“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Angel finally said, keeping her eyes away from his, she stared at the steady thump at the side of his throat.
“Why?” Colin maintained a quiet, level tone. If she’d been expecting anger, she was wrong. She was a thinker. And she had yet to throw out the safe word to stop anything he did or planned to do.
“I come with too much baggage,” Angel said simply, staring ahead but seeing nothing. “That hardly seems like a…a fair arrangement…”
“Baggage,” Colin repeated thoughtfully. “Do you know anyone who doesn’t have baggage? Nagging fears that make us turn on all the lights when we enter a room or stay away from large crowds. Doubts about how we look or how others see us. It’s not about the baggage or even the type that keeps you from other people. It’s how you handle it. It’s about being stronger than you think you are and find out you’re even stronger than that, when the need arises.”
“No. It’s about being too tired to care anymore,” she answered tiredly, letting her head fall forward. “How can I be strong and be a submissive? It’s about…about giving away your power. Maybe that’s why I thought it was where I belonged…”
“Because you believe you’re too weak to care? Because someone with brute strength can beat you down doesn’t make you weak, Angelica.” Colin moved slowly, his palm stopped to cup the side of her face, his gaze challenging her to not move away. “Does Bailey seem weak to you? Use all your senses, pet. Open them to see and hear and feel. All the power is in her little hands. Gabe has been shackled with bonds stronger than anything that might be in the club.”
He wondered about the bursts of rebellion he glimpsed now and then and smiled, lowering her arms slowly but keeping them in his hand. He reached into the pocket of his coat with his free hand. He’d left the box for the trinkets in the SUV.
Angels stared at her wrists lying in his large palm and tried pulling them back when she saw his intent. His fingers closed over her wrists and held firm. She met the stern expression with wide eyes and a shake of her head.
“Are you changing your mind, Angelica?” Colin waited, one of the two inch wide burnished bronze bands in his hand. He easily squeezed the small side release and it opened just enough to slide over the bones of her wrist. He locked it in place and reached for the second one.
He’d had them designed a long time ago and never used them. None of the women he’d been with seemed right for them. The random links on the side were for the connecting chain but could easily be worn daily and have people assume they were nothing more than pretty bracelets. He snapped the second one on her wrist and held one of her wrists in each of his palms, admiring the effect. The curled edges would prevent any slicing on her wrists. They were a little big and slid comfortably when she moved.
“Pretty. They suit you.”
Angel fought against the voices telling her to remove them immediately. Why was it so very easy for negative words to find homes than it was to evict them?
“Talk to me, Angel,” Colin urged softly.
“They’re beautiful.” I can do this, she thought fiercely. Pleasing him was the most important thing she’d ever wanted and she would conquer the voices.
“They aren’t for use as more than a restraint. When I put you over a bench or on the table or cross, I have ones that won’t hurt your skin,” he assured her, relieved at the tiny nod of understanding she gave. “But I’d like you to wear them, even when we aren’t in play. Can you do that?”
“Yes…” she wasn’t sure it was her voice. Her throat constricted when she felt his palm beneath her chin, just tight enough to force her to focus on him and nothing else. “Yes, sir,” she corrected softly. “I can do this, Sir. I…I want to do this.”
His smile was soft and warm. “I believe you can, too, Angel. And I don’t think we’ll regret it one bit.”
“Is it alright to be a little nervous?”
“Perfectly alright. Let’s go, Angelica,” Colin put his palm against her hip, guiding her out of the bedroom and into the main area where he’d left another package. He looked at the jacket she wore and shook his head, quickly opening the buttons and sliding it from her shoulders. “I bought this…” he lifted the thick, dark wrap he’d bought for her. It was the softest threads he’d ever touched and he wanted it against her skin.
“You…you spent way too much money,” Angel said firmly, but sighed deeply when he draped the wrap around her shoulders. Her hands went for the ends and pulled it snug, rubbing her cheek against it. “Ohh…that feels lovely. It’s beautiful. Thank you.”
It easily reached below her hips and would keep her warm.
“It suits you,” Colin told her, waiting while she collected a small purse with keys and her wallet. “Bailey tells me you’re considering selling your shop.”
Angel walked with him from the apartment where they waited for the elevator.
“Every now and then, I think a month has passed. He’s not going to bother with me anymore,” Angel stared at the glowing buttons of the elevator when she stepped inside. “I start to relax and think maybe I can be normal.”
“You have good friends who care about you,” he used each move, each step to hold her close, his palm stroking gently over her waist and hip.
Angel laughed softly. “I think they’re hooked on my baking. But I know you’re right. And somehow that only makes it a little worse. Now he knows and could hurt them. I thought about leaving the area when my grandmother died and left me as her heir. I thought I could change my name and he’d never find me,” she sighed. “But it felt like running away.”
“And how is that not strong?”
“Strong? Each time they come for me, each time I get dragged out there, I feel more and more stupid,” Angel closed her eyes and shuddered. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about them.”
“You need some training,” Colin said simply, opening the door of the SUV and watching as she fit into the comfortable seat. He couldn’t help but smile when she snuggled into the angora wrap. “I think we’ll start some of that tomorrow.”
