by Kitty Parker
"Hello?"
"Hey, Elizabeth. Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas, Evie! What's up?"
"Family dinner was getting a bit awkward. I needed a break." I bit my lower lip. "And I kind of have a problem."
"Okay, shoot."
Now how should I phrase this…
"Well… I sort of realized that I might kind of have feelings for this guy who isn't exactly Mischa."
She took a moment to digest my words. "You like Tully."
I sighed. "Yeah. He's over for dinner right now, too, and my parents keep bringing up Mischa. It's really awkward."
"Ouch. That sucks."
"I know. What should I do?"
"Just play it cool for now and, uh, don't do anything stupid, I guess."
"Don't do anything stupid," I repeated. "Okay, I can avoid stupid stuff… I hope."
* * *
"Tully, it's back on!" I shouted as the last commercial finished and NCIS resumed.
Tully bolted back to his living room from the kitchen, a freshly made bowl of popcorn in his hands. "Did I miss anything?"
"Nah," I replied. "Just the black and white picture thing they always have."
"What was it?" He tossed a few kernels into his mouth.
"Just McGee looking kind of bewildered."
"Damn!" he cursed. "I love McGee's bewildered face."
I rolled my eyes, snatching some pop corn for myself. "It's not like you'll never see it again."
We both shut up as the show went on. It was December twenty-sixth, two days after my realization. Both my parents and the McFaddens had gone out to a mutual friend's party and Jamie was having a sleepover at his friend Timmy's house. That left Tully and I alone, watching TV at his house.
Was I nervous around him after acknowledging my feelings? Hell yes. But that didn't mean I was going to avoid him. Then he'd knowsomething was up and wouldn't stop pestering me until I told him what it was.
As Elizabeth had advised, I was just going to play it cool and not do anything stupid.
"When are you going back to Ithaca?" I asked.
"Tomorrow morning," Tully replied. "Hockey stuff."
I nodded in understanding.
He turned to look at me imploringly. "You're coming to our game against U-Mass in January, right?"
"Of course," I assured him, smiling. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. Even if I didn't want to go, my parents would probably drag me with them. They're totally amped up about it."
"Sweet," he chuckled. "Having fans at away games is awesome, especially over break."
"Elizabeth says that some pep band people who live around here are going to go, too," I told him.
He perked up. "With instruments?"
I shrugged.
Our conversation apparently over, we returned our full attention to the NCIS episode, which was just reaching its climax. When it finished five minutes later, Tully grabbed the remote and flipped the channel to NESN, where some hockey commentators were doing a pre-game analysis of the upcoming Bruins match.
"Hey!" I protested. "Burn Notice was coming on! I wanted to watch that!"
"But it's hockey, Eves!" he whined.
I snatched the remote away from him and changed the channel back. "The game isn't going to start for another hour!"
"I want to watch the pre-game show! And it's my house!" He scowled at me.
I smirked. "Too bad."
His scowl turned into a glare. "Give me the remote, Evie."
I just stuck my tongue out at him.
Suddenly, he got a mischievous glint in his eye. "You asked for it."
With that, he leaned over and began to tickle me mercilessly.
"Eep!" I squealed, trying to fight him off. "Tully, knock it off!"
Laughing his ass off, he continued to torture me.
It was only when I put my hands on his chest to try to push him away that he stopped. He stared straight at me for a full thirty seconds, green eyes smoldering with a passion that could have been from the fight but also could have meant something else - I honestly wasn't sure anymore.
My unvoiced question was answered when he suddenly leaned down and captured my lips with his. I gasped in shock and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth.
Oh. My. God.
All rational thought left my mind. I comprehended nothing but the sensations arising within me. Completely losing control of myself, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me.
He growled in response, a low, feral sound that instantly got me hot and bothered.
His soft lips moved against mine, insistent yet gentle, as his tongue explored every curve and crevice of my mouth. I sucked lightly on it, causing him to groan. Prying himself away from my lips, he languidly kissed his way across my cheek and down my neck, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin.
I buried my hands in his hair, silently urging him to continue his ministrations. He trailed his hands up my sides, setting every nerve in my body on fire, and when his fingers ever so lightly brushed the undersides of my breasts, I nearly lost it. I wrapped my legs around his waist to bring him as close to me as was physically possible and let out a squeak of surprise when I felt his arousal pressed against me.
Suddenly, Tully stopped what he was doing.
I met his eyes with confusion.
He whispered a single word: "Mischa."
I felt like a giant rock had been dropped into my stomach.
Mischa. My boyfriend.
I had just cheated on him and the wave of guilt that crashed over me nearly made me throw up.
Hastily pushing Tully off of me, I bolted out the front door of his house and didn't stop running until I was on my bed, face buried in my pillow, wanting the earth to swallow me whole.
So much for not doing anything stupid.
* * *
Chapter 16: It's Her Party, but I Can Still Cry if I Darn Well Want To!
"Wow… well, that's… awkward."
I sighed, holding my phone to my ear. "Yeah, I know."
"So… what're you going to do?" asked Elizabeth.
