‘Callie …’
‘Please, Gerri, please. Just this once, okay? I will tell him but I need to figure out how to do that. I need time to think.’
Gerri sighed. ‘Okay.’
Callie hugged her friend, her colleague, her boss. ‘What would I do without you?’
Gerri patted Callie’s back. ‘You’ll never have to find out.’
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Gerri. ‘I don’t believe you.’
Gerri shrugged. ‘That’s what she said.’
Sebastian jammed his hands on his hips. ‘So between seven this morning when she texted me that she was feeling better and that she’d see me at work and now…’
He paused and checked his watch. ‘A quarter past nine…She’s just decided to take off for a few days? Without rhyme or reason? Without telling me?’
Geraldine drew herself up to her very impressive height. ‘Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.’
Sebastian was sure that Gerri’s regal matriarchal glare, unwavering in its intensity, scared the pants off most people. But he was not most people. And he’d be a pretty lousy psychologist if he couldn’t see that Gerri was lying.
Although he had to admit she was fairly convincing.
Had he not worked in the prison system for the last decade, she might even have got away with it. But he was trained to read nuances and Gerri’s subtle jaw clench gave her away.
And besides—the whole thing just didn’t make sense.
Employing a stare of his own that had broken hardened criminals, he dropped his voice. ‘Don’t bullshit me, Geraldine.’
Gerri regarded him for a moment with pursed lips. ‘Okay.’ She caved in. ‘She hasn’t gone away. She’s at home.’
Sebastian nodded, no triumph in his success. ‘What’s wrong with her? Is she okay? Is this something to do with her seeing the doctor?’ A hundred worst-case scenarios whizzed around his brain.
Gerri shook her head. ‘Oh, no, you don’t. I’m not telling you anything else. Go and ask her yourself.’
Sebastian picked his keys up off his desk where he’d not long thrown them. ‘Fine. I have every intention of doing so.’
Gerri held up her hands in the universal signal to stop. ‘If you want my advice, you’ll give her some breathing room. Don’t hare over there now. Wait till after work. Give her a chance to…Give her some space.’
A chance to what? Some space for what? But Gerri had gone before he could form the questions.
He threw the keys back down in disgust and snatched up the phone receiver, punching in her home number. It went to her answering machine. ‘Callie? Callie, it’s Sebastian. I know you’re there. Pick up the phone.’ He waited for five seconds. ‘Callie please, I’m worried about you.’ More silence followed. ‘I’ll be round tonight after work, whether you like it or not,’ he growled as he banged the phone down.
He sat in his chair, drumming his fingers on the desk. He reached for the phone again and dialled her mobile. It went straight to her message bank and he cursed under his breath before leaving another similarly terse message.
Sebastian steepled his fingers and brooded, staring into space. What in God’s name had got into her? Had he done something wrong? Had she really wanted him to come over last night with a bunch of flowers and some hot chicken broth? Had she set him some kind of a test that he’d failed, and now she was sulking?
No, that wasn’t Callie. It just wasn’t.
God knew, he’d known women like that. Women who constantly tested their men. Tried to trap them into doing something wrong to prove them unworthy. Irrational women. Women who liked to play games.
Which was one of the best things about his relationship with Callie?no games. No artifice. No lies. Just two adults enjoying each other’s company. Respecting each other.
He clenched his fists. Or so he’d thought!
By the time Sebastian arrived at Callie’s it was nearly eight o’clock. A last-minute crisis at Jambalyn had seen him tied up at the hospital, organising an emergency admission to the psych unit.
He was tired and had a knot of tension between his shoulder blades as big as his fist. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with Callie, lose himself inside her and forget about the entire day.
Walking up the front steps, looking at the darkened house, that particular fantasy didn’t seem very likely.
He raised his hand and gave three hard raps against the wood of the front door. He waited for a minute and rapped again. Another minute passed.
‘Callie,’ he called, knocking for the third time. ‘I know you’re in there.’