Angel had her mouth open at the same time he closed the heavy door.
“Training? What kind of training?” How much training was she in for? “Tomorrow?”
“Self-defense,” Colin answered. “I know a good teacher for a woman and I think you’ll enjoy it. You have the muscles…probably from lifting those big trays of things from the oven and shelves.”
“I took a class before. And I even used it,” she stared out the window at her side. “It’s alright when there’s one of them. After I used it on Kyle, he sent two of them the next time. That’s when I started just not being there when they came to the apartment. Then they came to my shop,” a crooked smile tilted her lips. “I thought I had it far enough from him…in a peaceful, small part of the business district.”
“Fanatics are hard to predict,” Colin checked traffic and guided them along the road. He was taking her to dinner at the club and dancing. “What about a restraining order? Against them all.”
Angel faced him slowly, the early fall evening settling around them. Lights from the street reflected against the inside of the SUV. She definitely could not see him as a lawyer. Especially after seeing him in leathers at the club.
“Bailey spoke to you, didn’t she?”
“Very reluctantly,” Colin admitted. “She’s worried about you. And you’re worried about them, but I don’t see you giving up living, Angel. You love life and you’re too stubborn for that. There’s too much of life for you to explore to quit.”
“You’ve made a lot of assumptions.”
“You haven’t told me I’m wrong.” Colin listened to her laughing. It was bright and genuine and he wanted to hear it more often.
“You don’t hear me when I speak to you,” Angel admonished with a shake of her head.
“I hear every word you tell me, Angel,” Colin returned, striving for mock seriousness. “I’m simply selective and my inte
rpretative skills are highly developed…” he stopped when her laughter gurgled and giggled out, her head falling against the glass.
“There’s no doubt in my mind you are a very good attorney.”
Colin laughed and carried the palm he’d been holding to his lips. He kissed the soft center, the faintest hint of honey and sugar scenting her and going straight to his cock.
“I’m pretty sure that was a back-handed insult,” he teased, easing the SUV into a spot at the side of the large, old building and shutting the engine down. Colin released his seat belt and then hers before he slid to the center and took both her hands in his. “My initials are on the bracelets, Angel, as well as on the collar. When we go in there, there won’t be a doubt in anyone’s mind that is familiar with the lifestyle choice, that you belong to me. Are you alright with that?”
“Why?” She heard the word but couldn’t force herself to not stare into his eyes.
“Because I want you in my life. I want to court you and romance you and if this is where we begin, then so be it,” Colin answered honestly, wondering at the arrogance he felt at his declaration. And the sanity.
“That’s a very old-fashioned thing to say. It’s a little like slaying dragons,” she said after a long minute, waiting for the pounding in her chest to slow. Just a little so she could be sure it was alright to take a breath and she wouldn’t embarrass herself and pass out on his seat. “It also sounds like you aren’t interested in what I think on the matter.”
“Will you be honest or merely protective?” Colin knew he had asked the question just the right way when she refused to look him in the eye. He moved to the door, dropped the keys into his pocket and strode around the front of the SUV to pull her door open. His hands went to her waist without waiting and lifted her to the concrete.
Angel pulled the soft wrap around her but she really wasn’t sure if the shiver was because Colin was so close or it was the winds that whipped around them.
“Why is it wrong to be protective?”
Colin had his palm on her hip as they walked, pulling her close with both their heads ducked to avoid the slanting rain sweeping in off the water. They stood for a long, quiet minute once inside the large double doors, just letting the promise of heat radiate through them before walking to the receptionist just outside the thick hanging curtains.
Chapter Eight
Colin signed them both in and reached for the wrap she clung to, her eyes wide and head shaking.
“Angelica…”
“I’ll hold it. I won’t wear it,” she promised, letting it slide from her shoulders and onto her arm. “But please…let me keep it with me.”
There was too much he still didn’t know about Angelica Morehouse. But what he did know about himself was the soft, pleading look in her eyes stirred a part of him he’d never seen before. He nodded and guided her through the part in the curtains, turning her to the right once inside.
“We’ll have dinner and talk,” he told her, his expression implacable.
“I’m sorry. I should have…I know I agreed…” Angel stopped at the entrance to the restaurant. “I can take this to the cloak room.”
“Why did you want to keep it with you, Angel?” There was no anger or censure in his voice. While a dom/sub relationship would be part of their bedroom, he knew he had to earn her trust. And he had to get her talking to him.
“Because you gave it to me,” she answered without hesitating. “It’s special.”
Fuck.
How did a guy battle that kind of answer?
“Then you keep it with you tonight, Angel,” Colin nodded at the woman crossing the floor to greet them, a smile on her lips and menus in her hands. And a skimpy black lace skirt and corset top. Health regulations kept the restaurant staff attired more than wait staff in the other parts of the club.
“Good evening, Sir,” she met his smile, her eyes down as she gestured to a corner table. “I’ll bring you water. Anything else to drink?”
