by Annie Rains
“Right,” Troy said. “You’re probably right. So, uh, how do you feel about me staying over tonight? For your protection, of course. I hear there’s an old man in a red suit that makes a habit out of breaking into people’s houses on Christmas Eve.”
Allison laughed again. “I have a baseball bat by my bed, remember? And a new alarm system. But I could use a warm body to keep me warm.”
“It’s cold outside.” They pulled up in front of her house and he turned off the truck engine. “I’m your man.”
Allison liked the sound of that. Because all she really wanted for Christmas was Troy. And despite her fear that her mother would ruin what they had going, Allison had remained strong. She hadn’t let her. There was nothing standing in their way now.
—
Troy followed Allison back to her bedroom and shed his clothes. Then he worked on helping Allison out of hers. While he’d been efficient in getting himself naked, he took his time unwrapping her body, savoring it like a present under his tree. With each reveal of new skin, he leaned in and kissed her, taking note of her response. She writhed as he kissed her sides, purposely scraping the stubble that was already forming on his jaw across her ribs down to the soft curve of her waist. Ticklish and sexy. He worked meticulously until she was clothed only in the moonlight scattered through the window. Her hair splayed along the pillow as he kneeled over her.
“Where do you want me?” he asked.
“Inside me.”
A slow grin settled on his mouth. He ran a hand down her inner thigh and pulled one of her long, smooth legs open to make room for him. Then he lowered his face to the soft ridge of her hip bone, sprinkling one kiss, two. “I love to be inside you,” he said, his voice heavy with need. “My tongue loves to be inside you.”
A little gasp left her as he scraped his jawline up the inside of her thigh, bringing his mouth to her peak. He ran his tongue over and inside her, finding the one spot that made her buck against him, and not because it tickled. No, he was guessing this spot burned through her with each slow, rhythmic stroke. Each stroke burned through him, too.
“Please,” she said breathlessly above him a few minutes later.
He didn’t want to stop, though. This felt as good to him as it seemed to feel to her. He loved pleasing this woman.
“Please. I want to feel you inside me,” she begged.
“I am inside you.” Relenting, he crawled over her body, slowly, until his mouth finally found hers again.
“You know what I mean,” she said, as he pulled back and looked at her.
In the moonlight he could see her eyes, hooded with desire. He wanted to meet that desire. Every night, just like this.
He lifted off her and grabbed a condom from the pocket of his pants. “You’re staring,” he said as he ripped the wrapper and rolled it on. He didn’t take long. Settling back over her, he pressed himself between her legs and slid in as if he had been made just for this purpose.
Allison’s eyes closed, her lips parted. He nibbled on her bottom lip and thrust himself, slow at first and building to a speed that made him ache. He resisted his release, wanting to continue just like this all night and well into Christmas morning. Well into forever.
Allison’s nails bit down into his lower back. She arched, sending her body flush with his, pressing him so damn deep inside her that his release came sudden and unexpectedly. He groaned as he came hard. Harder because he could hear her moans as she came with him. After a moment, their bodies softened together.
Troy fell back on the bed beside her. “That was pretty perfect, if you ask me.”
“Mmm.” Allison turned her head and smiled. The hooded look of desire was replaced by a sleepy satisfaction now. She lifted her head and propped herself on his chest, her hair disheveled around her face. “I need a shower. Care to join me?”
He lifted a brow. Then he pulled her up as he sat. “A shower sounds good.” He held her tighter as he stood with her legs curled around his waist. Carrying her to the bathroom, he closed the door and worked on improving upon perfection.
The next morning Troy found himself humming an upbeat holiday tune as he drove the short distance from Allison’s to his house. It was Christmas. He thought he’d be skipping the holidays this year. Instead, he was oozing cheer, all because of a certain redhead with long legs, green eyes, and a smile that he’d seriously consider taking a bullet for. He’d meant it when he’d told her she needed to start putting herself first more often. But since she was too busy caring for everyone else around her, he was going to put himself in charge of taking care of her today.
And he was going to start by getting her a Christmas gift. Something fun. Maybe lingerie.
He parked, walked inside his house, and started the coffee brewing. Then he sat at the kitchen table. It was both regrettable and for the best that he hadn’t been able to stay in Allison’s bed all morning. She was going back to her parents’ home for breakfast and gifts, and he had business to take care of as well. Allison had changed his mind about Christmas. And family. Family took care of one another. They loved each other unconditionally. Even if they hated your choices in life.
An hour later, after coffee and a shower, Troy pulled into his mother’s driveway. He’d thought about borrowing that Santa suit from Mercy’s Place again. He was going as himself this morning, though. No apologies for who he was, whether his brother David liked it or not.
The house was quiet as he walked in. His mom liked to sleep in on Christmas. Knowing her, when she finally crawled out of bed, she’d spend the rest of the day cooking like a crazy woman. Troy walked to the Christmas tree in the living room, remembering what Allison had told him about staring at the lights without blinking, until the colors merged and blurred. He stood there, holding his breath, thinking of her as a child needing to escape to someplace magical.
“What are you doing here?” a deep voice bellowed behind him.
