Lenora was terrified she would do exactly that. Although she’d had bursts of courage and moments when she had acted with faith, she had never risked much. Loving Aiden gave him the power to break her heart. Loving Aiden meant accepting that Miss Keighly would feel the same rejection Lenora had felt. The choice felt selfish, and Lenora had never been selfish. She was the daughter who always lent her clothes and jewelry to her sisters. She gave the bigger portion when a tart was cut in half. She did extra work, asked for little, and took the smaller bedroom even when it was only she and Cassie living at home. She’d taken pride in her unselfishness, but wasn’t pride a sin too?
Aunt Gwen wrapped her arms around her niece, embracing her from behind and speaking softly. “Life never comes with guarantees, Lenora, and there is security in never taking a chance. But if you do not take hold of the opportunities of happiness that come your way, you will only find empty tomorrows. Life is both too long and too short to allow fear to guide your ship.”
Monday morning, Aiden delivered Catherine to Mrs. Simmons’s terrace house. He had decided to visit the estate in Cheshire. He hadn’t been there since August, Bath was uncomfortable, and Catherine was doing well. He would make his arrangements and then ask if Catherine could stay with Mrs. Simmons for the two weekends he would be gone. If she was unable, he would look into hiring a temporary governess. How Catherine would love that.
First, he needed to send letters to his steward and his solicitor and see about purchasing a horse. He didn’t mind taking the journey on horseback, except he’d left all the horses in Cheshire, having rented a carriage when they came to Bath. It was a relief to have details to fill his mind, preventing his thoughts from going back over to the too-familiar regrets and “I wish that . . .” and “If only I had . . .” He needed distraction and distance.
Aiden was shrugging out of his coat when Martin cleared his throat.
“There is a woman waiting for you in the visitor’s parlor, Mr. Asher.”
Aiden experienced a moment of déjà vu and looked at the parlor in trepidation. Had Miss Keighly returned? Was she not finished with him after all? “Miss Keighly?”
“No, sir,” Martin said, shaking his head. “Miss Wilton. She said she is Miss Catherine’s teacher.”
Aiden turned toward the parlor without delay, quickly handing off his coat and hat. Miss Wilton, here? He’d only left Catherine at Mrs. Simmons’s house half an hour ago. He had assumed Miss Wilton had been there, waiting for him to leave before she began the day’s lessons. He entered the parlor, and Miss Wilton came to her feet, a nervous smile on her face—but a smile. He had not seen one from her in such a long time.
She was not in her schoolteacher costume of the severe hair and dull dress, but she was not dressed so elaborately as she was for social events, either. Instead, she wore a blue linen dress with white flowers sewn throughout and lace trim around the bodice. Her hair was down, a great blonde cascade, though the front portions were pulled back from her face and pinned up as a cluster of curls. The style made her look both young and confident, and entirely beautiful.
They held one another’s eyes, and he braced himself, not knowing what to expect. Then he feared he did know what to expect. If she’d heard Miss Keighly had broken the engagement, did she now deem him not so low of character as she’d previously determined? He waited for her to speak, for her to set the tone of this interview.
“Mr. Asher,” she said, nodding her head.
“Miss Wilton,” he replied, not dropping her gaze.
She licked her lips and began fidgeting with the folds of her skirt. “It is completely inappropriate for me to be here, and I fear you will find me a hypocrite for saying what I have come to say, but . . .” She paused, swallowed, took a breath, and then let it out.
She doesn’t know Miss Keighly has broken the engagement. He could tell in the blush of her cheeks, the nervous sway of her skirt, and the way her gaze would flit to him and then away. He considered rescuing her, but then decided against it. He wanted to know what she’d come to say without her knowing that he was no longer an engaged man.
“I told you not to break your engagement to Miss Keighly.” Her voice shook, but she was able to lift her regretful eyes to meet his again. “I told you that doing so would make you a man without honor. A man I could never . . . love.” Tears rose in her eyes, and he resisted the impulse to cross the room and take her in his arms.
She paused to swipe quickly at her eyes. “I am so sorry,” she said. “I am so sorry that I let fear rule me, that I put you in such a difficult situation, and that I did not fight for what I wanted.”
Aiden kept his expression neutral. “And what is it you want?”
She swallowed. “You.” It was barely a whisper.
He took a few steps toward her and put his hand behind his ear. “I’m afraid I couldn’t hear that.”
She managed a teary smile and shook her head at his teasing. “I want you to break your engagement to Miss Keighly. I’m sorry for running away.”
He didn’t say anything, but the weight he’d been carrying in his chest was suddenly light as a feather and bright as the sun. He simply took her face in his hands and kissed her.
She startled the moment his lips met hers, but when she didn’t pull away, he let his hands slide to her shoulders. Then her arms came around his back, and she stepped closer. He deepened the kiss, and she welcomed it just as she had on the river, just as he’d dreamed she would every night since then.
Finally, he lifted his head and stepped back so he could look into her eyes. He smiled at her, relishing being able to say the next words. “Miss Keighly broke our engagement a week ago.”
