by Jason Lenov
From what? A little attention from a stranger? It was crazy. Was she going to throw this whole life away just for that?
She never answered the question. Not when Jack came down dressed in his sharp suit carrying his briefcase. Not when she handed him the keys to his car and his lunch, so lovingly prepared. She nearly choked out a sob when he kissed her on the forehead. Then another when she hugged him and steeled herself for what she was going to say. “Honey?”
“Yes sweetheart?”
The words came too easily. “You know how we’ve been talking about redoing the yard?” she said, voice tight.
Jack paused and for a terrifying second Emily thought the gig was up. He knew. Somehow he knew and this was all going to take a turn toward darkness and heartache. “You thinking of calling someone?” he asked.
She pulled away and looked into his eyes with longing. “Maureen gave me somebody’s number. Said he did their yard and it turned out great.”
Jack’s slow, solemn nod of approval was followed by a smile. “That sounds great. We’ve finally got the money for it.” Was his voice tighter than normal too?
Emily forced herself to smile back at him. “Is it okay to call him then?”
Jack nodded again. “Absolutely. Whatever you want.”
Emily’s heart squeezed at this permission.
Why? Am? I? Doing? This?
Emily feigned delight. “Are you sure? If you think it’s too much money we can wait until next spring.”
Jack shook his head. “No. I think now’s the right time. Why don’t you get a quote and we can talk about it this evening?”
She swallowed and the sound seemed to fill the whole room. She could feel her face burning red. “I’ll do that.”
“Good.”
“Have a good day.”
“You going to have a surprise for me when I get home again?”
Emily’s heart skipped a beat. The ache throbbed between her legs. Was he saying…? She let a coy smile form on her lips. “If you’re lucky,” she teased.
“Oh I’m lucky,” Jack replied, giving her arm a squeeze. “Luckiest guy I know.”
As soon as the door had closed behind him Emily grabbed her phone.
Chapter Six
Jack drove to work with an iron grip on the steering wheel. Teeth clenched, vision tunnelling, he navigated the congested highway to downtown with a single thought rolling around in his mind like clothes in a dryer.
Carter Graves. Landscaper.
He would have felt worse if he could have felt anything but the confusing double helix of seething jealousy and potent lust twisting within him.
Every few car lengths he would treat himself to the memory of the bed shaking the night before as he pretended to sleep. As his wife fiddled with herself next to him despite their twin couplings before dinner, then again afterwards. As he lay there powerless, listening to the slick sounds of Emily succumbing to the deep, dark fear he’d confessed the previous evening.
He cursed himself for sharing the secret. Was she really that uncaring? Or could she just not resist the demon that the bastard in the grocery store had unleashed? Could she just not help but touch herself as she thought of him?
He felt bad about creeping down the stairs and rifling through her purse after she’d fallen asleep. Emily was a private person. But she didn’t keep secrets. Or at least he’d thought she didn’t. Why, then, had she kept this one? Why had she lied to him that morning? And why hadn’t she been more clever? He’d always thought of her as clever. That drove him nearly to the brink.
John and Maureen hadn’t had their yard done by anyone. They’d landscaped it themselves. John couldn’t stop bragging about it the last time they’d gone for drinks. Emily had been there. She knew it.
She fucking knew it.
As he pulled onto the off-ramp of the highway, Jack took a deep breath and closed his eyes at the red light. He let the full impact of her request crash into him.
Emily wasn’t asking for permission to get a quote about the yard. Emily was asking for permission to see her new friend.
Carter Graves. Landscaper.
Whether he was the man from the grocery store Jack couldn’t be fully sure. But Maureen didn’t hand out business cards. Maureen texted you things. Maureen could barely keep track of her smart phone, let alone a business card handed to her by some guy who hadn’t done their yard.
Jack sank deeper inside himself.
The thrill that had gripped him the night before, as they’d talked through his dirty little secret, as Emily had indulged it, was all but gone. In it’s place was a panicked, breathless confusion.
If there was one thing Jack had always been it was deliberate. When life demanded action he weighed the pros and cons, made a decision, then acted on it. His pursuit of whatever needed to be accomplished was relentless. He understood the need for direction.
Now he could barely tell which way was up. He was floating in a tank of dark water with no idea which way to swim and quickly running out of breath.
Pulling into the parking garage of his office building, he pressed the power button on his car and sat in the silence that followed.
His stomach twisted as his mind wandered back to the house. To Emily. To Carter Graves. He winced.
The inevitability of what needed to be done dawned on him. There would be no work that day. No office, no paperwork, no distraction could possibly pull him away from the thought gnawing at the base of his brain. That his sweet Emily was back at home and possibly, by now, not alone. That she might at that very moment be inviting the man who’d complimented her terrific legs into their house made his stomach clench so hard he thought he might vomit.
Starting up the car and doing his level best not to mash his foot against the accelerator, he drove it back out onto the street and pointed it toward home.
His heart began to beat inside his chest like a drum. His mind filled with regret. Why hadn’t he confronted her that morning? Why hadn’t he told her that he’d found the card? That he knew she was lying about Maureen? Why hadn’t he asked her about Carter Graves?
