Chapter Twenty-Nine
Killian placed his hand in the pocket of his tunic and felt the letter. He had gone searching for her earlier in the kitchen herb-chamber where she worked on her alchemist duties. She’d not been there. He’d questioned Cookson regarding the letter and the young man had retrieved the folded paper. It possessed many creases, for the man had carried it with him believing Alainn or Killian would one day ask him for it. He also told him Alainn had wept the entire time she’d written it.
Killian had read it so many times he knew the words by heart. The first time he’d read it, he’d gone to the dolmen. He could hear her sad voice as he’d read the poignant words in her bold yet feminine handwriting.
My only love,
I must apologize for the anonymity of this letter, but I am hesitant to put to ink my thoughts. If you are reading this, then, in all likelihood, we will remain forever parted. Please know that is not how I would have it if my choices were less severe. I would never purposely cause you pain, for I love you more than one could ever love another, as though I’ve loved you all my life.
My leaving is the best and kindest gesture I can do. I know you’ll not believe it, and I can see the stubborn set of your jaw as you read these words, the anger in your captivating green eyes that I love so dearly, but there are truths that will surely make you think less of me. Events have transpired that will cause dangerous ramifications should you come to know of them. I will not risk your happiness; I will most definitely not risk your life.
Please know I regret none of what we shared, not from beginning to end. Only that it was made to end long before I would desire it.
I wish you happiness, my love. I wish you a life of plenty; of love and contentment, and a dozen bonny children to bounce upon your knee. You will be a good and loving father, and I believe within my heart it will be a certainty; you will be a father of healthy, beautiful babes. I only regret we will not share that dream together.
I must close now, for I think I could go on forever, prolonging my farewell to you. Please do not attempt to search for me. I will not be found until long after you are wed to your betrothed. This is my gift to you: a life without the consternation and difficulty that accompanies me.
Know that I will love you all the rest of my life, and that if I could have been your wife, I would have lived my perfect day for all eternity. My plight is greater, my love, for I have been forced to make the decision for us both. I feel my heart breaking, and there is no hope of mending it.
Be happy, and all that I have sacrificed will be worth it.
Love, your L.
The letter had left him in a torrent of emotions. It was evident Alainn loved him, but once again she had taken it upon herself to make decisions for both of them. And he was riddled with guilt, for he had not been there to console her, not for the loss of Morag, the discovery that her whole identity was a falsehood, an attempted rape. None of it! He’d been off fetching a woman he had no intention of marrying because his uncle had demanded it.
Niall believed they must wed soon to protect Alainn from a type of enemy that chilled Killian to the bone. For once, he would make a decision for the two of them, and she would abide by it. He would see to it!
Killian was making his way to Alainn when a messenger hurried through the great hall to the chieftain. The matter was clearly of great importance.
“There is news from England!” his uncle called out to the guests. “The English Queen, Anne Boleyn, has been executed,” the crowd gasped, “by manner of beheading. King Henry has apparently already taken a new wife. If he is half as shrewd in his dealings with the Irish as with his own, we will be made to suffer greatly, I fear.”
The noise in the great hall rose as everyone spoke at once. Killian scanned the crowd for Alainn. She stood across the room, a look of profound sadness on her lovely face. She turned abruptly and left, and for a moment he thought he’d lost her, until he saw the flowing skirts of the blue gown disappear up the stairs to the south solar.
He found her near the parapet, looking out at the waxing moon.
“Oh, Killian,” she murmured.
“You mourn for the loss of an English queen you have never known?”
“I mourn for the loss of a love so great he risked the ridicule of his kin, his country, his subjects, his church, and the entire world. He defied the Roman Catholic Church and all that is holy to have her, and then he cast her away. What utter sadness she must have felt to believe he loved her only to discover she was being replaced by another. And her daughter is so young; she will never know her mother. Perhaps your uncle is correct, Killian. Perhaps love is fleeting.”
“Are you telling me you no longer love me, Alainn? Have your feelings toward me changed?”
“You know me better than that, Killian.”
“Sometimes, I am uncertain, Alainn.”
“You needn’t feel you must be here with me. Though my mood is not joyful, I’m not about to throw myself over the edge of the parapet.”
“I didn’t suppose you would.”
“Then why are you here if not to keep me safe?”
“I must speak with you. ’Tis important.”
She turned to meet his gaze, and tears glistened on her cheeks. She stood there, so fragile in the soft blue gown, and he thought there could be no lovelier or more ravishing woman anywhere on earth, yet he made no attempt to draw closer or speak.
“What is it you wish to speak of, Killian?”
He cleared his throat nervously.
“I spoke with Mary this afternoon. We are no longer betrothed, and she was quite agreeable to a marriage with Riley. I have also spoken to the commoner’s priest. He has agreed to marry you and me later this night.”
Alainn’s eyes widened, clearly taken back by his words.
“Mere hours ago you did not believe you could couple your fate with mine. What has changed your mind so drastically?”
“Your grandfather believes you must be kept safe.”
“So ’tis only obligation that has spurred this declaration of intent to marry me?”
