by Carian Cole
He palms the back of my neck and brings my mouth to his, kissing me fervently. “I don’t deserve you, Piper.”
“You do.” I stand on my tiptoes so I can look into his eyes. “I don’t need time, Evan. I’ve had more than enough of that. And I don’t need to figure anything out. I love you. I want to be with you… right now, every day, and forever.”
“What if—”
I quickly kiss him quiet. “What if you stumble? What if you need more help or different meds? What if you just need to eff my brains out sometimes? What if you just need a long hug and the sound of the rain? What if you start to feel bad again? It’s okay. I don’t need to think about it, I already know I’m going to go through anything and everything with you. There’s nothing in the world that’s going to make me walk out the door.”
“You’re sure? I could still have some bad days….”
I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I love him and what we have—flaws and all. I always have.
“I’m positive. No matter what. I love the house, Evan. It was kind of our home for a while, wasn’t it? I’d love to bring it back to life with you and move our little family in and turn it into a real home again. And we’ll be so close to all our special places.” I smile up at him. “I feel like we’re supposed to be there.”
He nods excitedly. “God, I love you. I want that, too. So fuckin’ bad.”
“Then let’s do it. We don’t have to wait anymore.”
He lifts me up in his arms and we kiss the kind of kiss that’s made of memories, hope, and new beginnings. We know we’ll have good days and bad days and that’s okay. That’s the magic of love. It doesn’t always have to be easy or perfect or normal. It can just be two people who believe in each other enough to be there for all the tomorrows.
Epilogue
2019 - Six Years Later
Sometimes, certain sounds and scents can be like little time machines whisking us back to moments in our pasts that are so vivid, so powerful, that we can close our eyes and step into those memories again.
Those flashes through time can be beautiful, like visiting a lost love just one more time, for the briefest of seconds.
Or they can be devastating; resuscitating ghosts we’d rather never face again.
I experience both variations. Often.
Blue and I shared years of tomorrows that turned into yesterdays, and then one day he was gone. I can’t explain how I knew, other than I watched him slowly drift away and disappear. Maybe it was the way his body relaxed and fell into a deep sleep. Or maybe the absence of the creases in his forehead. It may have been how his eyes remained the color of a summer sky—never shifting to that darker, nameless hue again. It could have been how his touch, once rough, demanding, and controlling, gave way to a sweet, patient gentleness.
I’ll always miss Blue, but I welcomed Evan.
Evan said I do.
Evan placed our newborn baby in my arms.
Evan never walks away, sorts dishes, or believes he can fly.
He does, however, believe in the myth of little red bugs sealing the fate of soulmates.
I do, too.
The sounds of strings being strummed, arpeggios, and Evan’s raspy, sexy vocals welcome me as I step out onto the sunny porch. Only now, our daughter has added her talents to the melody, and they play seamlessly together.
This particular song brings me right back to the park like it was yesterday. I remember the smiles. The rain. Blue’s sexy wink. Clouds and rainbows. Naked flesh against flesh under the bridge. Ice cream and crazy heart flutters.
I remember the singe of fear and longing that would burn through me when I’d have to go back to work and life. As if my heart was telling me no, don’t go too far. This is where you belong.
As soon as I put the tray of iced teas and lemon sugar cookies down on the wicker table in front of them, Evan and Lyric finish their duet and put their instruments off to the side to reach for their favorite cookies.
“I hope you made more, Mom,” Lyric teases. “Dad will devour all of these himself.”
Smiling, I sit on the cushioned loveseat next to Evan. The porch has become our favorite part of the house since we moved in. The house was gutted and rebuilt in record time. We left a lot of the original charm of the house—such as the hardwood floors and the crown molding, but we did some major restructuring to the overall layout. Many of the walls were removed or relocated to give the house an airy, open concept modern style. The bathrooms and kitchen have been completely updated. Our little shed in the backyard has been converted into a small studio—or mancave as Evan likes to call it. We insisted on keeping the original tin roof and have spent many a rainy night in that shed, snuggling on the futon with candles lit.
The house isn’t lonely anymore, or a place Evan is afraid enter. It’s now a home full of love, music, and happiness.
“There’s lots more cookies inside,” I assure them.
My husband puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. “Thank you for the cookies,” he says, kissing my cheek. “They’re good writing fuel.”
He’s been working on his first solo album, Out of the Blue, for several months. It’s a compilation of new and old acoustic songs he’s written that are much like the songs he used to play in the park with Acorn. Soft, dreamy, and a bit haunting.
“You’re welcome.” I smile, then shift my gaze to our five-year-old son, Noah. He’s sitting on the floor with Mickey in the far corner of the porch, humming to himself. He stares out the windows up at the sky, watching the clouds go by.
Daydreaming.
He has no interest in cookies today. Or breakfast. He completely ignored my offer of fruit or cereal or pancakes earlier, only wanting to sit with the dog, listen to his father and sister play music, and look at the sky. Getting him to eat lately has been difficult.
Evan leans closer to me, nudges his face into my hair and whispers in my ear. “He’s fine, baby. I promise.”
I hope so.
I wonder. And I worry.
Noah could be like Blue. Lost. Confused. Struggling with thoughts and voices. Afraid to ask for help—or worse—not knowing he needs help.
Or, he could just be a thinker. A quiet daydreamer. Like Evan is now.
So I watch him closely—maybe too closely, I admit.
