Lost To Me

by Jamie Blair

  “I don’t need you to guess.” I hung up on him and dug back under the covers, cradling my phone to my chest.

  It vibrated with a text. Then another. And another.

  I slid my phone open and read his texts.

  Lauren I swear to you she was lying. It didn’t happen. Please believe me.

  She got your number somehow. That’s why she said what she did. She knew you were on the phone. She’s trying to come between us. Please don’t let her.

  I love you. I’m going to call. Will you answer?

  I sent him a text with the phone number that had called me.

  Is this her number?

  My phone rang. Kolton’s name filled the screen. I answered. “Is that her number?”

  He sighed with relief that I’d answered. “Yes. I’m sorry, Lauren. I don’t know why everything has to be so hard for us. All I want is you. I want to graduate and move to a school far away. Will you go with me?”

  I sniffled as tears formed in my eyes again.

  “You believe I wasn’t with her, don’t you? I’d never hurt you. Not ever. I promised.” His voice cracked.

  I nodded with tears streaming. “Okay.”

  “I’m sorry. I love you, Ladybug.”

  “I love you, too,” I whispered, and sat up. My head throbbed and spun. “How did she get my number?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, now I have hers.” I noticed the bitter edge to my voice and hoped he hadn’t heard it.

  “Don’t call her. Just let it go.”

  “I let it go last time, at the party.”

  “Seriously, it’s not worth it. She doesn’t matter. Ignore her.”

  “Kyle talks to her, doesn’t he?”

  “Sometimes, I think.”

  “Would he give her my number?”

  “No. How would he have it?”

  “Your phone.”

  “No. He’s not like that. He wouldn’t do that to me.”

  “If you say so.” But I had a nagging feeling Tabby had to have gotten my number with Kyle’s help. How else would she have gotten it?

  He sighed again. “I can’t wait to see you and kiss you.”

  “Me too.” I rolled onto my side and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. My nerves were raw, but my mind, once again, flashed to the matching set of red underwear. “I got you a surprise.”

  “You did?” He was excited, and it made me smile.

  “Uh huh.”

  “What is it?”

  “You’ll find out.”

  “Oh, come on! Give me a hint.”

  “They’re red, and I’ll be wearing them under my dress.” My tongue lodged in my cheek.

  He groaned. “Lauren, you’d be amazing in white, cotton, old lady underwear. Just the thought of you in red….” He groaned again. “I’m going to die before prom night.”

  “You’ll survive.” I went to my closet and found the Victoria’s Secret bag. My hand pulled the satin panties out, and I rubbed them between my fingers. “I can’t wait.” A thrill expanded my heart. I could feel his lips on mine, his warm breath, his soft neck.

  “Are you nervous? I don’t want you to be.”

  “More excited than nervous.”

  “I’ll be gentle. I’ll take care of you.”

  “I know you will.” I picked up the photo of us sleeping on a beach blanket as eight-year-olds. It was always him, right from the start.

  KOLTON

  Wednesday, school was relatively the same. Matt and Rob dropped comments about how awesome Friday night was going to be and how much fun Rob’s blow out party would be after prom.

  I avoided all eye contact with Tabby. I knew if I saw her face, I’d want to scream at her for making that call to Lauren. I wouldn’t give her what she wanted. She wouldn’t get the satisfaction of knowing she upset Lauren.

  At work, I sat in the lifeguard stand and stared out at the water. Dolphins swam through the waves, reminding me of the first day with Lauren on the pier when she was taking pictures. I missed her so bad, I thought I might die.

  A little girl in a pink polka dot bikini ran by chasing a sand crab. She looked up at me and waved. I waved back. She reminded me of Lauren when we were little.

  I got off work at six and drove home exhausted. Between working in the sun all the time, not sleeping much and being constantly stressed out about my friends, I was mentally whipped.

  When I turned down my street, cars lined both sides of the road by my house. Kyle, Matt, Rob—everybody—stood outside. I pulled in the driveway and spotted Tabby standing beside Amber watching the guys play ball.

  As I approached the cement slab where they were playing, I tossed my keys up and caught them, trying to focus on anything other than being totally pissed that Tabby had the nerve to be at my house. How could she show up here after what she did to Lauren last night?

  “Go change,” Kyle said, tossing an arm around my neck. “You can be on Steve and Rob’s team. They need all the help they can get.” He laughed and slapped a high five with Matt.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tabby disappear inside.

  “He’ll bail on us,” Matt said, dribbling the ball back and forth between his legs. “Just like he’ll bail Friday. And he’ll bail on prom. And he’s going to bail on everything that doesn’t involve boning Lauren.”

  Rob whacked the ball with the palm of his hand, sending to flying into the garage door. “Shut the fuck up, Matt. You’re a dick, you know that?”

