by Jillian Hart
“Congratulations.” Thad was grinning from ear to ear as he pitched a forkful of hay into the wagon. “I’m glad you could find someone again. I was afraid that wouldn’t happen for you.”
“Me, too.” That at least was the truth. Years had passed and he’d never considered marrying again, but Joanna had changed all that.
The trip to town must have gone well. She smiled as she lifted her daughter down from the wagon seat. He had to squint against the sun, but he could just make out a big package wrapped up under the seat beside a hatbox. He was glad about that. It looked as if Joanna had found what she needed.
Bless Miss Sims. He’d figured she would help Joanna, as she was too classy of a lady to listen to the terrible rumors Finn had started. Finn. Aiden took a deep breath, trying to squeeze out his sorrow. They knew this for a fact, now. Neither Thad nor the minister could lure him from the saloon or talk him out of his destructive choices.
“Maybe you ought to go check on her.” Thad seemed mighty pleased with himself as he kept pitching. “I’ll finish up filling the wagon, don’t you worry. Go on.”
He could see as plain as day what his brother was thinking. “This is an arrangement I have with Joanna, nothing more.”
“An arrangement? I don’t understand.”
“I’m marrying her because she needs help.” How clear did he have to be? “That’s the only reason we are marrying.”
“That’s it?” Thad looked mighty perplexed. “You don’t love her?”
“No, and she knows that.” Aiden slid his pitchfork against the tailgate, feeling that he ought to be honest. Thad was thinking one thing about this marriage that wasn’t true. “She’s not in love with me, either.”
“Then why are you getting married? Wait, I know.” His brother shook his head. “Don’t worry, Aiden. No one worth their salt believes any of those rumors. Besides, they are already dying down. I’ve done my best to make sure of it.”
“I appreciate that.” Aiden turned away, dreading what his brother was going to say next, no doubt something about love needing to be a part of marriage.
There was Joanna’s son petting the horses, while she unbuckled them from the traces. It was hard looking at that boy. The kid was about to become his son, and Joanna his wife.
His wife. The emptiness within him hurt like a broken bone. No, he would do best not to think of her as that. He wiped the sweat from his face and neck, trying to figure out what to say. “Joanna needs help, and I’m helping her. That’s all there is to this. She’ll be moving into one of the upstairs bedrooms in the house, and I plan on sleeping in one of the downstairs rooms, or the shanty. I’m still deciding.”
“The shanty? You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yep.” His voice sounded strained and he knew it, but he was managing this the best that he could. “After what I lost, I don’t have it in me to love again.”
“C’mon, big brother. I don’t believe that.”
Aiden shrugged, at a loss. “It’s just not there. I broke after I lost Kate and the baby. My heart, my soul, they’re ashes now. There’s nothing left.”
“But—”
“There are no buts. There’s nothing to argue about, Thad.” He stepped away from his brother and the painful conversation.
Joanna was taking the horses to the barn now, with the girl on her hip and the little boy leading the way. She was as wholesome as could be in her pink calico dress and matching sunbonnet. The sun seemed to follow her and grace her, as if heaven were watching over this good woman.
“Aiden, I still don’t understand. This could be a second chance for you,” Thad argued.
He cleared his throat in order to say what he had to say. “Think of how deeply you love your wife. Now, think of your future without her.”
As if struck, Thad bowed his head, silent, his wide shoulders slumped. He looked as if he’d been hit in the chest with an anvil. It was like the sun going down, Aiden knew, never to rise again.
Without the need to say more, he grabbed his hat. “I’ll see if Joanna needs anything. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Thad still didn’t say anything, as if he were unable to move.
Aiden found her in the barn, rubbing down the horses, although they were not in a sweat. She sure took good care of her animals.
He hefted the water bucket from the corner and hauled it over to the stalls. “How’s his hoof looking?”
“Better, I think. He made the walk to and from town just fine.” Joanna looked at Aiden over the horse’s smooth rump. “I don’t think it’s tender at all.”