Evan gives my hand a squeeze, then grabs an iced tea and a handful of cookies. My gaze lingers on him as he walks to the corner of the porch. His old, button-down blue jeans still fit him in a way that makes my insides flutter with desire. A few strands of gray streak his long hair that’s tied back today, accentuating his narrow jawline. He no longer tries to cover the faint, jagged scar on his cheek with his hair. I no longer think of that scar as a reminder he almost died. I think of it as a reminder he lived.
He sits crossed-legged next to our son, and Mickey immediately climbs into his lap. Noah nods at something Evan has said in a voice too soft for me to hear. He takes the glass of iced tea and sips it with an adorable grin that’s a mirror image of his father’s. My worry eases when Evan breaks a cookie in half and gives half to Mickey and half to Noah, who chews it and points up toward the sky. I’m sure he’s explaining a cloud figure in great detail, and Evan listens intently, while gently pushing Noah’s long hair out of his face.
He meets my gaze across the porch and winks at me, mouthing the words “I love you.” Smiling, I blow him a kiss back, before turning my attention to Lyric, who’s telling me about a guy she’s been seeing.
She thinks he’s the one. He’s complicated, she says, but she doesn’t care.
I understand. More than she knows.
I never wished for, or wanted perfect. I only wanted to love and be loved. I believe in the happy ending—for all of us.
Sneak Peek - Torn
Devils Wolves Book One
An age gap romance with all the feels!
Read on…
Torn - Prologue
My love,
Walk in the
rain with me. Kiss me in the misty fog.
Let me hold you all night under the hush of the wind.
I'm waiting for you. Throwing pennies...making wishes.
I'm wishing only for you. Always for you.
Come back to me.
I'll fight for you. I'll fight for us.
Wish for me, too...and I'll make it come true.
The frayed parchment paper is soft in my fingers, perfectly worn and aged, and I’m very aware that he chose this texture of paper, this color of ink, with careful consideration. Because he knows how much it means to me. Because he knows me. Like no else ever has or ever could.
I read his words over and over again; long after I have them memorized and they’re burned into my heart and soul, yet I still hold the handwritten note and stare at the words until they blur. I can hear his voice saying them, deep, yet soft and sensual. Raw.
I like touching the paper that I know he held in his hands. The hands that had once held me; caressed me, ignited passion and desire in me so deep that I still can’t forget. And I don’t ever want to.
The faint scent of his cologne drifts from the paper. Or maybe I’ve just wished for it so much that I’ve imagined it. Either way, it’s comforting and stirs memories.
Reading his words, all the feelings rush back like acid on a wound that won’t heal. He’s my other half; the one who makes my heart beat. The man who makes me feel every feeling that could possibly be felt—and then some. The man who held me and loved me through almost every moment of my life. I have no past without him, and no future without him. Quite simply, he is my world. There is no way I will ever move on from a love like ours. We belong to each other. I’ve always known it, and I am utterly exhausted from fighting it, denying it, keeping myself from it, and hiding it—as I’m sure he must be, too.
And now after the silence...he still loves me. He still believes in us, and his words assure me he’s willing to take on the world for me. For us.
It’s time for me to go back home to my love and to my heart. Time is precious, and I don’t want to give any more up.
Want to read more of my bestselling book, Torn?
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Acknowledgments
Thank you so much for reading this book! These characters and their story truly mean a lot to me, for many reasons. I hope you enjoyed their journey.
I don’t like to publish names for privacy reasons. But I hope you amazing gals who are on my team know how grateful I am to have you at my side. Each of you mean the world to me and I wouldn’t be able to write these books without you. Thank you for being there for me and putting up with me!
That being said, I have to say a massive thank you to Jeanne De Vita for taking me on, being so patient with me, and just being amazing and supportive in every way. I’m so glad I found you!
I have to extend my gratitude to photographer Regina Wamba for coordinating the cover photo shoot and taking amazing pictures of Brandon Katz and Cherry Albrecht - you guys captured my characters perfectly! Thank you so much for all your hard work!
Thank you to all my readers and the groupies in my Facebook group! You gals make me smile every day and you all inspire me and push me to be a better writer. Thank you for being so patient while I wrote this book!
Huge thanks to all the bloggers and bookstagrammers who read my books, leave reviews, and promote. You guys are true rock stars!
Heartfelt thanks to all of you - whether you read my books, chatted with me, left a review, blogged, beta read, edited, proofed, pimped, commented, liked, attended a take-over, supported my models, posted hot pictures of guys or cute pets in my group, designed teasers and graphics, or just listened to me - thank you! I love you!!
And of course, thank you to my hubby, Eddie, for all your help and love, and for always talking about story plots with me. But mostly, for believing in me. I love you with all my heartbeats. ♥︎
About the Author
I HAVE A PASSION FOR THE bad boys—those covered in tattoos, sexy smirks, ripped jeans, fast cars, motorcycles, and of course, the sweet girls that try to tame them and win their hearts.
Born and raised a Jersey girl, I now reside in beautiful New Hampshire with my husband and our multitude of furry pets. I spend most of my time writing, reading, and vacuuming.
Stalk me!
www.cariancolewrites.com
[email protected]
Also by Carian Cole
ASHES & EMBERS ROCK STAR ROMANCE SERIES:
Storm - Ashes & Embers book 1
Vandal - Ashes & Embers book 2
Lukas - Ashes & Embers book 3
Talon - Ashes & Embers book 4
Loving Storm (sequel) - Ashes & Embers book 5
DEVILS WOLVES SERIES (Ashes & Embers Spin Off Series, Contemporary Romance):
Torn - Devils Wolves book 1
Tied - Devils Wolves book 2
Visit my web site at www.cariancolewrites.com for more info on upcoming books!
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