I looked out my window to watch the falling snow that had begun to coat the trees and bushes. "I have no idea."
It had been a week since the "incident." Before calling Elizabeth, I hadn't talked to anyone about it at all. I'd just holed myself up in my room and wallowed in my own self-loathing. My parents began to worry when I skipped out on our neighbors' annual New Years Eve party to have a one-person NCIS marathon, but they respected my wishes to be left alone. The most contact I'd had with another living being had been with Dizzy, who could always sense when there was something wrong. She'd taken to sleeping on my bed with me every night, and her presence helped to soothe my churning emotions.
Elizabeth's voice snapped me out of my reverie. "Has he called you?"
I bit my lip. "Um… yeah."
Tully had called me quite a lot, in fact. The day he left for Ithaca, he had called me no less than twenty-four times. I hadn't picked up. Ever since then, he'd taken to calling me every day at eight pm on the dot. I'd almost answered once or twice, but I'd stopped myself.
"Maybe you should talk to him," she suggested.
"There is no way I'm having that conversation over the phone." Or at all, I silently added.
"Fair enough," she conceded. "But you're going to have to deal with this sooner or later."
My heart sank. "I know. I just don't want to think about it right now."
"Fine. But if you need to talk, I'm here, okay?"
I smiled. "Thanks."
"Anytime, pal."
With that, we hung up.
"Oh, Dizzy," I sighed, picking the napping cat up from the end of my bed and cuddling her against my chest as I lay back against the pillows. "I am such an idiot."
She yawned and snuggled closer to me.
"You're lucky you're fixed," I told her. "You'll never have this problem. I cheated on my boyfriend, Diz. I'm such a horrible person."
Purring, she rubbed her little face against my chin, as though assuring me that no matter what terrible things I'd done, she still loved me.
Well, at least someone did. Tully probably hated me for running out on him and not returning his calls, and Mischa would definitely hate me when he found out what had happened.
IF he finds out, the evil little voice in my brain pointed out.
Of COURSE he'll find out, my conscience retorted. We have to tell him. It's the right thing to do.
I shook my head. The last thing I needed was to lose my mind on top of everything else.
I knew I was going to have to come clean to Mischa eventually. The guilt would eat me alive if I didn't. It was going to have to wait until after break, though, because it was the sort of thing that needed to be done in person.
There was a soft knock at my door.
"What?" I grumbled.
"Evie?"
Recognizing my brother's voice, I instantly felt guilty for answering in such a rude way. "Jamie? Come in."
He opened the door cautiously.
Sitting up and setting Dizzy on my pillow, I patted the bed. "Sit with me."
Jamie hopped up next to me. "Are you okay, Evie?"
I stiffened. "Why do you ask?"
"You've been acting funny," he told me bluntly.
Even my ten-year-old brother had noticed. I definitely wasn't about to lie to him, but how was I supposed to explain my predicament?
"Well, Jamie," I began, trying to simplify things as much as possible. "I have a boy problem. Basically, I'm dating one guy, but I'm in love with another."
He cocked his head to the side. "You don't love Mischa?"
It was a tough question to answer. I definitely liked Mischa (I wouldn't have started dating him if I didn't), but love him? "No, Jamie," I sighed. "I don't."
"So date the guy you love," he suggested.
"It's kind of… complicated."
But was it, really?
Well, yes. I'd single-handedly made it complicated by fooling around with Tully.
I gave my brother a weak smile. "Let's not talk about it, okay?"
"Okay, Evie," he agreed, wrapping his little arms around me in a hug.
I hugged him back, grateful just to have someone to hold. In spite of his age (or maybe even because of it), Jamie really was the person who best understood how to handle me when I was upset: listen to the problem, maybe offer one piece of advice, then drop the issue and just hold me until I felt better.
Just then, my phone went off.
I checked the clock. Sure enough, it was eight pm exactly.
"Evie, your phone's ringing," Jamie pointed out.
I didn't move. "I know."
The call went to voicemail, just like the twenty-nine before it.
* * *
The rest of winter break slipped by faster than I'd thought possible. It was almost as though the fact that I was dreading going back to Ithaca and facing Tully had somehow sped time up. When I dragged my suitcase into my dorm room on the night of January eighteenth, Elena was there to welcome me.
"Evie!" she exclaimed, getting up from her desk to hug me. "How were your holidays?"
"Erm… great!" I pasted a fake smile on my face.
She planted her hands on her hips, scrutinizing me with her gaze. "You are a terrible liar. What happened?"
There was a knock on the door.
"Elena?" Amory's voice called.
My eyes widened to the size of golf balls. "I'm not here!" I whispered frantically to my roommate before jumping into the closet to hide.
Elena looked at me as though contemplating whether a straight jacket might be necessary. "Come in."
I heard the door open. "Hey, is Evie back yet?"
"Nope."
"But that's her suitcase."
"Er, she's back, but she's not here. She had to go to Collegetown to, er, buy some… cake."
I smacked my forehead.
"Evie doesn't even like cake," Amory pointed out.
"Oh… well, it's probably not for her."
Amory wasn't buying it. He was probably giving Elena his you're-full-of-shit look.