“Good. He’ll likely be just fine. I’m having the blacksmith out next week, and he’ll take a look. New shoes might help, too.”
She nodded, folding up the towel. “How much will that cost?”
“You and I haven’t talked about what we are going to do about money after we marry.” His lungs felt empty, as if he couldn’t get in enough air. The boy was walking down the aisle, peering into the empty stalls, as if dreaming of horses. The girl was staring at something small she held in her hand. He did his best not to notice. “It will be like any marriage, Joanna. I’ll pay for what you and your children need. The horses, too.”
“But that’s not fair to you.” Her jaw tightened and her chin went up in the air. “That isn’t why I’m marrying you, so you can pay my way. I plan to keep my job with Noelle and maybe pick up some other work in town. Cora Sims has need for an extra seamstress. I’m going to work off a few things I bought for the children.”
“I don’t think I can stand for that.”
“You’ll just have to.” She had character, he had to give her that. She stood up to him and met his gaze as if she had no intention of backing down. And she didn’t. He could see that.
He held up his hands. “Whoa, there. No need to get all mad at me.”
“I think there’s plenty of need. I’m not marrying you to take advantage of you, Aiden, and if that’s what you think, then I’d rather not marry you.”
Yes, this was what he remembered of being married. Women, he thought, shaking his head slowly, wishing he could understand them enough to know how to avoid this type of thing. “I only meant I don’t want you to work so hard, Joanna. First the fields. Now working for pay. I’m not used to that, is all I’m saying. I never allowed my wife to work.”
“And neither did my husband, at first, and look where that got me.” There was hurt in Joanna’s eyes, creeping in like shadows. “I will always be grateful to you for my children’s sake, but I have to know that I’m making a difference for you, too. That I’m making your life a little easier.”
His throat choked up. He could not bear to feel one single emotion struggling to life within him.
“It’s up to you.” Those were the hardest words he had said in a long time. Marriage was like that, too, he remembered. “I don’t want you working so hard, Joanna. You need to take better care of your health for those children.”
She nodded, avoiding him, too. Silence settled between them, heavy with all they were both unable to say.
He filled the water troughs with a few splashes of water, just enough to wet the horses’ tongues until they were a mite cooler. “I’ll finish up the work here.”
“Then I’ll get supper ready for you and Thad.” She took Daisy by the hand. “C’mon, James.”
The woman left him standing in the aisle, alone in the waning sunlight, still a little surprised. She was going to be his wife.
Chapter Twelve
She’d said yes. Aiden still couldn’t believe it, not even standing in church before the minister and most of his family. He was looking right at her and the shock was still with him.
Maybe because there was so much shock, for so many different reasons. He’d never figured he would marry again. He couldn’t believe a good woman like Joanna would want to be stuck with a man like him. But mostly he was shocked because the lady in ivory and gold at his side had been hiding her beauty from him.
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br /> She wore a simple dress by most standards, but the light color brightened her like a moonbeam. Her golden hair was knotted up primly and properly except for the stray tendrils that curled around her soft face like fine silk. She was luminous in the light of the sanctuary. Her hand held his tightly, and he could practically feel her hope.
Lord, don’t let me fail You, he prayed silently. I’mtrusting You to lead me from here. Only God knew how hard this was for him.
The last time he had been standing in this church and slipping a ring on a woman’s finger, he had been so in love his spirit had hurt with the power of it. Never would he have thought his life would bring him here, back to this place.
Pain had a sharp edge as he tried to swallow. He tried not to think back on what he’d lost. He saw instead what he had to gain. A helpmate for his life of hard work. A purpose for his existence. Hope, however small, that providing for Joanna and her children would somehow make up for the loss of his own. Nothing could bring his heart back, he knew, but maybe he could bring life back to hers.
“I now pronounce you man and wife.” Hadly, who should have been somber, was grinning. “Aiden, you may now kiss your bride.”
