
soon as she saw him where the nearest port and market was. It was time to go buy oranges!

  Gwen checked on Kate first of all. She did seem to be on the mend. Her eyes were brighter; she was not so cold and sneezy; she was beginning to regain her appetite. The remains of apples and pears that Gwen had brought her the night before lay beside her on the floor.

  “Do you think you can get out of bed now?” Gwen asked. “I mean, take it easy, but you can go to the toilet by yourself, right?”

  Kate smiled weakly at that. She could see her mistress was keen not to go running up and downstairs with bedpans for any longer than was absolutely necessary. “I am feeling stronger, yes. Thank you, my lady. I think I can manage to eat something more substantial now.”

  Gwen guessed some sort of meat and potato stew would be just great…except there were no potatoes going to be available for several centuries. But she’d go and ask the kitchens to prepare something suitable.

  Outside it was bright and early in the morning, it was a sunny and cloudless day, the birds were singing and Gwen reckoned that if Kate could get out in the fresh air it would do her the world of good; that, and a meaty soup. Maybe getting Kate downstairs, beyond the kitchen garden and out onto the grass, away from the horses and manure in the courtyard, would be just the ticket? “How about that, Kate?” she asked. “We can put blankets down and have a breakfast picnic?”

  “I…I have never done that,” she replied, “but I think it would be lovely.”

  It was settled. Gwen helped poor Kate down the spiral stairs, carrying blankets and sheepskins, and they crossed over the courtyard and past the kitchens. A number of willing helpers came immediately to their assistance and walked them over to an area of grass beyond the vegetable garden. There was a fresh breeze but the castle wall protected them from most of the wind and it was then just a matter of settling down in the sunshine and asking one of the kitchen helpers to bring across some food.

  Bread of three different varieties, milk, eggs, fruit, a strong broth made from the meat that was being prepared for the king – a variety of things were brought over for Gwen and her maid to sample. It seemed the kitchens were delighted to see the two of them together and out and about. OK, thought Gwen, sunning herself and looking at Kate – wrapped in sheepskins and smiling at being waited upon – life isn’t so bad here, after all. Having people of the castle around to help out all the time was a positive delight.

  Merlyn appeared whilst the two were feasting. “Good morning, my lady – and Kate. You are both looking well this morning.”

  “Hi, Merlyn,” Gwen responded. “Kate does seem better, doesn’t she? Do sit down and join us. I have a question for you.”

  Merlyn graciously declined, his elderly frame was not ready to sit cross-legged on the ground with these two teenagers.

  “And that is?” he enquired.

  “Where’s the nearest port and market-place, Merlyn? Somewhere I can get oranges”

  “Oranges, milady?”

  “Yes, you do know what they are, I hope?”

  “Indeed I do, milady. It is some time since I have seen any – the king was presented with some by an emissary from Hispania a number of years ago. Caerleon is the nearest place to us where ships call but to get oranges thou wouldst have to send for further than that – to Bridgestow, or Bristol, as some now call it.”

  “Well that is my next quest, Merlyn. To find oranges.”

  “I see. Thou wishest to go thyself then?”

  “I think so. What do you say?”

  “A day’s ride to Caerleon would be possible. To cross by ordinary boat to Bridgestow and back is not possible for a lady, I must insist – thou wouldst require a royal barge; a major expedition. But thou might pay a boatman to undertake the trade in that port for thee. A knight and his retinue will accompany thee, of course, to ensure your safety, and secure a fair trade.”

  Gwen sniffed. Ladies did not travel without protection in these times, obviously. From what Merlyn had said she guessed a lady of some status was expected to have an entourage to go with her. Bugger! She was hoping to go on a shopping trip herself with no fuss and bother, but so be it. That was the deal. It was not for her now to challenge such custom.

  “Well, I’d like to do that. Oranges are good for the flu, see. And if you can arrange for me to go on a trip to Caerleon so that I can bargain for some oranges, that would be excellent. I’d love that.”

  Merlyn narrowed his eyes and looked at her. Gwen could guess what he was thinking.

  “Don’t worry, Merlyn. I’ll be good. Very ladylike, I promise.”

  “Milady, thou wilst go with a Knight of the Round Table, his squire and attendants. They will care for thee as their queen. Your carriage will be the centre of attention. Just a glimpse at you from tradespeople and boatmen will be like looking into the heart of Camelot. They will talk about what they see for an age. My lady, people in these lands dream of one day, someday, entering Camelot and partaking of everything it represents. Very few realise that dream. But you, milady, you will represent Camelot coming to them. Do not disappoint…”

  Bloody hell, thought Gwen. I see what he’s on about. Suddenly I’m part of the royal family… Gwen nodded sagely. Things began to make sense now. She was starting to see herself from others’ point of view and she felt a sudden pang of guilt – of being a little embarrassed at what she saw. “I understand, Merlyn. I’m beginning to get what you want of me. I’m sorry if I’ve let you down before…but this will be my chance to make it up to you, honest.”