“A dry red wine, Ginger. What would you like, Angel?” Colin leaned back in the chair, fascinated when she laid the wrap in a nicely folded bundle on her lap, her fingers stroking it gently as if it were the most precious thing she’d ever held.
“Just water, thank you.” Angel looked around, taking in the almost tavern like look to the large, open room. Thick heavy chains held old-fashioned swinging lanterns that dangled from the wide wooden beams that crisscrossed the ceiling. The floors were a black heavy stone and for some reason it made her smile. “It’s nice here. It would be perfect for a medieval festival,” her gaze drifted to the huge arched fireplace several feet away from them.
“What would you be protecting me from, Angelica?” Colin had waited, watching the life inside her as she took in the décor around them. There had been a fascinating gleam in her eyes until he mentioned their previous conversation. Then her gaze abruptly fell to the top of the table where she’d placed her palms, fingers together.
“Why is it alright to be one-sided?” She opened the menu that had been left on the table, relieved to see hearty, simple food for choices. She made a quick selection and slid the menu away. “It’s a difficult thing when you’re dealing with people who don’t play fair, Colin. How do you hold onto your beliefs and your standards and ethics when the things…the people challenging you go out of their way to break every…” she sighed. “Every rule of decency that exists. Do you give up yourself to meet them on their level? Either way, don’t they win?”
Colin was silent, responding to the waitress when she came up to their table. It gave him time to think about her comments, her questions and his own response. He honestly didn’t know how to answer.
“It’s difficult for a man to think about a women protecting him,” he said when they were alone again. “I’m flattered and most of anything I could say right now would sound incredibly sexist and I don’t want that but should it come down to playing by their rules, Angelica, and brute strength is necessary, then that’s how it will be. I won’t stand back and see you hurt when I could have done something to prevent it.”
“I never grasped the mixed messages when I’d sit and read the passages,” Angel placed both hands on the table and just stared down at them. “Do you turn the other cheek or is it an eye for an eye…the more I questioned, the more…” She stopped and shook her head.
“You know your father isn’t fit to be a parent, Angel,” Colin watched her quietly, relieved when she finally looked up. “You know that being able to father a child, does not make a man a father. Just a donor.”
“There are a great many people out there unfit to be parents,” she said with a slow smile. “I was lucky when I chose to run now and then, I went to my grandmother’s people and learned to find myself. It’s difficult to keep words outside your head, outside your…emotions. I don’t want it touching me here, Colin. I don’t want to think about him or my brothers. I don’t…”
“I don’t want you running away, Angelica. I think a part of you is considering just that. Running from me and from your past,” Colin slid his hands to the side, the large plates of sandwiches and fries placed before them both. “Thank you.”
“It looks wonderful, thank you,” Angel reached for the ketchup and found her hand surrounded by his palm.
Colin didn’t move. Didn’t speak.
He just waited.
There was a triumphant sense of pride when she didn’t try and fight his touch; didn’t pull away or shoot into panic mode.
Angel sighed and raised her eyes from their hands. She was coming to know his style. It was his patience that worried her the most. She kept waiting for it to break. For him to finally accept that he was wasting his time and energy.
“I understand your concern,” he said quietly, releasing her hand so she could eat. He had a feeling that she missed a few meals because of her relatives. “And I’m not…I don’t want to take away your right to protect me or your friends. But running away won’t stop him, Angel.”
/> “I never said I was going to run from him,” she lifted the sandwich and took a big bite, chewing thoughtfully. “I don’t like the taste of being a coward and every time I hide from them, I have that taste inside me.”
“Then it’s time to find another approach,” Colin lifted the burger he’d ordered and began eating, casually taking a crispy fry from her plate.
“An approach that involves you. One more person I’m throwing into his path,” she continued eating but really wasn’t sure what she was tasting.
“Maybe I’m stepping in the path on purpose, Angel.”
“And you’re too arrogant to believe it might be a mistake,” she wasn’t sure where the smart part of her brain had disappeared to. But she knew the instant the words left her mouth that she should have mulled them over just a little bit more before releasing them. “I am sorry, sir.”
But she kept her eyes on her sandwich, chewing slowly and waiting. She had agreed to this arrangement. She still wasn’t sure why.
“Did you agree to our arrangement to run me off, Angelica?”
She sighed. Now he was reading her mind.
“Are you thinking of an answer?”
Angel continued eating. “I don’t know why I agreed,” she finally said softly. “I think there is more than one simple answer to that. I don’t know if it’s smart or not to admit to enjoying being with you. Either here or just…or anywhere.”
“I think it’s very smart. It’s honest. I’m listening, Angel, tell me more,” Colin wasn’t angry. He was actually relieved that he could get her to talk without the sarcasm and most of the bricks in the wall around her. “A guy likes having his ego stroked now and again, Angel. It also helps to know I’m not the only one with a marked interest in this relationship.”
“I was surprised to see you at the shop,” she began slowly. “I don’t understand the parts of me that are glad you were there and yet, regret that you showed up. Well, I do understand but I don’t know how to reconcile them,” she sighed, lifting the large glass of water and holding the chilled surface between both hands.
Independence: #2 Angel Page 8
