Abi practically flies out the door in hopes of stopping them from seeing everything we have stashed in our living room, and I scramble, helplessly trying to find something—anything—to cover up all of the baby things. There’s no way we can move fast enough.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I mutter. There are sheets in the linen closet, but how the hell would I explain what was underneath?
Jared’s eyes his eyes shift back and forth, clearly in the same mind-frame. There’s just no way of making this not seem batshit crazy. Maybe if Abi can distract them.
The door flies open and in storms Mom, her green eyes blazing, and Sam…he stares back over his shoulder as he walks in, this crazy pained expression on his face, his eyes on Abi when she slinks back inside.
Mom immediately spots me and Jared standing awkwardly in front of all the baby things as if we can actually hide all of it behind us. I don’t even bother with a guilty smile—there’s no getting out of this one.
She pushes past us easily, and brings her hand to her mouth, not covering up the loud gasp that escapes. When she turns back to face Sam, I’m not too sure her head isn’t going to explode right off her shoulders.
“Someone better explain to me what the hell is going on, right now,” she demands, looking first at us and then at Abi.
“I, uh. We should probably—” Abi begins, shuffling over to us slowly.
“—A rather crazy thing just happened, actually. Your father and I decided to stop for a bite to eat at the diner. My friend Rebecca was on her break and came and told us a little story about Cody running off at the mouth with his buddies at a booth. Apparently, Cody was telling everyone that you were pregnant. I told Rebecca he must have had it wrong, that there was no way… But then Sam’s buddy came by to congratulate me on being a grandma, telling us that he and his wife spotted you two,” she says, turning back to us with nothing but steel in her eyes, “coming out of the BabiesRUs with cart-fulls.”
It feels like she’s only a split-second from piecing it all together.
She drops her gaze down to the floor, slowly turning back to face Abi. “Is it true, Abigail? Are you pregnant?”
Abi’s lips tremble as she nods, and I can see the way she looks at her dad. I can feel just how crushed he is, and it’s almost too much for me to keep watching.
“Is it Cody’s?” Sam asks. Abi shakes her head and he looks toward us as if we can fill in the things that Abi isn’t saying.
Mom glances around the room, her eyes zeroing in the crib. “Why do you have a house full of baby things?”
Nobody says a word and the silence feels claustrophobic.
“If it’s not Cody’s, whose is it?”
Seconds tick passed and still, no one says anything. Abi looks as though she might throw up all over our parent’s feet. I gently take hold of her by the elbow and help her sit down. When I look back up at Sam, his eyes are narrowed and watchful.
“I am. Pregnant. I am pregnant,” Abi repeats, clearing her throat. “But it’s still really early. I only just found out.” A pang of pride shoots through me. I can only imagine how hard it must be for her.
Mom hesitates before finally asking, “And the father?”
Abi shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
A strange pained sound leaves Sam’s mouth. He turns from Abi as though he can’t bear to look at her and I want to shout at him for being this way. Mom looks so shocked too, as though an invisible hand just came in and smacked her across the face. The tension in the room has shot straight through the roof. I’m waiting for the eruption that seems inevitable.
“What do you mean you don’t know,” Sam says lowly.
Abi fiddles with her fingers, avoiding everyone’s gaze. “I mean that I don’t know for sure,” she says.
“I can’t believe this of you, Abi,” Mom says, shaking her head in total disbelief. “This is not the way your father raised you.”
I know she’s our mother, but hearing her talk to Abi like that makes me want to put my fist through the wall.
“Mom,” Jared says in a warning tone.
“What?” mom hisses. “I’m only saying what everyone will think.”
“I don’t care what everyone things,” I say, taking a step forward so that Abi is behind me and shielded from this. “Abi’s an amazing woman who has her head on straight despite what you’re insinuating and she needs our support, not our judgment.”
Sam takes a few steps closer to the weird crowd of us in front of the baby items, but he’s looking between me and my brother. “Why do you have a room full of baby things?” he asks. I guess he’s realized we never answered our Mom the first time the question was asked.
I glance at Jared and Abi, their expressions equally as torn as I know mine must be. We could keep it a secret, at least for a while longer, but still, everyone will eventually need to know the truth. If we lie to our parents now, it is going to make everything so much worse in the long run. The circumstances are not ideal, however you look at it, and the way our parents have come to hear about the news of the baby is awful.
There is no changing any of this, though. We are where we are.
We love Abi and I think she loves us, and although that baby is as tiny as a kidney bean, we all love it too.
I nod at my brother and Abi. Their eyes widen when they realize what I’m trying to tell them.
It’s time to get it over with.
“We bought the baby things,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. “We bought them to show Abi how serious we are about our baby.”
Seconds tick past and I start to wonder if I actually said that out loud or just in my head.
Sam’s eyes widen more like he can’t quite see what’s in front of him, and my Mom’s blinking so fast I know she can’t. A dry sob escapes her throat and she shakes her head, looking completely bewildered. “I. I…What?” Her mouth opens and shuts repeatedly.
“The baby is ours,” I say again.