More silence greeted him and Sebastian felt a most unnatural urge to rip the door off its hinges. He thumped at the wood instead, pounding his fist on it.
‘Goddamn it, Callie. Open the door!’
Callie, who was lying on the couch in the same spot she’d been sprawled all day, frowned as the noise finally penetrated the strange cocoon she’d been wrapped in.
Sebastian? No, no, no. It was too soon to talk to him. She sat up. ‘Go away,’ she croaked. She cleared her voice and tried again, stronger this time. ‘Leave me alone!’
Sebastian placed his palm flat against the wood. Her voice sounded feeble and the worry that had been gnawing at his gut all day intensified. ‘No. I’m not going to go away,’ he yelled. ‘I’m not going to leave you alone. You can push me away as much as you like but I’m still going to be here. Now, open the damn door or I will use my key.’
Callie felt a moment of panic snap her fully out of the twilight zone she’d been hovering in all day. Geraldine’s You’ll have to talk to him some time taunted her. But now?
She wasn’t ready. She hadn’t worked out what to say.
But, then, was she ever going to be ready for one of the hardest conversations of her life? It was right up there with begging Andy not to jump and having to break the news to Zack that he was going to go back and live with his mother.
Another thundering pound on her door. Another desperate ‘Callie!’
She stood, her legs weak and wobbly, her stomach lurching at the sudden movement after hours of complete idleness. ‘Coming,’ she called, lest Sebastian decided to knock her door down in preference to using the key.
He certainly sounded mad enough.
Sebastian heard her weak response and clenched his fists by his sides as a huge well of relief made him feel light-headed. The outside light above his head flicked on and he heard the lock being sprung and then the door opened.
He didn’t know what would greet him but he wasn’t prepared for the wan-looking woman before him. Her amber eyes were dull, her hair was lank and her eyes had dark rings beneath them
‘Oh, my God!’ he exclaimed, stepping closer. He had a strong urge to hug her, to infuse some of his strength into her. She looked wretched. But she shrank back from him into the shadows of the house, which appeared to be in complete darkness, and he stopped.
He pushed his hands into his pockets to prevent a repeat performance. ‘Callie, what’s the matter? You look…awful. Is there something you’re not telling me?’ His heart pounded as he thought of all the terminal and degenerative diseases he’d come across in his career.
‘Are you …are you sick?’
Callie snorted. ‘Not much of a catch now, hey?’
A spike of undiluted rage hit Sebastian’s bloodstream and he was pleased his hands were firmly ensconced in his pockets as the urge to shake her took hold. ‘You think I care about that?’ he snapped. ‘I just want to know what’s wrong, damn it!’
‘I’m pregnant.’
Callie hadn’t meant to blurt it out. She really hadn’t. But in the absence of a better plan it just fell out of her mouth.
She watched his face grow very still as the news sank in. The light from above shone on the golden highlights in his hair and eyebrows. It danced off his lashes, pooled in the hollows beneath his glorious cheekbones and caressed the twin curves of his lips.
She couldn’t bear the g
rowing silence. Couldn’t bear the thought of never kissing that mouth again. ‘You can go now,’ she said, and turned on her heel.
Sebastian didn’t move for a moment or two. Pregnant? She was pregnant. He shut his eyes. That night. After Frank. The shower. His desperate need for her, for life. Her desperate need to feel all of him—no barriers. Him wanting it too.
Oh, hell.
He rubbed a weary hand across his eyes and opened them. Pregnant. Callie was carrying his child.
With his heart in his mouth, he stepped into the house.
He found her sitting on the lounge, her legs tucked up beneath her, staring at the flickering, silent television. She looked up as he entered.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ he said, raking a hand through his hair. ‘What to think.’
Callie regarded him steadily. ‘How about that I trapped you into this by insisting that you not wear a condom that night?’
Sebastian clenched a fist. ‘You didn’t put a gun to my head, Callie. I wanted it as much you did,’ he said sharply as he sat down beside her.
