by Melissa West
“Promise?” he whispers into my hair, and all I can do is nod, because we both know this isn’t a promise I can keep. I’ve never been one to value my life over others and if it comes to it, in the end, I will always throw myself in first, regardless of the consequences. If my life saves the people here, then it is a very small price to pay, and one that I will gladly offer.
…
That night I’m startled awake by Vill standing over me. He presses a finger to his lips and motions for me to follow him out of my room. Jackson is sound asleep beside me, something we’ve fallen into that brings me too much comfort for me to push away. He no longer even asks. It’s understood that at least for the night we can forget the complications of our days and just listen to each other’s heartbeats until we fall asleep.
I follow Vill out of our room and down the hall to the door that leads to Jackson’s office. He opens the door for me, and again doesn’t step inside. “You have another call.” And with that he shuts me inside. I edge down the stairs and into the bright room, my heart pounding. What if something happened back on Earth? What if something happened to Mom or Dad or Gretchen or Lawrence? I’ve barely spoken to them, and what if…? My thoughts cut short as my eyes focus on the screen.
On Gretchen.
I almost cry the moment my mind registers who it is. She looks different. Her hair is longer, which for Gretchen says enough. She has had the same chin-length hairstyle for years now, claiming the style defines her. Now her hair sweeps her shoulders. And her face, usually full of various bright shades of makeup, is bare. But that isn’t what lets me know how rough things must be. Gretchen, even during difficult times, always looks put together. She dresses for the occasion—whatever the occasion may be—but right now she looks like either they woke her up in the middle of the night to come talk to me or she couldn’t be bothered to put on anything other than junk clothes. The baggy gray T-shirt hangs awkwardly on her as though she borrowed it from someone two or three times her size and the black leggings have a hole in one of the knees. To anyone else, this wouldn’t be concerning. So what if she decided to throw on whatever she could find and skipped makeup? She’s just talking with me after all.
But I know better.
I press my hand to the screen and stare helplessly at her. Gretchen’s bottom lip trembles as she raises her own to her screen and for a while we just stare at each other, both wishing we could talk like we used to. “I’m so glad to see you,” I say finally. “I worried…” I don’t want to admit that I thought she didn’t care, because that’s not the truth, not really. Still, I expected her to show in one of my chats with Law or for him to mention her or something.
She nods, tears building in her eyes. “I begged them to let me talk to you, Ari. I tried so hard. But they refused. I was at your last talk with Law though and I swear it took all of me to remain behind the screen. I hate this. I hate how they act as though—” Someone clears his or her throat in her room and she glances over the screen briefly before returning her gaze to me. “There are others in the room with me, Ari. I’m sure you already knew that, or at least guessed.”
“I suspected as much,” I say with a smile. “Who is with you?”
She looks over the screen again, and then apparently having received permission, says, “Law, your dad, and Interim President Lancaster.”
“Gretchen, what has happened to President Cartier?”
At this her eyes flash back over the screen and then to me twice before settling down.
“Gretch…? Has something happened to Sandra?”
Before she can answer Law and my dad join her in chairs in front of her screen. Seeing them all together should give me a sense of comfort. It doesn’t. They all show signs of exhaustion and worry.
“Ari,” Dad says, taking the lead, “Sandra has had a stroke. The medics believe she will recover fully in time, but for now we have had to make concessions.”
“Like what? Who is leading Parliament?”
“Kelvin and I have stepped in to assist, with the help of Lawrence as he is not yet of age to fully accept his role.”
My eyes drift over to Lawrence, and suddenly I realize that was the change I noticed in him. He no longer has his trademark easiness, instead trading it for a look that can only be described as presidential. I wonder what really goes on within his mind and if he’s as terrified as I imagine him to be.
“I’m sorry,” I say to him. “I hope she recovers soon.”
Law dips his head in acknowledgment, but doesn’t say anything further about her. “We ran extensive analysis on the connection here and it appears to be safe. Whoever created it did amazing work.”
“That’s Vill. We’ve hacked into an old satellite here to tap into your satellite. Zeus isn’t monitoring the old one…for now. Vill’s insanely intelligent. You would like him, I think,” I say, though with Law acting so serious it feels like an inappropriate comment. For a moment his gaze holds on mine and I think I see the ghost of a smile on his lips, but then it’s gone, replaced by the empty expression I’ve grown used to seeing from him. The thought of it makes me sad, and I have to look away to keep myself from telling him so.
“How is Cybil and the other humans?” Dad asks, and I launch into everything that I’ve seen and speculated on. I tell him about them hanging the woman today off the bridge, and stop when I notice them nodding.
“We saw,” Gretchen says. “It was broadcast on the T-screens. Zeus can somehow break into our frequency whenever he likes. We saw you, too.” Gretchen looks down.
I glare at Kelvin. “Then why did you allow it to happen? Didn’t you at least try to negotiate?”
“Of course we tried,” Kelvin says. “There is no compromising with Zeus. We can’t allow him to come here.”
I jump up, my anger taking over. “Well, while you’re trying to come up with a solution, people are dying here. Another death is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Their blood is on your hands.”