Abi’s eyes are on the floor, her face flushed. Jared is staring at me as though he can’t quite believe this is happening. I’m never the one who keeps my head in situations like this. I’m the one who heads in like a bull in a china shop, then has to apologize for the broken wreckage I leave behind. I don’t know why I’m managing to keep from shouting this time. Maybe I’ve finally realized the importance of getting this message across in the right way. I have one chance. I have to do the best for our baby.
“Ours?” Mom says, disbelief raising her voice. “I baby can only be made by one man and one woman, Jamie. Are you saying that you…?” She doesn’t finish the sentence but looks between us to answer anyway.
“The baby could belong to either of us.”
Sam makes a strangulated sound. “You slept with both of them?”
Abi looks at him in horror. This is definitely not the kind of conversation you want to have with your father.
“Is that what you’re saying?” Mom hisses at me.
I nod.
She brings up her hand and points a trembling finger at me. I can see how livid she is. “I never thought I say this to you but I am disgusted. What the hell do you think you are all doing? We’re a family. This isn’t what you do in a family.”
“We’re not related to Abi, Mom,” Jared says softly.
“You’re related to your brother,” she shouts. “You slept with your stepsister, and so did your brother. Do you not see how many levels of wrong this is?”
I glance across at Sam who looks as though he’s struggling to keep it together.
“I’m so ashamed,” Mom says and I get a knot in my stomach. Those are words I’ve never heard from her before and I feel her disappointment. I knew this was going to hurt them. None of it is as we would have planned it, but I love Abi and I’m not prepared to be ashamed of our child.
Jared opens his mouth to say something but I put my hand up. I started this so I’m going to finish it, whatever the outcome.
“We love Abi,” I say, lookin
g directly at Sam. I need him to know this. I need him to see that we plan to stand by his daughter and grandchild. “We love her and we’re happy about the baby. It may not be the ideal set up in the eyes of society, but we’re not going to hurt the people we love to fit in.”
“You’ve hurt me,” she spits. “You’ve hurt Sam. He took us into his home…”
Those words hang in the air and I hate to admit it but I do feel shame. She’s right. He trusted us and in his eyes, we’ve betrayed him.
“We love Abi,” I say again as though love has the power to make everything okay.
“Well, you shouldn’t,” Sam says. His voice sounds hoarse and his eyes are deadened. He shakes his head.
“Dad…” Abi says softly but he puts his hand up to stop her.
He looks between me and Jared, his jaw ticking with anger. For a moment I think he’s going to try and lay me out but he doesn’t. Sam turns and walks out the door and mom hurries after him, turning back to us as she heads through the front door. “You did this,” she says, her eyes filled with tears.
We watch as they get into the car. Neither of them seems to say anything as Sam gets the car into gear and drives away, leaving the three of us in their wake.
26
Jared
Jamie’s breathing fast like he just ran a marathon, and Abi looks like she’s about to pass out. All I can do is shut the front door, and exhale.
The light’s already starting to leak away from the sky, turning half of it a deeply-tinted magenta. It’s funny how such a beautiful thing can come right after something so ugly.
Debating on whether I should take her hand or not, I decide to sit down on the couch. We had the day off today, but I feel exhausted. The excitement of buying things for the baby has all but worn off, and all I see in the middle of the living room now is the look on my mom’s face when Jamie told her the truth about us and Abi.
Fuck.
I don’t even swear internally very much but there isn’t any other word that can convey what I’m feeling. Jamie slides down onto the couch next, all the usual confidence and energy gone out of him. We both seem to turn our heads to Abi.
“Well, that went well,” she says and then bursts out laughing. I think she’s in shock and I look across at Jamie who shrugs and starts laughing too. “Seriously.”
“I actually thought that Jamie did a surprisingly good job,” I mumble.
Abi nods, putting her face in her hands. “The look on my dad’s face. I felt like I was going to wither up.”
“He’s really pissed,” Jamie agrees.
“It was never going to be an easy conversation,” I say. “But I think it might have been better if they hadn’t heard the news via the town gossips.
They both nod, groaning at the thought. “Trust Cody to go shooting his mouth off.”
“That’s Cody’s area of expertise,” Jamie says.
Abi groans again. “I shouldn’t have told him but I couldn’t get him to understand that I wasn’t going to get back with him.”
I put my hand on hers. “They had to find out sometime,” I say.
“And it’s hardly like me and Jared were the stealthiest men on the block,” Jamie says. “Going baby shopping…what were we thinking?”
He’s right of course. We should have all been a more cautious but our shopping spree was for a good reason. We wanted Abi to see how we felt about the baby. We wanted her to know we’re committed.
“They’re going to be upset for a while. They both will. But they’ll eventually have to come to terms with it,” I reply. I half believe it, but I know it’s what Abi needs to hear right now.
“Natalie probably hates me now. I’ve corrupted her perfect sons.”
Both Jamie and I snort. “You don’t have to blame yourself for that,” he says. “There were quite a few corrupting influences that came around before you.” He wiggles his eyebrows and Abi chokes out a laugh.