  “Nah,” I said, too tired to give a shit. “He’s right. I think I’ll sit this one out.”

  Arms flew over my shoulders from behind and a soft, floral-scented body pressed against my back. “I brought you a Coke,” Tabby said, holding the can in front of my face.

  I held my hands up in front of me, not taking it, and stepped away from her. “Thanks, but we’re not friends.”

  She held the soda out to me. “Of course we are. Take it.”

  I stabbed her with my eyes. “Do you really think I don’t know what you pulled last night? Do you think I’m stupid?”

  “Get off the court if you’re not playing,” Rob yelled behind me.

  “Yeah, take it inside. Get it on in your room, not on the court.” Matt laughed. “I knew it was inevitable.”

  Tabby smiled and blinked her eyes like she was all innocent. “Here. Hang out with us.” She held out the can again.

  I smacked it out of her hands. It hit the concrete and exploded with foam. “You’re delusional, and you didn’t break me and Lauren up.” I stormed past her and into the house.

  Kyle followed me into the kitchen. “Why do you have to treat her like that?”

  I slammed my hand down on the counter. “Did you take my phone and give her Lauren’s number?”

  He shrugged and smirked. “It was a joke. No big deal.”

  I lunged toward him and shoved him. “No big deal? Lauren thought I screwed Tabby. She thought I cheated on her. No big deal?”

  Kyle shoved me back. “Tabby told me what you say about me when I’m not around. You think I give a shit about you and your ugly girlfriend?”

  “What I say? What do I say, Kyle? I defend you to everyone! Everyone.” I bolted to the door and flung it open. “Tabby, get in here.”

  “She left, asshole,” Amber said, scowling at me. “Why do you have to be mean to her? Isn’t it bad enough to break her heart?”

  I slammed the door and pushed past Kyle. “Think what you want, but Tabby’s playing on your paranoia. I hope you know that.”

  “She wouldn’t do that.” He followed me down the hall.

  “Tabby does anything she can to get what she wants, Kyle. Remember that. I’ve learned the hard way.” I went in my room and shut him out. Tiny circled my feet, meowing. I picked him up and crashed on my bed with my phone to text Lauren.

  Going to bed early. Work’s kicking my butt. She texted back. I was just thinking about you. Wanting you. I think I’m dying.

  My heart poun
ded. You won’t die. Wish I was there.

  I should’ve touched you that last day. I wanted to.

  I unbuckled my belt, aching. I’m pretending you are right now. Am I touching you?

  Yes. I want you so much.

  Tell me when it happens.

  Kolton. It feels nvhyekngkhhikemndik,vmnrke

  It happened. For her and for me.

  KOLTON

  Sexting with Lauren was better than any of the real sex I’d ever had. I could only imagine what the real thing would be like. Being that close to her was going to blow my mind.

  I rolled over, away from the stream of sunlight glaring in under my window shade. My cell phone sat where I’d tossed it, on the other side of my bed. I’d beaten my alarm awake.

  The shower was running, which was strange since Mom would’ve already left for work, and Kyle never woke up before I left for school. I got out of bed, crossed the hall, and knocked on the door before turning the knob and going in.

  “Morning, Ky,” I said.

  The curtain pulled back and Tabby stuck her head out. “I’m not Kyle. He’s still asleep.” She disappeared back behind the curtain, leaving me standing there in shock.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I moved on. That’s what you wanted, right?”

  “With Kyle?”

  “He said he asked you, and you were okay with it.”

  I leaned my hands on the vanity and braced myself. This couldn’t be happening.

  “Aren’t you okay with it, Kolton? You made it clear you didn’t want me.”

  “You had sex with my brother?” Something about it was just…disgusting.

  She threw the curtain back. “What I do with this body is none of your business anymore.”

  I grabbed a towel and threw it at her before leaving the bathroom and slamming the door.

  Shit. I wanted Tabby to stay away from Kyle. She was totally using him to get to me. What the hell was she plotting now? I had a bad feeling I wouldn’t like it when I found out.

  Tabby was always at her locker between third and fourth period. She couldn’t carry one more book with her to her first few classes, and stopping to get her Algebra book was her routine. Except today she wasn’t there. Was she still with Kyle?

  I shook the idea off. She’d just taken another route to class, or I’d been slower today walking down the hall after history, and missed her at her locker.

  By lunch, Matt was asking questions. “Dude,” he said, sliding into the seat beside mine. “Have you heard from Kyle? Nobody knows where Tabby is, and he was supposed to drop her off this morning. Amber’s losing her mind over it, saying Kyle kidnapped her.”

  I dropped the fry I’d been eating back onto my tray. “Kyle’s a fucking kidnapper now? It’s not enough that you assholes all think he’s crazy?”