“No, that is not the whole of it, and you know it well enough. I will marry you this night. The priest will be expecting us at twilight. I thought it best that no one else attend for I have no desire to have my uncle learn of the marriage until after it has been done, though I think part of me will be most pleased that my marriage will rile him. When the missing portion of the amulet is found, he will accept the marriage, for it will prove even to him that you are nobility. The curse will surely be lifted then.”
Alainn felt her temper flare.
“So ’tis to end the curse, and to rile your uncle that you would wed me!”
“If the curse is ended, it will be well worth our being joined. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“I will not wed you this night, Killian O’Brien, or any other,” she snapped, stamping her foot. “I will not!”
“Of course you’ll marry me! ’Tis high time we made our union honorable and holy, and not simply secretive and lustful.”
His presumptuous attitude proved to anger her further.
“You’d best rethink your decision regarding your marriage to Mary MacDonald, for I would never marry a man who lacks romance and charm!”
“Oh, so ye think I’ve no charm then, do ye!”
“None whatsoever! As a boy of ten and two you told me my eyes were strange, called me stupid, threatened to throw me in the dungeon and have me burned at the stake, and I think you’ve no more charm now than you did back then! You may know well enough how to cater to the needs of a woman’s body, but you’ve fallen more than a wee bit short of knowing how to treat a woman’s heart.”
“Aye well,” he snarled, “I’ve had a good deal more experience with women’s bodies, I suspect!”
“Aye, and you can go back to your lecherous ways for all I care! I’ll not be cheated out of a proper romantic proposal simply because I’ve already shared your bed, Killian O’Brien. So you
can tell the priest he’ll not be needed this night.”
Killian rubbed his hands over his face. “This is not how I envisioned my proposal would go.”
“Proposal? I don’t recall any such thing. You might as well have ordered me to wed you for it would have sounded as tender and heartfelt as your bloody attempt at proposing!”
“You needn’t sound so entirely bitchy about it.”
“Now I’m a bitch then? Is that what you’re saying?”
“You’re a bitch a good deal of the time, Alainn. But, I’ve known that for a time, and it hasn’t swayed my feelings for you.”
“Your eloquence truly has no end, Milord!” she spat, as she spun around and headed back toward the stairwell. She met Rory at the top of the steps, and by the look on his face, he had heard the entire exchange.
He simply stepped out of her way, and she fled down the stairs.
“Christ, that woman could cause a saint to commit murder!” Killian roared. He formed a fist and struck the stone wall, then cursed himself for his stupidity.
“I’ve not much experience in dealing with women,” declared Rory, watching as Killian nursed his bleeding knuckles, “and because Brigid was chosen for me I had no need to formally propose, but I would estimate that was the most pitiful attempt at proposing to a woman that I have ever heard tell of.”
“So you take her side now that you know her to be your cousin!”
“You may as well have ordered her to marry you and sent the guards in. There was no question posed to her. And you spoke not of love or affection, or even need.”
“Alainn knows well enough of my love for her.”
“So, you do not intend to tell her so because you think she knows? You cannot know her as well as you think you do, Killian.”
Footsteps echoed up the stairwell and Killian turned to see what other fresh hell was coming his way. Riley and his grandfather stepped out into the evening air, his cousin wearing a huge smirk upon his face.
“What is so cursed funny that you grin like the cat that swallowed the first bird?” Killian raged.
“I had to come find out what you did to make Alainn look as though she was about to pitch a fit. Do tell us then, what did you do?”
“I proposed marriage,” he hissed between gritted teeth.
“You’ve clearly lost your touch, cousin.”
Killian simply growled in response.
“Women are dreadfully romantic creatures, one and all,” offered Niall O’Rorke. “And my granddaughter has fairy blood runnin’ through her veins, as well. Fairies are fanciful, whimsical creatures, lovers of beauty and romance to a fault. I’d not want to be in your shoes if you’ve pushed her when you should have wooed her.”
“I think we are far beyond the stage of wooing, Niall.”
“Ah, lad, that is where you are mistaken. Women are never through with being wooed, and if I can offer you any advice after having been happily married for so many decades, ’tis to become a romantic yourself. Show her and tell her you love and need her a dozen times a day if that is what it takes to keep her content. For with all the powers she possesses, it will be in times of distance and discontent with you that she will be tempted to the dark side of her powers.”
“I think I’ve enough on my mind without needin’ to worry about some dark side of Alainn’s abilities. I can’t seem to even get the woman to consider marryin’ me.”
“Does she hold a grudge then?” the old man quizzed.
Killian did not answer, but Riley chuckled and offered his opinion.
“Let’s just say Killian won’t be samplin’ any honey for a time unless he looks elsewhere.”
“Aye, you might as well prepare for a lengthy time of discord,” Rory agreed.
“I’d best go find her,” Killian grumbled, “for I’ve a lot of groveling to do.” It looked as though he had a rough night ahead of him.
