by Dakota Lake
“Senka I thought we already went over this.”
“Well we're going over it again. Is that really what you want, to live down here forever?” “I don't know I've been trying not to think about it too much.”
“You're an immortal Neph which means you have forever ahead of you to think about it.” “Senka please,” I said brushing away a tear.
We had been over this so many times in the past three days and it always ended up with me in tears and left Senka angry with Cam.
“I cant do this.” he said.
“Can't do what?”
“You cant marry him. I'm begging you Ruby.”
“Senka stop. It's already decided, I'm handing the contract back signed when I next see him.” “Is he worth it? Is he really worth spending forever trapped in Under with Cam.” Senka asked referring to Jessie.
“It doesn't matter. Cam's not going to let me leave anyway. His dad's coming back and expects us to be married. Cam would only hunt me down and bring me back. I can't escape, so it doesn't matter what I do or what I sign. I'm never leaving.”
“You still haven't answered my question. Is he worth it?”
“I don't see how it matters?”
“Do you think about him when you're with me?”
“No of course not.”
“But you'd give up your freedom willingly in a heartbeat for him. There are options. We could leave. We could be together, just the two of us.”
“No it won't work Cam would find me.”
“We'd travel, yes it would be hard work and we'd be on the move constantly but it is possible.” “If he caught us he might kill you.”
“If it meant keeping you away from him for only a couple of years it would be worth anything he did to me.”
“I'm not putting your life in danger like that for a few years of happiness. It's crazy.” “No, what's crazy is how dead set on this you are. How you're signing your life away for a guy you can't even remember.”
I stood up and walked over to him but he wouldn't look at me.
“Senka I don't want to fight like this anymore. I've made my decision which I think is best for everyone involved.”
“Then I've made mine as well.” he said lifting his head to look at me.
“Which is?” I asked stepping back on wobbly legs.
He walked over to the door. “You should leave.” he said opening it for me.
I didn't move, I'd suddenly forgotten how to use my legs. I put on a brave face and walked passed him, the door slammed shut behind me.
I laid in my bed crying, resisting the urge to visit Jessie. I was so confused, it would only make things worse. If I saw him again if only for a minute it was going to make it harder on me. The thought of not seeing Jessie made my heart ache to the point I thought it might break. I would never see him again all I had was the memories we'd shared together in our dreams and the times I'd found him in Hell. Those were the only things I had to hold onto, especially as my memories weren't coming back in a hurry. I had nothing else to cling to. My heart felt torn in half and ached for two separate people. One who I would never see again and one that currently didn't want anything to do with me.
The next few days were torture. I walked around the manor aimlessly and even hid behind one of the suit of armour statues when I saw Senka in the corridor with Alex. He didn't see me. Kenzie had spent each day trying to cheer me up. He understood the situation and supported my decision. He tried to convince me that Senka not having anything to do with me was for the best for now so I could sort my head out, but it didn't feel like it was for the best. It felt like agony. I had stopped myself so many times halfway up the stairs to his floor. The thought of him slamming the door in my face again was enough to bring me back down the stairs.
I had been lying on my sun lounger for over an hour not moving. I felt like an empty shell of nothingness. I wanted to take a shower but I couldn't be bothered to drag myself into the bathroom. The sky gradually darkened as the night drew closer. I closed my eyes listening to the sound of singing birds in the near by tree which was soon replaced by rustling branches and a snapping sound followed by a loud thud. I opened my eyes and looked over to see what was causing all the noise. Senka stood up muttering a few curse words and picked up a broken piece of trellis and placed it on the table.
“Sorry, maybe they can super glue it?”
I didn't reply, I just looked back over the balcony at the sky, watching the dark clouds approaching. “I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be here.” he said.
“It's my bedroom why wouldn't I be here?” I said in a sullen tone.
I didn't want him to think I'd spent the past three days moping around. I didn't want him to think I was completely pathetic.
“No I meant I didn't think you'd be out here.” he said leaning against the wall.
“So what you came down to spy on me through the window?”
“Maybe,” he replied sheepishly.
“Why?”
“I don't know. All I know is that I can't concentrate and it's frustrating. Everything I do is clouded by thoughts of you.”
“I know the feeling.” I said standing up.
He followed me inside, closed the door and sat on the edge of my bed. I wasn't sure what he was doing and I didn't know what he wanted me to say or why he was even here.
He looked at me and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up. I blinked and tried to push the feelings away.
“Do you love him?” he asked.
“Why are you even asking me that? What difference does it make?”
“Cause I need to know. I can't stop thinking about you and I feel incredibly protective of you.” “Why are we even talking about this? I thought you made yourself perfectly clear the other day. It's over, whatever we had is finished.”
“If Cam brings him back will you want to be with him?”
I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him, not sure what to say. I hadn't thought about it, I didn't think I'd ever see Jessie again.
“I know that when I'm with you it's only you I want to be with. But then when I see Jessie, I feel something towards him. I can't pretend it's not there. But when I marry Cam...” I stopped mid sentence having noticed the way Senka was gripping the edge of the bed like he wanted to break something.
