The female doctor was young, too young to be completely reassuring, but she had a calm and confident manner that helped to put Juliet at ease.
‘How far along are you?’ the doctor asked as she moved the ultrasound over Juliet’s abdomen.
‘Eleven weeks.’
The doctor nodded and then pointed towards the ultrasound monitor. There was a little arrow that moved about the screen as she manipulated the mouse. ‘Can you see that circle?’ she asked. ‘That’s the foetal sac.’
Yes, Juliet thought, that’s better. The doctor will be able to show me my baby. Maybe the technician was just having trouble finding it. But the doctor hadn’t finished.
‘I should be able to see a heartbeat within the sac but there’s nothing there. Your baby hasn’t developed.’ The doctor removed the ultrasound transducer from Juliet’s abdomen and wiped the gel off her stomach. ‘I’m sorry.’
Juliet had no words of reply.
Sam wasn’t quite as stunned. ‘You’re sorry? What do you mean, you’re sorry? We had a positive pregnancy test,’ he said. A frown creased his forehead and Juliet knew he was trying to understand what the doctor was telling them. It wasn’t making much sense to her either.
‘You were pregnant but the pregnancy hasn’t progressed,’ the doctor explained.
‘You’re telling us there’s no baby?’
The doctor nodded.
‘What happened?’ Sam asked.
‘We never really know,’ the doctor replied. ‘It’s impossible to tell at this stage?the foetus just stops developing. One in three babies don’t make it. It’s not uncommon, it’s just that people don’t talk about it much. Give yourself some time to heal and grieve and then you can try again. Most of the time there’s no rhyme or reason for losing a baby, just like there’s no reason to think things will go wrong next time.’
Juliet didn’t say a word. She couldn’t think about the next time, all she could think about was this baby they’d just lost. The doctor had called it a foetus, but it hadn’t been a foetus, not to her. It had been their baby.
Sam took her home and put her to bed and held her while she cried, held her while she mourned their child. He didn’t try to tell her everything would be okay. It was too soon for that and Juliet loved him for being able to feel her loss. He felt it too.
A baby had been the next step in their life together. Juliet doted on her sister’s children. Maggie had married and had had her children at a young age, and while Juliet loved her niece and nephew she’d never had a burning desire to have her own family until she’d met Sam. Everything had changed for her then. She’d found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and that included the man who she wanted to be the father of her children. She’d been ecstatic to discover she was pregnant and now that had been taken away from her with no warning.
Sam had been just as excited. He was an only child and his mother had died when he’d still been quite young. While he was close to his father Juliet knew he loved the idea of creating his own family and she knew he was upset too. But Sam made it his priority to look after her and for the next few weeks Sam was her rock.
He organised sick leave for Juliet and took time off work himself and they flew to Ubud on the Indonesian island of Bali, where they spent a week in the mountains. The villa Sam rented came with a housekeeper and a cook and Juliet regained her appetite on a diet of fresh fruit, lean meats, fish and salads. They walked every morning and spent the afternoon lying by their private pool.
Juliet still cried herself to sleep but Sam was there for her and after a few days Juliet’s spirit started to recover. After four days Sam’s crooked smile returned and that lifted Juliet’s spirit even further.
After five days they ventured down the mountain into the hustle and bustle of beachside Kuta. Juliet had been apprehensive about the crowds but no one knew her and no one knew she’d just lost a baby. She looked no different to any of the other tourists and no one gave her a second glance. No one except the hawkers, but they weren’t targeting her specifically, they targeted all the foreigners.
She found the hawkers overwhelming at first after the more relaxed shopkeepers of Ubud but Sam protected her from their frenzied persistence and Juliet eventually embraced the noise and the colour and, to a lesser extent, the crowds. The smells were a little harder to embrace but even those she eventually got accustomed to. She could have hidden away from the overwhelming vibrancy, she could have insisted that Sam take her back up the mountains, but instead, with Sam beside her, she absorbed the energy and felt it restore some life into her soul. With Sam beside her she survived the streets of Kuta and that felt like a major achievement. Not only had she survived but she was starting to come back to life, and Juliet knew she would be okay, knew that, as long as she had Sam, things would be all right.
They were back at their villa in time for dinner. Sitting beside the pool, surrounded by the scent of frangipani and dining by candlelight, they began to talk about the future again, to discuss their hopes and dreams for the family they would surely have. Slowly Juliet started to trust that their dreams were not over, just delayed.
A couple of days further on and she was ready to return to Darwin. She felt rested and, if still not fully recovered, at least able to face her life. She understood that there wasn’t always a reason for things and she trusted that children would be part of their lives when the time was right. Sam had given her comfort; he’d known how to help her heal, and while she never forgot this pregnancy she was able to get past the loss.
What she didn’t know as she boarded the plane in Denpasar was that the miscarriage would be the first test of her resolve that year, but not the last.
One week later she received a call from her father. That in itself was unusual?her mother normally phoned and her dad would speak briefly once she and her mother had finished gossiping. Juliet immediately anticipated bad news and assumed it involved her mother. Why else would her father call? He reassured her that her mother was fine and he was calling about her brother-in-law, Maggie’s husband, Steve.