Reality was a cruel mistress compared to the heady aphrodisiac of his lust-driven fantasies. No longer was Emily, sweet, innocent Emily, safely tucked inside his mind where he could contort her into all sorts of depraved positions.
Now she was out there. Out in the real world. With a stranger, entertaining the notion of…what? Cheating on her husband?
His grip on the steering wheel tightened. He clenched his jaw.
He began to pry his little predilection apart, though he didn’t yet know why. He vaguely realized that if he were ever to know peace again, he had to get to the bottom of two things. What had lodged this strange desire so deeply inside him and why it scared him so fucking much.
His mind became a maze. Each time he turned a corner, thinking that he’d found what he was looking for, he’d run into a dead end.
What sort of a man wants to see his wife betray him? What sort of a man becomes impossibly hard from just thinking about it? What sort of man, when confronted with the possibility, does nothing to prevent it from happening?
He did come to one conclusion. These questions were the source from which his fear sprang. Because even if it did happen, if the unthinkable became real, if Emily…entertained another man between her legs, would that really change anything between them?
Of course it would, was his first reaction.
I could never let it.
The second scared him because he couldn’t possibly know if he could ever be that strong. This was marriage. This was sacred. This was trust. How could he ever look her in the eye again if she betrayed his trust?
When he turned the corner of their sunny suburban street, driveways all devoid of cars save for Emily’s standing in theirs, his heart was thundering so hard it felt like it might leap out of his chest. He mashed the brakes when he saw the dirty black pickup truck, rusty trailer in tow, with the name Carter Graves Landscaping
written out in ridiculous and faded comic sans on the side.
The fear distilled into something far more potent. His cock hardened in his lap. He had to fight to take a breath. His vision seemed to pixelate and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from that rotten truck.
It took a herculean effort to pull the car off to the side of the road. As he stepped out, the vision of Emily wrapped in another man’s arms formed in his mind. His feet felt like lead as he trudged toward the house.
As he wrapped his hand around the doorknob, their life together flashed before his eyes, the vision pausing on the moment last night when he’d revealed the secret to his wife.
What have I done?
Pulse pounding in his ears, Jack twisted the knob, pushed the door open slowly and stepped inside. The sound of Emily’s sweet laugh wafting through the house drove a stake through his heart.
Chapter Seven
Emily covered her smile with a finger. Her eyes darted side to side, anywhere but up to meet Carter’s dark and imposing stare. Nostrils flaring, she drew in a breath for the fifth or sixth time since he’d shown up. His smell was everywhere.
Spiced deodorant and sweat and musk like she’d never smelled coming off a man.
Her cheeks flushed with shame at the wet that had dampened her panties. Wiping the smile off her face she dared herself to look up. The intense way he was watching her nearly made her flinch. “You always show up the same day people call you? Or are you just not that busy?”
A sliver of regret worked it’s way through her. There was no need to be mean to the guy. She’d called him, after all. What was it about him that made her feel like she had to keep her guard up?
Carter’s gaze didn’t waver. “I think you and I both know why I’m here.”
Emily dismissed his certainty with a guffaw and rolled her eyes. “Stop that,” she said tersely. “I called you because we’ve been meaning to get the lawn done for years. We can finally afford it. It was a coincidence that you gave me your card yesterday.”
Her mind wandered back to the lie she’d told Jack that morning. More shame flooded through her but she beat it back.
Carter shifted his weight to one foot and scratched his eyebrow. He glanced out through the back window at the backyard. “Alright. I guess we better get out there and see what it is you want.”
Emily would have been mad if she hadn’t started the game herself. After all, Carter was right. At least partially. She hadn’t just called him because of the lawn. That had only been a small part of it. She’d called him because of how he’d made her feel the day before in the big box store. Small. A little scared. A little…dominated. “Follow me,” she said and stepped around him to get to the patio door.
She slid it open and stepped into the sunlight. The warmth on her skin brought sweat beading along her forehead. She glanced down at the shorts she was wearing. The same pair as the day before. She lied to herself that it wasn’t intentional. She always wore those around the house. “We thought we could do a rock wall,” she said, waving toward the back of the yard where the grass sloped up.
Carter came to stand next to her and surveyed the lot. “Not as much mowing,” he mused. “You could do a little cedar hedge on that side,” he said, pointing toward the border with the neighbour's yard.
“That might be nice,” Emily admitted.
Carter’s eyes roamed across the yard and Emily saw the wheels start to turn in his head. She glanced over at him as he started talking. Explaining what features he’d put in, how much it would cost, how the little white fence would have to go but that they could put a hedge in there, too.
After a while the words blurred into one monotonous sound and Emily let her eyes wander lower. Down to his biceps which looked perpetually flexed. A thrill rushed through her as her imagination conjured up the vision of those dirty, rugged hands gripping her throat and pinning her to the bed upstairs. The world started to spin.
This is wrong. This is terrible. I’m a horrible person.