“If you decide to marry Cam then it answers my question and you don't need to.” he said looking at me. “You wouldn't marry Cam if you didn't love Jessie or Mack or whatever you call him.” he turned his face away and scowled at the floor.
I stood up and was going to move to the other side of the room but he grabbed me hand and pulled me back onto the bed beside him. He held onto my hand and kissed the back of it. “What are you doing here Senka?” I asked, more confused than ever watching him as he softly kissed the back of my hand. Not that I minded I would let him do anything to me if it meant spending a few more minutes with him.
“All I know is right now there's you and there's me. That's the only thing that makes any sense right now.” he replied.
I pulled my hand back and moved away. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and press my lips up against his. I needed a few moments to clear my head. One minute he wanted me, then he didn't want me, now all he wanted was me. This was becoming too much for me to handle. All I wanted was Senka, but all he was thinking about was the fact I was in love with someone else. I didn't have to admit it to him, he knew, I knew and everyone else knew.
I couldn't be in the same room as him without feeling like I was going to break down in tears and I'd had enough of crying.
“I'm going to take a shower, so you do what you want. Leave or whatever.”
He was still sitting on my bed when I closed the bathroom door. I stood holding onto the sink for five minutes trying to calm myself down. I didn't know what was going on between us. Everything was a mess and I blamed Cam. I got undressed but left my panties on while I busied myself waiting for the shower room at the end to warm up and fill w
ith steam. I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth when the bathroom door opened, I hadn't locked it. Senka walked in and I immediately covered my bare chest with my arm. He closed the door with a wolfish smile on his face. He was only wearing his black jeans and was now shirtless and barefoot.
I took my toothbrush out of my mouth and spat in the sink.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I thought you said you were taking a shower?”
“I was, I mean I am in a minute.”
“Well I need to take a shower,” he said undoing his belt. “and there's more than enough room for both of us in yours.” he said tugging his jeans off.
I felt my cheeks redden and immediately turned back to face the sink.
I looked up at the mirror to find Senka looking back at me. He smiled at me and dropped his underwear down to the floor, I quickly looked down at the sink and placed my toothbrush back in the pot. My heart was racing and my tummy was doing cartwheels. What was he trying to do to me? There was only so much I could take. When I looked up he was gone from the mirror view. I glanced over at the shower to see the back of Senka stepping in and closing the door. I stood on the spot frozen. Senka had basically just told me in not so many words he wanted to take a shower, with me in it. Before I knew what I was doing and before I could lose my nerve I walked over to the shower and opened the door. Senka was at the other end under the water, he had his arm up against the wall letting the water trail down his back.
I let out a deep breath and slipped my underwear down and stepped into the shower. I closed the door but still felt the need to cover the front of myself with my arms. I stepped closer to him, he hadn't moved but I was sure he knew I was there.
He dropped his arm from the wall and grabbed my shoulder gently pulling me in front of him under the warm spray. He wrapped his arms around me and we stayed that way for some time. He trailed kisses down my neck and along the side of my face. Senka kissing me felt like electricity going through me and soon enough all I wanted to do was return his kisses.
I turned around in his arms to face him, I had to stand on the tips of my toes to reach him but he leaned down meeting me halfway. I kissed him not taking my arms away from my bare chest which seemed silly as I was completely naked lower down. He took my hands and lifted them away from my chest and put them around his neck. He met my lips again and I felt his hand around my waist. He pushed me back against the wall and rested one arm on the wall next to my head. His hair was wet and fell down over his eyes, I didn't hesitate to push it back stroking the side of his face. He bought his hand up to my face and kissed me again rubbing his thumb along my lip. He leaned his forehead against mine, our noses touching.
“Ruby,” he said softly.
“Hmm,” I replied.
“You do know I love you right?”
I nodded biting at my lip.
“Don't do that,” he said as his thumb touched my lip again. “I might not be able to let you leave the shower.” he said biting down on his own lip. He picked up a bottle from the corner shelf. “What's this?” he asked.
“I think it's called shower gel.” I replied sarcastically.
“I know that, where's the label? How do you know what it is?”
“I'm sorry if my washing materials aren't up to your standards,” I joked. “Nothing in my bathroom has a label on it, I guess Cam was worried something would trigger a memory so he made sure nothing looked familiar.”
He opened the cap and sniffed it. “Smells different.”
“I think it's pomegranate, sorry not your usual coconut stuff you wash in.”
“You know what I wash in?” he asked smirking.
“Well I have been in your bathroom a few times that and you always smell of a mixture of coconut and smoke.”
He opened another bottle and sniffed it. “Shampoo, right?” he asked.
“Yep.” I nodded.
“Thought so your hair always smells of strawberries.”
And just like that Senka and I were back to talking about completely normal random things as though we didn't have a care in the world.
Senka got washed and left me in the shower washing my hair.
I walked back into my bedroom dressed in a towel, drying my hair with another towel. Senka sat on my bed in only his underwear playing with the Rubik cube.
“This thing is ridiculous,” he said twisting it.