Troy blinked. He knew the voice before he turned around. “Hey, David.” It’d been a year since he’d spoken to his brother. Almost to the day.
David didn’t smile, didn’t walk up to hug him. Not that Troy had expected he would. “Mom said you weren’t coming this year.”
Troy stood and faced his brother. “You told me I wasn’t welcome.”
Something crossed David’s expression. His mouth twitched. “Since when do you listen to what I have to say?” He stared at Troy for a long moment before a small smile curved the corner of his mouth. “Back in the day we would’ve handled things with an old-fashioned rumble in the dirt, rather than going silent for a year.”
“Those were the good ol’ days,” Troy said.
“What I’m trying to say is I, uh, said some things I maybe regret last year.”
This was news to Troy. “Yeah?”
David nodded. “Listen, this is your home. I had no right to tell you not to come back.”
“Yeah,” Troy agreed. “You didn’t.”
“I’m sorry I said that.”
David wasn’t apologizing for discounting Troy’s career choice, though. That left a sore spot on Troy’s heart. He hadn’t come here with any expectations that his brother would even give this much, though.
Troy offered his hand out for his brother to shake. “Merry Christmas, brother.”
David shook his head. “I don’t deserve to have you shake my hand. I was a dick.”
Troy laughed. “ ’Bout damn time you admit to that. I’ve been calling you one for years.”
“I mean it.” David shoved a hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out some yellow ribbon. “Went to the store last night and bought this.” He cut a piece off with his pocket knife, then walked over to the Christmas tree.
Troy’s throat tightened.
“Mom said you wouldn’t come over for Christmas unless I decorated the whole damn tree with yellow ribbons, to show that I support you.” He tied the ribbon on a branch, then turned back to Troy. “I was going to snap a picture and send i
t to you to try and get you to come. I’ll do the whole tree if I have to, to prove I support what you do. Dad would’ve hated the way I treated you last year. I know he was so proud of having a son in the military.”
Hell, Troy’s throat tightened some more.
“Maybe that’s why I was such a dick. Maybe I’ve been jealous all these years.”
“Dad was proud of you, too,” Troy said.
David offered his hand now. “Can we be brothers again? Please.”
Troy grasped David’s hand and pulled him into a hug. “We never stopped, man. Merry Christmas.”
David clapped a hand across his back. “Merry Christmas to you.”
“Lord, help me,” Troy’s mother said, walking into the room now. Her hair was still mussed from sleep. “I got my Christmas wish!”
Both men turned toward their mother.
She pressed her hands over her chest.
“Now, don’t have a heart attack, Mom,” Troy said.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” She waved a dismissive hand. “I have breakfast to make for my boys. It’s Christmas morning. Your brothers Sam and Luke will be coming, too.”
“You cooking bacon?” Troy asked.
“Of course.”
“Sausage?” David asked, following beside Troy into the kitchen.
Their mother pffted. “And ham, eggs, and biscuits, too. We’re going to have ourselves a little early morning pre-celebration before the big celebration.”
It was after lunch when Troy finally got back to Seaside. He called Allison’s cellphone on the way, but she didn’t answer. He texted. No response. She was probably still at her parents’. He’d see her later. Right now he hoped that there was a store open somewhere. He still needed to get her something. He was notoriously bad at picking out the perfect gift when it came to women, but he wanted to get her something. Even though they’d known each other only a couple of weeks, they’d been the best weeks of his life. If anyone deserved a present, it was her.
He wanted to stop in and see little Lucy today, too. He couldn’t give her the forever family she’d wished for yesterday afternoon, but he could be her friend. The problem was she knew him only as Santa, and walking into Mercy’s Place in a red suit on December twenty-fifth would likely cause a riot.
He blew out a breath. After shopping, he’d stop by the children’s shelter and introduce himself to Lucy as Troy Matthews. He wasn’t nearly as exciting as Santa Claus, but Santa came around only once a year, and he intended to stop by a lot more often than that.
—
Allison had been impatiently going through the motions all morning. Usually she preferred that the Christmas festivities would take all day, but today she couldn’t wait to get them over with. The sooner the wrapping paper was torn and the hugs were given out at her parents’ house, the sooner she could get back to Troy.
She wanted him, in her arms, in her bed, in her life.
His truck was in the driveway as she pulled in. He was sitting on a chair beside her door, all smiles and with a present in his hand.
She nearly leaped out of the car.
“I would’ve gone inside and placed myself under your tree, but I don’t know your security code.”
“Is that for me?” she asked as she approached, pointing to the small box. A giddy grin swallowed her whole. After last night, she finally felt free. There was no dark cloud hanging over this thing between them. She trusted herself, and Troy, completely.
“Well, it is Christmas.” He leaned in and kissed her. “I missed you.”
“You just saw me last night,” she said, unable to help herself from smiling. This was the man she’d helplessly fallen for over the last couple of weeks. She’d fallen quick and easy. Everything with him was so, so easy.
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough.”
She looked down at the gift in his hands. “You didn’t have to get me anything, you know.”
“I went shopping this morning after I left my mom’s house,” he said. “You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find a place open on Christmas day.”