Lenora’s eyebrows flew upward, her eyes wide and her surprise genuine. She opened her mouth as though to speak, but Aiden kissed her again. Lenora melted into the kiss as she had with the others they’d shared, then pushed him away.
“Wait,” she said, slightly breathless. “Miss Keighly broke your engagement? Why? How? Are you terribly upset?”
“Do I look terribly upset?”
She quirked a smile. “No, you do not.”
“I learned that she was executing plans to send Catherine to that school in Wales. Apparently, that portion hit the gossip lines of Bath, but the fact that I drew a line did not. She did cry off, but I gave her the option of doing so herself or else I would break the engagement. If you must judge my character harshly for that, so be it.”
“I have been too judgmental already.” She reached out her hand, and he took it, giving it a squeeze before lifting it to his lips. She watched him kiss her hand, her eyes bright. “I have wanted to avoid pain and do what is right, but nothing in my life has been as painful as these last weeks have been. Please forgive me for letting fear blind me to the man you are, and what I want to be to you.”
He let his fingers stroke the lock of hair draped over her shoulder. “You understand that Catherine will be a part of my life and a part of the family I hope very much to create. I fear she will never be easy to manage, but I am committed to her, regardless.”
“Any woman would be lucky to earn the love and respect of such an honorable man. I am committed to her also.”
He cocked his head. “She is difficult.”
Lenora’s bright smile lit the room. “Yes, I know. But she is also a delight.”
He pulled her hand, causing her to step forward until she hit up against his chest. She let out a small gasp that sent warm shivers down his spine. Clasping one hand against his chest, he used his other hand to tip her chin up. “I will not lie and say your words that day in your aunt’s parlor did not wound me deeply.”
“I know,” she said in a whisper.
“But I happen to be a very forgiving and reasonable man.”
She smiled.
“Only . . .”
“What?” she asked.
“It might take some time, maybe even a lifetime, for me to be sure that you are and ever will be the woman who will make me the happiest of men. I fear it will take hard work on your part—loving my niece, making a family, proving your devotion in every way a woman can prove such to a man.”
Lenora laughed, then tried to school her expression. For perhaps the first time, he could read every thought and feeling on her face, and that, more than even her being here and the words she had spoken, assured him that they would find every happiness together. “So my punishment for letting fear rule me is to be a life sentence, then.”
He lowered his face and barely brushed her lips with his own. “Precisely.”
Five years later
Aiden and Lenora Asher stood at the entryway to the ballroom, welcoming guests to Catherine’s debut ball at the estate in Cheshire and smiling until they felt sure their faces would never return to normal. They only stopped receiving when they heard the orchestra strike up the first dance. The grandson of one of Aunt Gwen’s friends was escorting Catherine in her first dance—a waltz. Catherine had insisted upon it, even though it was completely improper. There was always a great deal of bartering and negotiating when it came to Catherine’s compliance in any given situation.
Aiden and Lenora reached the edge of the dance floor, and Lenora sighed as she saw Catherine’s presentation up close. She and Catherine had argued for days about what was appropriate for her to wear for her debut ball. White, of course, but Catherine had wanted red slippers. Lenora had forbidden it, a choice that Aunt Gwen had supported, thank goodness.
Aunt Gwen was still the most steadying influence for the headstrong girl, so it was a blessing that she didn’t mind visiting them in the country a few times a year and was diligent in returning correspondence when she was residing in Bath.
Lenora had thought the topic was finished, but sometime between the receiving line and the dance, Catherine had procured a huge bow in bright red satin and pinned it directly to the back of her head. From the front, it looked as though she’d sprouted wings.
“That girl,” Lenora said under her breath, swallowing the residual embarrassment. Perhaps she should have agreed to the shoes.
“Is delightful,” Aiden finished for her. They repeated the mantra half a dozen times a day sometimes. And Catherine was delightful, sometimes, and petulant, obstinate, irritating, and defiant at other times. But as she got older, she was getting better at controlling her moods and understanding the effect her actions had on other people.
She adored Lenora and Aiden’s daughters as though they were her sisters, not cousins. Hannah would be three in April, and Gwendoline was just six months old. So far, their personalities were much more like their mother than their older cousin. For that, Lenora was grateful. She could not handle more than one Catherine in her life, but she had to admit she had learned to handle Catherine rather well. Lenora’s natural calmness had become an asset, just as Aiden’s dogged devotion had convinced her that she was truly loved.
“Now,” Catherine said loudly as she and Mr. Kindershod waltzed in front of where Aiden and Lenora stood. She had wanted to dance a few measures as the only couple on the floor, then have the others join them.
“I believe we have our orders,” Aiden said, standing before Lenora as he put out his hand. Lenora took it and remembered their first dance—countless waltzes ago—and how breathless she’d been in his company that night. She took his hand and allowed him to lead her into the first steps.
“Do you remember our first waltz?” Aiden asked.
Lenora laughed. “I was just thinking about it.” She made the mistake of looking past him, at the eyes that watched them on the floor, and tensed beneath the scrutiny. She was still never quite comfortable in a crowd, let alone being the center of attention. She hoped everyone was too distracted by Catherine’s silly big bow to notice.