Her thoughts darted back to Jack. Sitting at his desk at the office, maybe eating the apple in his lunch. Did he know? He must have suspected something this morning. He didn’t put up a fight at all. He would never normally say yes to such a big expense without considering it first. For weeks. Sometimes months.
So why had he agreed so quickly to the proposition?
One part of her mind whispered to her that he surely must know. That he’d somehow found the card, remembered that Maureen had done her own yard. The flagrant lie she’d told hadn’t been a mistake.
She hadn’t been asking for permission to do the yard. She’d been asking for permission to see the landscaper. To see Carter Graves again. To feel his eyes on her again, looking at her legs and imagining what it would be like to…
“You with me?”
The question shook her from her thoughts. “Um…yeah. Sorry, what?”
“I’ll need two and a half up front. The rest when the job is done. Shouldn’t be more than a week or so. If you want to think about it, talk to your husband or whatever…”
Before she knew what she was doing she blurted the words out. “No. No, no, no. That’s fine. That sounds like a fair price.”
He turned and folded his arms over his chest.
Emily got that feeling again. Of being watched. Her panties were drenched with excitement. She glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye. His gaze bored into her core.
“What’s his name?”
The question startled her. Her eyes shot up and met his. “What? Who?” It dawned on her a moment later, who he was talking about.
Your husband. Remember that guy?
Anger spiked through her at how silly she was being. Acting like a school girl in front of this…this brute of a man. Like she cared what he thought. “Jack,” she muttered. “His name’s Jack.”
Carter nodded. His eyes dropped and he stared at her chest, then lower to her legs. “Jack’s a lucky guy,” he muttered.
This caused a defiance to swell through her. Because what the heck did this guy know about her or her husband? Damn right he was lucky. She was too… “When can you start?” she asked.
“Tomorrow if you can come up with the money. You better double check with your husband. I don’t want there to be any bad…”
Emily didn’t hear the last word. Her eyes had locked on a point over Carter’s shoulder. Her heart skipped a beat and her hands went clammy. There, standing behind the patio door, was Jack, staring out at the garden, watching them.
Carter must have noticed because he turned and looked behind him. His demeanour didn’t change a single whit as his eyes fell on Jack. Instead, he stepped toward the patio door, grabbed the handle and slid it open, reaching in with an outstretched hand. “You Jack?” he asked, cold as ice.
Jack, whose eyes had been riveted on Emily, suddenly realized what had happened. He reached out and put his palm in Carter’s.
Carter gave the hand pump. “I’m Carter. Pleased to meet you. Your wife and I were just talking about the plans for the yard.”
Jack was speechless. He swallowed, the muscles in his neck tightening as his eyes returned to Emily. “I…uh…forgot my wallet,” he muttered.
Carter nodded. “Uh-huh. Why don’t I give you two a chance to talk. I’ll show myself out around the house.” Dropping Jack’s hand he brushed past Emily and down the patio steps. A moment later he rounded the corner of the house and was gone.
A single cloud drifted across the blue sky, momentarily darkening the bright sunlight.
“Jack,” Emily whispered.
“Emily,” Jack replied with a nod.
A terse silence stretched out between them.
It gripped Emily so tightly she thought she might snap. “I…we were just…” She couldn’t form the words to finish the excuse.
Jack gave her a slow nod. “Why don’t we step inside honey?” he said. “It’s hot out here. Hot as hell.” He stepped back into the darkness and Emily followed.
In the cool, air-conditioned stillness of the house, the silence grew deafening. Jack slid the door shut behind her, then turned to stare at her again. A vein in his forehead was throbbing. “That him?” he asked softly.
Emily’s mind started to race. Toward something or away from it, she couldn’t tell. Just trying to put some distance between her and the feeling that was churning inside her. The hot, shameful, disgraceful tickle that was soaking her panties so wet she could smell herself. She wondered if Jack could, too. “He’s…that’s Carter. The landscape guy. The guy I was telling you ab…”
Jack held up a hand, silencing her. He shook his head. “Don’t lie. No lies,” he said. “This thing’s not going to break us. Lies will. Just tell me the truth.”
Emily’s heart swelled for her husband. The pragmatist Jack who always knew what to say, which direction to turn, what fork in the road to take. The man who had guided her through life thus far. Her pillar.
Her lip began to tremble. “I’m…I’m sorry.”
Jack was right there. His arms went around her and he pulled her into his chest. He palmed the side of her head, pressing her other cheek against his shirt, not caring about the tears that rolled from her eyes to stain it. “Shh. It’s okay. You’re alright. We’re alright. I’m back.”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, the words bubbling out of her mouth as she choked back a sob.
Jack didn’t answer. He eased her gently away from his chest and stared into her eyes. Reaching up with his thumb, he wiped the salty moisture from the corner of her eye and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. He put his hands on her face and kissed her on the lips. Slow and sensuous, the way he had last night.
Emily hadn’t felt that sort of connection with him in…years? Was it years? Or was that just her imagination.
When he pulled away from the kiss he let out a soft breath that tickled her neck. “What are you doing here?” he asked.