Even now he remembered how liberating it had been to be inside her and to really feel her for the first time. ‘I know this news is as much a shock to you as it is to me.’
They both stared at the television for what seemed like an age, caught up in their own thoughts. ‘Where do we go from here?’ Sebastian finally asked.
Callie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’
‘Do you…do you want the baby?’
Callie recoiled at Sebastian’s tentative question. The one she’d been avoiding all day. ‘I don’t know,’ she repeated, ignoring the jab of pain that kicked her in the centre of her chest every time her mind drifted to the issue. ‘Do you?’
Sebastian ruffled his hair for the umpteenth time, surprised to find he had any left. ‘I…don’t know. This is a shock. I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to think or say.’
Callie nodded. ‘Yeah, well,’ she said rising to her feet, ‘That makes two of us.’
Sebastian frowned. ‘Where are you going?’
‘To bed,’ she said, not bothering to look at him. ‘I’ve done nothing but think about this all day. I just don’t want to think any more.’
Sebastian let her go. She was obviously still in shock, functioning mechanically and seeking solace in sleep rather than the reality of the situation.
That was totally understandable. He was pretty shocked himself. He, on the other hand, having only just found out, wasn’t likely to get any sleep.
Maybe ever again.
He kicked off his shoes and lay back on the couch, the television casting an eerie pall over his churning thoughts.
Sebastian wasn’t sure what time it was when something woke him from a sleep he’d not long slipped into after an interminable night of staring into the dark, alternating between castigation and indecision.
The noise, like that of a wounded animal, came again and he became fully aware of his surroundings. He was on a couch, Callie’s couch, and the noise was coming from their bedroom.
Her bedroom.
He vaulted up and stumbled through the house. Callie wasn’t in the bed and the noise was coming from the en suite bathroom. His feet were on the cold tiles in four long strides.
Callie was hunched over the toilet bowl, retching. ‘Callie,’ he murmured, crouching beside her.
Callie, already feeling wretched, felt her misery intensify as Sebastian witnessing her vomiting. ‘Go away,’ she cried, pushing at him distractedly, her eyes shut tight as she tried to mentally will the nausea away. Hot tears scalded her eyes and slipped out from behind her lids to course down her face.
Sebastian rubbed her back. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Please. Sebastian, please, just go,’ she sobbed. ‘I don’t want you to see me like this.’ Then another bout of retching took over and she couldn’t talk any more.
Sebastian ignored her, continuing to rub her back. When the retching settled he stood, wetted a washcloth and gave it to her.
Callie took it gratefully, pressing the coolness to her mouth. She must look a mess. Her eyes were red and streaming, her nose running. She sat back against the wall. ‘I’m s-so s-sorry,’ she said in hiccoughy sobs, fresh tears taking the places of the ones she’d scrubbed way. ‘I can’t s-seem to s-stop crying.’
Apart from her howling episode with Gerri, she hadn’t cried at all yesterday. She’d just stared at the television all day, feeling numb inside. But this, throwing up first thing in the morning, made the whole thing seem very real—more so than the pregnancy test—and the enormity had hit her again.
‘Hey,’ Sebastian murmured, sliding down the wall as she dissolved into a flood of tears. He hauled her into his lap and held her against his chest as she wept.
‘It’s such a b-big m-mess,’ she bawled.
‘Shh,’ Sebastian soothed. ‘It’ll be okay. You’ll see. We’ll work it out. Shh.’
Callie wasn’t sure how long she clung to him. All she knew was that his voice was soothing, saying all the right things, and the scratch of his red-gold whiskers against her hair as he rocked slightly was a strange sort of bliss.
She never wanted to leave the shelter of his arms. Here she was just Callie. And she adored it.
Except she wasn’t just Callie any more.
She was Callie plus one.
And therein lay the problem.
CHAPTER NINE
CALLIE was still feeling numb when she drove to Jambalyn on Monday morning. She was tired of the same thoughts turning over and over in her head and was looking forward to the distraction of work. Eight hours of something else to concentrate on other than the fact that Sebastian’s baby was growing inside her.