  “Make it up to Camelot, milady. Be a credit to thy knight and all the Knights of the Round Table. To which knight will thou grant this honour of accompanying thee? Who dost thou favour?”

  Bloody hell, again! thought Gwen. Of course – this is how it works! They will lay down their lives for me, or something…I gotta be the lady they idolise. Shit! What a responsibility! More guilt flared up within her.

  She made a rapid decision: “Erm, I choose Sir Gareth. I think I should make amends with him too. Show him I am the lady he sort of remembers…or try to.”

  “Good choice, milady. A good choice indeed. That noble knight has spoken at the Round Table at how he is most affected by thee and is most troubled by the demon that has invaded thy soul. Show him thou art able to dispel his fears and art indeed the fair maiden he cherishes.”

  Kate had been listening to all this and now spoke up. “If thou art to go, my lady, then I must go with thee. I am feeling stronger now.”

  “Dear Kate – you cannot travel yet, you aren’t at all well. That’s why I’m going – to fetch oranges for you to help make you better.”

  Kate was moved to tears. “Thank you, thank you, my lady…but I cannot stay here whilst thou art on such a venture. If thou couldst wait one day, I am sure that I will be fit to go with thee. My lady, thou art my life – I must accompany thee! If thou shouldst encounter difficulty whilst I am left behind I wouldst surely die of shame.”

  Merlyn interposed. “Far easier, milady, if the two of you were to stay here in Camelot. Why not let Sir Gareth go and trade for these oranges you so desire. He would be only too pleased to undertake this commission.”

  “No way, Merlyn! It’s my idea, it’s something I want to do, and I dearly need to go outside these walls and see what the rest of this world looks like. I’ve never been one to stay at home!”

  “Well, if thou dost insist, it will take some time to organise the excursion that you wish. That will give Kate time to rest. And I do agree with her that if thou art determined to go then Kate must go with thee. If not, she would grieve and waste away every second thou art absent. She knows well enough that there is an element of danger in what you propose.”

  “Goodness, I only want to buy some oranges. Every second this shopping trip gets to sound like a major expedition into the unknown!”

  “My lady, there are indeed unknown elements that we must protect thee against. I go now to speak with Sir Gareth. He will undoubtedly requ
est permission to see thee…so might I suggest you make ready to receive him?”

  Gwen tidied up the remains of the picnic as Merlyn made his leave. She then ensured Kate was sitting comfortably before arranging herself and spreading her robes about in a graceful circle. She smiled to herself at the irony: here she was, a liberated and somewhat rebellious young woman of the twenty-first century now taking care to sit demurely, combing her hair, emphasising her femininity in the expectation of a visit from a gallant knight, if not exactly in shining armour, then certainly from the Round Table and the Court of King Arthur.

  She did not have long to wait. Sir Gareth approached respectfully, quietly for such a big man, and then as soon as he caught Gwen’s eye, he stopped, bowed and asked if he might come a little closer to speak with her. Gwen found herself thinking that this was hardly the sort of approach she was accustomed to in the King Offa. She smiled up at her visitor and beckoned him forward. Sir Gareth took two steps closer and then came down upon one knee in front of her.

  “Milady, dost honour me with her favour,” he began. “The wise Merlyn has indicated that thou desirest to take an excursion beyond Camelot; am I informed correctly?”

  “Indeed, Sir Gareth.” Gwen switched on her best smile. It wasn’t difficult. But what she gathered herself up to say next made her feel as if she was a princess in a fairy tale: “And I would be indebted to you, sire, if thou couldst consent to be my guardian and protector in this venture. I seek a trade with merchants from the Mediterranean in order to bring back oranges for a medicine I wish to prepare.” She tried to stop herself from grinning like the cat in Alice in Wonderland, although she felt as if she was now in Wonderland herself.

  Sir Gareth continued with the magic of this encounter: “Milady, it is I who art indebted to thee. Thou proposeth a noble venture and it is the greatest of honours that thou confers thy trust upon me to help carry it out. With thy permission, I shalt go forthwith to prepare a carriage for thee and arrange all matters appropriate. An excursion of this order will involve providing for some nights away from Camelot. Thy maid will assist thine own preparations; I shall take care of all else. With thy leave…” He bowed his head and backed away.