“Kiss her?” he repeated, not quite understanding. Kiss her? Why, he had forgotten this part entirely.
“It’s all right,” Joanna was hastily saying. “It’s not required, is it?”
“There’s no reason for you two to be shy.” The minister closed his Bible, cradling it in his hands. “You’re allowed to kiss.”
“Oh, my.” She turned toward him. “I was so nervous about the ceremony that I forgot we’re expected to—”
“Yes, the ceremony’s over now.” He towered above her, moving a tiny bit closer, and whispered, “I think one kiss would be okay.”
“You do?” She discovered she was leaning a tiny bit nearer to him, too. Nerves skittered through her. She did not love Aiden. She did not want to kiss him. They were standing before God, their vows spoken, and his mother watched expectantly with happy tears in her eyes. Joanna felt the pressure of Ida’s hopes as surely as the muggy air inside the church.
Should they kiss? No one here, including the minister, believed their quick marriage was anything less than love at first sight.
“I do.” Aiden looked solemn as he cupped her face with his big hands. His eyes were as dark as that stormy night sky without the cracks of lightning in it as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
Sweetness filled her. In the distance, Ida sighed with happiness and told Noelle, who gasped with pleasure. But it was hard for Joanna to hear over the rush in her ears. The way he looked at her with a question, as if asking permission, made that rushing sound a little louder. The sweetness within her swelled until she felt near to bursting.
“Thank you,” she whispered, so that only he would hear.
“You’re welcome.” He took his hands from her face, but the caring in his eyes remained. “Now neither of us is alone.”
“Congratulations,” the minister said, beaming. “I pray that you two will always know more happiness and less hardship. Look at poor Ida. She is overcome. Aiden, you made her proud today. I don’t think she ever thought this day would come for you.”
“It surprised me, too.” He stood straight and manly, leaning down to accept his mother’s tearful hug. No one would guess by the small smile he managed and his stately acceptance of well wishes from Thad and Noelle, that he was hurting inside.
Only Joanna knew.
She felt a tug on her skirt. Daisy, looking dear in her new dress, gazed up at her pleadingly. “Ma, I have to go.”
“All right. We’d best hurry outside.” She took her little girl by the hand and turned toward Aiden, but he was already nodding to her, acknowledging that she was leaving, letting her know he would wait for her to come back.
Another piece of hope dammed up the broken pieces of her heart, and Aiden was the reason.
“Welcome to the family, dear.” Ida wrapped her in a big hug right in the middle of the front yard. “I can’t tell you how pleased I am to have you for a daughter.”
A mother-in-law. Joanna hadn’t thought that while her marriage to Aiden might not be real in the romantic sense, her relationship with his family could be. “I don’t think I could have a better mother-in-law.”
“There is no in-law, you hear me, young lady?” Ida was pure loving warmth. “You will be like a daughter to me, the same way Noelle is. Tell her, Noelle, that you can’t get rid of me.”
“Yes, that is very true. Lucky me.” Noelle climbed down from the wagon into her husband’s arms. “Ida, you are like a mother to me, you know that. Joanna, prepare to be spoiled.”
“That sounds good to me.” It was hard to believe her good fortune. That suddenly, with a few vows, she was here, surrounded by family. She lifted Daisy onto her hip. “Please come in. I have dinner ready to warm up.”
“As if I’m going to let the bride do all the work!” Ida, apple-cheeked and rosy, reached out to take Daisy into her arms. “Why don’t we go into the kitchen? Noelle, did you remember the baskets?”
“Of course!” Noelle was a wonder, cheerfully feeling her way along the wagon sides, her fingers lightly skimming the boards. “Aiden, come help Thad lift all this stuff. We brought wedding presents.”
“And cake.” Ida gazed down at the little girl in her arms. “And presents for my grandchildren.”
“I got a new button for my collection,” Daisy told Ida. “I have eleven now, all of my very own. Do you want to come see?”