Steve was a policeman in Sydney and he’d been called in as part of reinforcements when riots had broken out at a Sydney beach. Juliet had seen images on the evening news the previous day—temperatures were soaring in an early summer heatwave and some longstanding cultural differences had spilled over from verbal sparring into physical violence. Juliet had called Maggie to check on Steve and had been told he’d sustained a head injury but had been discharged from hospital. She’d relaxed and she relaxed again now—she’d only spoken to Maggie a few hours ago, she could reassure her father that all was well.
But her father had more recent news, and was calling to tell her that Steve had been readmitted to hospital during the night. He’d had a large subdural haematoma and had died before the neurosurgeon had reached the hospital.
Her sister Maggie was a widow.
Juliet and Sam were on the next flight to Sydney.
Sam had been worried that Steve’s death would stretch Juliet to breaking point but for Juliet, Steve’s death put things into perspective. Her loss paled in comparison to Maggie’s. Thanks to Sam, Juliet had been able to escape to the sanctuary of Bali where she had been able to hide from her life until her sorrow over the miscarriage was able to be tucked away in her heart. It was no longer completely overwhelming and all-consuming.
Maggie had lost her husband and she was left with two young children to comfort, explain to and care for. There was nowhere for Maggie to hide and despite Sam’s concerns Juliet was able to embrace the responsibility of being the one to support and comfort Maggie.
She stayed in Sydney when Sam went back to Darwin but when she returned to Sam she was her old self, determined to move forward. They had each other and they would be okay, she’d make sure of it.
Throughout all of this, Sam had supported her and she knew she would never have made it through to the other side without him. He’d been her rock then but who would be her r
ock now?
CHAPTER FOUR
September 2008
IT HAD been several days since she’d finished having all the tests and since the oncologist had given her the bad news. It had taken Juliet a few days to get it all straight in her own head and some time to work out the best way to inform her family of the situation. She needed to make sure she had all the facts and information clear in her own mind before she attempted to explain it to others. She needed to make sense of the diagnosis, treatment and prognosis, and she felt it was important that she have control over who was told when.
Everyone who needed to know, other than the children, was in New South Wales—her parents, her sister and Sam. The best plan was to arrange a weekend visit, organising it as just a weekend away with no other agenda. There would be time for explanations when she arrived.
She phoned everyone and made arrangements. They would stay with Maggie for two nights and Juliet would tell her first. She was a nurse and Juliet expected her to cope best with the news. Sam was free on the second night and Juliet arranged for him to take the children out and that would give her a chance to see him. The next morning Maggie would drive Juliet and the children down to Bowral, where they would all spend the weekend with Juliet and Maggie’s parents. Juliet wanted Maggie there for emotional support.
Maggie’s weekend was the first that Juliet ruined but Maggie was stoic and more than happy to give Juliet whatever support she needed in whatever form. Juliet had expected nothing less from her older sister but it was comforting to know that Maggie would be there for her. Now it was Sam’s turn to hear the news.
Sam opened Maggie’s gate and walked up the narrow path to the front door. Maggie had lived here for as long as he’d known her. He knew that originally Maggie and her husband Steve had planned to buy something bigger as their children got older, but that had been before Steve had died. Maggie hadn’t wanted to move after that; she’d wanted to stay where her memories were. Sam was pleased—there were lots of happy memories for him here too. He and Juliet had spent plenty of holidays and Christmas times here with their children and their cousins and Sam didn’t have any regrets about that. Just walking through the gate put a smile on his face, and knowing he was about to see his kids for the first time in several weeks made the walk even sweeter.
He knocked on the door and waited to hear the sound of children’s footsteps running up the passage, echoing on the wooden floorboards. But the steps he heard were quieter and much more even. The door opened and Juliet was standing there. Just Juliet.
He frowned. Where were the kids? The house was small so he should have been able to hear their noise.
‘Hello, Sam, come in.’
‘Juliet.’ He was distracted by the silence and just managed to remember to return her greeting. He looked past her, searching for the children, but there was no sound and no movement.
Juliet stepped aside, making space for him to enter the house, and he looked properly at her for the first time as he moved through the doorway. She looked different. She was tiny, almost a foot shorter than him, and the top of her head barely reached his shoulder. She was barefoot, which made her seem even smaller, but her height wasn’t the difference as she’d always been little.
Had she changed her hairstyle? He didn’t think so—her thick chestnut hair still fell past her shoulders and framed her petite, heart-shaped face. She had delicate features and the most amazing blue eyes, and those were as striking as ever.
He followed her down the passage to the kitchen at the rear of the house. Had she lost weight? Was that the difference? She’d never been fat but she was normally curvy and she looked thinner than he remembered. From behind she was still the same hourglass shape, her bottom still round and firm, but she was definitely thinner.
He listened for the sound of the children as he walked. Nothing but silence. He frowned. He had the right day and time, he was certain of that. ‘Where are the kids?’
‘Maggie’s taken them to a movie. They’ll be back in an hour or so.’