“Ari, calm down.” Dad’s expression shifts from his typical commander look to that of my dad. Worried, afraid for me.
“Zeus has been asking me about an entrance. What is he talking about?”
Dad opens his mouth to respond, but Kelvin silences him with one look. “We are unable to discuss that here. Security measures. I’m sure you understand.”
I glance from person to person. Kelvin, emotionless and cold. Dad, worried and angry. Gretchen, chewing on her nails, her bottom lip quivering. But it’s Law who actually speaks, “It all comes down to Zeus, Ari.”
“Which brings us to the point of this call,” Kelvin says. “How is your progress?”
I sigh. “We’ve had…complications. I have a plan that I feel sure will work. I just need more time.”
Kelvin laces his hands together and leans forward. “There is no time. You know what to do.” And then before I can respond, he nods to someone out of sight, and the screen goes dark.
Chapter 18
I crawl back into bed beside Jackson, though I know there is no way I’ll sleep. I’m surprised that he slept the entire time I was gone. He has a peacefulness about him when he sleeps, an easy rise and fall to his chest, and the slowest, deepest breaths, each one as though he’s breathing a small sigh of relief. I watch him like this, wondering what he would think about my talking to Earth’s leaders without him knowing.
His eyes flutter a little, the tell-tale sign of REM sleep, and I wonder what dreams he’s walking through right now and whether any of them include me. He said he had no fear prior to his feelings for me, but for me it’s the opposite. I used to be afraid. Afraid of expectation and what it meant to be Ari Alexander, whether I would ever live up to my own name. Now, I have no fear. Not of losing the ones I love or war or even of becoming something other than what I’ve always been. And I know that part of becoming okay with myself and the future, no matter where it takes me, is because of Jackson. On Earth he taught me that there was a world outside of what I had always known. Now here,
on Loge, he’s taught me that even the strongest, most guarded people have a vulnerable side.
I pushed Jackson away, yet he continues to stand beside me, forever thinking I am better than I am, more capable than I am—stronger than I am. Some may think you choose to have feelings for another due to what you see in that person, their strengths and weaknesses. But I think it’s also in how that person sees you. And Jackson Castello, right or wrong, sees me, really sees me. How can I push that away? How can I deny that while I see him as mysterious and difficult, I also see him as kind and generous and so much braver than he realizes? He isn’t perfect. He is so far from perfect. But maybe it isn’t about him being perfect…maybe it’s about him being perfect for me.
I shiver as the thought circulates through me, each second making me realize the truth of it all. Jackson is perfect for me.
I slip under the covers beside him and edge closer, feeling both anxious and excited at the same time. Looking down on him, I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life, and I wish I could guarantee he was always at peace, just like this. And then the reality of everything hits me—the impending war, my plan against Zeus, the risks that may end up burying me—and I no longer feel that time is on my side. I’m tired of allowing my mind to fight my heart. I lean down until my breath dances with his and close my eyes, allowing my lips to caress his so lightly it’s barely a touch, but the impact is immediate. He jars awake, and I slowly open my eyes to see his staring, surprised, into mine.
“I thought you were asleep,” I whisper.
“Clearly I am.” And then in one move he cups my face with his hands and sits us up, crushing his lips onto mine. I pull him still closer, wanting my body as fixed to his as possible, finding strength in his powerful arms and the sureness of his kiss, as though he was always here, waiting for this moment. He eases me down onto the bed and lies half over me, never letting his lips leave mine. A small tear leaks from my eye and I realize that for the first time since arriving here, I feel like I’m coming home.
Jackson pulls away, his expression full of confusion as he wipes away the tear. “Did I—?”
“No. This is…you’re…” I swallow the lump in my throat and try to steady my voice. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, to realize…”
Jackson places a finger over my mouth to stop me. “Don’t apologize. You could never forgive me or talk to me again, and it would change nothing for me. Still, my first thought every day for the rest of my life…will be you.”
I choke on a sob that feels like it’s been pent up inside me forever. I cry for everything I’ve lost and everything I didn’t realize I had. I cry for what I have done and what I am about to do. But most of all, I cry because this shattered boy has carried my weight for weeks now, reassuring me and supporting me, while also fighting the horrors that Zeus inflicts upon him, and I continually pushed him away.
Jackson slides beside me, curling me up against him and rubbing my back gently until the sobs turn into easier breaths and my tears dry on my face. Exhausted, I melt into him, listening as his heart beats against my cheek, until finally we both fall fast asleep.
Chapter 19
The next morning I stretch my arms out in bed to find the space beside me empty and for a moment I wonder if I dreamt the whole thing. I crawl out of bed and leave the room to hear the shower running from the back door.
Glad for a moment to think, I get dressed and head out to the front porch. In a few hours, another human is going to die. I feel my stomach sink at the thought, my mind searching for a way that I can stop it. People are already in motion, walking down the central street of our row to Gaia Road to go to work or school or whatever. I stand and walk the opposite way down the street, immersing myself in the flow of people. They are all harmless, just wanting to go about their lives. I wonder how easy it will be to convince them, how many would stand up against Zeus.
I walk back down to our house to find Jackson waiting on the porch for me. “Do you want to go to the bridge?”