  Matt leaned back on two chair legs and leaned his head back. “Chill, would you please?” He groaned. “Everyone’s freaked. He’s not answering his cell.”

  “Shit.” I leaned forward, my head in my hands. “I’ll find him. Tell everybody to relax. He wouldn’t do anything to Tabby. Well, unless she wanted to do it.” I smirked trying to lighten the mood, but Matt only scoffed, scooted his chair back and walked away.

  I darted to the office, determined to get out of school and find Kyle without Mom being alerted. There was no reason to get her worried unless something had happened. And nothing had; I was sure of it.

  The principal wasn’t easy to convince, but after promising to be back in one-hour tops, he let me leave. I went home first, but didn’t even bother pulling into the driveway. Kyle’s car wasn’t there. Next, I went past Tabby’s—no Kyle. No Tabby.

  My mind reeled with endless possibilities. They could be at the beach, at a movie, eating lunch somewhere. He could’ve stuffed her body in his trunk and took her to the dump.

  I pounded my steering wheel. The truth was, I didn’t know what Kyle was capable of anymore. Tabby could be in danger.

  I needed to stop and think, formulate a plan. Thirty-five minutes left. Where the hell could they be?

  I turned the wheel into a strip mall and parked. My hands ran through my hair. Frustration ate at me. The lot was practically empty, just a few retirees and a couple sitting outside a café eating lunch.

  My eyes focused on the girl at the bistro table outside the café as she offered a sip of her drink to the guy across from her.

  It was them.

  Kyle leaned forward and sipped from her straw. She smiled and batted her eyes at him.

  I started my car and pulled up to the curb, rolling down my window.

  Tabby looked like she’d been busted. Kyle turned around. “Hey!” he said. “What are you doing here?”

  “Looking for you.” My gaze cut to Tabby. “Call Amber, she’s about to put out a missing persons report on you.”

  She laughed. “Whatever.”

  “Seriously. Everybody thinks something happened to you.”

  “What?” She giggled nervously. “Why? They know I’m with Kyle.”

  I lifted my eyebrows, like she’d just made the observation that the sky was blue, or the grass is green. Her mouth formed an “Oh,” and she studied Kyle for his reaction.

  It didn’t take more than a second for him to explode. For the first time, he realized our friends didn’t view him the same anymore. He wasn’t hiding anything from them.

  “What do they think I’d do to her?” He stormed to my window. “What do you think I’d do to her?”

  “Nothing! They came to me to find you guys. That’s it.”

  Tabby came up behind him and squeezed his arm. “Who cares what they think. I know you’d never hurt me.”

  Kyle closed his eyes, his nostrils flared with anger. “What did they say? Who asked you to find me? Matt?” He opened his eyes. They drilled into mine. I felt a shudder climb up my back.

  “Who cares? Seriously, Kyle, screw them.”

  His fist pounded my car roof. Tabby jumped back. “I care! I want to know who’s talking shit about me so I can shut them up.”

  “It’s not worth it.” I said.

  “That’s fine.” He stepped back and dug for his keys in his pocket. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll beat all of their asses.” He turned to Tabby. “Come on.”

  Her blue eyes expanded and darted to mine, begging me silently for help.

  Why was I even here? All they were doing was eating lunch. I should’ve left them alone. Now I was ass deep in drama again.

  Kyle caught her eyes pleading with me. “He hates you!” His hands flew out, gesturing wildly. “He’s all excited about screwing his new woman on her prom night. Give it up. Jesus.”

  Tabby lowered herself onto the curb and started crying.

  God, I hated seeing her cry because of me. “I don’t hate you,” I told her, opening my car door.

  Kyle paced across the sidewalk, muttering under his breath.

  Tabby turned her tear-streaked face to me as I sat down beside her. “Is it true? Are you going to be with her on prom night?”

  I bit my cheek, watching her pull strands of her long hair off of her wet face. “Does it matter when it happens?” How did Kyle know anyway? I hadn’t told anyone me and Lauren’s plans.

  “Waiting to make it special just makes it worse for me to hear.” She sobbed and put her face in her hands.

  Kyle was quiet again and sat on Tabby’s other side. He rubbed her back. “I’m sorry I lost it. It’s just,” he shook his head, “I can’t believe they think I’d hurt you.”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “I want to go home.”

  He stood and took her arm. “Tell everybody she’s fine.” He narrowed his eyes. “Unless you think you should drive her home. Personally, I think you have a higher chance of hurting her than I do.”

  “I’m fine,” Tabby said, wiping her eyes. “Just emotional. Sorry.”

  I watched them in my rearview mirror as I pulled away, filled with sorrow ov
er Kyle, and guilt over Tabby.

  LAUREN