Her stomach was still delicate and she’d spent half an hour that morning in and out of the toilet. Of course, it didn’t help that it was also churned up at the thought of seeing Sebastian again.
Sebastian had wanted to stay the weekend but she’d needed to be alone. It was too hard to think with him there. Her affection, her sexual attraction to him became all jumbled up in the seesaw of emotions inside her and just muddied the issue further.
So he’d gone. Almost eagerly, she’d thought. But how could she blame him? He’d just had this momentous news dumped in his lap too; why wouldn’t he also need time to think things through?
He’d looked like hell when he’d left. Unshaven. Haggard. The lines around his eyes and mouth more pronounced. He looked like he had that night after Frank and a part of her had wanted to call him back. Hold him tight. Tell him it was all going to be okay, as he had assured her earlier on the bathroom floor.
He would have stayed?she had no doubt of that. Had she asked. But something had stopped her.
The shock pregnancy news had thrown up some sort of shield between them. A physical and mental barrier. It was like they suddenly didn’t know what to say to each other. How to act. There was an awkwardness that had never existed between them. Not even in the beginning.
And she wanted it back the way it had been.
Before the baby.
‘Hi.’
Callie stopped in the staffroom doorway in mid-stride as Sebastian pulled up beside her. Her stomach did its usual funny dip thing, which did not bode well in her current state.
Her gaze ate him up. He was clean shaven but his peridot eyes lacked their sparkle and there was a certain grimness to a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Hi,’ she murmured back.
Sebastian drank her in too. She looked…peaky and he could just make out the shadows below her eyes beneath heavier than usual make-up. It looked like neither of them had got much sleep. Out of habit he raised his hand and stroked the back of his palm down her cheek and along her jaw before dropping his hand.
‘How are you feeling?’
Callie felt her stomach clench at the huskiness in his voice. She gave him a half-smile. ‘Delicate.’
Sebastian nodded. ‘We need to talk.’
Callie’s heart boomed in her chest. ‘Yeah, I know. We will. I just need a little more time…to get my head around it.’
Sebastian regarded her for a few more moments. ‘Okay. But soon. I’m not going to wait for ever.’
Callie watched him walk away, his shoulders back, his head with its glorious crown of red and gold held high. He looked like a man who’d made a decision. Who knew what he wanted.
Trepidation squirmed through her already unsettled belly.
Thankfully the morning was frantic and Callie didn’t have time to dwell on things too much. Sebastian was scarce and Geraldine, sensing Callie’s need for space, didn’t push her on anything, even though Callie could tell that her boss was dying to talk to her about it.
Unfortunately, due to the way Rodney had booked appointments, Callie found herself doing community visits with Sebastian in the afternoon. Four hours of being trapped in a car with him stretched ahead of her and her stomach shifted uneasily.
They made it through two of the four visits, sticking to safe subjects?the clients and other work-related matters. Then Sebastian dropped his bombshell.
‘Just so you know,’ he said as he pulled the car out into traffic, ‘I do want the baby. Very much.’
Callie, who’d been sucking on a lolly to keep the nausea at bay, almost choked on it. ‘Wh-what?’ she asked, bewildered, after the coughing fit settled.
‘The baby,’ Sebastian repeated, his eyes on the road. ‘I’ve thought about nothing else since you’ve told me. You asked me the other night whether I wanted it or not, and it was all too enormous to take in back then. I know that you’re still at that stage too, but…I’m not. I do want this baby.’
Callie was stunned. That she hadn’t expected. ‘But I thought you didn’t want children.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘You said that some people in this world shouldn’t have them and that you were one of them. Me included, you said.’
Sebastian pulled up at a traffic light. He turned to face her. ‘And I still believe that not everyone is equipped to handle the responsibility of a baby. But not wanting a baby when there isn’t one is completely different to not wanting a baby when there is one.’
Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man Page 13