Allison’s mouth fell open. “You went home for Christmas?”
“You’re good for me, Allison Carmichael,” he said. “You’re making me want to be a better man.”
Her mother’s voice played in the back of her head. Women thought they could change a man like Troy. They thought that they could make him a better man by making him settle down. By taming him. But they were wrong, her mother had warned.
Allison squashed her mother’s advice. This time Allison was believing her own gut over her mother’s.
“That’s great, Troy.”
“I made up with my brother, too,” he said. “He’s still a dick, but I’d like you to meet him one day.”
“I’d love that.” A man who wanted her to meet his family was a man who was serious about her.
He offered her the wrapped gift.
“Wait. I got you something, too. It’s in my car.” She hurried toward the passenger seat and lifted a large bag. Troy’s sister-in-law, Rhonda, had been great to help her find this on such short notice.
“It’s a little silly, I guess. Maybe.” She handed him the bag, excitement building inside her. Gift giving was her favorite part of Christmas. “It was impossible to wrap so I just put it in a bag.”
Troy took it as she handed it over and peeked inside.
Allison watched nervously.
“Oh, wow.” He set the bag down and reached in. “Is this what I think it is?” He pulled out a child’s bow-and-arrow set, staring at the red plastic in his hands. “It’s just like the one Dad got me on the best Christmas I ever had. The one I told you about.”
Allison smiled, relieved that he was pleased with the gift. “Rhonda had Sam ID the one you had. And you’re right. If there’s a toy out there, she can find it.”
He looked at her. “I’m not sure what to say. This is…”—he nodded—“this is perfect. Thank you.”
Allison shrugged a shoulder as if it were nothing, even though she’d put in some effort to get it for him. “I wanted you to have a reminder that the good Christmases outweigh the bad ones.”
He pulled her in for a kiss. “Thank you. And I’ve changed my mind. This is my favorite Christmas. Because of you.”
She turned her attention to the gift he’d given her now. “What is it?” she asked, looking up.
“Well, you’ll have to open it to find out,” he teased.
She tore excitedly at the paper and unwrapped the gift, staring at it for a long moment. Disappointment crept in at the corners of her eyes as she tried to make sense of what she was looking at. “I don’t understand.”
Troy scratched the side of his face. “I’m not as good at giving gifts as you are, I guess. I had no idea what to get you. I thought these might make you think of all the fun we have together, though.”
“Fun?” Allison swallowed and nodded, keeping her gaze on the fuzzy pink handcuffs. Her mother’s words came slamming back again. Troy was a man who liked to have fun, and when he was done, he’d leave.
Oh, God. Was her mother right this time, too?
“I’m a cop, so I thought handcuffs would also remind you of me.” He chuckled. “It’s stupid, probably.” He reached for her waist and tugged gently, but she stood rooted to the ground beneath her feet. Frozen.
Her heart was beating painfully now. She blinked back tears, swallowing the lump of emotion rising in her throat. “Troy,” she said, shaking her head as everything came into perfect focus. “This thing between you and me can’t possibly last.”
His smile faltered as she met his beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that she’d wanted to spend more time staring into.
“What?”
“You and I are two different people,” she said numbly.
“Who complement each other perfectly.”
“But for how long?” she asked. “Until you grow restless again? Until it stops being a good time?” She hated
the look on his face as he listened to her. She hated herself a little bit for believing what her mother had told her. But the gift he’d given her spoke volumes. She couldn’t continue to live in her fantasy world that she and Troy might be the real thing. And she wasn’t willing to have her heart broken again.
“Allison, don’t do this,” Troy said.
A single tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. “Thank you for the gift.”
“No, no, no. I’m not ready for this thing between us to end,” he told her. “I want to see where it goes between us.”
“It’s not going anywhere,” she said, her voice cracking. “This is where it stops, Troy.”
“Your mother said something last night, didn’t she? I could tell by the way you were after I came in from helping your stepdad. What did she say?” Anger laced his voice now.
“This is my decision,” she said. “No one else’s but mine.”
He stared at her. The twinkle in his eyes was gone. “You know what? You’re right. You are a grown woman, Allison. This is your decision. Choose me.”
She met his gaze and wanted so badly to choose him. So badly. “You told me last night that I needed to start thinking about myself,” she said through her tears. “That I needed to stop doing what everybody else wanted me to, stop caring about what everybody else wanted, and to think about what I needed. Well, I need to guard my heart. This is me grabbing the oxygen mask and making sure that I survive. I don’t think that I can survive losing you. Not if we continue on the path we’re on.”
He reached for one of her hands. “But what if that path leads to something wonderful? Amazing? Do you really want to walk away from what might happen between us?”
She shook her head as more tears washed over her cheeks. “I have to. Good-bye, Troy,” she said. “Merry Christmas.”
“Allison,” he called, as she turned her back and headed toward her front door. He didn’t follow her. He only called her name one more time and then she opened her door and closed it behind her, clutching his gift in her hands. She didn’t want it. All she’d wanted for Christmas was Troy, the one thing she couldn’t allow herself to have.