Aiden let go of her waist in order to turn her chin back to face him. “Watch my eyes, don’t think too much, move with me.”
She immediately softened in his arms, as she always did when he looked at her like that.
“You look lovely tonight, my dear,” he said.
“Thank you. I was surprised the dress would fit.” After two children, the youthful slimness she’d taken for granted had given way to a plumpness she found uncomfortable.
“Better than ever,” he said, pulling her closer.
They were all but pressed together. Lenora shook her head and felt her cheeks heat up. “You’re going to spur gossip,” she said, trying to pull back, but that only encouraged him more.
He winked at her. “What is a little scandal among friends?”
She couldn’t help but smile as she looked into those eyes she loved so dearly. Eyes that had seen through the different personas she’d worn and found the whole of her. Eyes that had stared in wonder at their first child, and then their second. Eyes that had held back their fury when Catherine vexed him to the limit, and eyes that had teared up when his niece performed to a standing ovation at the music hall a few months ago—performing a musical piece she had read. This husband of hers was a man of feeling, a man of goodness, and a man to whom she had entrusted her heart, body, and soul.
She caught sight of Cassie and Evan, who had traveled from Leagrave for Catherine’s debut, and felt the connectedness of so many people she loved so well.
“What are you thinking of?” Aiden asked, watching her face as they executed a turn between two other couples—the floor was quite full now.
“That I am the luckiest woman in the world,” Lenora said.
“That’s only because you married the luckiest man.” They danced a few more steps. “What do you say about taking a trip to the river tonight?”
He was not referring to the Avon River in Bath, but the Meresy, which ran through the south end of their Cheshire estate. For her birthday last year, Aiden had commissioned a set of stone steps leading from the top of the embankment to a small section of riverbank, complete with a stone bench perfect for reading or kissing or watching the river.
It was somewhere Lenora escaped to when life became overwhelming—which it often did, and always had. The rippling water seemed to move through her thoughts like music, clearing and cleansing her from the anxiety and stress. Sometimes Aiden came with her. When he did, the goal was not to relax but to remember the feelings that had started them on the course of their lives together.
“After the ball?” Lenora asked, allowing her acceptance of his offer to show on her face.
Aiden smiled that dashing smile. “Oh, how I adore you, Mrs. Asher.” He turned her more sharply than necessary, leaving her breathless.
Watch my eyes. Don’t think too much. Move with me.
I wrote the first 41,000 words of this book over a four-day writing retreat. It took me four months to write the rest.
I struggled to pinpoint Lenora’s story, but really, really wanted to make it work. Thank you to my beta readers, Margot Hovely (Glimmering Light, Covenant 2014) and Jennifer Moore (Miss Leslie’s Secret, Covenant 2017). And to my editor, Lisa Mangum, for her patience with my pushing the deadlines and then her being so spot on with feedback.
Additional thanks to my product manager at Shadow Mountain, Heidi Taylor Gordon, to Rachael Ward for the typesetting, and to Heather Ward and Kimberly Durtschi for the cover, as well as all the other hands that helped push this book along.
Big thanks to my agent, Lane Heymont, for being so positive, savvy, and kind.
I am greatly blessed with friends, faith, and my family. Thank you to everyone who lifts me up and makes it possible for me to do what I love and love what I do. God bless.
1.What do you feel Lenora’s role was in her family? Can you recognize your “role” in your family growing up? How has your role changed over the years?
2.Lenora struggles with anxiety but learns some coping mechanisms to
help her live a different life once she comes to Bath. Do you have any experience with ways to mitigate anxiety? What are your favorite ways to relax or find balance in your life?
3.Though Lenora is musically gifted, that strength is also a weakness because it allowed her to avoid developing other skills. Do you have strengths that have also sometimes been stumbling blocks? Have you been able to turn a weakness into a strength? How have you been able to find that balance?
4.What are your feelings regarding natural ability versus acquired talent? How does one affect the other?
5.Was there a character in this story to whom you related better than the others? What qualities of that person drew you to that character?
6.Catherine struggles with dyslexia, which makes certain tasks more difficult for her. How was she able to hide her dyslexia, and what made her finally willing to ask for help? Have you ever found it difficult to ask for help?
7.Should Aiden have told Lenora about the broken engagement when she confronted him about the rumors she’d heard regarding Catherine being sent to Wales? Did you understand or agree with his decision?
8.Is there a particular scene or moment that stood out to you in this story?
9.Lenora finds peace and comfort by sitting alongside the river. Is there a special place you like to go to find peace?
10.The waltz that Lenora shares with Aidan is a turning point in her life and in their relationship. Do you remember your first dance?
Josi is the author of twenty-five novels and one cookbook and a participant in several co-authored projects and anthologies. She is a four-time Whitney award winner—Sheep’s Clothing (2007), Wedding Cake (2014), and Lord Fenton’s Folly (2015) for Best Romance and Best Novel of the Year—and the Utah Best in State winner for fiction in 2012. She and her husband, Lee, are the parents of four children.
You can find more information about Josi and her writing at josiskilpack.com.
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