"I'll just wait until she comes back, then."
To my horror, I heard my bed creak as he sat down on it, apparently not planning on leaving anytime soon. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket in desperation and texted Elizabeth.
Please come to my room ASAP and make Amory leave.
About a minute later, I heard my door open.
"Hey, Elena," Elizabeth greeted my roommate.
"Hey."
"Elizabeth," Amory stiffly acknowledged her.
"Amory," she replied in the same tone of voice. "What are you doing here?"
"Waiting for Evie to get back."
"Well, she's not here, so why don't you go wait in your own room?"
"Because then I wouldn't be here when she got back, would I?"
Cue sarcasm. "Here's a brilliant idea: Why don't you call her?"
Thank God Amory would never take one of Elizabeth's suggestions. I could only imagine how awkward it would be for my phone to go off and for him to find me hiding in my own closet.
"I think I'll do things my way, thank you very much," Amory retorted stubbornly.
"Well maybe I wanted to have a private conversation with Elena."
"Then you'll just have to wait."
"Stop being so freaking stubborn!"
"Stop bossing me around!"
"This isn't your room, you know!"
"It isn't yours, either!"
"Hey!" Elena finally piped up. "If you two are going to throw a wobbly, don't do it in my room, okay?"
There was a moment of silence. I could only guess that a glaring match was taking place between Amory and Elizabeth.
"Fine," the former conceded. "I'll come back later when she's not here."
I heard the door slam and finally deemed it safe to come out of hiding.
"Thanks, Elizabeth." I gave her a hug.
She smiled. "No problem."
"What was that all about?" Elena demanded.
"I don't want Tully to know I'm here," I explained. "If Amory knows, then so will he."
She gave me a suspicious look. "You're avoiding Tully again?"
I bit my lower lip. "Maybe."
"Why?"
I gave Elizabeth an uneasy look.
She nodded supportively.
"Well," I began. "Some… stuff happened over break and I, er, don't want to deal with it."
Elena looked unconvinced. "Define 'stuff'."
Sighing, I sank down onto my bed. "We kind of… hooked up, and now I feel like shit for cheating on Mischa."
My roommate's eyes widened in shock. "How did that happen?"
That was the same question I'd been asking myself all month. "I don't know. We were just sitting there watching NCIS and it just… happened."
Elizabeth patted me on the back. "NCIS is the devil's plaything."
I glared at her.
She held up her hands defensively. "I'm just kidding. It's a great show."
"So what're you going to do now?" Elena asked, bringing the conversation back to the topic at hand.
I sighed. "I have no idea."
* * *
"Echo Two, do you have a visual on Tango Twelve?"
Elena sighed over the phone. "Are these codenames really necessary?"
"Yes. Now do you have a visual?"
I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "No, Echo One. Tango Twelve hasn't left Appel yet."
I had decided to avoid Tully covert operation-style, giving everyone involved a codename. It had worked so far, but that had only been for two days and was partially due to the fact that Tully and I weren't going to share any classes that semester. I was convinced it was the best way to go about handling the problem. Elena and Elizabeth were convinced that I was watching too much NCIS.
"Any visual on Alfa Four?" I asked, still standing outside of my dor
m.
"Nope."
"What's an Alfa Four?"
I jumped about a foot in the air at Amory's voice, which had come from right behind me.
"Sorry, Eves," he chuckled. "Didn't mean to startle you."
I clutched my hand to my heart, waiting for the erratic beating to slow back down. "Jeez, don't do that. You practically gave me a heart attack."
"Sorry," he apologized again. "Now what's an Alfa Four?"
I stared at him blankly, unable to come up with a good cover story. "Um… you are."
He raised an eyebrow at me in confusion before understanding finally dawned on him. "Oh… You've been watching NCIS again, haven't you?"
I looked down at my feet sheepishly. "Yeah."
"Are you okay, Echo One?" Elena inquired, reminding me that I was still on the phone with her.
"Um, affirmative, Echo Two. Alfa Four kind of snuck up on me."
"Echo Two?" Amory asked incredulously.
I bit my lip. "It's Elena's, er… codename."
He nodded. "Mhm. I thought something was up. You've been acting sneaky lately. What's going on?"
Elena's voice cut the conversation short. "Tango Twelve just left Appel and is heading for the dorm!"
"Shit!" I cursed, running around the back of the building to hide and leaving Amory standing there with a bewildered look on his face.
I watched as Tully approached him and the two went inside, Amory pausing to mouth 'explain later' to me.
Sighing, I leaned back against the brick wall before spotting Elizabeth on her way back to the dorm. Giving me a questioning look, she came over to join me.
"Hey. What's up?"
"Nothing. Just hiding from Tango Twelve again."
She sighed. "You can't keep doing this forever, you know."
As though proving her point, my phone started to ring. I checked the time.
Eight pm on the dot.
"That's him, isn't it?"
I nodded.
"Answer it."
"No way!"
"He deserves an explanation," she insisted.
"Elizabeth, even I don't know what my explanation is!"
"Then tell him you need some time to think."