Chapter Thirty
Their eyes met briefly across the great hall as she danced with her partner across the floor. He didn’t miss the fact she was flirting openly with one of the men he was to meet in a challenge in two days’ time, a McLennan from the north, and one of the biggest, strongest men in the tournament. He was also a noted womanizer, and Alainn was batting her eyelashes prettily at him. When Killian cut in, sliding smoothly into the man’s spot to replace him as he turned, McLennan seemed less than pleased. But, as the crowd laughed and cheered the move, he bowed out and blew a kiss as he left.
“You know, he’s the man that may end my life with a battle axe on the day after tomorrow.”
“Aye, I was giving him pointers!” she snapped, doing her best to avoid his eyes.
He sighed. “Allow me to apologize, Alainn.”
“For being a buffoon and a horse’s arse?”
“Aye.”
“And horridly insensitive?”
“Aye!”
She made the mistake of looking into his eyes and felt herself mesmerized by the deep green pools. He slowly drew nearer to her so that their bodies were nearly touching as they moved through the steps of the dance.
“None of that, Killian O’Brien. I am quite furious with you at the moment, and I won’t allow you to cloud my judgment by arousing me.”
“So you’re roused by me then, Alainn, but not enough to want to marry me?” With that, he lowered his lips to place a gentle kiss upon them, but she turned away to make a small circle on her own as the dance instructed. He quickly turned on himself, out of time, nearly bumping into his neighbor only to find Alainn stepping away on a double, hand in hand with another man. The crowd cheered again, but Killian only growled and stalked off to find some drink.
He placed his hand on the pouch attached to his belt, making certain the ring was still inside. When the dance ended he looked for her but could not locate her. His aunt stood watching him, a sympathetic expression on her face. He approached her.
“You’ve been talking to the O’Rorke or your sons then?” he groused.
“Aye, sorry I am that the proposal did not go as you’d hoped. Sure, she’s as confused as you are, Killian. She’s betwixt and between, can’t go back to what she was, yet does not feel as though she belongs in our world. But you have always been a part of her world, Killian, even if you were from different classes. Your love spanned that, and it will surely survive whatever has you at odds.”
“Should I give her time, Aunt Siobhan? Should I press her? Once I knew so well what made her happy, now I am unsure.”
“You dwell too much on it, Killian. Don’t think with your mind, but follow your heart. Sure, that is the way you won her; it will hold her as well.”
Alainn had spent the last dreary moments talking with Mary MacDonald, who was bubbling about how delighted she was to be wedded to Riley. When he had come to find Mary for a dance, Alainn was surprised to see him smile at her.
“You’ve got my cousin by the ballocks you know,” he laughed. “You might loosen your grip a little.”
“Aye well, I intend to do so, eventually,” she said, returning the grin, so relieved she was that Riley was speaking to her after what had transpired in the grove. But, in truth, she was growing weary and felt the need to inhale the cool air and be distanced from the large, noisy crowd. She sought out Lady Siobhan to bid her good night.
“Sure I am weary, Lady Siobhan, I request permission to take leave now.”
“Alainn, please, I insist you call me Aunt Siobhan, and most certainly you need not request permission if you wish to end this surely trying night. I am hoping to go soon myself. You must share my bedchamber this night until we find a suitable chamber.”
Alainn’s face registered uncertainty.
“I mean you no disrespect, Lady...Aunt Siobhan, but I had hoped to spend this night at Cook’s cottage with his family, with my friend Molly.”
“Aye, I see you need the familiarity of your friends’ home this night.”
She embraced the younger woman with warmth and affection. Alainn was g
reatly relieved at how understanding and insightful her aunt was, and prayed she was still welcome at the cottage. After a quiet night’s rest, perhaps her mind would not feel so entirely muddled.
Chapter Thirty-One
Alainn hadn’t yet changed out of her formal dress, but she’d loosened her hair and allowed herself to relax for the first time that day. She had just settled in with a hot herbal drink, while Margaret and Molly sipped some mead, when soft melodious music drifted in through the open kitchen window. It was a slow melancholy ballad, and she felt herself growing sleepy as she listened. Occasionally an off note was hit, and she pondered who might be fiddling at this time of the night, especially so close to Cook’s cottage.
When Cook came home from the castle, the music had been going on for some time. He entered, wearing a broad smile.
“What has you so bemused this night, my love?” Margaret asked as she greeted her husband with a loving embrace.
“We’ve a private musician serenading our cottage this night, Margaret, and not entirely well, I might add.”
“Who is it, Da?” Molly asked excitedly.
“Someone not wanting to romance me or mine, I’d wager.” He nodded his head toward Alainn, who had been watching him with half-lidded eyes as she sat sleepily sipping her drink. She jerked upright, nearly spilling the hot liquid.
“ ’Tis Killian who fiddles?” she asked in a puzzled tone, for she’d never known him to play before.
“Aye, and he tells me he’ll keep up all night if you don’t go speak with him. I’d rather he didn’t waken the children or set the dogs in the entire village to howling, so I’d be much obliged if you would go talk to the lad. He’s lookin’ more than a wee bit sheepish, yet utterly determined, I’d say.”
Alainn sighed deeply, but made no attempt to move. Molly linked their hands.
The Witch's Daughter Page 23