“I’m being serious,” she says. “I know how close the three of you are and I couldn’t stand the idea of being the thing that comes between you and her.” Abi brings her arm down over her face, burying her eyes in the crook of her elbow.
“What are we going to do?” she mumbles.
I turn to face her, wanting to move mountains just to make her feel good again. I draw her arm away so she has to look at me. “We’re going to do what we planned. This doesn’t change anything, Abi. We’re having a baby and as much as that fact might disgust our parents, it’s coming anyway. We’re gonna do what we were planning to do, except now we don’t have to dread coming clean. They know and we can just get on with it.”
“And you don’t need to worry about coming in between us and our mom. She may be…unreachable right now, but it’s not like she’s going to disown us,” Jamie says.
“Pfft.” She folds her arms across her chest. “I’d be careful before you make any more assumptions,” she replies.
I take her hand in mine and rub small circles on the back of her hand with my thumbs. “Me and Jamie have always admired you. You have this strength that most people don’t seem to give you enough credit for. And you’re always honest, but still kind about the truth. You never intentionally hurt others, and you have a pure heart. I know this whole thing really hurt you, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this but you know we’re always going to be here to help make it a little more bearable wherever we can.”
Jamie steps up to the plate. “Yeah, absolutely. And Abi, you’re going to be like the most amazing mom, because like Jared said, you’re pretty much a badass. We know what a strong woman looks like—we lived with one for most of our lives. And don’t worry about Mom or your Dad. They’ll come around. And you’ll see then—everything will all turn out okay in the end.”
“Even if we can’t get them to accept everything during the pregnancy, I bet things will change once the baby’s born. They’ll take one look at their first adorable grandkid and put on the blinders. The kid will win ‘em over by its supreme cuteness, and then this will feel like a distant memory,” I add.
Abi’s shoulders seem to relax a little as she nods. “Maybe.”
Her eyes are shining, but the tears don’t fall. I push a stray wave of copper behind her ear, still in awe of just how beautiful she really is. It’s not our fault we fell for Abi when we met her. How could we not, with these eyes and that soft hair?
Jamie rubs her knee, his fingers looking like their itching for more of her. He leans down, kissing her quietly, before she returns the kiss fully, placing her hand on the side of his scruffy face.
I slip my hands under the fabric of her shirt around to her abdomen, holding her as I kiss around the nape of her neck. The chills that explode across her pale skin trigger something inside of me, and I twist her hair out of the way, peppering either side of her neck with slow, deliberate kisses, patiently waiting my turn.
Then suddenly she stops. “You said you love me,” she whispers. “You said it to dad.” Her eyes are fixed on Jamie but then she turns to me.
“You know how we feel,” I say softly.
She shakes her head. “I didn’t know that,” she says. “I knew you cared for me, but love?”
“From the first day we met you at that restaurant, we had a thing for you,” Jamie says. “We used to argue about who was gonna make a move on you, then we were all living in the same house and you didn’t seem interested and it just didn’t seem like it was ever going to happen for either of us.”
“But we got to know you, Abi,” I tell her. “Every family meal and night in front of the TV. We were soaking you up.”
“Love is a big word,” Jamie says. “But we mean it, honey. We loved you before you agreed to marry Cody but neither of us was prepared to admit it because you didn’t seem to see us.”
“I saw you,” she says softly. “The first photograph was enough to drive me crazy.”
I snort. “Was it the one of us dressed in suits for our uncle’s wedding?”
She nods, grinning. “You both looked so serious.”
“We were channeling our inner bad boys,” Jamie says. “Mom loves that photo.”
“I love it too,” Abi says. “I wanted you both so much but I thought I was going crazy. What kind of person wants to be with two men at the same time?”
“A greedy one,” Jamie quips an Abi punches him on the shoulder.
“Greed is not a bad thing,” I add.
Abi grins. “You love me,” she says happily.
“We’ve established that,” Jamie says. “What we haven’t established is how you feel about us.”
“You don’t know,” she asks.
We both shake our heads. I mean, I know she’s attracted to us, and I think she likes us, but as Jamie said, love is a big word.
“I love you both,” she says, putting her hands on our knees. “I can’t believe you didn’t know.”
“You were planning to marry Cody a few weeks ago,” Jamie says.
Abi shakes her head. “I loved you, but I couldn’t see a way for it to be anything other than a dream.”
“Looks like your dream has come true,” I say.
“It feels like that,” she says and my heart skips a beat. “But I don’t want our parents to hate us because of it.”
“We can’t change the way they feel right now. They’re shocked…angry, but in time they’ll see that what we’ve said is true. They’ll understand that this is something good and they’ll accept it.”
“I hope so,” Abi says.
“We all do,” Jamie adds.
27
Abigail
Jamie’s stubble grazes against my neck as he slowly dips his head down to taste my skin, his hands splaying out and around my upper arms, holding me close. I sigh, tilting my head back to give him better access, all the while, Jared’s hand slide further up my shirt until he’s tracing the swell of my breasts.
They’re bigger than they ever have been before, swollen because of the pregnancy. They seem to be growing at the same rate as my bump.
HUGE STEPS Page 13