“Yes, I do.” Ida positively beamed.
She was a born grandmother, Joanna decided, feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it was the scorching heat of the day or the muggy weather, but her knees felt weak and her bones like water. Her children had never known a grandmother’s love; her mom had died before she had married Tom, and his mother had no interest.
James had perked up at the word presents. He watched the older woman closely, as if afraid of believing what he had just heard. Gifts had always been strictly Christmas and birthday events. Until now.
Ida held out her hand, James took it and the three of them disappeared into the house. A kind grandma. Now, that was more than a blessing, it was divine gift. The hot breeze swept around Joanna, twirling her skirts and skimming her face. The gentle lilt of Noelle’s quiet alto and Thad’s rumbling bass made a cozy duet as they talked low together at the far end of their wagon. They obviously had a happy marriage, another rare blessing.
Aiden was one of those, too. Not only a gift, but a once-in-a-lifetime kind of man. Joanna’s heart swelled tenderly as she searched the yard for him. There he was, standing at the far side of the house with his feet braced on the land like some western myth, watching the white puffy thunderheads building in the southern sky.
He didn’t turn as she approached, but began talking, so he obviously knew she was close. “We might get a hard blow. I’ve got yesterday’s cut hay drying in the field.”
He seemed distant and motionless, as if made of stone. Alone, as if he were always destined to be. She ached, wishing she knew how to ease his pain. “Do you need some time? Or should I start setting out the meal?”
“Go ahead and eat.” His throat worked, the only sign that he was made of flesh and bone and not granite. “I’ll come in when I can.”
She thought of Ida fawning over her grandchildren. Of how happy his family was for him. It had to be a painful reminder of the time he’d brought his Kate home after their wedding, and of Ida’s first grandchild, who hadn’t lived.
Now neither of us are alone. His words in the church came back to Joanna and touched her anew. How alone he must have felt all these years. When she laid her hand on the steely curve of his shoulder, he let it linger for a moment before he turned away.
“I’ve got to take care of the horses,” he said hollowly. “I need to keep an eye on the storm.”
The ring on her finger was a reminder that she was more committed than before to
making this man’s life better. But how? She was at the end of her rope. She had done everything she knew to do.
Lord, show me. Please. It was on faith she prayed, for she had no one else to rely on. Not even herself. She did not know how to help him. She didn’t know if anyone could.
“I’ll be inside if you need anything, Aiden.” It was hard to force her feet to carry her away from him. She had so many things to do: change into her work clothes and get the little ones out of their new things, put the meal on the table, make sure everyone was fed and comfortable and happy.
“Joanna, dear, there you are.” Ida was on the kitchen steps. “Does Aiden think bad weather is on the way?”
“Yes.” She glanced over her shoulder, nearly missing her footing. He still had his back turned, watching the storm clouds gathering. She longed to draw him away from that lonely field and take him into the house where his family waited for him. She knew she did not have that power.
“Then we’ll leave him to his weather watching.” If Ida was troubled over her son, it didn’t show except in the tight lines around her mouth. “He’ll join us when he’s able. Come see what present we brought for you.”
“For me?”
“Why, yes. You are the bride, are you not?” Ida took her by the arm and led her through the lean-to into the kitchen. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is no big occasion, being a second marriage for both of you, because you would be wrong. Come into the parlor.”
Joanna noticed the leaves had been put into the table and it was set for seven. The stove had been lit and pots were sitting on top, heating up. The dinner rolls she had baked yesterday were spread on a sheet, ready to go into the oven. Ida had already taken care of heating up the meal.
“Ma!” James jumped to his feet and came running across the parlor. Excitement sparkled in his eyes and he appeared happier than she could ever remember seeing him. “Look what Uncle Thad made me. A real mustang.”
Joanna glanced at the carved wooden horse with mane and tail flowing. She had to blink hard to keep her eyes from burning. “He looks just like Sunny, doesn’t he?”