I sat on the bed next to him, looking over his shoulder watching him make all the wrong twists. “Here, you're doing it wrong.” I said reaching for it. He moved his hand away at arms length so I couldn't reach it. “Hey,” I said trying to reach around him.
“You think you can finish the Rubik cube?” he asked.
“Yes I do, well I can't do any worse than what you're doing with it.”
“Okay, if you're so sure you want to bet on it?” he asked raising an eyebrow at me. “Depends what's the bet?” I asked worrying he was going to bring up the topic of running away together again.
“You fail and you can't complete it, you lose the towel.”
“And if I can complete it?” I asked him.
“What do you want?”
“Hmm,” I said thinking about it for a few moments. “Anything I want?” I added. “Yes anything as long as it's within reason and legal.”
“I'll let you know when I finish it.” I said holding out my hand.
He chucked it over to me. “Can't wait to see you out of that towel.” he said playfully tugging at the edge of it.
I started twisting the edges. I looked up at Senka, he was watching carefully trying to figure it out. “You forget I've spent many hours in my room with this cube and I got this from Kenzie and he taught me everything I needed to know.” I smiled twisting the last few pieces into the right places. “Done,” I said holding it out to him. “The towel stays.”
He picked it up and inspected it. “You got lucky,” he said placing it down on the nightstand. “That or you cheated.”
“Hey I did not cheat, I just learnt from the Rubik cube master.”
“So what is it you want?” he asked.
I moved closer to him and kissed him, he didn't hesitate to kiss me back. I pulled back and looked at him deciding if I was really going to do this.
I pulled my legs up onto the bed and knelt up and lifted one leg over and sat down on his lap straddling him.
“You said anything,” I said watching him as he chewed on his lip ring.
“What exactly did you have in mind?” he asked looking at me questioningly.
I leaned forward and kissed him again. I stopped to look at him, his eyes glistened as they searched my face. I waited a moment hoping he would figure out what it was I wanted.
“For a start it doesn't involve this towel.” I said tugging at the front of it until it came undone and fell down around my waist.
His eyes stayed focused on mine as I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. But he didn't kiss me back.
“Ruby we don't have to do anything like that if you.....” he said pulling away from my kiss. “Shhh!” I said cutting him off in mid sentence. “You said anything I wanted within reason and I think you are quite capable of kissing me. And I want you to kiss me.”
He'd gone quiet and I suddenly felt self concious about how naked I was. What if this wasn't what he wanted? Maybe I had been reading all the signs wrong. I was about to cover myself back up when his hands came up to my throat and he looked at me.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I smiled at him and he moved his lips back to mine. I knew at that moment Senka was all I wanted and there was no going back.
The next morning I rolled over and straight away knew I was naked by the way the sheets felt on my bare skin. I turned and saw Senka propped up on the other pillow looking back at me. I smiled and moved closer to him laying my head on his chest.
The TV was on quietly in the background, he'd obviously crept back to his room and bought a few DVDs back dow
n to mine as there was a pile of disks stacked on top of the TV.
My hand skimmed along his defined stomach and over his waist hugging him to me. “Please tell me I don't snore in my sleep.”
“No. You don't snore.” he chuckled.
“You've been up all night?” I asked. He looked down at me and sheepishly smiled. “It's okay Senka. I know you don't need to sleep like I do.”
“I keep forgetting you know everything now. I don't have to lie to you anymore.” “About last night,” I started.
“This isn't the part where you tell me you think we made a mistake?” he said running his fingers along my side, it tickled but in good way.
“No absolutely not. Last night was amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world.” He grinned and looked back at the TV screen.
“Does this mean everything is back to normal between us?” I asked.
“Define formal,” he said kissing the top of my head.
“You know what I mean.” I said brushing my finger along his jaw where his stubble had grown through.
He lifted my hand and kissed it, placing it over his his heart.
“You have my heart, it's up to you what you do with it. I'm not going anywhere.” I had lessons this morning but didn't feel like it today. I'd briefly bought it up with Cam the other night at dinner. I didn't want schooling anymore, I didn't see the point of it.
Narmi bought breakfast in for me and quickly glanced over at Senka laying on my bed in only his boxers. She looked slightly flustered by the situation but smiled at me before she left. I told her to let Grayson know I wouldn't be there this morning. Laying in bed with Senka was too perfect and I wanted it to last as long as possible. We stayed that way until he had to leave for work at 11am. I still hadn't handed the contract back to Cam, I already knew I was going to hand it back, but I had kept it for as long as possible because I knew handing it back would finalize everything and there would be no going back. Senka knew I was handing it back today but he didn't question it this time. I think he was tired of fighting over it. Before I went to see Cam I made a quick stop downstairs to see Vivienne. Last night had been amazing, fun and completely nerve racking but I still wanted to be careful. I didn't want to end up pregnant. Getting married was scary enough. Vivienne was as friendly as ever and sorted me out without hesitation and without asking me a million and one questions. At least birth control was one thing I didn't have to worry about anymore. I knocked on Cam's bedroom door with the contract rolled up in my hand. He was expecting me and it didn't take him long to answer the door.