Sam was annoyed. He’d made a promise to himself that he’d be easygoing when it came to arrangements concerning the children in the hope that Juliet would always allow him to see the kids when it suited him as his schedule was often inflexible, but Juliet had arranged this visit so the least she could have done was make sure the children were there. ‘You could have phoned me, I would have come later. I’m leaving on a training exercise tomorrow, there’re a thousand things I’ve got to do still.’ He’d told her that already, which was why they’d made plans for him to see the children today because tomorrow he wouldn’t be in Sydney. He’d be sailing north and would be gone for six weeks.
‘I know,’ Juliet replied. ‘But there’s something I needed to talk to you about and I didn’t want the children to hear so I asked Maggie to take them out.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me on the phone?’
‘I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I thought it would be easier just to leave it all until we were face to face.’
She’d met someone. That was the first thought that ran through Sam’s mind. The idea made him feel slightly nauseous. While he knew that was probably inevitable, he’d avoided ever thinking seriously about that possibility and he certainly hadn’t expected to be forced to deal with it so soon.
Juliet sat down at the kitchen table, motioning for him to do the same. ‘I have to go into hospital for surgery.’
Sam let out the breath he’d been holding. That announcement hadn’t been what he’d expected and he felt a strange sense of relief. ‘Right…good.’
‘Good? What do you mean by “good”?’ Juliet’s tone was incredulous.
‘If you’re having surgery then I assume that whatever is wrong can be fixed,’ he explained. ‘That’s got to be good.’ Yes, he thought, surgery sounded better to him than the alternative—that she’d found herself a boyfriend. That was much better than having to be pleased for her about her ability to move on with her life without him. Surgery he could deal with, he could help, he could be useful. He could do something to assist her. ‘What do you need me to do? Do you want me to have the children for a few days?’ Excellent. He was able to be easygoing, relaxed and generous, he thought as he offered his help. There was no need for any ill-will. He just hoped she wasn’t booked in too soon, and that it could wait a few weeks until he was home again.
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that. The whole process is going to take a bit longer than a few days,’ Juliet said.
That didn’t make sense?what surgery took longer than a few days?
Juliet seemed to be able to follow his train of thought. Not surprising really, she knew him better than anyone. ‘Surgery is just the first step. I’ll have to have some follow-up treatment afterwards and I’m not sure how I’ll manage with that,’ she explained.
Treatment, not rehabilitation. Sam’s relieved state disappeared with that one word. Ongoing treatment didn’t sound quite so good.
‘What sort of treatment?’ he asked.
Juliet’s eyes were fixed on his, locked and unwavering. ‘Chemotherapy.’
‘Chemo? But…’ Chemo meant cancer, that couldn’t be right. The nausea was back.
But Juliet was nodding. ‘I have breast cancer.’
‘Bloody hell.’ Now what? Sam was a man; he liked fixing things but he was completely out of his depth with cancer. He needed some details, some facts. There had to be something he could do, something to make him feel useful. ‘Are you sure it’s cancer? You’ve had other lumps and they’ve always been fine—why is this one different? Do you think you should get a second opinion?’
‘I’ve seen my GP and two oncologists, I’ve had blood tests, a mammogram and a biopsy.’ Juliet was reeling off words as if she was reading a shopping list, and Sam was having trouble following her. ‘I’ve had plenty of opinions and they all agree. I have cancer.’
Most of the words made no sense to him. It was as though Juliet was speaking a foreign languag
e. All he really heard was ‘cancer’. What was he supposed to say now? What was he supposed to do? He searched for the right words, something, anything to show that she could depend on him, but it was hard to offer support when he had minimal understanding of what was going on. ‘So what happens now?’
‘I’m booked in for a mastectomy in ten days.’
Ten days—in ten days he’d be on a ship in the Timor Sea.
‘Mastectomy?’ He knew what that word meant. ‘You’re having the whole breast removed? Can’t they just remove the tumour?’ Surely, with all the advances modern medicine had made, that should be possible. Or was the tumour too big?
‘One option was to just remove the lump but I tested positive for an abnormal gene, which increases my risk of developing more tumours in the breast tissue. I’m choosing to have all my breast tissue removed to decrease the risk. I don’t want to give the cancer any chances to come back.’
She sounded very matter-of-fact but he was struggling to process all the information. ‘What do you mean, “all your breast tissue”?’
‘I’m having a double mastectomy.’
‘Double?’ Had he heard her correctly? ‘Both of them?’ he clarified.
Her breasts had always been large, a CC cup, which on Juliet’s tiny frame had always been noticeable, and Sam couldn’t imagine her without breasts. He didn’t want to imagine her that way.
Juliet nodded. ‘I want the odds in my favour. This is the best option. I’ll start chemotherapy after the surgery.’
Things were going from bad to worse. He couldn’t believe that just ten minutes ago he’d thought that Juliet having surgery was a better option than Juliet announcing she had a boyfriend. Now he desperately wished her news had been that minor. In reality he could have dealt with a boyfriend—one way or another. He was completely out of his depth with this announcement but he was determined to get a handle on the situation and do whatever she needed.
Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man Page 20