I lace my fingers behind my head and close my eyes. “No. But how can I not?”
A few minute later and we’re standing by the bank to the Cutana River, a crowd already forming. The guards line both sides of the bridge, pushing onlookers back. From this vantage point, it’s hard to see who Zeus has chosen to sacrifice today. I scan the crowd, the bridge, the guards, trying to work out possible ways in my mind that I can stop this.
“You can’t,” Jackson whispers, pulling me close. “You can’t stop this.”
I bite my lip, torn between what I have to do, the many who could be saved, and this single life about to be taken before me. Is one life worth saving many? And if it is, how do you determine the worth of that life? I feel a deep ache in my chest that I know will never completely go away. There has been so much death in this war, so much loss.
I drop my head and close my eyes. I don’t want to watch it happen, knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it. Several seconds pass and I hear a cry move through the crowd. My eyes dart to the bridge and I have to stifle my own cry. Perched on the edge of the railing is a boy, no older than ten or twelve. His small body is shaking, and though he isn’t crying, I can see his fear, feel it radiating off him.
I take a step forward just as someone screams from the crowd, “You can’t do this!” Then more shouts of, “He’s just a boy!” and “He didn’t do anything!” The guard behind the boy sneers, and I decide in that moment that if he pushes that boy off the bridge, I will kill him. I will kill him and I will enjoy it.
Jackson steps around me, composed, but I can tell he’s prepared to fight if he has to. He reaches the guard and begins to argue with him, motioning to the boy and then up at Zeus’s building where the coward no doubt watches this with joy. The crowd begins to get angrier and angrier as we wait for the decision.
I step away from the crowd, closer to the river, and the boy’s eyes fall on me, helpless and afraid. And that’s enough for me. I turn so I’m facing the majority of the people and shout as loudly as I can, “You don’t have to allow this! You don’t have to watch him kill this little boy. You are a strong group. You can rise above. You can fight back!”
A series of assents course through the crowd, and soon Ancients are pushing and yelling, some trying to make their way to the boy, others trying to hold them back. A fight breaks out, then another, and soon it’s full out madness as the Ancients divide, those willing to stand against Zeus and those too loyal to allow it.
The guards have all moved into the crowd to break up the fighting, giving us our only chance of freeing the boy. I scream, “Jackson!” and motion to the boy. Jackson starts for him, he’s almost there, when a shot rings out through the air and the boy, startled, falls forward to the water, the noose around his neck jerking him to a stop. His body writhes and jerks as he tries to find ground that isn’t there. Jackson pulls a knife from his pocket and begins to cut the rope, but it’s too thick, the boy too small to sustain. I rush into the water and swim with all my might against the current to try to reach him.
“I’ve got it,” Jackson shouts, and the boy’s body falls into the water. A wave of relief surges through me. We saved him. We saved him! I pull the boy from the water and lift him up onto the shore, prepared to give CPR if necessary, when my eyes land on the boy’s face, blue and lifeless.
“Oh, no.” I pump his chest and breathe into his mouth, praying it isn’t too late, even though deep in my chest, I know he’s gone. I continue issuing CPR until my arms are aching and my breath has become labored, only stopping when someone places a hand on my shoulder.
“Ari, he’s gone. I’m sorry. He’s gone.”
Tears brim my eyes, and I look up to see Madison beside me, her face soaked from crying. She kneels down beside me, and wraps me in a tight hug. “I’m sorry.”
Everything inside me crashes in that moment, torn between absolute anger and absolute defeat. More guards appear, ordering people to their homes, forcing the
crowd to disperse. Jackson arrives and helps me stand, and at some point tells me we have to go home, but I’m too lost to listen. Because though I know the image of the boy will stay ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life, something happened today that I never could have anticipated. The Ancients spoke out. They fought. They rallied together for the greater good. Which means hope isn’t lost. I don’t have to start a rebellion.
It’s already begun.
…
Instantly, it’s as though the air is different, the sky ominous, as though Loge itself knows what I plan to do and intends to stop me from killing its leader. Jackson and I walk together down Gaia Road an hour later, hand in hand. It’s another change, this one such a source of strength that I’m amazed I pushed him away for so many weeks. I want him near me, always near me, because I know as long as he’s there I have someone on my side who, like me, fears failing more than death.
The guards blocked all the streets for an hour after the uprising at the river, forcing everyone to stay in their homes. Jackson and I talked about nothing but the plan the entire time we were home. What we would do and when and how, and by the end of the hour, we had everything sorted out.
The Earthly port is monitored by guards that switch out every four hours, except during the middle of the night, when they go a six hour stretch. The switch at that six hour mark takes the longest because the guards are exhausted and most of Triad is still asleep. Our plan is to have the Ancients who want to leave slip outside the Healer’s Wall and come around to where the wall meets the Taking Forest. They can then come in through the Taking Forest and go through the Earthly port. We will have apprehended the guards by then, giving them free clear to go without worry of harm. We’ll block the port from any potential threat, and then go for Zeus. But to make this happen, we need all of the human Operatives and at least some of the RESs to ally with us against Zeus.
